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Posts
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Hi Carey,
I think I’m going to call her tomorrow. I really don’t want to call her today, not in the best of sorts right now because of some personal stuff with my Grandma. I’m not really sure what the best plan of attack is, I really hope she just says yes straight up. But I don’t think she will after she turned be down for coffee last week. Ughh. I just wish I could get inside her head. I just want to get her re attracted to me before she goes after this other guy. I don’t know if I can deal with everything if she goes for him instead. I hope I can get her back before that happens. I don’t know if that’s possible. I feel like I’ve already lost to somebody who doesn’t deserve her. I’m not sure how you deal with that feeling Carey.
I thought about her a lot today. I don’t think she thinks about me at all. I just wish I could get her to talk to me more. Based on what she said earlier this week I don’t think she’s ready to have an in person conversation. Does this mean I should try to text her some more? I mean I’m going to call her tomorrow and ask her to dinner but I don’t know if she’s going to say yes. In fact I think she’ll say no. I just want to have a casually fun night with her. Maybe her birthday will be enough to convince her to say yes. I hope it is, if not I’ll try to sell her on the friends thing, if that doesn’t work, well then its her birthday and I want to make it special but it should also be something that she wants to do.
I can’t do anything right I feel like. I went from talking to her 24/7 to just nothign and now she’s probably talking to him all the time instead of me.
Why do you think she’s def not over me? I do think I need to play things cool if they get together but I’ll probably be dying on the inside. I don’t know if I can deal with it. I just hope she says yes to the birtday thing and somehow everything will go well I don’t know. I don’t really know what to do after this if this doesn’t work. This was always the thing I was looking forward to for a while.
I know you say she’s in a rough spot in her life and I think thats true but thats what she wanted. I don’t want to see her like that. I want to help her. I still care for her a lot. I just don’t understand why she is doing this to herself.
Why do you think she knows the door is open?
Any updates on your end?
What if I’ve taken too long to do this and she is just gone from me? Maybe if I would have done things differently and more quickly she might be back with me. Maybe if I didn’t do no contact for a while and just kept trying to help her maybe she’d want me back I don’t know. Ughh, why is this so hard sometimes.
Well today is the day. I’m pretty nervous I really hopes this goes well. Quick question, what if she is busy tomorrow night with other plans, would it be weird to be like “well we can celebrate your birthday some other day if you are busy”. And then see if she wants to do stuff on Thursday or Friday or something. Is that a bad idea or should I just go for it?
You can ask what if questions all day. You’ll never get the answers. You just have to stick with the now. Where you are now is where you stay. Can’t really change the past. Yeah it sucks but thats how it goes.
She knows the door is always open as in if she needs anything or if things are just too much for her, she can always count on you to be there. You provide her with that feeling.
I have no idea what she thinks or why she’s doing what shes doing. No one ever will. Why did my ex leave me for some guy she met in just a month and start having sex and getting high with some deadbeat who has no career path? Those kind of questions won’t ever be answered. And you can wish to know all you want. It’s just best to stop asking why.
Let’s say she does start dating some other guy. You can’t let that ruin you. You’ve just got to go on with your life. It’ll be rough. Like really really rough. But it’s almost like life forces it on you so you can’t help it. It’s up to you on how you handle it. You can do your best to get over it and not dwell, or you can stay stuck with it. Things get easier. But they get harder before they do. Getting her back could take you months honestly. You’ve gotta be ready for all the emotional burdens you’ll face. Patience is a virtue right now. You kinda just have to stop caring about things so much. It makes it easier.
She’s not over you because you can’t just love someone and the next month be done with them. That feeling stays for a long time. Years even. Plus her behavior is a giveaway. She’s going through a breakup too.
I know things are hard and I understand it’s stressful. But you’ve gotta keep going and stay strong through it. You’re not making this better by being sad or getting upset when she does or doesn’t do something. You can’t dwell on that sort of thing. It makes things harder in the end.
Yeah it’s be fine to ask to celebrate it another day. We celebrated my older brothers birthdays yesterday and it was over a month ago. It doesn’t really matter when. It’s for the same thing even if it’s on a different day. Just as long as she’s not too busy I doubt it’d be a problem.
Hi Carey,
I’m a bit doubting calling her today after talking with my therapist. My therapist said that she’s being pretty clear about her boundaries and me calling her and asking her might cause me to disrespect her boundaries and that isn’t really good. I still kinda want to call her today so I don’t know what to do. What do you think?
I’m thinking about maybe talking to her about if I can help her bring down some of her boundaries sometime tonight before I call her and then if that conversation goes well then maybe I’d call her tonight or tomorrow but I don’t know what my best course of action is. I suppose maybe I shouldn’t self doubt myself. Maybe that’s a bad practice but j don’t know what to do.
I think maybe if I preface that expectation with the fact that it’s super casual and it’s okay because it’s her birthday and she can decide what she wants to do.
It’s up to you. You know the situation best. I think it wouldn’t be a bad thing if you’re just cool and keep the pressure off. No matter what she says just be cool with it. It is her day after all. Either way it’s not a huge deal. You can always keep it simple with a happy birthday the day of. But in the end it’s your choice. I bet you feel conflicted with it. Just keep calm and make the choices that seems right to you. Hope no matter what things go well.
She said no Carey, I’m sad and I don’t know what to do now. Why do I even bother with this she never wants to talk to me anymore and doesn’t care about me. Why did I get into this in the first place
I got ahold of her on work chat but I think I made myself look like even more of an idiot and she didn’t really respond super well, she just seems completely closed off and uninterested in me now.
I went through some of our old conversations on Facebook when I was actually helping her get through the accident thing and she would actually talk to me then. Reading through that was nice. But now I just hurt. I feel useless. I don’t know what to do now or what to look forward to. Should I ask her how her birthday was tomorrow.
After I asked her if she wanted to get dinner with me and she said no, somebody asked if she was doing anything fun on work chat and she said she didn’t have anything planned, which made me really sad. It’s like “hey I friggin asked if you wanted to do something”. I feel worthless. I just want to be with her. All this I did for her and now she wants none of it. I don’t know what to do. What do I do now? Should I just give up and let her go after this other guy?
I think I sounded pretty cool and calm and collected when I called her. I just wanted to present her with the idea of this whole thing. I think I sounded confident. She didn’t have any plans so I just went for it. She said “no, but thanks for the offer” or something like that. I don’t know what to do now. I don’t know why I’m even bothering in the first place. She doesn’t seem to cAre about me, I don’t think she wants me anymore. I don’t know what to do.
I think I pushed her further away from me and she’s probably put up her defenses again
I think you should step away from it all and start moving on. Ik that’s hard to hear and I highly doubt it’s what you want to do but it’s what you need to do. I’m sorry it all didn’t work out for you. It still might, you never know. But right now it’s best to just move forward in your life. Focus on yourself and try to forget about her. In time you’ll begin to feel better. I’m sure right now everything just hurts and you feel like shit. I’ve been there. You’ve taken some hard hits. You have to pick yourself off the ground and start moving forward again.
I’ll try my best to be on here as much as possible to talk when you need it. The next two weeks for me are finals so I’m trying to manage that right now. Just cramming as much studying as possible. I’ll check in when I get some breaks to see how you’re doing.
Right now there really isn’t much you can do that’s going to change anything. Just better yourself as a person so that if you do meet someone new someday or if your ex starts talking to you again, you’ll be ready physically and mentally.
I talked to that girl finally. She’s seeing someone.. she was so damn cute too. Ugh it’s upsetting! Other than that there’s nothing new on my end. Still no contact with my ex at all. She’s still with that other guy. Prob be with him a long time. I don’t even care now. I just want to be myself again. So I’m moving on. It’s really getting easier. Yeah I still have those moments where I think of her. It’ll be a few months before I stop having those moments. Maybe one day I’ll find someone new. Honestly I’m just waiting till I graduate. I’ll be able to move away and start my aviation career. After that idk. I dont even know what’s going to happen to me now. I’m just letting life guide me along. Hopefully I can stop taking L’s.. and I think I’ll grow a beard. I’ve always wanted to.
I know things don’t seem good anymore. But you’ve gotta be strong. Get through the tough days and you’ll begin to see the happy ones again. It gets easier. I’m here if you need me.
Hi Carey,
Had a pretty terrible day yesterday honestly. It was her birthday and she didn’t want to be with me on it, I didn’t talk to her yesterday. I thought about it but maybe it’s best to leave her alone.
I might try to get something out of her tonight, she did tell me that she wasn’t ready to be friends with me yet. And wasn’t ready to have an in person conversation but she did appreciate me asking her to dinner. My therapist told me on Monday to try to ask her why she is putting up these barriers for me and if there is anything I can do to ease them up for now. She seems really hesitant to talk to me about anything right now and that could be for many reasons honestly. I think it might be wise to try to get something out of her. It might go well it might not.
I understand you think I should try to move on , but she did say she really wanted to be friends with me just not right now. Maybe I can figure out why she is thinking like that and then continue to move forward with that. She has to trust me as a friend I think before we can be more than friends. I’m a bit scared she might try to friend zone me if I go this way but I don’t see any other option.
Good luck on your finals my friend.
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