amcee

@kneechan, I lost her cos of family and not exactly our fights. She was emotionally blackmailed over a period of 18 months which led to her taking a decision to break up. Even today as we chat here, she contacts me with a heart smiley while she is in a rebound situation which her family approves of sadly. I know that she is going to come back but it’ll be at a time which will be way more difficult than the current situation. We both love each other way too much. Am using the word “lost her” everytime to make myself heal faster. In all honesty, am making myself emotionally, physically, morally more stronger for the return.

Coming back to your situation, keep in mind love & fear are the strongest emotions humans face. Your ex has faced both and fear has taken over currently. You need to demonstrate that her love has managed to change you for good. Not temporarily. If you truly love her, her happiness has to make you more happy.

My next example might not exactly resonate with you but it did work for me:
– Think of how much your mother/ father loves you and cares for you.
– Am sure there have been plenty of instances when your words/ actions might have hurt them and they also give it back sometimes but in the end they still care for you whenever you’re feeling low or down.
– They are willing to let you go even if they are feeling hurt but want to see you happy.
– Now, think of your ex as your family (even if not officially on paper). Love her no matter what she does, where she wants to go. That is true love. When people realize and see true love, they find a way to come back. Some times it can be late but they do come back. Depends on circumstances.

Being loved by the person you also love is a very rare and blessed GIFT one could ask for!!
Firstly, prove to yourself that her love was an inspiration, motivation to you. You cannot convince anyone else until you can convince yourself first. I dont think true love wants to see their partner miserable. She would not only be overjoyed to see you change into a better person but also figuring ways to reconnect after noticing those changes. BUT those changes are not going to come by over thinking over small things like Christmas party, Whatsapp group, etc… Be a man and take EACH & EVERY situation as a challenge to show her how much her love has helped you in evolving into a better human.

Whenever you think of her, you should have a smile on your face and the will to face any situation which ensues. If you cannot muster that motivation then its not worth trying cos you’ll again end up hurting her back and true love should not that hurtful and insensitive.

Had read a quote somewhere which basically meant the following:-
I dont know why I should fight for you but when I think about you I feel I can go to war for you.

I simply took the meaning as “love is my biggest motivation, not my reason to give up”.

On the whatsapp group, dont make it awkward for either of you by commenting anything insensitive. Just be casual and dont try to get her attention on that group by being too goofy. She is wanting to see a mature you, remember that. If you can define that fine line between being goofy and mature, she will notice it. Improve yourself, forget & forgive every fight/ argument and see the positives and build them in yourself too. Every moment.

Sorry if the intensity was a bit too much in this reply 🙂

NC for 30-60 days and then LC to a minimum level works only when we have been able to renew ourselves!

Do not forget that the reason NC is suggested so that you improve yourself on the irresistible chart ratings and thus improve your chances of either getting your ex back or moving on happily (the ball might actually be in your court if you manage to utilize the NC period correctly).

Try not to focus on what FB will present as the anniversary memory and all, just focus on improving yourself. Once that is noticed trust me people will find a way to reconnect with you. Although I never went back to any of my exes (except one whom I really love and we were childhood best friends) I think if any one of my exes would have been smart enough to not drown in the sorrow and improved themselves I’d have surely tried reconnecting with them. The first thing an ex will notice again is the physical aspect. Visual. Once you pass that, they will be interested in figuring how well you’re doing emotionally. Mental. After that they want to know how much changes have you incorporated which had led to the break up. Practical. Once you’re able to check these boxes, everything else falls into place without you having to work hard.

People move on cos they feel better that way. If they feel coming back is better then they would. So never assume it is the end. But focus on yourself. I do agree that some people are stubborn and they might need a little extra persuasion. But that is your decision if you want to deal with that for reconciliation and a future with them like this.

“LC to spark some curiosity” meant that have low/ minimum contact after the NC. In a long distance communication is the key. Total NC for few days is appreciated but indefinitely? Am not sure I’d go with that unless you’re ready for the worst outcome.

If you’ve improved yourself emotionally, mentally stable, physically fitter, well read, well groomed during the NC period then I see no reason for you to initiate a LC. Am talking about only initiating not continuing. Kevin has mentioned in his articles how LC should be implemented too. If she responds to that, you start afresh, without holding anything from the past which can lead to another fight. If she doesnt respond to the first LC from you, go NC again for 2 weeks. You’ll be the best judge at that time whether to go for indefinite NC after that or not.

Am just using plain math. If you have improved yourself to a level where you can be happy without her (am not asking you to forget her. I appreciate being loved by the person you love and never advocate to not try) then you lose nothing in initiating LC. An independent, confident man is VERY attractive to a girl. Even more if you have shared history!

But if you feel NC indefinitely is going to be more helpful then go ahead with that may be!
I would suggest take one day at a time. Focus ONLY on improving yourself for few weeks right now. Get into the habit of evolving yourself whether you are or not in a relation. Again, simple math, improve your chances of becoming irresistible!

Hope I could help 🙂

@mc10cx I just read this thread and another one you posted. This gives a clear picture so please excuse my response on the other thread you posted 🙂

I think @patricia12 pointed out correctly and it looks like both of you love each other 🙂

You’re lucky if you live close by! Coffee is great!
Stay in touch with her, keep the discussion light and may be get to know if she is dating anyone currently. If you’re on her social network am assuming it will be easier for you to figure out through mutual friends too.

If she isn’t then may be send her flowers on her bday if you cannot make it physically to her place. Get to know her favorite flowers!

Good luck!

Even she has to realize that long distance is a lot of work. Am not going to ask too many details about what made you guys feel distant while still in a relation (unless you want to tell) but there will be times in any relation where you might feel the connection isnt there anymore. It goes without saying this kind of feeling is short lived if the feelings are true, if efforts are being made and other person is noticing them (assuming there is no cheating involved).

You’re right, distance is tested way more than one can imagine. Always try to take the positives out of all this. If you can, & if it seems rational, then incorporate the changes your ex was referring to. You are young and a very high chance of getting her back if you take the right steps and be very patient. Those positives will help you in ways you can never imagine! Will she notice them? Unless she goes to a different continent, changes all mutual friends, deletes you from memory, she’ll notice some how!! Till then keep making those changes and after the NC (30-60 days) may be do LC to spark some curiosity, use social media in between to good effect (not to make jealous but to show your improvements which can be validated when others also comment on it). Am assuming she will notice social media either directly through your feeds or mutual friends’. Be encouraging, positive, independent (as much as possible), emotionally stable when you connect with her.

Good luck!

Looks like a rebound but if you’re still long distance then things could get more distant in terms of emotions. If you guys were really into each other, physically intimate too then it’ll just take a small trigger to make her realize about the rebound.
I was in a similar posn (long distance, had a fight, gf found a rebound) and i had to leave everything to be with her and get her back to normalcy. Are you still in touch? How are the conversations?

This being said, bringing her back to normalcy will require a LOT of effort so think hard if you can pull this off (wont suggest you drop everything but your choice)