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Hi Carey,
Ughh had a pretty big setback yesterday I feel. I really feel like a mess right now. I am sad and angry and confused. I called her and asked if she’d want to get coffee after work tomorrow so I could talk to her about some things. I don’t think I sounded all that confident. I was pretty nervous because I didn’t think she’d say yes to coffee because I don’t think she’s ready for that for some reason. I don’t really understand why she feels this way. Maybe she is confused. I suppose there’s about a million different reasons for her feeling a bit mentally unwell. It could be because of this other guy or it could be because of me or something in between idk. Anyways I called her, said I understood she wasn’t doing that well mentally but I asked if she wanted to get coffee anyways so I could talk about some things. After a bit she said “some other time”. I got a bit flustered after that if I’m honest. I don’t think I sounded all that confident even though I tried to be. After she said that I stuttered for a bit and said I was there if she needed somebody to talk to. I think I might have completely ruined everything. I don’t know what to do. I tried to sound confident but for some reason I got nervous when she said no, even though I was pretty sure she would.
Ughh I just feel so sad and angry with her today. Why did I even bother with being in a relationship in the first place. I should just be alone. I’ve been trying so hard especially lately and it just results in disappointment. There’s a chance she might have cheated on me emotionally and just left me for this other guy. I feel like I should be furious with her about that. But I’m not because I still want to be with her. What is wrong with me? We moved in together and then 2 months later we moved out. I should be furious with her about that. Why am I the one who has to fix these things? She should be trying to get back with me. Why do I even bother? Whats the point? Both girls that I have dated have left me for other guys. I don’t know if she has officially yet, but that’s what it feels like. Is it because of me?
I don’t know what to do now. I feel like I’ve ruined everything because she turned me down.
Thats great you had a good time with your friend. I bet your ex did see that pic probably then. That might help you out in a good way :). Might be good to try to continue to do that subtly. I never really posted on social media so I feel weird for starting to play those games on my end. I kinda wish I could but its a bit simpler and easier for me to do things this way. I don’t really like playing games with the other person. I’d rather just talk things through with her but she doesn’t seem to want to do that or even care about me right now. I’m very sad about that whole thing. I don’t know what to do.
I’ve never gotten super into heavy metal to be honest. I like me a bit of Disturbed and Avenged Sevenfold and Metallica but nothing really past that. I’ll have to check some of that stuff out though.
Hope all is well, and if you see the girl at the gym, tell her I said hi 😛
I don’t really think you’ve ruined your chances or anything. She’s just not really ready for anything yet. And yeah she could be stressed out by a number of things. But to be honest. They’re not your problems. She brought it all on herself. She created all the stress shes feeling and now I think she deserves to be stressed out about everything. God knows you’ve gone through enough with her actions. And I feel your anger towards her is totally justified. I understand your anger and where you’re coming from. My ex told me she wanted a break just so she could cheat on me with some new guy that I met.. She broke every promise she ever made to me within a month. And still after all this hasn’t talked to me or even showed her face. She’s a coward. I hate her for that. It almost makes me feel like I don’t want anything to do with her. All this would just cause so many problems if we got back together. I loved the person she once was. Not who she’s become.
I’m just kinda letting fate take control. I’ll keep living my life with the emotional burden. Maybe some day she’ll realize her mistakes and come back. I might take her back or I might not. Depends on the person I’ve become. I just don’t really want to deal with her bullshit anymore. I kept every promise to her. Made a few mistakes along the way. But my intentions were always good. Worked my ass off, spent so much of my time and money on her. Then she tells me she “didn’t feel enough nourishment from me” and that “I wasn’t there enough.” Just makes me look at her differently. I still care about her yet I don’t. It’s just a mess. Im sure someday I’ll feel like myself again.
On your end, I just think she’s not really ready and just all around confused. She did say some other time for coffee. Which leaves the door open to it, just another time. So you still have plenty of opportunity. No real setbacks that I see though. Just a little nervousness. I say just keep your head up. All this will make your emotions all over the place. Remember to take some time to really think about if you want to do this. Think about the future relationship with her. Would it be good? Would all this be worth it? I’ve come to the point where ive stopped trying to get my ex back. I’m just waiting to see what happens. I’m just letting things happen. And I’m okay with it. Helps me move on.
Keep that head up. Things get easier in the end.
Hi Carey,
I understand that she needs to take the time to figure things out but I guess I feel like it doesn’t really help me. I feel like she could just be waiting to try to go after this guy when he recovers. Especially when she could just be talking to him quite a bit instead of me. I feel like she’s just taking time to grow feelings for him. Maybe that’s true, maybe it isn’t. Probably best not to think about. I can only change what I do for now. I would love to be able to positively influence her to be attracted to me again. Maybe I already have, maybe I will be able to someday again. I just hate waiting. I thought that I would have waited long enough. I guess I just have to keep taking time to self improve. I think this weekend is going to be a little rough though, since most of my friends around here are busy this weekend. Not really looking forward to that.
At least she did say not right now instead of shutting me down entirely. I just don’t know what I am supposed to do about it. I just have to sit here and work on myself but I might not ever get the chance to tell her or show her because she’ll just be with this other guy, even though I feel that I am a better choice for her. But that’s a choice she has to make on her own. I just don’t really think she’ll pick me, especially if I am not there to talk to her :/. I feel like she’s just replaced him with all the stuff that we used to do together. How do I cope with that for now?
Man I’ve been really reminiscent of everything we used to do together today. Its making me really sad. I don’t think I’ll ever get back with her. I feel really hopeless. I don’t know what to do. Do you think I can get her back still?
As far as her birthday goes, its coming up in a few days. I think I might call her on Monday and ask to see if she wants to go somewhere for dinner, just for fun. If she does say yes, which I don’t think she will, I will keep things casual, as it is her birthday and I don’t want to make things difficult for her. I am still tossing around the idea of trying to get some of her friends together but I don’t know if that’s the best idea. I really don’t know what to do for that. Maybe I should just keep things simple but I also kinda want to go for the “date” thing because I think if it works it could work really well. I don’t know what to do when it comes to that.
I think its pretty good you’ve gotten to the point where you might not take her back or you might take her back. I really wish you the best man, you deserve it my friend. You’ll find her or somebody else someday, I really think you will. I’m sorry that she said you weren’t there enough. That was probably hard to hear.
I’m glad you don’t think this has set me back too far, I feel like mentally it kind of has. Maybe it just means I need to wait a few more days idk. I hope this works. I understand we might not ever get back together but I hope we do. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend in the world and I don’t know how to cope with it. We spent almost all of the last two years together and now its just done. I hope we can get back to that some day. I hope she’s thinking about me more.
I bet your ex is thinking about you after that pic yesterday :). Any updates for you right now?
Anything your ex does won’t help you unless it’s immediately getting back together with you which wont really happen. You just kinda have to block out the negative stuff. I mean.. my ex is having g sex with the guy she left me for. I’m not really sure how I got over that so quickly. Guess I just grew immune to it. I dont k ow anything about her right now. I want to keep it that way. Best not to dwell.
Sometimes I do just stop and think about things. I’ll think of scenarios that could never possibly happen now. I think of what I’d say to her or what she might say to me if we talked again. It’s pretty depressing to be honest. I just don’t like how it all happened. I don’t even know if I can call it cheating because technically we were broken up when she started kissing him. But she was talking to him before her she ended things. I just don’t see how it all ended so quickly. After two years of her promising me it’d never happen. I was always afraid it would. I guess my paranoia got in the way. I just loved her.. More than she could possibly know. Sometimes I want to stop and lay down somewhere and never move again. The weight of all this is too much for me sometimes. I’m not sure what I can do now. I’m just stuck. I’m going forward yet I’m not. I don’t want to live without her. It’s so hard to let her go. But I don’t have a choice. So.. I’m stuck. I feel like it’s going to be years before I get over her. It’s just hard.
I feel like your chances are better than mine. My ex won’t even contact me right now. You’ve atleast started contact with your ex and have a good possibility of seeing her again. And yeah I didn’t expect thsi to take so long either. But it’s just how it is. Nothing we can do about it. Youll just have to continue to be patient with her. Keep the small conversions going but other than that you’ll have to wait till she’s ready.
You can def call her and ask to take her out for her birthday. Just the fact you ask will make you look good. You remember her birthday. So even if she says no, she’ll be thinking of that.
Before I met my ex, I was a very closed person. I had my friends but I never had anyone to talk about my problems to. She became that person. She knows all my secrets. She knows everything about me. She was a better friend than the two guys ive known for 11 years.. I don’t think she understood that. I’ve never let myself get so close to anyone before. It makes me want to break down and cry because I’ve lost her. And I don’t feel like I could ever find anyone like her. I just don’t know anymore. Some days I’m fine but others are so hard to get through. Never knew one person could make me feel like this..
Not really much advice this time. Just me kinda ranting.. in all just continue to be patient. And start accepting the fact that if she’s going to see this new guy, it’s okay. It’s not the end of anything. If it happens then I’ll be here to help get you through it. It may not even happen at all. One day she’ll be ready to let you back I to her life. Just not today. I’m sorry things are getting hard. Just hang in there. I’ll keep in touch.
Hi carey,
Well she sent me a text at like 3 today asking what I wanted to talk about at coffee. She said she didn’t know when she’d be ready to have an in person conversation and she was sorry for that. Does this mean I could tell her these things over text? Can I have conversations with her via text still? I feel it’s a lot easier to tell her in person though I think. Also idk how much she’ll actually read if I send her stuff via text.
Anyways I sent her a thing back, she sent something back and then hasn’t replied to my next message and it’s been like 6 hours. I’m so sad and confused why she’s doing this and then she won’t even talk to me about it. I wish I could help her, I wish I could talk to her. But that’s not what she wants to do right now and I don’t understand why.
I go over lots of scenarios in my head, I keep thinking that she’ll send me a text and be like hey let’s talk or she’ll stop. By my house and want to make up with me. I don’t think that’s going to happen. I’ve left my phone alone for most of the day today but each time I look at it now I just hope that she’s sent me something. I don’t know why I keep thinking that because it’s not going to happen.
I know what you mean about the weight being too much for you sometimes, I am in the same boat. I don’t want to get up in the morning. I don’t want to think about her but at the same time I do because it makes me feel happy for a bit and then I get sad.
I think I am going to call and ask to take her out on her birthday. I don’t know if I want to try to bring friends or just go one on one. I want to assure her that regardless of if I bring people or not I won’t talk about anything serious. It is her birthday and I want it to be special. I don’t want it to be filled with silly things about us. Just go out and have a good time. Maybe that will be easier if I tell her I’ll set up some friends to come with. What are your thoughts on that?
I know what you mean about being closed to people, most of my friends are people I met in like 2nd grade. I don’t really trust anyone outside of my small group of friends, and I’m pretty okay with that honestly. Then she comes along and we are Bffs for a long time. I still know so many things about her and she knows so many things about me. I just feel like we were always really connected. Now I’m going to have a hard time trusting anyone else after all this because of what’s happened. I don’t even know why I should bother.
Do you think I should leave her alone for a few days or try to talk to her about simple stuff? Idk what she’s really going though so idk what my best option is? I want to try to build up a rapport with her and attraction to me but idk what to do.
Hi Carey, she hasn’t responded to a text I sent last night. I kinda want to try to talk to her. Although I don’t know if she’d reply to it. Do you think I should wait to send her something or try to talk to her tonight? I’m not having a super day and am really missing her :/
I feel completely terrible Carey, my ex and I had something great and I ruined it because I was jealous and insecure and it’s all my fault and now she’s just going to go be happy somewhere else while I am lonely and sad. I can’t do this anymore
I don’t think you ruined anything. It was her who turned you into that. She gave you no reason to trust her by texting some other guy. So you can’t blame yourself in this situation. She’s kinda the one who ruined the relationship. It doesn’t really seem like she cares a whole lot either.
I say just wait on texting her. She might text back she might not. If she doesn’t just go on with your life. Try to do things that’ll keep you busy. You’ll think about her. You just have to be mentally tough right now. You can’t let things get to you. You’ll just make it worse. So work out, play a game, cook, or go see a movie. Just keep yourself busy. It’ll be easier to cope with the pain.
I still think about my ex a lot. It’s really rough sometimes. I still miss her. The sad thing is I know I’m to blame for the breakup. I made mistakes for a few months and it lead to her becoming distant. And now that I realize this, she’s gone. But I’m not dwelling on it. I’m just moving forward now. I know one day I’ll have a chance again. Weather it be with her or someone new. I know you feel alone now. But you need to let things work themselves out. In time you’ll begin to feel better. Don’t let this control your life. Maybe for a week or so take it easy. I know her birthday is coming up and you want to do something for it but it might be best to just keep it simple. She doesn’t sound like she’s ready to text or see you yet. It’s just stressing her out and confusing her. It’ll cause her to put her defenses up again.
I’m sorry I haven’t responded in a while. I was pretty busy with friends and family. I’m sorry things aren’t going so good on your end. Keep your head up though. Only you can make you feel better.
Hi Carey,
I haven’t been doing too well lately. I don’t know if I should call her and ask her to dinner tomorrow, I haven’t talked to her in like 2 days tho so idk what she’ll say. Maybe I should just set up some of her friends with a party or if I should just go for a 1 on 1 casual let’s have some fun day. What would you suggest?
I’m really confused about how to proceed. I just wish she’d reach out to me more often, makes me feel like I mean nothing to her so I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should try to talk to her a bit tonight.
I still feel like the entire breakup was caused by me. If I wasn’t so stupid we might be together, I don’t know why she did this to me. I just want her to be with me :(. I don’t think it’s ever going to happen. I just feel hopeless. I want to be confident and improved for her but she doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me which makes me very sad.
Maybe I should try to talk to her idk. Is the fact that I’m talking to her stressing her and confusing her a good thing or no? I don’t want her to put up her defenses again but I feel like I have to try to keep talking to her a bit idk. This is one of the hardest things I have ever done
Should I apologize to her and say I was insecure and jealous via text or wait to say that in person or something?
You can call and see if you can take her out. You never know if you don’t try. If she says yes then make sure to make it casual and fun. If she says no then just respect it. Wish her a Happy birthday the day of and go on. After that take some time away from her. You’re not really giving her a chance to miss you by trying to text everyday. You know she’s stressed right now and yeah her ex that she used to love is texting her so it’s probably not helping a whole lot. You’ve kinda come back into her life. Right now she doesn’t want that. That’s why she’s not texting you. She’s just not ready for it. She’s probably still trying to convince herself that she doesn’t feel anything for you anymore. She’s lying to herself. It makes it easier to move on at first but eventually she’ll start really missing you. It might take a month or longer but she’ll start feeling the same way you are. But right now you can’t make this a huge deal. She’s not texting back, so what? She already said she’s not really ready for it. But what I see is her at least being nice about it. She kinda knows you might want to try again. Maybe you not texting for a while will make her really start to question that. Which will make her think of you more. You’ve just gotta keep your head and not let all this make you miserable.
I’ve had my moments still. It’s like there two sides of me now. The side that does still love and miss her and is doing okay. I know there’s other opportunities in the world and I’m just waiting for fate to decide if her and I were meant to be. Yeah it makes me feel sad that it’s over but one day the sadness will be gone and I can just be myself again. Then there’s this side filled with a lot of anger. I’m mad at myself and her. It makes me wish I never met her. Makes me hurt deep down inside. I feel like I can’t trust anyone like that again. I let her into my heart and she just didn’t care in the end. I feel like I no longer mean anything to her. She hasn’t talked to me at all. She just left me and that was that. Like it all meant so little to her. It makes me hate her. My blood boils in my veins and I just want to break her new fuckboys legs. Almost makes me feel like i was never truly loved and that it was all a lie. I don’t usually let the second side come out as much. I try to stay positive and keep moving forward with myself. I’m getting better but at an excruciatingly slow pace. And sometimes I just can’t help but to feel angry at the world for all this. For bringing her and I together just for it all to end like this. Life really sucks sometimes :/ I guess you can’t spell life without an L..
If you stop talking to her you’re not going to just automatically lose any progress youve made. Ik you feel like it would but it won’t. She’s still going through the whole breakup process too. She’s just making it harder on herself. You can tell because she can barely text you. It’s too much for her. So she obviously still has feelings. She’s just denying them. She’s doing anything and everything to convince herself that she doesn’t. But one day she’ll realize that she still does. Just continue to be nice and have that open door policy for her. If she needs anything you’ll be there. Just remember to be cool and patient with her. She’s kinda fragile emotionally right now. So respect her space. Just start focusing on yourself again. You have to be happy. Have a happy life and she’ll see that. Right now you’re letting all these emotions really get to you. You can’t do that. You’ll make poor decisions and she’ll start seeing through you. So be happy again. You need to live your life. Ik it’s hard but there’s seriously so much more than just her. She’s almost nothing compared to what is going to happen to you. Life is so much bigger than just one person. Learn to love yourself before you love anyone else.
I’m sorry things aren’t going great. But you’ve gotta stay tough. It’s hard getting thriugh all this but I know you can. I hope this helps.
Don’t apologize for anything.
#1 that brings up the relationship.
#2 why apologize? She hasn’t really caused you of anything lately. Saying sorry for something in the past now won’t really matter to her.
#3 it makes you look like you’re trying to maybe please her in some way. Like saying sorry will makes something better. So it’s best not to.
Don’t apologize until it’s the right time. Right now it’s a little out of place. One day it’ll come up between you two. It’ll have a lot more meaning on that day. So just wait till the right moment.
Hi Carey,
I think I am going to call her and ask if she wants to do something for her birthday. I’m really nervous though, I don’t think she’ll say yes. I don’t understand why she is saying she’s not sure when she’d want to be friends. It’s really confusing to me, I suppose what I am doing is a bit confusing to her.
I don’t really want to force her to feel like she has to do this, I just think it might be fun. I feel like we should try to do something special for her birthday if she isn’t doing anything. I think it might be a good time. But it is her birthday so you can do what you want. I was just thinking it might be something fun.
Do you think I should throw in the idea about her bringing other people? Do you think I should ask for the 1 on 1 first and then suggest inviting others if she isn’t really into the 1 on 1 idea? Do you think this is a bad idea? I don’t know how she’ll react if I ask her about that.
Its good you think she’ll eventually start missing me, maybe. I hope she already is but I hate that I dont understand where she’s at. I feel like asking her to coffee scared her off a bit. I think maybe she’s trying to put her defenses up until she’s okay with seeing this other guy. I just want to wiggle back in before that happens, but that seems really scary and hard to do.
Do you think she might already know that I am trying to get back with her and she just might not be ready for that or something? I’m just really confused. I suppose I shouldn’t try to think about it too much, maybe that will make it easier, but I feel like the longer I take the easier it is to get over me.
I do need to respect her space and be more emotionally strong than her. I think that will really help me get her back.
I’m sorry you get angry at some points. I know what it feels like my friend. Sometimes I get so angry I don’t know why I even bother, at least I feel I have a bit more hope given my situation so I try to turn my anger into hope. I need to continue to work on myself while this is happening.
I don’t think I’m going to apologize for a bit, I think it makes me look a little desperate. Maybe if we meet in person I will but I’ve just been feeling really damn guilty lately. I just wish she’d talk to me more again.
Also her birthday is on Wednesday this week, do you think j should call her today or wait to call her tomorrow? Idk which one would be better
It’s up to you when to call her. You can suggest doing something but if she sounds unsure you can add that she can bring whoever she wants. And if she says no then it’s not a big deal. It doesn’t really mean she’s over you or doesn’t like you. She’s just in a rough spot in her life. Be friendly and understand where she’s coming from. It’ll make you look good.
In all honesty I think if she wants to be with that other guy she’s going to be with him. It’ll be her rebound. From how things sound she’d def not over you. She doesn’t exactly know where she is emotionally. This guy does sound bad for her. So if she does end up going for him then don’t panic. She’ll figure out he’s not right and she’ll look back at all thsi and see how cool you were about everything. You were also there for her and a good friend. Keep that up no matter what happens. It’ll make you look better in the end. People are like shapes. We’ve all got places in our life where certain things fit perfectly. Everything has its shape too. But everyone has a unique shape. Once that person’s gone, nothing can ever fit that old space. No one is alike. She may try to cover that spot up with a different shape, but she’ll never replace it. Nothing will ever fit perfectly there. When we do find someone new, and it’s the right time for us emotionally, then we give them a new space. We’ll always have that small empty space where that person impacted our lives. Right now she’s trying to find ways to fill that spot. In the end she’ll figure out nothing will ever fit. You’re the same way. You might find someone new, but you’ll have that spot where you’ll always remember her. Later on in your life you might have that spot filled again or you might not. Either way you’ll be happy.
She might suspect your intentions but she can never confirm that unless you tell her straight up. You don’t make it obvious cause you’re just being friendly. But at least she knows that the door is open. You’re familiar to her.
Just keep being patient. Try not to make up different scenarios that haven’t even happened. You’ll drive yourself crazy. Hope things start looking up for you.
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