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Thank you @mr_the_ex 🙂
Hi @kneechan, wanted to let you know that am back with my ex… she broke her engagement against all odds! How are things at your end?
@h0p3, @Anne02, @Jenna129x there is a +ve update on my end which i wish to share here… am back with my ex (she managed to break her engagement against all odds!) and are a lot more stronger now in terms of trusting each other!! Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reading my post, guiding, advising, and helping me in other ways!!
If there is anything I can do to help you guys from my experience please feel free to communicate 🙂
@kneechan, a text should be fine. You dont want to write any more letters and make it very obviously personal everytime.
Text, that too casual, followed by may be a joke or witty one liner. Remember, be a friend first. She has those feelings but you need to direct this conversation in the right direction, and with patience.
@kneechan, i meant to ask why was she feeling low when you went to meet her and drop off that gift.
Also, clearly she is still not able to process the break up and thus not meeting you seems like the better option as of no. Replying to your messages is good enough. Try not to push her to meet. Get back on her good side by apologizing for making her uncomfy by asking to meet again n again. Let her know how you miss having her as a friend and will rather have her like that and not make things worse. Just for the sake of writing you can do this.
This will keep your window of opportunity open cos she will slowly chat more, open up, may be even ask you to meet up some time in the future. Focus on becoming her friend and that means you have to show her the fun life whether you meet or not.
I hope i didnt confuse you.
@Simon, sorry to hear about you and your ex. I did go through your story but couldnt understand the reason for break up so it is difficult to say anything. You have mentioned that you did some mistakes but please understand that working on the behavior which will never again encourage those mistakes is important just as much as realizing the mistake.
Also, if possible please do post your story as a separate thread so many others can read and suggest. We dont want to hijack @kneechan’s thread. All of us have our own set of problems and are here to help each other out 🙂
Hi @kneechan, good to hear from you.
Did you get a chance to know why was she upset?
Also, it is not a bad idea to ask her for a drink but you’ll be the best person to decide whether it is okay to open up any discussion which can possibly make the evening uncomfy. Be as jovial as you can so that she also feels comfortable opening up to you. It wun be easy but you’ve been really strong till now and dont want to let that effort go waste.Also, try not to be in a hurry to get out of the grey but try to see to it that you make her comfy enough so she feels like meeting the next time. DO NOT talk about other girls or anything. Just about how you have had time to improve on certain things, seeing life in a different way, etc so she doesnt feel blamed for anything. During this if you think opening the topic to clear some air will be taken well by her then sure go ahead.
Good luck buddy!
Hi @kneechan, am sure she is not going to forget you anytime soon. It will take a pretty long time for her to get over the hurt but forgetting you will take a lot longer if at all she has to.
Also, like i had mentioned earlier, try to initiate contact with the common topic of the game she gifted you. Let her know if you used it and whether you liked it or not etc. It will be a neutral topic and based on her reaction we can gauge if you can clear the air anytime soon or give her more time to heal.
It is not easy but you’ve been doing pretty good till now my friend. Dont lose hope, there is still plenty!
hi @kneechan, it was a good start without a doubt. Dont be disheartened by her behavior currently cos it is her way of trying to move on but the way it is going she also has strong feelings for you.
It will need a little bit more patience and persistence on your part. Dont try to clear the air just yet. Give it some time cos she has to start seeing you as a really good friend again before opening up and then the reconciliation process can begin. So try not to overthink the awkwardness currently. It is normal.
The gift thing was a real positive. Am not sure if I had asked you also to prepare a small gift but may be you can return that favor some time in the near future as a way of thanking her. You still have to maintain LC for some time but this time around you have the topic of this gift (about how you enjoy playing it, etc). Be totally friendly so she begins feeling lighter.
Next is pure biology, the sooner she gets good rest, the sooner she’ll get clarity and the awkwardness, anxiety will reduce. This can happen when you DO NOT open up any sour topics. Be the best friend she could have ever asked for. Sounds reasonable? It will take some time for her to muster the courage to say she still likes you.
You’re doing good, build up on this momentum.
Hi @kneechan, good to hear about the way things are going for ya!
Be rest assured you guys will be back 🙂
Girls are sensitive and thus decisions are dictated by emotions. Guys on the other hand have to show a little bit more maturity and just weather the storm till they calm down.You’re doing it pretty good and giving her the space and time!
Regarding the gift, its okay if you dont want to give right now… may be after 3-4 meetings when you get to know a bit more about what she has been up to. Just be the best possible friend she could ask for right now!!She knows you’re capable of being a bf but if she feels you’re also capable of being a really good friend (this is where things like jealousy, space, time, etc are valued and used cautiously) then nothing can stop her from coming to you.
Continue doing what you’ve been since this long.
Talking formally can be frustrating cos may be both are having difficulty continuing a topic of neutral nature (nothing about your past, her personal life, your personal life, etc). Try to figure out neutral topics that both of you can talk about and get that spark back. It will only take a couple of such conversations and things will smooth out lot more than one can imagine.Good luck!
Hey @kneechan, it seems like she is overwhelmed with emotions as well just as much as you are and that is a good thing 🙂 It shows the attachment is still strong.
Dont think of her insulting you cos by now you’ve seen how powerful emotions are and what they make us do. Remember how you were trying not to meet or contact her till you felt a little bit confident about controlling your emotional reactions? This looks like she is reacting to hers. What is more important is the rescheduled lunch!! Right now you’re feeling this way cos you’re again getting all the emotions back (love, warmth of the relation, etc) and felt let down by this postponing. Its okay! Use the couple of days to again get back to being cool about such things.Gives her a couple of days to recuperate and you can probably try to make a small gift for her (nothing expensive at all). In a couple of days means somewhere close to New Years Eve!! You get the point. She’ll be blown away by that gesture.
Rest everything you’re doing fine in regards to keeping things cool and normal talks etc so continue doing that and let the gift work its charm on her. Thanks for your wishes 🙂
Your progress is going better than expected so you know that you’ve to continue doing what you were doing till now to improve yourself!! She’ll keep getting more attracted to you with that!
Hi @kneechan, am thrilled to bits hearing about your progress and update!!
I am still active here cos it gives me some peace of mind when I know people are able to get back 🙂 Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays you too!
You’re right she is not ready yet but at the same time does want things back to how they were. She being the dumper it is going to be super awkward to get back so you’ll have to make her feel as if nothing happened. If at all anything happened, it helped you improve in to a better person and for which you’re thankful to her!!Am sure you’re pretty much capable of handling things smoothly now! Let the lunch be superfun and nothing heavy on talks. Lets see every meeting as a window of opportunity to the next meeting so even if she initiates those heavy talks, you be in charge and comfort her by saying ‘lets try to look at it as a break which helped you improve yourself for the two of you’. She’ll open up may be in 3-4 such meetings.
This update of yours definitely makes my day!
In my story, my ex is engaged and she has not only realized this is a rebound but also both of us are working towards getting back (yes that means giving him back his engagement ring) but it could take 2-4 months considering I need to get out of my parents house, get financial independence (have been working on a medical product since 2 yrs which is going to be launched in a couple of months) and thus allowing her to move in with me and not face the society/ parents in the beginning so she avoids the backlash of a second broken engagement.
She has started to see how the guy says something (smooth talking) but actions dont match up at all. Pretty manipulative he is.
Lets see what 2017 has in store for me. I havent stopped my personal growth agenda. Have gotten in touch with a non-profit org which helps educate rural kids about basic education, health, cleanliness, community service etc and will be volunteering and donating on a regular basis. The other activities still going on- gym, yoga, healthy eating, etc
Good to hear back from you! Will pray you get back with her for a much much stronger relation!
If he is trying to change/ improve himself then it is also a test for you to wait and see how much change can he actually bring about in himself and are you willing to accept that level of change. Interfering in the process or him finding someone else to satisfy the physical need are both equally not helpful but if you really want to have him that chance to try and improve himself then do what is within your control and dont give the physical intimacy just yet. This doesnt mean you cannot maintain basic interaction. Try to be his motivation and you can also try to improve yourself somewhere (if you want to keep him attracted to you while not giving in to sex) so it will be reassuring that he aint gonna go anywhere else.
What is more important to you? The fear of him going to someone else or coming back to you in a much improved form? You choose.
I guess i’d have to agree with you on this. Wait out a little bit more for her to realize that the rebound was a bad idea.
The best part is how you’re comfortable being in the current state! Applaud your efforts!
This is going to go a long way in not only getting her back (if you want that) but also to improve the relation!
