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@Patricia12 & @leidy1000 Thank you guys so much for all your advice.
On another subject, I recently asked a guy from class out (First time asking anyone out), I thought it was going to be a casual date getting to know each other, however I spotted a few red flags that made me want to get up an leave… I wanted your opinion on whether or not I should just tell him no thanks and move on or give him a second date and see how he acted.
The following are the things that threw me off:
1. I colloquially said I hated something NOT someone and he said that HATE is too a strong of a word to use.
2. He graduates this semester and is planning a trip and I said that he should definitely do it to what his response was invite me… i felt like running for the hills…lol
3. He said that he hasn’t dated anyone seriously since high school but he is now 26, and assuming he graduated high school at 18 that means he has being single for 8/9 years and hasn’t had an adult relationship.
4. He texts me wayyyy too much meaning that if I for any reason have not replied to his texts he would try to get me to talk to him by sending me pics/vids through snapchat. (KEEP in mind I have two jobs and take 5 classes). He is a little pushy, and has texted telling me that he could come over to my apt and bring dinner, now the first time it happened I said I had hw to do but Im obviously trying to avoid his coming over and he tried it again 3 days after… what leads me to believe that he doesn’t get that he is not invited over.
5. He is overly optimistic and to me it seems kind of fake. This guy also lacks ambition like I feel like I’m fighting all odds to get to where I want to be and he is kind of whatever.
He honestly is nice to talk to and very sweet and I was attracted to him because of what he projects in class (we are even in the same group/committee; but because of what I have mentioned, I feel like this could probably lead to a toxic relationship. I also did ask him out so Im afraid that he’d feel like I have being leading him on; however my texts to him are usually short and and pretty dry.I also don’t want to make it awkward since we are in the same group and have to work together till the end of the semester in December.Thanks for your time!
@jj2018 – This guy is coming on too strong too soon and it’s a warning sign. Asking about home dates this early is another warning sign and inappropriate. He also dismissed you (like ‘correcting’ your thoughts) when you said you hated something. He might have a very controlling type personality which is probably why he hasn’t had a serious relationship in many years. Apparently other girls have picked up on the red flags and opted out to dating him. Don’t go on the trip with him, no matter what!
I’m glad you’re paying attention to what guys say and do as it will possibly save you from toxic and unhappy situations. I advise you stop dating him and let him know that you don’t think you’re a good match for each other. December is only a couple of months away and you could just be cordial whenever you see him in class.
Don’t be fooled by guys who seem okay in public but show an entirely different personality in private. They wear a mask projecting themselves as normal and nice, but then take the mask off and reveal their ugly flaws after they ensnare someone in their web. Not all guys are like this, but continue to pay attention to little warning signs.. Good luck:)
Thank you Patricia! I was concerned that maybe I was exaggerating and wanted a second opinion. Earlier today we texted and then I didn’t reply cause there was nothing to reply to, that was three hours ago and he has texted me and sent me something through snapchat I haven’t opened either, since we had only not texted for three hours and this is just too much for me to like… he is acting like we are in a relationship and we’ve really only been on one date.. like I understand there shouldn’t be like a break up per se, but I thought he would get the hint since I barely engage on conversations with him… Im not sure how to proceed…
@jj2018 – Wow, of course you’re not in a relationship, but he is acting clingy after only one date. Another red flag is that after he said he could come over to your place, he said it again 3 days later, so yeah, he seems pushy too. No more avoiding him, or giving him reasons or excuses as he obviously can’t take hints. You’ll need to be direct! Yes, you could text him and let him know that you don’t think you’re compatible and don’t want to date anymore. Brief and to the point. Don’t give him any compliments as he will take it the wrong way as some sort of encouragement.. When you see him in class, be nice, but not too nice, LOL.
I understand you asked him out for that first date, but a normal guy would understand and accept you not wanting to continue. Hopefully he won’t grill you as to why you made your choice and he won’t stalk you. Just be careful and watch your back (so to speak). Good luck and let us know how it goes..
@Patricia12 I followed your advice and told him, I stayed away from compliments and said: “I need to let you know that I don’t think we are compatible plus I do lack time to spend dating. I know there is someone out there waiting for you but I am not that person. I wish you good luck with everything.” to what he replied thanking me for my honesty and that was the end of it. Thankfully class also got cancelled today so hopefully by next week it will be a buried topic.
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