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I found doing the nc was so hard I did it for 2 months before reaching out to him.. He played it too cool so I went bc again. After a couple of weeks he absolutely spilt it all on how hurt and heartbroken he actually was. I’ve been watching and noticing changes although we are not together he’s working on it. I told him in just going with the flow I don’t really know what to do.. He said I understand you feel that way and its up to me to prove myself to you that I’m working on being a better man and to be with who I really want. I’ve seen him 4 times now, he’s not having sex with anyone and although he’s on a couple of dating sits he hasn’t logged on either of them since we started talking again. He’s been really respectful toward me but just recently he’s been a little cheeky. Naturally he’s going to get a bit toey. I’d like to have sex with him but don’t want it to turn into a booty call. I’m not sure what to do.. Should I wait until he’s proven himself? Should I sleep with him would it be ok or am I running a risk.. Thank you for reading.
Hey shinebright…I think you should wait and not sleep with him yet. You sleeping with him now will only confuse things more. He might think that you guys are back together or at least he’s thinking chances are pretty good. If he is trying to prove himself you should wait it out. Also, is he trying to prove himself for you? To get you back? Or is he doing it for himself?
Thank you for your reply, I think I might hold back but I’m concerned he might want to find someone to hook up with as men they need sex, I understand we are not together and he’s within his rights but I’d rather it be me. Having said that, I would never want to run the risk of being devalued in anyway. I’m not sure how long I should wait in this circumstance. He’s said he’s changing for him as he has found a patten in the relationships he’s had that they don’t last, but I’m not delusional I think he’s had huge regrets and he would be.. At least.. Wanting to change for me, which really isn’t a great sign I guess.
If he is trying to change/ improve himself then it is also a test for you to wait and see how much change can he actually bring about in himself and are you willing to accept that level of change. Interfering in the process or him finding someone else to satisfy the physical need are both equally not helpful but if you really want to have him that chance to try and improve himself then do what is within your control and dont give the physical intimacy just yet. This doesnt mean you cannot maintain basic interaction. Try to be his motivation and you can also try to improve yourself somewhere (if you want to keep him attracted to you while not giving in to sex) so it will be reassuring that he aint gonna go anywhere else.
What is more important to you? The fear of him going to someone else or coming back to you in a much improved form? You choose.
Both these replies are fantastic advice and helpful feedback for me. I’ve seen him again he didn’t try to pressure me for sex. In fact we had a joke about him being as Toey as a roman sandal. He said I have a hand I can hold out longer than you. It was good it was lightened. But.. he questioned me on the way home wanting to know if I’ve had sex with anyone, how many and if he knew them. I told him it’s none f your business and I wouldnt ask you. He said I’d be open and honest with you. I said I don’t need to know. Why does he want to know these details?.. also we had a nice day out. I held his hand and kissed him goodbye. He sent me a message just before saying I don’t think you like me much anymore 🙁 why would he say that?
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