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Update! Today my country got attacked. There were several bombings at one of our airports and on several subways. About fifty people died. My brother works in the city that got attacked and he had to be evacuated but he’s okay. My heart aches for all the people involved. This world saddens me.
My ex texted me. This was day 15 of no contact. I know I’m not supposed to reply but people died today and she was worried. She texted me: ‘I know you’re safe, but I saw your tweet about your brother and your train on Thursday goes through Brussels.. I hope everyone is okay. Stay safe x’
I replied: ‘Thanks for texting me. My brother is okay and so am I. How are you? x’
Her: ‘I’m good, just a little shocked. I always thought we would be safe here in our little country. How are you? x’
Me: ‘Same. It saddens me that things like these happen every single day all over the world and we can’t do anything to stop it. My brother got evacuated and he was so scared. I was supposed to go to my best friend in Brussels tonight and I had to be there tomorrow as well but I cancelled everything. I’m so confused. x’
Her: ‘Sigh.. I’m confused as well, but I’m relieved that everyone is safe. We weren’t allowed to leave school but I was hungry so I went to my dorm. x Just stay away from Brussels for a while x’
Me: ‘I just hope they’ll stop. You and your food! Are you gonna stay at your dorm today? Just to be safe. And yes, I will. x’
Her: ‘I have class again in a bit so I’m going but yeah after that I’ll just stay at my dorm 🙂 x’
I didn’t reply anymore. Should I send her something else or not? Just something like ‘Just be safe x’? I also think the concert next Wednesday is gonna be cancelled so I don’t really know where to go from here..
Hi Lily, I’m in the United States, but I heard about the terrorist attacks in Brussels on the news this morning. Our prayers are with you!
No, don’t reply anymore. You’ve both asked each other if you’re okay, assured each other that you were, and also said to stay safe.
You’ll have to wait and see about the concert, but I hope and pray things will calm down so everyone can get back to their normal lives as best they can..Stay safe that is the only thing I wish for you. Well here it goes again. 1. You should have a long conversation with him. Giving him any info about your life makes you an open book. No one wants to read a book that even they could predict the ending. You don’t actually have to change during nc tho but, being your best self helps. Remember your ex fell in love with you a long time ago. Or what something. It is a advantage you can most definitely use.
Hey Patricia! Thank you. It all feels so weird. I never thought this could happen in my country.
So I don’t know what’s happening with my ex.. After the texts on Tuesday because of the attacks, we kept texting for the past couple of days. So Tuesday, Wedneysday and today. Not the smartest thing to do but it just happened. These attacks made me realize even more that I want her in my life. I asked her if she wanted more contact again and she said ‘Yes, of course! We can try.’ We didn’t text much, just a couple of casual texts each day. She hadn’t replied in a long time today so I asked her if she was still sure she wanted more contact and she said ‘Oh yay drama again, I just didn’t know what to reply. It’s our first conversation again, do you really want to talk about feelings now?’
I don’t really know what I did wrong because I was just making sure she was okay with this and I wasn’t talking about feelings at all. I told her ‘I’m just making sure you are okay with this 🙂 x’
She then said ‘I just didn’t know what to say 🙂 x’ And then immediately after that another text: ‘I’m going on that family trip I told you about a while ago in a few minutes. My phone has like 20% and I forgot my charger in my suitcase ooops. My dad has to work late and the suitcases are in his car so I don’t have my charger so I won’t be able to text much now until I can charge my phone tonight x’
I said : ‘Have fun on your weekend! x’
Her: ‘Thank you! x’
Me a few hours later: ‘Oh and I saw Laura (her sister’s child) on your snapchat. Give her a hug from me! I miss her. x’
She hasn’t replied yet but her phone is dead for sure.
Oh also: one of our mutual friends asked her if she missed me on Tuesday and she said that she does miss me, that it’s weird that she doesn’t know what I’m doing all the time and what I’ve been up to and that she has been thinking about ‘what if things hadn’t gone wrong’ a few times these past few weeks.
She is acting a bit hot and cold towards me, I think? Do you think she might be starting to miss me a little? I don’t really know. Maybe these two weeks without contact have helped her to start thinking about our good memories. What do you think? Should I start doing no contact again until the concert or?
OMG!! You had already asked if she wanted more contact and she said yes, we can try. Then because she hadn’t replied in a while today, you asked her AGAIN if she was sure!! It seems you don’t know when to quit nagging her and yes it’s drama when you harp on the same thing over and over! Now (again!) you’re wondering if she misses you. MAYBE in the two weeks of no contact she MIGHT have started to remember good memories, but you RUINED it by more drama! Yes, absolutely do the no contact. If you text or talk later in the coming days, DO NOT talk about feelings. Keep it casual. And don’t keep texting and texting and texting. If she texts you first, reply with a short upbeat text and don’t ask a question as she would probably think it’s respectful to text again and there you go, off to the races again. Too much texting isn’t a good thing in your situation. Give her a chance to breathe. Hope you two will be able to go to the concert, but keep it casual. Geez, I can almost feel how exasperated she must be with you. Sorry for the harsh words, but if you ever want another chance, you need to stop obsessing.
Wishing you the best..Hi Patricia, you are absolutely right as always.
I shouldn’t have asked her to have more contact again. I’m just not ready for it. I want to talk to her but it just all feels so weird and I get insecure (that’s why I asked her again). It feels like we’re complete strangers. I just want us to be us again. Be happy again.
She replied at like 10pm on Friday: ‘She is sleeping right now so I can’t :p x’
I didn’t reply anymore. We haven’t had any contact yesterday or today. I’m conflicted about the concert on Wednesday. I’m scared I’ll screw up again.
You shouldn’t have asked her TWICE about contact. Feeling insecure is no excuse! She is sick and tired of the extreme texting, but trying to be as polite as she can about it. You’re draining her dry and don’t seem to understand that it makes her want to avoid you and all the drama. Sure it all feels weird and like you’re strangers, it’s due to the change in the relationship and you not being okay with it. You mentioned being happy again, but in spite of having some good times, she was not happy or satisfied with the relationship and wanted space. I guess the main reason was your clingy neediness and constant talking about feelings. She told you from the beginning that she didn’t think she was ready for a relationship, but you persisted. Then she broke it off and wanted to be friends. But now you’re ruining that too by being over-the-top emotional about everything. If you think you can’t control your emotions and will screw up at the concert, don’t go.
I’m not going to the concert tonight. I’m not ready to see her. We had a huge fight over text yesterday and everything went wrong and I freaked out and messed up again. I’m not ready for any contact with her. I keep messing up. I’m going to restart no contact until May 1st.
I’m glad you’re not going to the concert and I’m positive she is too. My gosh, when are you going to stop messing up? You have no self control and it wouldn’t be a good idea to contact her at all until you get a handle on your emotions! A great deal of time focusing on your own life and other things, might help you with that.
After our huge fight on Tuesday (it was so horrible, she said terrible things), we still texted on Wednesday. She even called me from the concert so I could hear my favorite song. I asked her this on Wednesday evening (after the concert):
‘If you want to, maybe we could go get a drink this or next week? Just let me know if you want to 🙂 x’
Her: ‘I’m afraid I don’t have a lot of time. I’ve already planned a lot and I’m freaking out that I’ll never be able to finish my school work. x’
and then: ‘and to be honest, i don’t really feel like it right now either x’
Me: ‘I understand that you don’t have a lot of time right now. And I also understand you don’t really feel like it. But if you have some time/want to, just let me know. Just a drink. No more drama, I promise 🙂 x’
She didn’t reply. Then on Thursday she sent me a video of the concert. Just the video. I just replied ‘Thank you!’
And then yesterday (Friday) I sent her this because I felt really bad about our fight and about everything.
‘I’d like to sincerely apologize for these past few months and especially for those moments where I start pushing without knowing how to stop. I sometimes freak out. That can’t and won’t happen again! x’
She didn’t reply. Should I start no contact again or just wait until she contacts me again? Her birthday is on Tuesday (April 5th). I feel like an idiot to be honest.
I don’t want to give you anymore advice. I can’t help you. The drama continues and you can’t seem to control yourself. Take care and hope things work out..
I understand and I’m sorry if I made you mad. If you want to give me advice again, just let me know. Thank you for everything.
“We can’t withdraw anything we say.” When in doubt the keyword is be silent. Think first.
Seems like you’ve had repeated communications with her, but she has made it clear she doesn’t want to talk about feelings. She will have to be the one to bring it up. When you said nice things she didn’t reply, seems the only communication has been conflict. Trust me I’m there right now and it sucks and is hard as hell.
Shes giving you breadcrumbs and it’s like she is weening herself off of you by communicating just enough to keep you hooked and to keep her ego boost in place.
No contact means no contact. It’s not a no contact until she says something and then reply rule. No contact means no twitter, facebook, no status updates with messages that can be responded to it means drop off the face of the earth and be you. It is the hardest thing in the world and it is like taking yourself off an addicted drug. It SUCKS!! Doing it now and I’m on day 19. I keep writing letters to her and then deleting them. I keep thinking about her and driving myself crazy. But I AM a ghost. If she wants me the only way she could reach me is by putting a letter in my mailbox. It is empowering because it’s the only control over the situation that I can have. —Even if she doesn’t contact me the control is there in that I made it impossible for her to. (well almost impossible)
Point is she is getting over you day by day and you are giving her all the tools in the world to help her. The NC rule is meant so you can heal and grow and reflect and miss and think and analyze and and and….. let her have what she asked you for in the first place. A breakup! She asked for it, so give it to her and trust me, with all the contact shes been giving you, she will come to realize shes loosing you and suddenly the tables will be turned. 30 days is a drop in the bucket compared to a lifetime. Don’t respond no matter what and see how it actually helps your cause. If she suddenly starts talking about feelings during the ACTUAL NO CONTACT….. then maybe you have something. Everything else is breadcrumbs.
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