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Hey you guys,
So today, after 47 days of no contact I officially gave up on him by sending him ‘the letter’ (email actually). I am not expecting a response. I know he wont do it! I felt I needed some kind of a closure. I mostly referred to all the hurtful things he said during our break up. But also to some of his actions during our relationship that hurt me so much. I also wrote how much I felt that he didn’t love me at all. He was just in love and the minute that feeling vanished he left. I must say I was a bit harsh but only cause I wanted badly to erase the image of me telling him at the beginning of our breakup that I will wait for him no matter what. I think I officially closed the door of any reconciliation.
If anything happens, then it should be all him. I am done.
I am still hurt and I know I will have to struggle. But at least now he knows.Morvarid,
Try not to trust any friends of his. Keep it casual and never talk about your ex to them. Do not make anything irrational. Focus on yourself and follow your NC strictly!
You can do this!SuzyL,
So proud of you! Good for you! You have come a long way and proved how much you’ve grown!
You just beat me to the punch. I did give up as well by sending him ‘the letter’ but I don’t want to mess your thread with my story.
Best wishes!
LA,
At this point I am doing it just for me! I guess that’s the key for letting go. Time is our only advocate. You’ll see 😉
LA,
I wish my feelings were dead as well. Everything would be so much easier. But I see it as the greatest challenge for me right now. If I truly love him then I will have to let him go. Simple as that…
LA,
Thank you for the support and your kind words. Means a lot to me.
I just feel I need to move on for real and not just for the sake of a ‘plan’. If someday he decides to contact me or want us to get back together then he will have to try really hard. And frankly I don’t know if that would be enough.
There is a long road ahead of me but I will manage. Eventually.Thank you so much!
Morvarid,
I really don’t know how. There isn’t specific plan or solution you just move on no matter hard it is. I am tired of making assumptions, hoping, obsessing and waiting. Bottom of line he doesn’t owe me anything. If he contacts me then he contacts me. He broke up with me. Means he doesn’t want to be with me anymore.
It won’t be easy, I know it. Everyday is an emotional struggle. I want to stop being like that.
Life is way too short to be upset or depressed for someone who doesn’t want you in his life. We have to try really hard but I believe we can do it!Athens
Good luck with your interview! Hope you won’t see your ex as well. But if this happens stay cool. Just say a simple ‘hi’, ‘hope you are well’ and leave the discussion first. Be strong!
Hi guys,
Monday 1st of September and I see it as a resolution. I have decided to move on as well.It is too painful for me to hope or follow a ‘plan’ just to make someone change his mind. I can’t handle it anymore. I am angry but mostly so disappointed by the fact he has moved on that quickly. And even though I don’t know the details, he still chose to be with someone. I don’t care if it’s a rebound relationship or he is trying to fill a void or whatever. To me this is a proof he is trying to move on and forget about me. So I might as well do the same.
You guys are wonderful and thank you for the support! I will still visit the website and try to offer any support and consolation.Thank you so much!
Hey you guys,
So I have like a minor emotional breakdown today. I am thinking about the time when I told him, at the beginning of our break up, that I will wait for him no matter what. Do you really think he still believes that? Even when he knows now that I found out about this other person ( he got quite furious to the person who revealed that to me)? Since then I haven’t contacted him at all. I hate the fact that he might think of me as a safety net or a sure thing. I mean having said that to him makes me want HIM to initiate contact.
What do you think?
DanMurphy,
Basically he broke up with me cause my attitude was quite erratic (I can be quite moody) plus he got sooooo much pressure from his work. The last six months we barely went out due to his hectic work hours.
Unfortunately I didn’t handle the situation that well at the beginning of our break up. During our relationship I wasn’t expressing my feelings that often. So when we were breaking up I tried to express all these feelings in an awkward and desperate way. For the first two months I was basically contacting him every 2 weeks 🙁
I wasn’t bombarding him with hundreds of texts and calls of course. But basically I didn’t give him the space he wanted. I guess my behaviour pushed him away.
But from the moment I found out he is seeing someone else I decided to follow NC for at least 3 months. So far 45 days. It’s rough!……..Morvarid,
I have almost the same questions about my ex. One thing is for sure, they’r confused as well. I am sure it’s a quite emotional period for him as well. The only solution, at least for now, is to give him space and time. Focus on you, no matter how hard that looks now… 😉
Morvarid,
In my opinion there is no specific period for NC. The day where you will feel happier without your ex and more confident then you can contact him. I am following a 3 month (maybe more..) of strict NC but that doesn’t mean when I finish I will contact him. On the contrary I want HIM to initiate contact.
Just because your ex looks that he’s living a normal life doesn’t mean he isn’t hurting. I mean you were together for 10 years. You know him better than everyone here. If you feel he is worth it, then apply NC now!
You can do it!Morvarid,
Don’t be that hard on yourself. You saw him in a such vulnerable state and apparently you felt there was hope or something. I am not saying though that there isn’t. You just need to give it time. What you need to do now is to restart NC. It seems hard but you have to do it. Even if he responds to your text be the bigger person and tell him that you need some space.
Don’t worry, we r here for you…LA,
Don’t pressure yourself. I think it’s too soon for you. Usually these things come to your life when you least expect them. I know exactly how you feel. At this point I can’t even imagine myself being with someone else. But I think it’s better. We need time with ourselves and not rushing things. It wouldn’t be fair to the other person.
Personally I feel I will need way too much time.
I have come to realise that the key to these situations is to let go of the expectation of getting your ex back. Although I have some difficulty applying this notion.. :p
