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I was hanging on to hope that she might want to try again once she gets back. I’m only on day 2 after the breakup and I think I’ve handled it well. I told her I needed space and how I felt about her not being there for me. I do love her. But I dont think she sees me the same way. She lives with me and I have all of her things here at my place. So itll be hard to avoid a conversation when she comes home.
I think her and I both need space to really figure out what we want. If she’s going to be with me she needs to open up and actually commit to me. So far I havent seen that from her so it tells me shes not ready. I’m using the 4 months to move on in case she doesn’t want to try again. She could go to a different base or retrain as well. Nothing is secure in our relationship. We both want security but right now it’s just not there. So for now I’m going to wait. I want to grow as a person and I think she needs to grow as a person too. Her friends all say she might not even know what she wants and is just confused. Thanks for the reply.
I told her the moment she said she didnt think we should date anymore. I’d like to not contact her. The entire time shes been deployed I’ve given a lot of effort to make sure she felt like she was cared for and she could talk to me at anytime to get through the distance. She just wasnt putting any effort to talk or even try to show me the amount of affection I was showing her. If she would’ve kept that up I would’ve snapped. But she beat me to the punch.
I’d like to maintain no contact for the 4 months shes there or even longer if I decide to do so. I need time to think about weather I want to be with someone like that. I didn’t deserve to be treated like that. I’ve had one problem after another the last couple of months and didjt get very much support from her when I would support her no matter what. It was one sided in the end. She just gave up and I need to figure out if I want to be with someone like that. She also need time away from me to figure herself out. She kept giving excuses. It doesn’t take much effort to text a goodmorning or goodnight text. It’s just a lot I need to think about right now. The last thing I need to do is talk to her. Thanks for the reply.
I’m sorry it’s been a while. I’ve been busy with friends all weekend.
I’m sorry things didn’t turn out well. I’m glad you’re not giving up yet. You’re stronger than I was. I can see how much you care for her even after all this. I’m not really sure what advice I can give you. Im not really where you are. I’m stuck moving on from my ex. In the end I think you need to do the things that will make you happy. You don’t deserve to be left in sorrow over the breakup. I don’t think you really deserve to be treated like this. Your ex doesn’t deserve you to be honest. You’re fighting to get her back and she doesn’t seem to care. You’re a great guy. I know you love her but you deserve someone who will show you the same love. It’s gotta go both ways in a relationship. Yeah starting overwitg someone new is hard but it might make you more happy in the long run. Or your ex will finally see how great you are and you can start to build a new relationship with her again. Either way, you deserve to be happy. Keep fighting for it. One day you’ll get it.
Lately I’ve felt kinda empty. I have my friends and I have a decent life but I just don’t feel happy. There’s not really much I can do about my ex. She just doesn’t seem to care about me anymore. Just the way all this ended hurt. I’m usually a guy who can move past things quickly. I tend to not let things phase me too much but this.. idk it’s almost too much. I want to cry about it all. Just break down and cry for an hour. But I can’t.. I try to but nothing comes. I feel like it might make me feel better to let it out but nothing comes out. I also find myself more angry about it all. The way she left me alone and broken like this. Makes me feel like she never loved me at all. It makes me feel like I wasn’t good enough. It’s just all around a bad feeling that’s left inside. I try to do things that make me happy and have fun but I just come back to this feeling. It’s keeping me up tonight. I just don’t really know anymore. Things just seem so complicated. I hate that I love her. There’s nothing I can do. I just wish this pain would go away so I can be happy. It’s just such an empty pain. I feel alone.
Everything else is okay. I’ve just got the moments that I have to get through. These memories that won’t go away. The ones that make me feel sad all over. It’ll pass but ik it’ll come back. Idk.. I’m just trying to get through this. They say it takes half the relationship to get over someone. If that’s true it’s going to be a long year.. I hope someday soon something happens that makes me happy or takes my mind off all this. It’s really weighing down on me lately.
You’ve just gotta try to keep your head up. Things get better in the end. Any new updates on your end? Hope things have been going better for you.
I think you should step away from it all and start moving on. Ik that’s hard to hear and I highly doubt it’s what you want to do but it’s what you need to do. I’m sorry it all didn’t work out for you. It still might, you never know. But right now it’s best to just move forward in your life. Focus on yourself and try to forget about her. In time you’ll begin to feel better. I’m sure right now everything just hurts and you feel like shit. I’ve been there. You’ve taken some hard hits. You have to pick yourself off the ground and start moving forward again.
I’ll try my best to be on here as much as possible to talk when you need it. The next two weeks for me are finals so I’m trying to manage that right now. Just cramming as much studying as possible. I’ll check in when I get some breaks to see how you’re doing.
Right now there really isn’t much you can do that’s going to change anything. Just better yourself as a person so that if you do meet someone new someday or if your ex starts talking to you again, you’ll be ready physically and mentally.
I talked to that girl finally. She’s seeing someone.. she was so damn cute too. Ugh it’s upsetting! Other than that there’s nothing new on my end. Still no contact with my ex at all. She’s still with that other guy. Prob be with him a long time. I don’t even care now. I just want to be myself again. So I’m moving on. It’s really getting easier. Yeah I still have those moments where I think of her. It’ll be a few months before I stop having those moments. Maybe one day I’ll find someone new. Honestly I’m just waiting till I graduate. I’ll be able to move away and start my aviation career. After that idk. I dont even know what’s going to happen to me now. I’m just letting life guide me along. Hopefully I can stop taking L’s.. and I think I’ll grow a beard. I’ve always wanted to.
I know things don’t seem good anymore. But you’ve gotta be strong. Get through the tough days and you’ll begin to see the happy ones again. It gets easier. I’m here if you need me.
It’s up to you. You know the situation best. I think it wouldn’t be a bad thing if you’re just cool and keep the pressure off. No matter what she says just be cool with it. It is her day after all. Either way it’s not a huge deal. You can always keep it simple with a happy birthday the day of. But in the end it’s your choice. I bet you feel conflicted with it. Just keep calm and make the choices that seems right to you. Hope no matter what things go well.
Yeah it’s be fine to ask to celebrate it another day. We celebrated my older brothers birthdays yesterday and it was over a month ago. It doesn’t really matter when. It’s for the same thing even if it’s on a different day. Just as long as she’s not too busy I doubt it’d be a problem.
You can ask what if questions all day. You’ll never get the answers. You just have to stick with the now. Where you are now is where you stay. Can’t really change the past. Yeah it sucks but thats how it goes.
She knows the door is always open as in if she needs anything or if things are just too much for her, she can always count on you to be there. You provide her with that feeling.
I have no idea what she thinks or why she’s doing what shes doing. No one ever will. Why did my ex leave me for some guy she met in just a month and start having sex and getting high with some deadbeat who has no career path? Those kind of questions won’t ever be answered. And you can wish to know all you want. It’s just best to stop asking why.
Let’s say she does start dating some other guy. You can’t let that ruin you. You’ve just got to go on with your life. It’ll be rough. Like really really rough. But it’s almost like life forces it on you so you can’t help it. It’s up to you on how you handle it. You can do your best to get over it and not dwell, or you can stay stuck with it. Things get easier. But they get harder before they do. Getting her back could take you months honestly. You’ve gotta be ready for all the emotional burdens you’ll face. Patience is a virtue right now. You kinda just have to stop caring about things so much. It makes it easier.
She’s not over you because you can’t just love someone and the next month be done with them. That feeling stays for a long time. Years even. Plus her behavior is a giveaway. She’s going through a breakup too.
I know things are hard and I understand it’s stressful. But you’ve gotta keep going and stay strong through it. You’re not making this better by being sad or getting upset when she does or doesn’t do something. You can’t dwell on that sort of thing. It makes things harder in the end.
It’s up to you when to call her. You can suggest doing something but if she sounds unsure you can add that she can bring whoever she wants. And if she says no then it’s not a big deal. It doesn’t really mean she’s over you or doesn’t like you. She’s just in a rough spot in her life. Be friendly and understand where she’s coming from. It’ll make you look good.
In all honesty I think if she wants to be with that other guy she’s going to be with him. It’ll be her rebound. From how things sound she’d def not over you. She doesn’t exactly know where she is emotionally. This guy does sound bad for her. So if she does end up going for him then don’t panic. She’ll figure out he’s not right and she’ll look back at all thsi and see how cool you were about everything. You were also there for her and a good friend. Keep that up no matter what happens. It’ll make you look better in the end. People are like shapes. We’ve all got places in our life where certain things fit perfectly. Everything has its shape too. But everyone has a unique shape. Once that person’s gone, nothing can ever fit that old space. No one is alike. She may try to cover that spot up with a different shape, but she’ll never replace it. Nothing will ever fit perfectly there. When we do find someone new, and it’s the right time for us emotionally, then we give them a new space. We’ll always have that small empty space where that person impacted our lives. Right now she’s trying to find ways to fill that spot. In the end she’ll figure out nothing will ever fit. You’re the same way. You might find someone new, but you’ll have that spot where you’ll always remember her. Later on in your life you might have that spot filled again or you might not. Either way you’ll be happy.
She might suspect your intentions but she can never confirm that unless you tell her straight up. You don’t make it obvious cause you’re just being friendly. But at least she knows that the door is open. You’re familiar to her.
Just keep being patient. Try not to make up different scenarios that haven’t even happened. You’ll drive yourself crazy. Hope things start looking up for you.
Don’t apologize for anything.
#1 that brings up the relationship.
#2 why apologize? She hasn’t really caused you of anything lately. Saying sorry for something in the past now won’t really matter to her.
#3 it makes you look like you’re trying to maybe please her in some way. Like saying sorry will makes something better. So it’s best not to.
Don’t apologize until it’s the right time. Right now it’s a little out of place. One day it’ll come up between you two. It’ll have a lot more meaning on that day. So just wait till the right moment.
You can call and see if you can take her out. You never know if you don’t try. If she says yes then make sure to make it casual and fun. If she says no then just respect it. Wish her a Happy birthday the day of and go on. After that take some time away from her. You’re not really giving her a chance to miss you by trying to text everyday. You know she’s stressed right now and yeah her ex that she used to love is texting her so it’s probably not helping a whole lot. You’ve kinda come back into her life. Right now she doesn’t want that. That’s why she’s not texting you. She’s just not ready for it. She’s probably still trying to convince herself that she doesn’t feel anything for you anymore. She’s lying to herself. It makes it easier to move on at first but eventually she’ll start really missing you. It might take a month or longer but she’ll start feeling the same way you are. But right now you can’t make this a huge deal. She’s not texting back, so what? She already said she’s not really ready for it. But what I see is her at least being nice about it. She kinda knows you might want to try again. Maybe you not texting for a while will make her really start to question that. Which will make her think of you more. You’ve just gotta keep your head and not let all this make you miserable.
I’ve had my moments still. It’s like there two sides of me now. The side that does still love and miss her and is doing okay. I know there’s other opportunities in the world and I’m just waiting for fate to decide if her and I were meant to be. Yeah it makes me feel sad that it’s over but one day the sadness will be gone and I can just be myself again. Then there’s this side filled with a lot of anger. I’m mad at myself and her. It makes me wish I never met her. Makes me hurt deep down inside. I feel like I can’t trust anyone like that again. I let her into my heart and she just didn’t care in the end. I feel like I no longer mean anything to her. She hasn’t talked to me at all. She just left me and that was that. Like it all meant so little to her. It makes me hate her. My blood boils in my veins and I just want to break her new fuckboys legs. Almost makes me feel like i was never truly loved and that it was all a lie. I don’t usually let the second side come out as much. I try to stay positive and keep moving forward with myself. I’m getting better but at an excruciatingly slow pace. And sometimes I just can’t help but to feel angry at the world for all this. For bringing her and I together just for it all to end like this. Life really sucks sometimes :/ I guess you can’t spell life without an L..
If you stop talking to her you’re not going to just automatically lose any progress youve made. Ik you feel like it would but it won’t. She’s still going through the whole breakup process too. She’s just making it harder on herself. You can tell because she can barely text you. It’s too much for her. So she obviously still has feelings. She’s just denying them. She’s doing anything and everything to convince herself that she doesn’t. But one day she’ll realize that she still does. Just continue to be nice and have that open door policy for her. If she needs anything you’ll be there. Just remember to be cool and patient with her. She’s kinda fragile emotionally right now. So respect her space. Just start focusing on yourself again. You have to be happy. Have a happy life and she’ll see that. Right now you’re letting all these emotions really get to you. You can’t do that. You’ll make poor decisions and she’ll start seeing through you. So be happy again. You need to live your life. Ik it’s hard but there’s seriously so much more than just her. She’s almost nothing compared to what is going to happen to you. Life is so much bigger than just one person. Learn to love yourself before you love anyone else.
I’m sorry things aren’t going great. But you’ve gotta stay tough. It’s hard getting thriugh all this but I know you can. I hope this helps.
I don’t think you ruined anything. It was her who turned you into that. She gave you no reason to trust her by texting some other guy. So you can’t blame yourself in this situation. She’s kinda the one who ruined the relationship. It doesn’t really seem like she cares a whole lot either.
I say just wait on texting her. She might text back she might not. If she doesn’t just go on with your life. Try to do things that’ll keep you busy. You’ll think about her. You just have to be mentally tough right now. You can’t let things get to you. You’ll just make it worse. So work out, play a game, cook, or go see a movie. Just keep yourself busy. It’ll be easier to cope with the pain.
I still think about my ex a lot. It’s really rough sometimes. I still miss her. The sad thing is I know I’m to blame for the breakup. I made mistakes for a few months and it lead to her becoming distant. And now that I realize this, she’s gone. But I’m not dwelling on it. I’m just moving forward now. I know one day I’ll have a chance again. Weather it be with her or someone new. I know you feel alone now. But you need to let things work themselves out. In time you’ll begin to feel better. Don’t let this control your life. Maybe for a week or so take it easy. I know her birthday is coming up and you want to do something for it but it might be best to just keep it simple. She doesn’t sound like she’s ready to text or see you yet. It’s just stressing her out and confusing her. It’ll cause her to put her defenses up again.
I’m sorry I haven’t responded in a while. I was pretty busy with friends and family. I’m sorry things aren’t going so good on your end. Keep your head up though. Only you can make you feel better.
Anything your ex does won’t help you unless it’s immediately getting back together with you which wont really happen. You just kinda have to block out the negative stuff. I mean.. my ex is having g sex with the guy she left me for. I’m not really sure how I got over that so quickly. Guess I just grew immune to it. I dont k ow anything about her right now. I want to keep it that way. Best not to dwell.
Sometimes I do just stop and think about things. I’ll think of scenarios that could never possibly happen now. I think of what I’d say to her or what she might say to me if we talked again. It’s pretty depressing to be honest. I just don’t like how it all happened. I don’t even know if I can call it cheating because technically we were broken up when she started kissing him. But she was talking to him before her she ended things. I just don’t see how it all ended so quickly. After two years of her promising me it’d never happen. I was always afraid it would. I guess my paranoia got in the way. I just loved her.. More than she could possibly know. Sometimes I want to stop and lay down somewhere and never move again. The weight of all this is too much for me sometimes. I’m not sure what I can do now. I’m just stuck. I’m going forward yet I’m not. I don’t want to live without her. It’s so hard to let her go. But I don’t have a choice. So.. I’m stuck. I feel like it’s going to be years before I get over her. It’s just hard.
I feel like your chances are better than mine. My ex won’t even contact me right now. You’ve atleast started contact with your ex and have a good possibility of seeing her again. And yeah I didn’t expect thsi to take so long either. But it’s just how it is. Nothing we can do about it. Youll just have to continue to be patient with her. Keep the small conversions going but other than that you’ll have to wait till she’s ready.
You can def call her and ask to take her out for her birthday. Just the fact you ask will make you look good. You remember her birthday. So even if she says no, she’ll be thinking of that.
Before I met my ex, I was a very closed person. I had my friends but I never had anyone to talk about my problems to. She became that person. She knows all my secrets. She knows everything about me. She was a better friend than the two guys ive known for 11 years.. I don’t think she understood that. I’ve never let myself get so close to anyone before. It makes me want to break down and cry because I’ve lost her. And I don’t feel like I could ever find anyone like her. I just don’t know anymore. Some days I’m fine but others are so hard to get through. Never knew one person could make me feel like this..
Not really much advice this time. Just me kinda ranting.. in all just continue to be patient. And start accepting the fact that if she’s going to see this new guy, it’s okay. It’s not the end of anything. If it happens then I’ll be here to help get you through it. It may not even happen at all. One day she’ll be ready to let you back I to her life. Just not today. I’m sorry things are getting hard. Just hang in there. I’ll keep in touch.
I don’t really think you’ve ruined your chances or anything. She’s just not really ready for anything yet. And yeah she could be stressed out by a number of things. But to be honest. They’re not your problems. She brought it all on herself. She created all the stress shes feeling and now I think she deserves to be stressed out about everything. God knows you’ve gone through enough with her actions. And I feel your anger towards her is totally justified. I understand your anger and where you’re coming from. My ex told me she wanted a break just so she could cheat on me with some new guy that I met.. She broke every promise she ever made to me within a month. And still after all this hasn’t talked to me or even showed her face. She’s a coward. I hate her for that. It almost makes me feel like I don’t want anything to do with her. All this would just cause so many problems if we got back together. I loved the person she once was. Not who she’s become.
I’m just kinda letting fate take control. I’ll keep living my life with the emotional burden. Maybe some day she’ll realize her mistakes and come back. I might take her back or I might not. Depends on the person I’ve become. I just don’t really want to deal with her bullshit anymore. I kept every promise to her. Made a few mistakes along the way. But my intentions were always good. Worked my ass off, spent so much of my time and money on her. Then she tells me she “didn’t feel enough nourishment from me” and that “I wasn’t there enough.” Just makes me look at her differently. I still care about her yet I don’t. It’s just a mess. Im sure someday I’ll feel like myself again.
On your end, I just think she’s not really ready and just all around confused. She did say some other time for coffee. Which leaves the door open to it, just another time. So you still have plenty of opportunity. No real setbacks that I see though. Just a little nervousness. I say just keep your head up. All this will make your emotions all over the place. Remember to take some time to really think about if you want to do this. Think about the future relationship with her. Would it be good? Would all this be worth it? I’ve come to the point where ive stopped trying to get my ex back. I’m just waiting to see what happens. I’m just letting things happen. And I’m okay with it. Helps me move on.
Keep that head up. Things get easier in the end.
Sorry I took so long to respond. Usually I’ll check this while on lunch or after I get home from the gym. Today was my good friends birthday. I’ve known him over 11 years now. Since the 5th grade.. pretty crazy. But he just turned 21 today so I went over to his house and ate some great dinner and made weekend plans while watching dallas beat Minnesota. So a pretty good day in my books.
About her. Let’s say you never found this site. You’d probably be in a pretty rough state. Now you know she hasn’t really had help like this site gives us. Kevin knows what it’s all about and his advice really helps people collect themselves and control their emotions in these situations. Without this how do you think you’d be doing mentally? I feel like she’s talking about the breakup when she says this. That’s why she doesn’t talk about what’s bothering her with you. She talked about the other guy a couple of times when you went to coffee. So that might not be the biggest thing bothering her right now. Right now I think you’re beginning to be on her mind more and more. Now she also might still be talking to this other guy. Might even want to try a relationship with him. But his accident ruined that from happening. And now you start texting her and you see her and now she’s just conflicted. So I feel like she’s just kinda all over the place with all this and is unsure on what to do. That’s why you need to be careful.
Going out to coffee might be a good thing. You just have to make it casual. No calling it a date or bringing up anything from the past. No jokes or stories that would remind her of your old relationship. Just talk about some new things with you. And let her talk as much as she wants. Don’t push her for any information. If she wants to talk about it she will. You can ask a few questions about what shes talking about of course. But don’t try to dig too deep into her thoughts. It’ll cause her to maybe feel uncomfortable and close up. Just make it casual and you’ve got a good time.
For her birthday I’d keep it casual still. You’re still not really sure where she is in terms of wanting something like that. Ik you’ve got some ideas about what you could do but in the end it might just be good to play it safe. A simple card or candy always does the trick. You might have a small advantage but it sounds fragile. She just doesn’t seem ready to have you around that much yet. It could cause her to panic and close up to you again.
Kinda playing a small mind game with my ex. So my friends mom, the one whose birthday was today, posted a picture on Instagram that I liked and I saw that my ex liked it, which means she’s following her. Now tonight my friends mom took a picture of us cause him and I have been friends for what seems like forever and uploaded it to Instagram. I’ll admit, I look good in the pic. Just shaved my beard off after November so I have that fresh look. My hair’s a little long but honestly my ex liked it that way. So ik my ex will see the picture. And I look good in it.. So it may even make her start thinking about me more. Maybe not. Either way it’s all good for me no matter what. Other than that I’m just continuing to move forward in case all this doesn’t work out.
For music I have an open mind. My favorite genre however is heavy metal. I love it. The new songs I’ve found aren’t that heavy though. The artist I Prevail is the one that’s really hit home with their songs. The songs Alone and Worst Part of Me have hit those spots for me. Then the song Pittsburgh by The Amity Affliction is also really good. Also found a few by I See Stars and Asking Alexandria. I’ll definitely check out those songs you suggested. So thanks for that. I’m always open to new music! And yeah first chance I get I’m talking to that girl.
Hope everything is going good on your end.
Well that’s a pretty quick turn of events. From what she says, she really is going through a lot. It is a good thing for you. Maybe not her. But you can tell she wanted to text you back. She had that small need to. Definitely continue to be cool and be a good friend. If you try to push her or tell her your intentions, she’ll just end up putting her defenses up. She’s definitely not in the right place right now for that. But she needs some friends. That means you should be somewhat distant yet helpful to her. Just keep having small conversions with her. Try avoiding making any jokes or references to the past. The inside joke reminded her of your past relationship. That’s why she closed up to it. Try talking about a few new things. Have conversations that have nothing to do with the past or her stressful situations. Try to take her mind off of it. When she’s ready she’ll open up to you. It may take a while, but it’ll happen. Just be cool and take it slow. Don’t push too hard. She’s just not ready.
I think you should just do something simple for her birthday. A card or some candy. It doesn’t sound like she’s really ready for a social gathering. Just keep it simple to show you remembered it was her birthday. She’ll really notice that later on.
Again don’t push your limits. It’s good that she did msg you on there telling you she wanted to reply to your msgs. But she’s just not really sure what she needs. Like i said she’s going through the same thing you are. You know she cares about you because your relationship wouldn’t hage lasted that long if she didn’t. So she still feels something for you deep down. Right now it’s just clouded behind a lot of problems that she needs to figure out herself. You being pushy won’t help her at all it’ll only stress her out even more. So just be a cool friend in all the stress. She may not appropriate it now, but later on when she starts to feel better she’ll see that you were understanding and respected her. It’ll make you look good in the long run. Just be patient. And try not to put all your focus into this. Be proactive with yourself. Keep cooking and working out. Find things to do to improve your own look. If you focus too much on this you’ll end up getting impatient and making a mistake. Then you’ll be close to square one again.
That girl came in today! I was so happy. Ran like two miles just cause I had to motivation to. After that I did some planks and burbees while she actually worked out next to me. Idk if she might want to talk to me or thinks I’m just a creep who somehow ends up working out close to her.. either way I’ll attempt to start a conversation next time I see her. Hopefully it goes well. Also found some new music. About 40 new songs. Some of it really stricks home with how I feel sometimes. Others are just songs I’ll enjoy listening to for a while. Music really helps me get through those tough moments. Hopefully I’ll continue to find more. I hope things keep going well on your end. Try not to over think things.
