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His ego & anger is slowly melting down but if you allow this thing to re-ignite without discussing the issue why you guys broke up, trust me, it will come back again and each time you guys fight the distance increases.
You’ve again allowed yourself to be dictated by his terms (when to meet, talk, get intimate, patch up, etc) which is not healthy to begin with.
Anwyays, both of you need to sit and discuss how to handle things going forward. If both of you havent tried improving anything in yourselves during this time then it is not a good sign. Even while getting back together both of you have to EVERYDAY remember what was the reason to break up and how to make sure it doesnt happen again.
Take this advise lightly at your own risk cos am telling this from a personal experience.
Indeed a good sign but like you said you were her first ‘everything’ and that is why it meant a lot to her. Didnt mention what exactly she misses about you. Also, leaving you was not at all the hardest thing, it is the realization afterwards of losing something good which made it harder.
That being said, it is very clear her rebound is not working and the known comfort of being with you is making her feel more miserable cos she will lose face now if she tries to reconcile.
Am 100% sure she told this to your best friend assuming it will reach your ears and you’ll initiate contact so it will make it easier for her.
Sorry to give you that analysis even though you didnt ask for any in your post.
No it is just suggestive of him having a big heart (sarcasm in case it wasnt apparent).
Put yourself in his shoes and tell me if you would still ‘think about’ all the efforts being put by the other partner or will you also want to put equal efforts before kissing and making out and misleading someone?If this doesnt answer your question then nothing will.
Like I mentioned in my reply, if you’re okay with having him back the way he is currently (someone who places his ego before your happiness) then surely go ahead and do what you feel is right.
I pray it works out for you!!
@Anon1236, am giving a guys perspective and there is a VERY BIG possibility of him having a very high ego which is not allowing him to come back and to make matters worse he is taking your emotions for a ride even right now.
You can continue to obsess over his behavior which will interfere in your process of evolving (even if you say you’re improving, this behavior clearly shows none of the improvement has helped and the motivation was totally misplaced to go for this improvement) and thus ANY chances of you being able to be in charge is void.
Any guy who says he ‘loves’ a girl will know better how to behave. I will not try to explain more on this cos you’re trying to find way too many meanings behind every word written here and this obsession is not at all healthy.
Unfortunately his moral compass doesnt stop him from kissing, hugging, etc but it comes in between when he has to confront reconciliation. I think even @AGuyWhoMissesHer will agree on this. Am not going to lecture you on self-respect, having some integrity, etc cos I can see you care for none of it currently and just want the feeling of warmth back when you’re with him. In that case continue groveling, pleading, begging to him to get back and keep praying it works in your favor.
If he can play games, you better learn to play as well or be ready to lose cos you’ve no leverage in this case. You’re letting him walk all over you which makes you a loser in the game to begin with.
Either get started on a plan towards reconciliation or get hold of a corner and let those tears flow till eternity cos he aint gonna change his behavior till you dont. STOP BEING AVAILABLE AT ALL.
If you think you deserve this guy (after you being treated secondary in front of his own ego) then lets not waste more time on this forum and devote all your time to begging and pleading to him.
If you want the same guy but with a better attitude, then lets stick to a plan to make him miss you, want you and come back to you.Choice is yours. You’ve overanalysed A LOT over some silly little text. If you really want to get on to a plan then text him first saying you’re tired of being an emotional slave to his ego and will be blocking him cos you cannot take anymore hurt and if he really wants to try then he’ll find a way to contact you. Cos what he is doing isnt love and what you’re doing is just plain needy which NO MAN likes to see in a girl.
Good luck!
@AGuyWhoMissesHer, your situation is something i dont think anyone can blame you much. Imagine if you’d be texting some girl constantly and started acting distant from your girl while dating her, dont you think she would have done something similar?
You’ve been unnecessarily been making yourself the culprit here. In many relations this happens and the girl should have also understood how it made you insecure. Could have discussed it but clearly she was smitten by this guy and that is what led her to take this call.
Am sure anyone would say that leave her (I would too) but since you’re feeling you want her back so I’ll give you a piece of advise which might help or might not. DO NOT send her any messages about a meet up or chatting ever. Instead send regular forwards (not everyday but may be one in 2-3 days). If you can then try to date someone (not to make her jealous but to actually see if your confidence is coming back) and let it be known somehow through social media as you made new friends and keep socializing.
If she tries to discuss anything about herself or the guy (who had the accident and she said she liked somewhat) then simply say you’ll get back to it later and have to finish some other work or meet someone. Ignore politely. No need to wish her on Christmas or New Years. Send those regular forwards around these dates but NO CONTACT on those particular days. She’ll surely wonder what happened and will want to reach out cos it’ll make her feel as if you dont want to chase anymore. If she messages on those days, DO NOT reply. STRICT NO CONTACT on those particular days. Later the next day you can wish and if required just say that you had company and it was fun.
His ego will burst when he notices that you’re getting on with your life. Let him see what he is missing out on. By showing the begging, pleading, doormat side of yours, you’re showing him that he isnt missing out on anything as of now.
If he is this sensitive then you’ve a VERY LONG road ahead before even thinking of having a strong relation. Cos people who are this sensitive have a high ego and short temper too.
If you just want to get back to him without caring about how strong the relation is when you get back then surely go ahead and keep pleading to him and may be it might work! Although it just masks the issue at hand and puts you on a shaky foundation.
But if you want a real shot at the relation to become stronger than ever, then do yourself a favor and JUST WORK on yourself and improve EVERYDAY compared to yesterday. One step at a time. Rome was not built in a day. If he isnt trying to think what is wrong in his sensitivity then it will take him longer to realize stuff. You’re not the right person to even try show him his faults. It will hurt him more.
You think you can make him understand the value of communication when both of you need time to heal?
Lets get the priorities straight first. HEALING.
The sooner you heal, the faster you’ll be able to repair the damage and much faster go about regaining the lost trust from him.If someone is hurt emotionally then do you think you can make it right again by emotional talks? You cannot heal someone with the same thing which hurt them in the first place. It is not easy but it is only difficult if you’re not willing to put the effort.
You can try your best to defend his ego right now but that will not change the fact that the bubble needs to burst.
Either help burst this bubble so can have a proper conversation with him (constructive one) or keep pleading and end up risking it for worse things.If you’re not willing to risk it, how will you test it? You dont have that much faith in him? You dont have faith in his feelings for you? If you dont then obviously you have more work to do and if you have faith then dont hesitate in taking this step.
@Anon1236 you’ve to channel your emotions a little bit with tact over here now. Remember healing time is required and if you try to open a wound which is not yet healed, do not expect miracles.
Please realize that you’re trying to not only get back with him but also build a stronger relation which means that even time and space will not be able to separate you guys easily ever. A break up simply means that you’ve to let go of something old and be willing to accept something new. Most people assume this is letting go of the old person & welcoming someone new but its deeper meaning is to LET GO of the old habits/ ways which led to the break and welcome new habits/ ways which will help you get a better experience.
The chances of getting back with an ex is always higher but at the same time LET GO of the fear that is holding you back from improving emotionally. Trust me, he’ll notice it, will again fall for you and will want to re-ignite the relation. Right now it is his ego talking. You can decide if you want to feed the ego or politely give him time and space.
If you want to go about handling this the right way, my suggestion is get back with your life as if he didnt exist (or atleast let others feel as if you are getting on with it) and it will slowly burst the ego bubble your ex is living in.
As much as you need to make changes (which am sure you’re putting efforts), the same way he needs to understand you as a person and respect your space too. What if tmrw he has this same issue again and breaks up? You think you’ll have a new strategy then? Why not use it now?
Try to look at the larger picture than worrying about sending a text or a making a call or meeting him and pouring out.
Good luck!
Like I said earlier, he misses your physical presence so he’ll come back. Try to not give that to him easily and let him realize what he is missing out on. Also, keep improving yourself which will make you more irresistible.
If you keep on over-thinking why is he not contacting, why is he kissing, why is he not calling, why is he hugging, etc then you’re just obsessing and not really making any progress. That means you’re still the same person before break up and am not sure that will make him want to get back. The physical attraction that you guys still have can be leveraged to get back the emotional connect but if not used wisely then this could also fade when someone else comes along.
So you mentioned he leaned in for the kiss? Then you guys made out.
Even after this if he doesnt contact you then you want to have him back? Doesnt that mean he just misses your physical being? If you’re happy with that arrangement then continue trying to initiating contact on your own.But if you wait and he contacts you then you have a real chance to talk things out before again going for the ‘positive, relaxed experience’.
I can imagine the feeling but if you’re letting it cloud your long term judgement then do it at your own risk of being heart broken again may be. It is not uncommon for ex’s to get hot n heavy after a break up and that DOES NOT mean it is all okay. It means both miss the physical presence and it means there is a chance to ignite the spark and get the relation back. You’ve done your part by initiating contact after 3 weeks. Lets wait for him to do something concrete now.
He misses your physical presence. A serious piece of advice if I have to give here at the cost of sounding a party spoiler then it is this:
– Try NOT to get physical anymore cos the real issues which lead to break up will get masked
– After your holidays you’ll again get back to your work and he too
– When the issue resurfaces (or a remotely similar situation) he’ll act the EXACT same way or may be worse and distance himself cos he knows that him distancing himself works on you and you end up coming back.Am not trying to make you play any mental games with him. But if you have tried your best to bring some positive changes in your life then dont you think there was a reason you did that? Lets first discuss with him if he has also had the time to think over the break up and has anything to say about it. I can understand that both of you must be feeling high and wouldnt want to discuss break up and remain under the illusion that all will be fine soon.
You guys will be back but if not dealt with this issue then it is just a temporary thing. If you think you’re willing to risk that then good luck to you!
Lets try to make the most of 2016 and enter 2017 on a positive note and not a blind note.You’re again overthinking. Please relax. Been a long time of NC so try not to jump to conclusions and just try and see if you can meet him. If he ends up giving a direct excuse then dont bother asking again. Sometimes the ego takes time to get punctured.
Its been 3 weeks without communication so please try and understand that both of you’re not aware what all changes (mental, emotional, physical) the other person has gone through. There could be a thousand reasons behind that kind of a reply but do you really wanna lose sleep over it or do you wanna prepare your best, positive self to be present when you meet him?
Even if he is giving you ‘breadcrumbs’ lets get one thing very clear that he is still not over you and some times people react that way cos either they feel they have been wronged or they have a big ego. You know him better.
Either ways, you have the opportunity to show and prove him that you’ve been improving and it is his loss if he still doesnt want to give it a chance. Hold your head high cos you let your ego aside and contacted him. You have taken the first step, now lets focus on the second step and remember all the good things about yourself and the relation and beam with confidence when you meet him 🙂
Try not to ask questions like is he seeing anyone etc cos it MIGHT show a needy/ obsessive behavior. It might be very tempting but if he doesnt hint to it himself then dont even ask about it. If he asks you something on those lines to you then avoid answering it. Just tell him you guys are meeting after a long time and lets try to keep it light hearted.
Remember, if you dont control the flow properly there is a chance of miscommunication again and you’ve already seen what it has done to your relation.
If you have other plans then stick to them else no harm in going to meet him. Try to keep the emotional discussions to a minimum if you want to re-ignite anything positive. You want to be in a state of mind where both realize how much you guys love each other, are willing to make changes and accommodate each other!
Take this as one of the many meetings/ conversations/ chats that you might have with him IF (BIG IF) you can take it nice, polite and slow (meaning without too much emotional backlog).
Now it is upto you to decide if you are capable to handling the flow of the conversation and cut it off if it goes out of control. Else be prepared for further miscommunication and resulting distance. Think long n hard on this since you’re going to be staying there a few days. Do you want to use those days wisely or just want to blow it up in one day.
Good luck!
