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Julia,
I the letter have you the peace and comfort you need to move on. I really hope he writes an honest letter back to you. We all need that closure. If not I’m sure you wrote everything important detail that that he had to know. You finally got that off your chest and that feels great also.
Good luck!
Julia,
Yes my feelings for her a dead but there’s time when they try to comeback to life.
Be strong and don’t forget that you’re doing this for yourself too. You owe it to yourself to let go and continue with your life. You’ve been through a lot and you deserve to be happy and have a good mental health overall.
It’s hard yes. But time will heal everything I promise.
Ilmmta,
You have the right attitude. From my point of view, you have a good chance. But don’t let this get to your head (don’t mean to be so blunt) keep working on yourself. NC is for you. I also suggest for you to stop looking him up through fb twitter and IG.
This can hold your progress back. I know you’ve only found good thing so far but what if you find out something not so pleasant. Are you ready for that? Also regardless of his activity, it will always remind you of him since you’re seeing all his new pictures.
Sign up for Kevin’s step 5 email series if you haven’t yet.
Good luck to you
Julia,
You’re officially on the same level as I! We are here for you every step of the way. Yes I believe what you said. In my case no matter how angry I am at my ex for doing what she’s doing, I still care for her. However, those special feelings I had for her have died. So if a miracle happened and we had a chance to get back together, it would difficult.
Nonetheless, no more hope for us like you said. We now focus on ourselves and recover fully from our experience.
Love you attitude, it’s contagious. This will be a good month for us, I know it!
Julia,
First of all I just want to say that I know how much strength and courage it takes to come to a decision like this. It’s not easy, so we are here for you to continue your new focus which is to MOVE ON.
I’m happy and proud of you. You’ve come a long way and I can see a difference in your adittude. I can feel that confidence.
Julia, before I finish let me tell you about a piece of advice a friend gave me once. She said “maybe…in order to get your ex back you have to move on” (that was you). Now I’m not saying to give your ex another chance but we don’t know what’s up ahead.
If you’re meant to be your paths will cross again sometime in the future. If not, it was his loss. Believe me we guys always think about the one that got away. The one we lost, regardless if he broke up with her.
I wish you the best in your new journey. If your ex contacts you one day I KNOW for a FACT you’ll be ready. If not, I know you’ll find someone else who will make you just as happy, when you are ready of course. There’s endless opportunities
Keep focusing on yourself like you have. Please keep us updated.
Be strong and good luck!
DanMurphy,
My situation ended up with my realizing that I didn’t feel the same about my ex anymore. Don’t get me wrong I surprisingly find myself thinking of her but that’s just becuase I still care about her.
I sent the letter and ran into her couple days later. Long story short she had turned into someone else. She rambled about staying up late and her mom wondering where she is, spending her all her money (she was promoted recently) god knows what else.
Physically she looked terrible. I wasn’t attracted to her in anyway. Ultimately it reminded me that I had a huge problem with her “decision making”. Huge that I would have probably broken up with her on my Owen if she hadn’t.
In addition, I also saw that NC had made me into someone that I’m proud of and I don’t need someone with a careless life style in my life.
I followed up with her by text but it only proved what I already knew.
The only difficulty I have with completely moving on is that she is seeing someone. I know she’s not dating him but she’s dafinatly talking to someone. She had this person ready for a rebound before we broke up.
What helps me is that I know she didn’t leave me for him. We both mutually tried to make things work after the break up..she could have easily finished things for good with me and would have left with this guy (not to be mean but he’s not the best looking) but she didn’t.
It’s been about 3 months since break up 2 months since we last spoke with thoughts in getting back together
That’s my story hope it helps you with something
Hello all,
Today’s thoughts.
I recently started talking to this girl. I met her through mutual friends. What’s crazy is that she reached out to me on IG we started talking then I asked for her number and have been texting for a couple days. I think she’s cool, funny, smart, and cute but I don’t know.
Nothing with her all. It’s me. I get the feeling that I can’t ever love someone again..what a foolish thought (what my brain thinks) but my hart believes otherwise.
I feel bad becuase I don’t know what I want from her yet. I know she’s expecting me to ask her out on a date already but i hate to mis lead her. Like I’ve said before I’m not ready for a relationship or maybe even talking to someone now that I think about it.
It’s ridiculous, when I’m not talking to a girl I begin to feel lonly but when I talk to one I being to feel something else. The few girls I’ve talked to are good girls, wife material so I don’t want to mess with them not like that.
I need to figure myself out. Just today’s thoughts…
Julia very well said!
I agree with her. The last few conversations I had with my ex I tried to analyse every single word she told me to see if she was trying to tell me something behind the meaning and all it did was mess with my mental health. Now that time had passed I know that many if the things she said was due to confusion and not knowing what she wanted
Julia and Steve,
Thanks guys, I know that we can relate to each other since we have similar stories. I’m happy I found you guys, good to know that we can get through this together.
Julia, your words always keep me going. I remember those days where it feels like all your progress has gone out the window and feels like day one. In a nutshell, those day suck! Haha. Be strong, it’s only temporary pain. Write what your feeling here, it really helps relieve your pain and also know that I’ll be here to read them
Hi everyone,
I hope all you of are hold up and following through your NC.
Had a few things on my head today, it’s been bugging me so I just want to get it off my chest and this is the place for it.
As many of you know I ended NC and realized there was no hope for me and my ex. I realized that she wasn’t the person I fell in love with anymore.
I’ve been moving on ever since. It’s not easy but I’ve managed. I no longer have an interest in her anymore let’s make that clear…but..I can’t help to thing what could have been if we would have stayed together. Everyday that goes by I understand more and more why we broke up. I understand her side of the story. Overall, the more excruciating thing about this is that I KNOW how I could have saved my relationship. This is what makes me wonder what if. It’s torment. Maybe she wouldn’t of become the person she’s Turing into today..or right now, if I had known sooner. It’s been about 3 months since the break up and 2 months since we spoke to each other with those last feelings of love.
The fact that she’s seeing someone else so soon also makes it difficult to go about my day. The fact that she didn’t wait..is what hurts..Or more like stings.
These two things make me wonder sometimes throughout my day. I’ve been keeping busy but just when I thought I got my mind off it. There it is. It’s always there.
Good thing is that for the past month I’ve been able to get my full hours of sleep and got my appetite again. I’m happy about that.
I’ve also been actively talking to girls. I think I talk to them more than my guy friends. What’s weird is that I can’t seem to fall for any that I’ve met so far. None have impressed me and no matter how much I try to get into them I can’t. Sometimes I think “well just keep looking and maybe you’ll find someone when you least expect it” other times I think “what’s your rush, you know you don’t want a relationship right now”
It’s crazy, but I guess I miss the companionship I had with my ex but I know I can’t find it with someone else without a doubt. But where is this person?
Typing all this is making me realize that I might just be feeling lonly haha. I’m an out going guy likes to do things out of the house. So it makes sense why I like comanionship
Lastly, this might sound dumb but becuase it shouldn’t matter to me anymore but I wonder if she still thinks of me..is it a dumb question to ask? I mean it’s been 2 months since we last had a real connection. Is she really having the time of her life with this new guy that she’s forgotten about me…I mean, I don’t want to be with her anymore and she still pops in my mind sometimes.
There’s days where sometimes I just get angry at how our break went and I begin to have a hypathetical argument with my ex in my head…I need to stop thinking about how things ended between us…the truth is that it happened the way it happened. It’s over, it’s done, why dig up old graves?
Sometimes it’s better to stop thinking, stop imagining, stop obsessing, and stop wondering and just hope that everything worked out for the best.
This makes me think a lot of my future wife, who she is and where she maybe.
To my future wife: My love, where ever you are, where ever you maybe…hang in there, I’m coming as fast as I can.
SORRY ITS SO LONG BUT IF I DONT GET THIS OUT OF MY HEAD IT WILL DROWN ME LOL. Thanks everyone! Stay strong!
Julia,
No problem. Sorry for long messages I want you to get all the info that may be useful to you.
This was the article I read by Kevin as well. I recommend it!
How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back Even If She Has Another Boyfriend
Julia,
I did the same things after my break up. I did all the work to show my ex there was still a chance. So I understand where you’re coming from.
I wrote her the letter. A strong one but didn’t ask her to come back because I didn’t want to come out as needy again. Just reminded her that I’ve always thought she was special. And asked for her friendship. I was planning to start a false friendship.
When I ran into her couple days later. I could tell she was excited to see me as she stopped me to have a conversation. She told me that she had received the letter and I could tell she was anxious to know some things I mentioned in the letter. So I told her.
She began to ramble as she talked to me, that didn’t so much bother me but she began to brag that she’s been going out and getting home late and has been spending all her money (she recently was promoted).
She sounded very immature and annoying. Also she had told me she had stopped working out and running and I was able to tell from her physic.
I on the other hand have been working on myself so much to the point that I felt that I didn’t need not just her but someone with her life style in my life. I had realized that I have changed during this time and so has she and it was best that we go our separate ways.
I can tell you this though, Kevin does right in another article about getting your ex back when they are seeing someone else, that it’s best to just text them after NC. It’s faster response and saves times unlike writing a letter.
However, you know your ex. In my situation, my ex is very stubborn and I know she would never contact me even if she was missing me (and she was from what I heard). Overall, you know what’s best for your situation. I think your ex contacting you isn’t a bad idea. If he does it means that he’s been thinking of you and come on let’s face it, it’s the least he can do for everything you went through haha.
Well wish you the best please keep us updated on what happens
Julia,
Yes, when I first found out my hart dropped. There’s more to the story but I want bring that up. No reason to bring back those memories. But like you, my ex isn’t in a relationship either but I know she’s been using him for her insecurities.
Be strong Julia, you’re doing well. Like I said, if you feel they are worth it than regardless if they are seeing someone they maybe still worth fighting for. In my case my ex put me through a lot when we broke up. It takes a real witch to push an honest and loyal person to the point that they don’t give a crap anymore.
I don’t know if you’ve sent your letter yet but you won’t truly know what whether your ex is worth it or not until you initiate contact. I sent my letter and ran into her couple days later. That’s when I knew I no longer loved her. I even texted her a couple times after and that just confirmed what I already knew.
Wish you the best, stay strong
Day ?,
It’s been a while. I stopped NC at day 42 to then realize I was better off without my ex. It’s been a while sice I ran into her. I still remember thinking “I was sad and miserable for this?” I know it’s mean but in a nut shell that’s what went through my head.
I’ve given it time to think and come to the decision that I will start NC again. This time forever. I’ve realized that there are so many opportunities out there to find someone BETTER than my ex. Iv come a long way. At first I couldn’t bare an image of me without my ex but everyday that goes by it’s become easier for me.
To be honest I may have been completely OVER my ex if I hadn’t learned that she’s involved with someone else already. So soon after our break up. I’m still a little hurt becuase she didn’t wait. But am I hurt becuase now I can’t have her? HELL no. Life is to short to spend it with somone who doesn’t deserve you in the first place.
I know her and I know in the future she will reach out but I’m not sticking around to wait for her.
I’m so happy I have supportive friends and this site. Thank you all. You’ve truly helped me through a difficult break up.
PRESENT UPDATE:
How am I doing now? Awesome. The more I work on myself, the more i attract other girls. Since I’ve been single I’ve known about 4 girls who are interested in me. This has defiantly proven to me that I’m on the right path. However, I’m not ready to jump into anything right now. I still have time left in my inner clock before I can officially declare myself that I’ve moved on. But I feel like that time is coming soon (going to be 3 months).
Also I don’t want my next girlfriend to be a rebound. So no rushing for me. I’m working on myself and I’m taking everything I learn her to apply on my next relationship.
To everyone still in NC. Stay strong. If they are worth fighting for, continue to do so! I wish you the best
