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Dont make yourself too available for her. You are not an option. Make yourself the better choice. A man among boys. A gentleman among men 🙂
Mema’s. If you want me to give an insight about your relationship please mention my name :). I’m not psychic.
Here’s the thing about your situation. You are letting him adjust to a life that doesnt have you in his plans. Why the suffering. Have you seen the bad questions to ask your ex? “Do you still love me?” They will answer the same thing. Why? Because we haven’t projected self value yet. Try to become a better version of you first. Don’t get me wrong everyone is perfect in everyway. But we that extra edge to become more desirable.
“We can’t withdraw anything we say.” When in doubt the keyword is be silent. Think first.
Hmmm moving on yes. Well there are things we can do to make him/ not to move on properly. One. Be active in social media. Why? She/he sees you having a great time. Two. Become friends with many people. If it is a small town this would be most effective. People would have a good image of you thus boosting your value. Three. Project self-worth. Value. If you are a valuable person you are worth keeping in anyones life. Do the last one first because it is the most effective of them all. Plus you need self-confidence because i am sensing you are a little anxious of events.
Stay safe that is the only thing I wish for you. Well here it goes again. 1. You should have a long conversation with him. Giving him any info about your life makes you an open book. No one wants to read a book that even they could predict the ending. You don’t actually have to change during nc tho but, being your best self helps. Remember your ex fell in love with you a long time ago. Or what something. It is a advantage you can most definitely use.
Sorry I’m in Japan right now and I couldn’t connect properly. Okay right. So here’s the deal. Let’s not put any stories in our head. Do not assume anything. Your story will be completely different from hers. She may have pushed your breakup in your eyes but she may have other reasons why. Right now the only thing you have to assume is if you ar going to change for the better or not. And right now you are focusing on her too much. That’s is what is hindering you. Try to ease your mind first.
O yeah and if you seem certainly like your in the zone where in she says “you a good friend” dont and i mean dont reply. Start nc immediately like a week. I know that one sucks. But you have to avoid being that good friend. You want to be a great find. Not a great friend.
People who cant leave their exs usually are people who cant adjust without a certain person in his or her life and has fear. It differ from each person. Now. You need to improve on how you interact to her. Give her a shocker. Dude. No contact. She’s doing you a favor. If she exts you in the middle of it you would lose all composure. Actually you are probably losing it now. Remember those who usually speak more fk up more. Less is best when it come to these. Lessen emotion. Lessen stess. Stop thinking ahead. You dont need to be two steps ahead. Just focus on yourself for now. Im sure there is an aspect in yourself even you dont like?
Okay here the deal bro. Snooping always bad. Refrain. Next assuming. Something thinking that other people are saying or doing bad stuff to us make us look bad. (Trust me bad) show her stability. Well i also see you have a hard time of not speaking. Here’s the thing about nc. You create a shroud of mystery and cover yourself upon it. But if you talk too much. She will know everything about you. That would mean she wouldnt be interested in a story she already knows the answer to. Become unpredictable. Now. Show you are a good friend to her. But not too much. A pushover is never good. It’s like this “you are special so I’ll do this for you but there are limits” kind of stuff. She is currently a friend. And if she doesnt value her you should start valuing her time less. You know like when she invites you. You occasionally decline. Why? She is not a priority anymore. If she valued you more you would have given her better treatment. Do it in a nice way tho like. “Im sorry im busy studying” or “Im at a friends house and i need to finish something before the deadline or whatever.” Why? She needs to value you more. Project higher value. Improve if necessary. Study harder. Exercise. Meet new people. Do anything that will make you a perfect choice.
If you ignored the desperae messages it wpuld have continued. But meh. There are consequences to actions. What was the thing written in the guide? Make it her idea to come back.
You know just be cool with it. You should lose you cool. Remember when unsure silence is a valid answer. Sometimes. Well you should give meaning to what other people think about you as of now. Not even her own opinion. Just go with the flow for now.
Are you stuck in the what if’s or is it close to happening? Because there is a difference. You cannot force them to be more active. You can only ask them why. Ask them nicely. Like this “I asked you if you wanted to do ____ with me. You declined. Thrice” this clearly states are you disinterested?
The nc rule is flawed yes. It has weaknesses. First. If you have a passive nc nothing will happen. Passive in a sense that nothing changed about you. 2nd you create too much mystery in your life that you do not involve your ex in it. Flaunt everything on social media. Make yourself happy in it. Or appear to be happy if it seems impossible(most people think but not really the case). Last is the lack of a goal. What is your goal after nc? Basically nc is the time to think up. Wtf is going on in my life and how can I improve it. Most people do not realize this hence renders nc useless.
Next step huh bro? Well you’re actually at the first step. No contact. Why? You responding to her is like a status quo now. She feels it is normal for you two to not be in a relationship but still enjoy each other’s company. Destroy that comfort zone. Break her misconception of you. Don’t let her adapt to this status. It’s like “I feel like you’re my bestfriend” type of thing. And it is good you are aware that you need improving. Now start doing it. Active no contact. Not passive. Passive is like watch me do nothing. In active is like. Watch me being cool about everything.
