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Yeah it’s good having someone to be with to maybe talk to and just have some fun with. But it’s also good to maybe wait till you know you’re ready to see someone new. Sometimes I just get that guilty feeling when I’m with her. I can tell she maybe wants a kiss but idk if I can do that yet.. not to mention when she gives me that look I can feel my ears glow red hot.. for you, continue to work through the tough days and find some stuff to do. It’s good you went shopping. That’s something I need to do. A new look is always great. And it’s great you talked to some girls while shopping. A little bit of flirting and a few smiles from your jokes will give you a great feeling after.
Her friend just posted a selfie with my ex and her new boyfriend in it. They look pretty damn happy and like they’re having a great time but according to Kevin, she’s not. It’s just a face she puts on. And from what her friend tells me, this is true. But seeing the picture made me realize how bad I miss her and kinda made me look at the continuation of no contact as something really really sad. But I know that I will be very patient. I just need to continue to move forward and improve who I am. One day, when the time is right, I’ll have a chance to make things work and hopefully start a new happy relationship with the girl I love and care about. One day..
Glad things are still getting easier for you. Just continue being patient and improving yourself. You’ll start to feel better soon enough 🙂 good luck!
Yeah idk how I’d deal with that whole new girl situation if I were in your shoes. Its not really fair to her to get romantically involved while you still want to be with this other girl. But maybe it would help you move on, if that is something you wanted to do but idk where you are at with that. So idk what really to say to you about that. I’d say maybe take things slow with her. Especially considering your ex’s relationship doesn’t seem to be going to well lately. Who knows, it might end soon. At the same time you also shouldn’t really put your life on hold for her. Idk up to you.
As far as the selfie thing goes its pretty easy to pretend to look happy in a picture. I mean maybe she was happy at that moment. But based on what your friend said, their relationship doesn’t seem to be going well and is also more than likely just a rebound relationship. My guess is it will end soon. I mean its only been what a month and they are already having problems? Probably won’t last too much longer than. Honestly I’d say see if she sends you anything back on her birthday but maybe continue no contact for a few more days at least. I think your best course of action is to let this play out. The way I look at it is 30 days of no talking for the potential to be with her the rest of your life. Now it might not work out like that but that helps me a lot lately. Day 14 now ughh. Never thought I’d make it this far. Honestly, kinda scared that I have.
I really wish my ex would send me something like she messed up or she made a mistake. It would make this much easier. I’m just worried she’s going to have moved on and forgotten about me even though we were so close for so long. I hope we can be that close again someday. I just wish I could talk to her and see how she was doing.
I just feel like this other guy is totally wrong for her. He frequently texts a girl who’s in a two year relationship and he knows that. That seems really not okay to me. Especially considering what it did two the two of us. Now they both have feelings for each other. I feel like this guy gets exactly wants while doing things that were really not okay. I really don’t know what to make of that. It just makes me want to cry. I try not to think about it but I’ve been thinking about it for like 2 hours now while trying to fall asleep.
I suppose they aren’t dating right now as far as I know, but they could still be talking a lot. God she went over to his place the night after I moved out. That means he knew we were broken up and either my ex told him about it or dropped massive hints that she was lonely or something. I should have asked her how he knew that he could invite her over but I didn’t think about it until a few days ago.
Now he’s recovering from the hospital visit and everyone probably feels sympathy for him. What if this pulled her closer to him now that she like saved his life or saw him nearly die? Ughh, I never wanted any of this to happen. I never wanted to be broken up. Why did she do this to me? What if she’s just waiting a respectful amount of time before they start dating? Its not like they could start dating now really since he’s still recovering from his injuries. God I want to be with her. I really miss her. I hope she sends me something.
It’s not like I can tell her that this guy is wrong for her or that he’s already hurt her either. Not that he intended to hurt her by falling off a balcony or whatever but it still happened and she got really messed up because of it. If I tell her its just going to piss her off or something. She has to realize that he’s wrong for her on her own. Idk how long that will take though or if that will ever happen. Maybe she’s already thinking that I have literally no idea.
Hey sorry I haven’t responded in a while. All those things you’re thinking, that this guy is a total dickbag who doesn’t have any honor. Yeah.. me too. My ex did the same. Idk how long she was texting this new guy she’s with. But obviously he didn’t care. I even met the guy.. after I found out they were together I just lost my shit. Initially my ex told me she wanted a break. But when I found out I called her a cheat and broke up with her. Maybe I burned bridges. But at the same time I didn’t want to be her second choice after she’s done having fun with him. Its just all a big pile of bullshit. And you and I were thrown into it. It all sucks. We have to wait until our ex’s figure themselves out. Meanwhile we’re left to pick ourselves off the ground. All while having to go on with life.. it’s all just such shit. But we have to go on. Because if we don’t, we won’t get that second chance. We’ll only push it away from ourselves. I’ve looked at myself non stop for 31 days now. I’m 21 years old, 6 months away from graduating college and going to work. I’m not bad looking. I’m a pretty decent person. Atleast I like to think so. I just got out of my first relationship. She was everything to me. Yet it’s over and I let it all get to me. I have so much to live for. But I can’t let her go. So I’m going to fight for what I want. I’ll fight through the heartache cause I have to. One day we’ll both get our opportunity. I know I’ll be ready for it. You will too if you continue to be strong through all this.
Even if she is waiting, it’s going to be a rebound relationship if she does start dating that guy. Him falling was just an inconvenience. She had him lined up though. She knew something wasn’t right in the relationship with you and her. She might not even know what it was. Because it sounds like it was her. But eventually you still need to ask yourself what some of the problems were so you can improve yourself to handle situations in the future. Maybe she just wanted more. More dates, more laughs, more fun.. it’s up to you to figure that part out. And one day ik you will. But if she does start dating that guy, just stay cool. No matter what that’s her rebound. He sounds nothing like you. Your ex dated you because she liked being with someone like you. If the new guy is just nothing like you, it’s def a rebound. She’s trying to find you in this guy but won’t. So stay cool with it and start focusing on you more. You’re starting to get stuck again. Ik it’s hard but you can’t give in.
As far as the no contact at all from her as well, it’s the same for me. Day 31 and absolutely nothing from my ex. I doubt she’ll ever contact me unless I do so first. Us doing no contact is exactly the same as them not saying anything. And I bet they’re thinking pretty much the same thing. “Does he not care? Why won’t he text me? Didn’t the relationship mean anything?” We have to put it into their heads that we’re beginning to move on. Cause then they’ll feel like they’re beginning to lose us. And once we do contact them again, they’ll want to catch up and see what’s up with us after so long. It’s all a mind game right now. And if we lose, we lose everything. So you have to be careful and patient. I don’t know if she’ll contact you. If she’s like my ex, she wont. You just have to put that out if your mind. For three weeks i basically waited for my ex to pull up in my driveway to tell me she made a mistake and blah blah blah.. it’s up to us to fix it all. And with patience and staying strong, we have a good chance of doing so. I’ll definitely be checking my emails more for a response. I want to help you through it. And I myself kinda need help some days too.. she’s still with that guy. It’s hard. But I’ll get through it. This new girl is really cool. I’m glad I have her around honestly. In a week or two, you should maybe try to go out with someone new. Just be active and go meet some new people. You might even get someone’s number. I know you don’t exactly go out much. I’m the same way. But I worked through that so I can become a more confident outgoing person. It’ll really help later on.
Try to keep your cool. I know it’s very hard. It’s just all part of the breakup. The hurt, anger, frustration.. it’ll go away. For now just keep writing it down and talking to me or anyone who will listen. It helps the most. Stay strong. I’ll stay in touch.
Hi Carey,
I really wanted to meet this guy when we were dating but never really got a chance to, I wish I could have though. probably would have helped all 3 of us. Maybe he wouldn’t have talked to her as much if he knew she was with a good person. At least I think I’m a good person. I dont know if its true or not. Doesn’t really feel like I am these days. I honestly think its best for me to just try to take this guy out of the equation. She can only really text him right now as he is recovering, if she even is. They wont start dating for a while anyways. My plan right now is to continue as normal until 30 days where I can try to contact her again and see how it goes. I feel like I at least have a window of opportunity before she could even start seeing this guy. She did say she needed to figure stuff out on her own for a while though so I don’t know if she’ll be willing to talk to me in 30 days or continue to just be cold and unreceptive to me like she was for the last 2-3 months. I need to take him out of the equation and try not to think about it. Also I need to try not to keep thinking about her. I feel like I do pretty well for most of the day, then I’ll see something and it like triggers a memory of her or something and then I get sad or start thinking about her and how much I miss her. Its just really hard. I hope she’s at least doing okay during this time. I feel she’s all alone in this new state and doesn’t really know what to do. I wouldn’t really know what to do if I were in her shoes if I’m honest. She is strong and independent though, its one of the things I like the most about her, she’ll get through it. I believe in her. But this is what she asked for. I don’t understand why, but its what she wants and I have to respect that. I just wish she’d send me she messed up or wants to talk about things or something. I know that’s probably not going to happen but it would make things easier. Blerg.
Speaking of which, she did actually text me a few hours ago. But it was about paying leftover rent for our apartment. I kind of expected her to send something asking me about it at some point so I wasn’t really surprised. I felt I had to send something back as it was buisiness related and she was pretty much just asking if it was okay to have me pay for some of it. I replied with a simple “yuh”, not wanting to break the no contact thing. This is okay to do right? I didn’t send anything else.
Problem is now I’m just thinking about it, like I’d much rather she just send me she missed me instead. I’m over analyzing it honestly. God why do I always have to do this. I’ve just kinda been freaking out since then, which sucks because I was doing really well today. I need to find more things to do for myself. One of my friends is coming over friday. I’m going clothes shopping with another friend of mine probably Wednesday. I think I’m going to start learning how to cook some more. I’ve always really liked cooking. I think I’ll pick out a recipe tomorrow and buy the stuff for it when I go get groceries. Maybe I should join a gym. I kinda like working out at home though. I want to try to really make a good impression on her when I end no contact. she might not even want to meet in person though.
I like your suggestion about maybe trying to go out on dates with somebody. I don’t know if that’s going to happen because honestly I don’t meet that many girls. But maybe I should try to. I still want to be with her but I think it would be good to get some more experience and confidence before I break no contact. I’m on like day 16 or 17 now. I need to do more though. I still feel kinda messed up at points. Been a bit better lately however.
It’s good things are beginning to get easier. The memories will always be there though. There’s a lot of things during the day that make me think of her. Mainly music. I’ll get pretty down suddenly and really miss her. The only difference is that the sadness goes away a little faster. And you have to just embrace the memories. For a while I couldn’t listen to this certain song cause it’d just put a knot in my throat and make me cry. Today I listened to the song on my way to school. I would’ve liked the song a lot if not for her. But those memories that make you miss her so bad, those will be around for a long time. Probably a year or more. So it just takes some getting used to. One memory that really gets to me still is one over this last summer. I was over at her house and I was sleeping. Well she used to stay up all night cause she had nothing to do over the summer. Well I was asleep and she I guess just stayed up and for a while she watched me sleep. Every now and then she’d kiss me. It’d wake me up and at the time I was a little annoyed. I didn’t show it. I just kiss her and go back to sleep. But that feeling it gave me.. later on when I thought about it, I just felt that love from her. I just get so down when I think of that. I try to put it far away in my mind but sometimes it just comes out. I want to feel that love again from her. That’s why I’m going to wait like I am, just for a chance to make it work again.
I think now that you’re on day 15 or 16 now, you should think about what your bad points in the relationship were. Just focus on you, not her. This k about the last year. It may help you kinda understand things a little better.
And it might be a good idea to go to a gym. Might cost a little more but you’ll have a chance to meet some new people. And doing things you like is a great way to clear your mind. So cooking could be a really good thing for you. Try to start doing things that’ll get her off your mind. And try really hard to stop thinking what shes doing or wishing she’d text you. I did the same but the texts never came.
Keep continueing onward. No matter what you have to get up and keep moving forward. You just have to wait patiently for your chance to start over with her. Sorry I didn’t respond sooner. I was pretty busy today. Alternator went out on my car.. $150 I won’t get back -_-
i NEED ADVICE TOO!! PLEASE I STARTED CONTACT!!! PLEASE HELP ME I NEED ADVICE!! I STARTED AND IT WENT GREAT HE MADE A CONVERSATION. I SAID “Hi nicolas how are you! I heard you are in germany right now. I hope everything with your moms expo is going well, I was at nationals during the weekend and everybody says hi and asked about you, I hope you are well! and he answered like this…. “Hello Pau! I’ts great to hear from you and read you, Yes! Here we are! My moms exposition its great, she did an amazing job. How about you? How are you? How did you ski at nationals? Big kisses Pau….the conversation is going I just dont know how to finish it without being a mean or like making sure he will text me back….
I wrote back! I answered to his questions! I said “thats good! Im glad! Tell her i send my best regards! I skied amazing, I even made the Panamerican’s team that’s in two weeks! I got second in slalom caused i messed up!”
He said ” haha thats good! Im glad to hear you are skiing pau!”
And then i said “yes!! Uts going well! My brother and sister also made the team”
He said “wow!! Thats so good!” And then i wanted to en the conversation to not make it long because yes i know he is busy in germany! And i texted “well i hope everything goes well over there! Kisses to all of you”He read it and he never … and that got me worried… like i knew the conversation was going to end at some point! I was saying goodbye and he just read it… now im worried… or i dont know how to approach him again or when or in how long! I dont know how to start it again…. it was going so well! But then insaid goodbye and he never answered… i know i have to wait a little to contact him again i just dont know how long or how to start it again! I dont want to look needy or anything… like maybe ask more about him or how he is doing! Please help
Be cool. You’re all over the place. You’re freaking out and warping the meanings of his texts. Analyzing them too much. You just have to stay cool and think about what to say next. Continue to go slow. Eventually you won’t have to start the conversation. Just keep it short but interesting. No matter what keep your focus on yourself. It’s important. You can’t go through no contact just to freak out as soon as they text you. Maybe wait a day or two. Stay busy during those days. Have something ready to talk about. If he doesn’t respond, don’t think too much into it. He’s in Germany so I’m sure he’s pretty busy right now. It’s great you’ve made it this far. Just stay patient. He’ll warm up to you eventually. Good luck!
I know I’m late to the party. I’m sorry. I didn’t read all of these, just the beginning post. So I’ll keep it short (or try to)
First, it sounds like she was lying off her ass. I completely believe it. She knew she had feelings for this guy right from the beginning. You confronting her pushed her further away. How do I know this?
Because she freaked out when you went on her messaging app.
People in relationships as long as you guys were in don’t just freak out over stuff like that. She was hiding something, guaranteed. All the sweet stuff that you did for her before the breakup didn’t have an effect at all. Because if you don’t think that she went and told him you tried going through their messages, your nuts. It gave him the perfect opportunity to make him look like a better guy and you look like an asshole.
But I think its interesting how the tables turned once you broke up. She didn’t know how she felt. That’s a good sign. It means she was doubting the breakup and she was probably having regrets. She probably started having them more when you were so supportive and there for you when she needed someone. I know NC is a powerful tool, don’t get me wrong, but every woman loves a guy who will be there when she needs something most. And you certainly were. She didn’t forget that.
Currently, she’s trying to figure out who she wants to be with. You or this guy. I know you went through her messages and everything but, you guys have history. You lived with each other and stuff. What’s this guy got? Literally. Probably nothing. Once the newness wears off she’s gonna feel bad. Really bad. I think the newness DID wear off actually, seeing someone hit the concrete from three stories high will do that. Its traumatizing, stuff like that. I think shed be pushing you away even if your relationship was perfect and something like that happened. Its all part of the healing process.
Anyway. My advice is keep in NC and just wait. I think she will come back eventually, she just has to get there on her own terms.
Similar thing happened to me, girlfriend got a new job and these single guys were hitting on her
Usually she’d tell me and she didn’t and I found out from someone else this guy was firing in about her
It caused a big argument between us because she played it down and took this other guys side over mines
I love her and she loves me she said but I just think you don’t treat someone you love like that
I think your girlfriends fucked up big time and I’d stick out the 30 days
You deserve so much better than that
And to her work mate he’s a snake by the sounds of itHi Carey,
Sorry its been a few days since my last reply. Situation is still pretty much the same though, just trying to make it through each day. Some days its fine, other days its really tough. I really wish she’d send me something, every time I look at my phone I hope that she’s sent me something. Idk why I keep thinking that’s going to happen. That memory you mentioned in your post is pretty nice. I remember there was a time my ex got really sick for like a week. She couldn’t sleep for a few nights in a row. There was one night she was keeping me up, I honestly probably shouldnt have been at her apartment when she was sick but I wanted to be there. She got up at like 3 in the morning and started watching star trek. I got up and started watching with her. It was actually a great time watching that early in the morning even while she was sick and I just wanted to sleep. Its hard to not think about those nice memories. I hope I can make some more memories like that with her someday. I hope you can have some more memories with your ex as well someday Carey.
I’ve been really confused lately why she’d ask me not to talk to her. She said she needed time but didn’t know how much time. I just really wish I could get inside her head and see what she was thinking. I have no clue how she is doing. I feel like I’m trying to put back together a puzzle but 75 percent of the pieces are missing. I’ve been doing no contact for like 22 days now. If she asked me not to talk to her should I try to talk to her after the 30 day threshold or just continue to wait?
I’ve been cooking quite a bit lately, went clothes shopping again a few days ago and have ran the last 5 days since its been great outside. I feel pretty good lately. I’m trying to be patient and work on self improving Its really hard not to think about her. Any updates on your end Carey?
Hi Paulina,
Good to see he responded. I don’t know your situation or whatever but the most important thing is to be patient and cool like Carey says. Its really difficult, but you almost have to play hard to get with them from what I understand. This person seemed generally receptive to your conversation. Which means first contact went well. I’d say in a few days send something again. See how that goes. Soon they might send you stuff, who knows. Remember, you are playing the long game here. Be patient.
Hi qazwsxedcrfv,
Thats a pretty great name. Gotta be hard to pronounce lol. Maybe you just hammered down on a bunch of the heys on the left hand side of the keyboard in a row ;).
I agree it really seems like she was lying off her ass from the beginning. I don’t really think I believe she would do that to me. I really don’t think she’s the type of person to do that. Honestly I don’t think she would lie to me. Having said that, it definitely seems like its a possibility. And that really sucks. I suppose you are right though when she freaked out about me checking on her texts. I feel like she had a right to be angry, but she was angry at me for a loooong time. Longer than it should have been imo. Lots of people that I talk to agree with me on that. Its weird though, one of our mutual friends called her out on that possibility and she got really upset at him, from what I understand she said something like “do you really think I would break up with a guy of 2 years because of some guy that I’ve known for 2 months?”. I also asked her directly like 3 or 4 times if she broke up with me because of him. I believe her when she said it wasn’t because of him. Problem is, it doesnt really add up. She went over to his house the next day after I left. I don’t think I’ll ever understand why she did that. Thats what really makes me doubt the things she’s said to me. I want to believe she’s telling me the truth, and I do. But there is definitely reasons for me to doubt her as well.
Ughh god this guy probably did look super great and I looked like an ass for checking. I really wish I wouldn’t have done that. I feel like I definitely did something wrong, but I think its really the only big thing wrong that I did in the relationship. I dont think its something she could break up with me over. She should have been mad at me for a few days and then gotten over it. I made a mistake. But instead she pretty much made me miserable for a month and then broke up with me. She said it wasn’t all because of the texting thing but it really feels like there is something more going on or something she just hasn’t told me. Unfortunately I cant talk to her about it since she asked me not to. I really wish I could talk to her about things just to see where she’s at. I think she’s a good person, I still love her and I still want to be with her. I just dont understand why she is doing all this. I really don’t.
I’m glad to hear you say maybe she was having doubts after the whole hospital thing. I still don’t think she knows how she feels right now. My concern is that by me doing no contact she’s just going to keep talking to this other guy and growing feelings for him. I’m trying to work on self improvement a lot during these 30 days. I hope she’s having some doubts or regrets, like you said she might be.
Based on what you said in your last paragraph, you say you think she’ll come back but it has to be on her own time. I think you might be right, I hope you are right my man (or woman, can’t tell your gender based on username 🙂 ). I really do. I’m on day 22 of no contact right now. Do you think I should send something to her after 30 days or continue to wait for her to come back on her own? Any thoughts?
Thanks for the response, honestly I think your words really helped.
Hi Prod98,
Sorry you had to go through a similar situation. Its really rough :/. I dont think anyone should go through this stuff. Its really difficult. I think my ex really has messed up big time. I’m just not sure shes realized it yet. I hope she will one day. Maybe she already has, I don’t know. I hope your situation plays out well. Are you doing no contact now too? What day are you on? I’m on day 22, I’m trying to stick out a few more days before deciding if I should wait longer than 30 days or if I should reach out to her. She did pretty much tell me not to talk to her. Which sucks, I dont know if I need to wait for her to send me something or if I should make the first move?
This guy really doesn’t seem good for her imo. I can’t really tell her that though, this is something she has to decide on her own. From what I understand he seems nice and all, but he also texted a girl in a 2 year relationship quite frequently which doesn’t seem okay to me. I just kinda wish I got to meet him before all this went down. It would help me get to know this guy so he’s not just some enigma in my mind. I just hope she realizes someday, preferably soon that I’m better for her. Because I really think I am, I think we were good together, I think we can still be good together.
Thank you for the words. They really help honestly. I’ll continue to check this thread regularly so I’ll actually reply quicker next time 🙂
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