LauraH

Hi

Sorry to hear the new update and I can imagine how much you must be hurting right now.
At least, he finally said it out loud so that you do not hold on to this story and keep hoping for a future with him. Nothing that I write here will make you feel better, I know, but as you said, time is great healer. Stay strong and take time to re-build your optimism and find your inner peace. Things will start looking up, I promise 🙂 Good luck!

Sorry to hear you are hurting so much. You are not alone in this, most of us on this board have the same problem: letting it go and dealing with breakup pain. But you need to find strength to do that.

This may sound a little harsh but you cannot force someone to love you. In fact, the more you try (pleading, begging, endless talking about it, etc), the further away you will be pushing your ex. Right now, by your post, you come across as a desperate and clingy person who would just do anything to get her ex back. It’s normal, we all have been through this. But you fail to understand that these actions will only harm you more. No man wants to be around a woman who has lost her self-esteem, independence and she is no fun anymore. And your ex is no exception.

So the first thing you need to do is cut ALL contact with this man – no social media stalking, no phone/text, no emails, nothing. The first couple of weeks will be hell, I can tell you that. But if you find strength to stick to it, life will get better and you will start feeling lighter.

NC does not necessarily mean 30 days; it works differently for different people. I know people who did that for 5 years! NC is no magic trick to get your ex back, it’s something meant to help you rebuild yourself – your damaged confidence, independence, inner peace, all things you lost during the breakup process. Take this time out to reflect on the following and try to be as objective as possible:

– why did the breakup happen in the first place? what did I do wrong and how I can work on this so that I do not make the same mistakes in any future relationships?

– I want this man in my life so bad, but I should ask myself first if he still loves me with the same intensity as I do him. Do I want to be with someone who has no strong feelings for me? Do I want an unbalanced relationship that will only hurt me more?

– If he feels fine after the breakup, this could be a sign that he mentally checked out from this relationship a longer time ago and he might have waited for the right time to make the move. That’s a possible explanation but certainly, not the only one.

You seem to have anger issues yourself (judging by your post) and I suggest you seek help address that. Relationships have both good and bad times and if you just break up with someone out of “frustration”, this shows that you have no other means of dealing with your own problems other than taking it out on the other person. Which is not good.

Finally, I sense you are very worried that by doing NC, your ex will not want to contact you any more or hear from you. If that’s the case, I can assure you that he is NOT the person you should consider a relationship with in the future and you’d better move on. I am sure that once you have taken time out to work on yourself, you will see things more clearly and will know what to do next.

Is she seeing someone else? How bad was your breakup and why did you breakup in the first place? Without further information, it’s hard to give you customised advice.

well done on fulfilling your dream of taking guitar classes! It sounds great. You are on the right track to building a new, stronger and more confident you! Stay strong and good luck!