-
Posts
-
I talked to one of our mutual friends today. I’m not sure if I should have I don’t know if I can trust him as he’s already kind of thrown me under the bus once before. But that was a while ago. I don’t know why I talked to him honestly. I guess I wanted some insight into where she was at, she said she thought she was doing fine lately, which is good.
He told me that she messaged him when I asked her for coffee and she asked him if he thought it was a good idea. She messaged him apparently wondering if “It was a good idea because she was worried it might get me going again, and I would take it as a sign that she wasn’t over me.” I think that means shes pretty much over me. Probably only trying to get with this other guy. Now, this was before we actually went to coffee. And I feel deep down she could always have feelings for me even though she might say that she’s over me. I mean there’s always a chance she could be hiding something from him. She did say yes after all. And she did say say she had a good time.
After talking to him about this I kind of went into a panic attack. I don’t know what to do. Do I still have a chance even though she seems to have already moved on? Should I just give up? She hasn’t really talked to me much since the whole coffee thing. I don’t know what to do.
You can ask questions about her intentions all day. You won’t really find the answers unless she straight up tells you. Which I doubt she will. And yeah just look at it as a great coffee date for you two to catch up. I think maybe she’s being unresponsive because she’s just confused. You do know one thing. She’s not doing so good. I mean that’s not a good thing for her. But it is for you. She met up with a guy who was a great friend and had a good time with you. So you’re looking like a light spot in the dark right now. But maybe also a bittersweet light. Because she’s still dealing with the breakup. You being her ex just confused her even more. So let her sort it all out. Continue to nudge yourself back into her life like youve been doing but continue to be patient. One day she’ll realize what she really wants. By then she would have seen a great guy continue to be a great friend even after the thinga she did to him. You’re doing great. Continue to focus on improving yourself. If she had a good time then you’ve been doing just that.
My Thanksgiving was a little sad too. I missed seeing my ex’s family. They’re friends of mine now and they had finally really started to like having me around. Now I’m sure she brought her pot head boyfriend around thsi year. Bet they got baked too. Doesn’t matter I guess. I had my Thanksgiving with my cousin. Best food I’ve had in a long time.. they know how to cook. And my cousin is a character. He’s about 85% blind. But he’s loud, obnoxious and pretty funny. It was only my second time ever seeing him. He gave me a box that my great grandfather received when he retired from a steel company. I was named after my great grandpa so it meant a lot too me. So by the end of the day I was feeling a lot better than when I woke up. I had a pretty good Thanksgiving with some new family. Right after I went to a friend’s house. I’ve been here since. Me and 8 others have just been playing games and hanging out. It’s been fun. Tomorrow I get a new car. Finally. I’m really excited the one I found seems great. Can’t wait to finally have some AC. Dallas also won yesterday so I’m pretty happy about that. Things are going okay right now. Glad to see you’re doing better now. Keep your head up. Things will turn out okay in the end. Just keep moving forward.
She’s not over you. She’s texting a friend asking if it’s a good idea to see you. If she were over you she’d simply say no to coffee. She doesn’t know what she is honestly. You can’t really figure out what she is through her friends. She’s just going to tell them she’s moved on. Trying to convince herself she’s over you. Buy deep down you still mean a lot to her. You got some insight but it doesn’t change a whole lot. So don’t worry too much. Ik it’s hard to really hear too. I know how you feel. It’ll be okay though. Keep your head up.
Hi Carey,
I hope she is being unresponsive because she is confused. I think it’s a bit odd she would say yes and hasn’t shut the door on me yet. I sent her a snapchat or two a couple of days ago but got no response. Not that I really expected one honestly. Usually people don’t reply to them. Other than that I haven’t sent her anything in a few days since she was slow to respond to my texts.
I don’t really know what sort of text to send to her next. I would like to try to continue our coffee conversation but I don’t know how well that will work. Maybe something simpler would be better I don’t really know. I’d like to try to avoid getting her to close the door on me.
I hope giving her a few days with her family has maybe helped but I think I maybe will send something to her tomorrow as she will probably be back home.
That’s good you had a pretty good thanksgiving. I’m thinking I might send her something asking how it was but that might be too close to home. Her mom was always a good cook and was going to teach me how to cook some of her recipes. Maybe she still can some day.
I’ve been feeling kinda down the last few days, even though things have been going well I think. I just feel kinda hopeless after hearing my friend say that she has already moved on. But I think you are right, I think she would have just said no to the coffee if she had. And she would probably try to convince herself or others that she has moved on. I just wish I knew where she was at with me. Maybe she already has moved on, but then I don’t know why she wouldn’t have shut the door on me by now or said “we are just doing this thing as friends” or something. Even if she has moved on maybe the coffee excursion is making her think twice, as that is kind of the point. I think I just have to continue to be patient. My concern is that I just feel down and hopeless a lot of the time after this whole thing. I thought it would have made her want to talk to me more or something. Maybe she’s just testing the waters.
One more thing, her birthday is coming up in like 2 weeks. I think I might ask her to go for dinner on her birthday. It’s on a Wednesday, so I doubt she’ll have plans that night. Maybe she will but I don’t think it’s very likely. Do you think this could work it is a good idea? I figure I’d call her a day or two beforehand and say “hey your birthday is coming up in a few days, if you ain’t busy lets go out for dinner, you can pick the place.” Something like that? Honestly I think if I asked her to dinner she’d probably turn me down and maybe I don’t want to do that idk. What do you think?
Any updates on your end? Hope all is well.
I think the birthday dinner would be a good idea. Maybe even ask her to bring some friends. Takes some of the pressure off being just you and her. Plus it would make it a good time having some people together.
Her behavior is confusing. Which makes me really think she’s confused about where she’s really at right now. She says one thing but does another. “I’m over him but I’ll accept his coffee invite.” Yeah it was just to sign some papers but it was over coffee. She could’ve easily said no and simply signed the papers and been on her way. She doesn’t seem to really know what she wants. So yeah continue to be patient and wait for things to kinda play out. Keep improving yourself and be happy alone. Ik that’s weird but you have to kinda let her go and live your life right now. Things will work themselves out. You just have to be calm and collective to whatever happens. If things start to seem bad, try not to sweat it so much. Have something good planned for yourself over the weekend or on a day off. Do the things you love. Ik it’s hard but you should stop dwelling on your ex. Who she is right now is a confusing mess. You can’t put a finger on her. So just wait until she figures things out and be ready for whatever happens. Good or bad.
Pretty uneventful weekend for me. I wanted to get drunk last night. I’ve been wanting to drink again all week. But I didn’t really get there cause my ofher friends weren’t drinking. I just need a good time again. Helps me forget how stressful things are. I have school again all week so I’m getting ready to do it all again. Other than that nothing really new. I’m thinking of my ex less than I was last week. Been kinda moving on ever so slowly. Feels like inches at a time. Sometimes I think that maybe one day when she finally breaks up with this guy, she’ll call me or text me or even show up at my house to talk. She’d realize her mistakes and tell me she wants to try again and I’ll be cool and forgiving. Then reality sets in and it becomes just a dream or fantasy I have. I’ve been having less of those lately. But maybe she will one day want to talk to me again. Maybe not. Doesn’t really matter. I’ll be happy again no matter what. Got that new car. It’s great.. I’ve always had old junkers. Family doesn’t exactly have a lot. But an 08 Malibu. It’s the best car I’ve driven so far. Super stoked to have it. Maybe things will continue to go okay for me. It’s good things have been going okay for you too. Just keep thinking positive things and be sure to take some time to really think about the good things in life that you have. There’s opportunity everywhere and you’re a good guy. Keep your head up and stay strong.
Also wanted to say thanks. You’ve helped me out a lot so far. I hope I’ve been just as helpful to you as well. Weird that we’ve never met and probably won’t meet but we’re both in similar situations so it brought us here. Sorry it had to be this that did it but I’m also thankful it did. You’ve been someone I can talk to. Haven’t really had that with anyone now. you’ve been a good friend in some dark times. So yeah.. thank you. Never been good at that lol.
Hi Carey,
I think I might go for the birthday idea. I like the idea of having her bring some friends, but idk how I would like present that to her. Also, I feel like she might bring this other guy if I ask if she wants to bring friends and idk how well that would go. I was thinking about asking some of her closer friends but they are all out of state. Also if I bring it up to any of her close friends I feel like I like the idea I just don’t know how I would pull it off. Does that make any sense?
I mean dinner is a pretty serious step and I don’t want to ruin her birthday by making it about me. It should be something fun, but I don’t know how best to set that up.I have to think about that and come up with a plan. I wonder if I could somehow set up a surprise party. Problem is I don’t really know who I’d invite. Maybe thats a terrible idea because I’d be talking to a lot of people who are close to her. I feel like if I ask her to dinner just with me I don’t really know if she’d say yes honestly. I think she’d probably say no given how things have been going with me talking to her lately.
I haven’t talked to her in like 3 or 4 days. I think I might send her a text or two tonight just asking how her thanksgiving went. I don’t know how well that will go, but it has been a few days. Hopefully she is doing a little bit better or feeling a little bit better about me. I don’t really understand where she is at. I just feel really confused, and I think maybe she is too. Maybe she just hasn’t told me that she is over me, but then idk why she would say yes to coffee.
I don’t think I have all the information and I feel really hopeless about this whole thing, and I don’t really understand why. The fact she said yes to coffee is a good thing, but the fact that she doesn’t reply to texts is confusing. Hopefully she responds well tonight.
My friend suggested that since coffee went well last week that maybe I should ask her to coffee again sometime this week, or before her birthday, since it will continue to be casual meetings. I’m not sure how I feel about that.I think its a good idea I’m honestly just scared she’ll turn me down. Maybe we’ll see how texting goes the next few days. My friend said that we could have coffee and I could basically explain all the things that I am doing to self improve and how I’m trying to work on things, which I think could work in my favor.
Congrats on the new car my friend. That’s really cool.
I want to say thanks as well. You have no idea how much your messages have helped me get through some rough days. I’m hoping the rough days will go away soon. Maybe they will, maybe they wont. I don’t know. You have been a great person to talk to as well. Really really helpful. More than you know. I don’t think I would have made it this far without you. Thank you so much for that. I really hope my ex somehow wants to get back with me someday, hopefully soon. I think your ex will realize she messed up sometime as well. Idk when it will be, but I believe it to be the case.
Hi Carey,
So I really like your bring friends idea. Honestly, I’m thinking about maybe setting up a surprise party for her. Problem is she doesn’t have too many friends up here and I don’t have too many ways to contact them.
Is a surprise party a terrible idea? The problem is I’d have to convince her to come to dinner with me by what she thinks is herself, also idk if she has any sort of plans.
Honestly I think a surprise party is so crazy it just might work. Problem is I have no clue how I’d get to the point of talking to them without them telling her directly. Too complicated? Too much? Is this a terrible idea?
The party with friends idea is good. A surprise party would be complicated right now I feel. Like you said it’d be hard to get in contact with all these people to set it up. Then there’s always that Jackass who would go to her and say, “I thought you broke up with him, why is he throwing you a surprise birthday party?” Then the plan is kinda ruined. But a birthday dinner with her and some friends would be great. Just try to get in touch with some people who maybe live close or who might want to make a drive to see all their friends. Make sure you can get a good amount of people before you tell her it’s what you want to do. With people already going she’s kinda stuck saying yes. Yeah might be a rude trap in a way but oh well. I think with you thinking up all thsi and getting everyone together for her birthday, she’ll see it as a really good gesture on your part.
Of course there’s the whole complicated part about calling or texting all these people. But I feel like you working hard to make it happen will show. Plus you have some time to start setting it up. Once things start falling into place, send her a text or call her up or even meet her for coffee and say you’ve had an idea for her birthday and that your friends would love it if you did it. Everyone would have a good time. And you’ll have a chance to talk to her and be a good friend to her. Not to mention you can catch up with everyone else there. It’d be a little rough putting it all together but it’d be worth it.
That hopeless feeling is one I know all too well. One step forward and a thousand steps back. Seems like just when you think you gain ground it kinda falls apart again. You just have to think positive and about other things. Let the past relationship die. Your goal is a new one. You can’t think of it as getting someone you lost. She’s a new person now. Life changes people. It’s changed you in the past 2 months dramatically. Same for her. You’re two entirely new people. So think of things as you’re just crushing hard on this girl who seems to be out of your reach. It’s up to you to get her to notice you again.
Hope the party idea works out. If not than its okay. Not the end of the world. You’ll still have other opportunities in the future.
Carey I need help I sent her a text a few hours ago and she hasn’t responded I don’t know what to do. I went to go see a movie with my friends. I thought that would distract me for a while but she still hasn’t responded. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t reply. She is sitting on our work chat right now I don’t know what to do. Why does she ignore me? What is wrong with me? What did I do wrong?
Hi Carey,
Well I sent her a text last night and she still hasn’t responded. I don’t know what she is doing or what I did wrong. I’ve been trying to take this slow but I feel like she just doesn’t want to talk to me. What do I do? I still want to ask her to coffee maybe. And I’m still thinking about setting something up for her birthday but jdk how I’d do it.
My therapist was the one who suggested I reach out to her and ask her for coffee before I ask her to dinner. She said it would be a good thing to get casual again before something more like dinner. she basically suggested I tell her I have some stuff I still have to say and explain what sort of changes I have been doing and how I have improved. then I’d give her a few days to think about what I’ve said. My problem is I don’t think she’d say yes to coffee with me again so maybe j should just wait until her birthday but I don’t know what I’d do for that.
What do you think I should do? I’m really not doing to well since she didn’t respond to my text yesterday. Am I freaking out about one text too much or is she trying to just tell me to leave her alone?
Her not responding to your text isn’t really a big deal. It does seem like maybe she’s just not responding to anything. Maybe she’s busy, maybe she doesn’t want to talk, maybe she’s really ignoring you. That doesnt matter honestly. It doesn’t really seem that she’ll accept another coffee invite. It just doesn’t look like she’s ready to start being friends again. Ik that’s hard to digest but its something you might have to accept for a while. If she’s not ready, anything you attempt will only make her put her defenses back up. I know you’ve taken things slow but maybe you should just step away entirely. Only for a while. Try to be happy without her. It’s possible. I understand you love her and care about her. But for now you just need to let it all go. The only thing all this has brought is a lot of stress and heartbreak. It’s not fair that you should be stuck like that waiting for someone to come around. She’s just in a different place right now. You should maybe go the next month or so on your own. Distance yourself from it all. If you need to talk I’m here. You’ve also got your friends and family. I’m not telling you to move on. I’m just saying take a break to relax and take thing easy for a while.
As far as her birthday goes. You can still try to get a party going or take her to dinner. But if that doesn’t work out, do something super simple. A happy birthday text, a card with maybe a candy bar. No big gifts.
I know things are hard. I bet you feel stuck right now. I do. Lately I’ve been either really missing my ex or just really angry at her. She just had no dedication in the end. All the promises she made were all lies. It just leaves me feeling empty and so alone. But I try my best to get through it all. I still workout everyday and focus on college. I hang out with friends. That girl I guess stopped working out at my gym so I missed that opportunity. :/ I just take things day by day now. I’m doing okay. I don’t think my ex even cares about me anymore. Sad to think about but I know I deserve better. Used to think I couldn’t do any better than her. She was my world. Now she’s just an ex who left me with nothing but bittersweet memories and a heavy blow to my self esteem. I just kinda have to stop and look at the things I have in my life that I’m thankful for. It gets easier eventually. For now we just have to continue pushing forward.
I’m sorry things aren’t going well. Just keep your head up. It gets easier.
Hi Carey,
So uhh interesting thing happened late last night. I went on work chat and was going to sent her a quick friendly message pretty much just asking if she was there. There was a weird glitch that was happening with the app on my phone so I wanted to ask her about it. I said “hey you here?” just to start things off because I had a legit question for her. Before I could type the question out she said something like “hey, sorry for not replying to your texts, I was going to reply to them in a while, I want to be friends with you, I’m just not in a good place mentally right now.”
I’m not really sure what she means by that, but honestly I think its a good thing. Is it a good thing? I think it might mean she is confused about where she is at with me. Anyways we talked for a bit about some simple stuff. I asked if she wanted to talk to me about some of the mental things that were bothering her, but I said I understood that she might not want to talk to me about that stuff. I asked if she wanted to talk about it, she said she didn’t want to get into it. I can understand that honestly but it still makes me confused about where she is at. Now, do I continue and try to push my advantage even though it might make her uncomfortable? I feel like this could help, but I don’t really know what she is thinking.
Anyways I made a joke to her after talking for a bit. It was a real big inside joke that we had between the two of us. After I made that joke, she like didn’t respond for like 10 minutes. I kinda got scared I upset her. I almost called her. She came back a bit later and was like “sorry I can’t really handle inside jokes right now”. She said I didn’t upset her though. So I didn’t really know what to do after that so I just said I was going to head to bed. Did I make a mistake? What does it mean when she says she can’t handle inside jokes? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
I think since she explained that she is a bit emotional right now maybe I should press my advantage. But she has set up a boundary so maybe I should wait for a bit before I come on too strong. My therapist suggested that I ask her to go try to get coffee with her again and basically explain what I’ve been doing to self improve. She even suggested that I maybe tell her that I still want to be with her. I dont know if that’s something that she would want to hear right now considering everything. Do you think I should tell her I have feelings for her or just continue to try to play it cool?
I think based on what she said yesterday I might be disrespecting her boundaries she has established right now by setting up a surprise party. I think maybe based on how coffee this week goes I can move forward with setting that up. We will see. Maybe I can ask her if there is anything I can do to get her to want to be friends with me again, since she doesn’t feel she is ready for it right now. There could be a million reasons why that would be the case.
What do you think I should do? Also sorry that hot girl maybe switched gyms. Thats a shame, I’m sure you’ll see her again someday :). Hope all is well my friend.
Well that’s a pretty quick turn of events. From what she says, she really is going through a lot. It is a good thing for you. Maybe not her. But you can tell she wanted to text you back. She had that small need to. Definitely continue to be cool and be a good friend. If you try to push her or tell her your intentions, she’ll just end up putting her defenses up. She’s definitely not in the right place right now for that. But she needs some friends. That means you should be somewhat distant yet helpful to her. Just keep having small conversions with her. Try avoiding making any jokes or references to the past. The inside joke reminded her of your past relationship. That’s why she closed up to it. Try talking about a few new things. Have conversations that have nothing to do with the past or her stressful situations. Try to take her mind off of it. When she’s ready she’ll open up to you. It may take a while, but it’ll happen. Just be cool and take it slow. Don’t push too hard. She’s just not ready.
I think you should just do something simple for her birthday. A card or some candy. It doesn’t sound like she’s really ready for a social gathering. Just keep it simple to show you remembered it was her birthday. She’ll really notice that later on.
Again don’t push your limits. It’s good that she did msg you on there telling you she wanted to reply to your msgs. But she’s just not really sure what she needs. Like i said she’s going through the same thing you are. You know she cares about you because your relationship wouldn’t hage lasted that long if she didn’t. So she still feels something for you deep down. Right now it’s just clouded behind a lot of problems that she needs to figure out herself. You being pushy won’t help her at all it’ll only stress her out even more. So just be a cool friend in all the stress. She may not appropriate it now, but later on when she starts to feel better she’ll see that you were understanding and respected her. It’ll make you look good in the long run. Just be patient. And try not to put all your focus into this. Be proactive with yourself. Keep cooking and working out. Find things to do to improve your own look. If you focus too much on this you’ll end up getting impatient and making a mistake. Then you’ll be close to square one again.
That girl came in today! I was so happy. Ran like two miles just cause I had to motivation to. After that I did some planks and burbees while she actually worked out next to me. Idk if she might want to talk to me or thinks I’m just a creep who somehow ends up working out close to her.. either way I’ll attempt to start a conversation next time I see her. Hopefully it goes well. Also found some new music. About 40 new songs. Some of it really stricks home with how I feel sometimes. Others are just songs I’ll enjoy listening to for a while. Music really helps me get through those tough moments. Hopefully I’ll continue to find more. I hope things keep going well on your end. Try not to over think things.
Hi Carey,
I’m not sure what sort of music you are into but if you are looking for some music you can relate to, I highly recommend Painkillers, an album by Brian Fallon. He wrote most of the album pretty shortly after he got divorced from his wife from what I understand. Red Lights, Rosemary, and Honey Magnolia from that album are particularly good. They all strike a particular chord with me :). Helps me get through the day. Honestly all the songs on that album are good though. Also, he is the lead singer of a band called The Gaslight Anthem, whose most recent album Get Hurt also has a few songs written about that. Get Hurt, Underneath the Ground, and Halloween are all great off that album :). Not sure if it is really your style but I like me a bit of punk-ish folky rock.
You should try to talk to that girl the next time you see her. Maybe she went back to that gym to see you, you never know 🙂
I appreciate the advice. I really do think I need to take things slow. My concern is that I feel like she might just want to be friends with me and go after this other guy in a bit instead. I don’t really know why she is in a rough space mentally. There could be a million different reasons. At the same time she is basically saying that she isn’t ready to be friends with me yet. I don’t really know what to do about that yet.
In your opinion, do you think I should ask her to coffee again? I’m not sure she’d be ready for that yet, but it might be worth a try. I think it could really help. I’d basically tell her that I have some things I want to update her on that I didn’t get a chance to tell her on our first coffee date. I’d go “hey this is what I have been working on”. I want to try to do something for her birthday I think depending on how coffee would go. Maybe she isn’t ready for that yet, but it might also be a good time to push an advantage while I have it. idk, what are your thoughts on that.
Also I found out that her favorite anime is getting a new season. I wanted to send her something saying that I learned about this and thought she might want to know. Maybe I should wait on that a bit though? I wanted to send her this thing tonight real fast and just see how she responds. Maybe thats a bad idea.
Sorry I took so long to respond. Usually I’ll check this while on lunch or after I get home from the gym. Today was my good friends birthday. I’ve known him over 11 years now. Since the 5th grade.. pretty crazy. But he just turned 21 today so I went over to his house and ate some great dinner and made weekend plans while watching dallas beat Minnesota. So a pretty good day in my books.
About her. Let’s say you never found this site. You’d probably be in a pretty rough state. Now you know she hasn’t really had help like this site gives us. Kevin knows what it’s all about and his advice really helps people collect themselves and control their emotions in these situations. Without this how do you think you’d be doing mentally? I feel like she’s talking about the breakup when she says this. That’s why she doesn’t talk about what’s bothering her with you. She talked about the other guy a couple of times when you went to coffee. So that might not be the biggest thing bothering her right now. Right now I think you’re beginning to be on her mind more and more. Now she also might still be talking to this other guy. Might even want to try a relationship with him. But his accident ruined that from happening. And now you start texting her and you see her and now she’s just conflicted. So I feel like she’s just kinda all over the place with all this and is unsure on what to do. That’s why you need to be careful.
Going out to coffee might be a good thing. You just have to make it casual. No calling it a date or bringing up anything from the past. No jokes or stories that would remind her of your old relationship. Just talk about some new things with you. And let her talk as much as she wants. Don’t push her for any information. If she wants to talk about it she will. You can ask a few questions about what shes talking about of course. But don’t try to dig too deep into her thoughts. It’ll cause her to maybe feel uncomfortable and close up. Just make it casual and you’ve got a good time.
For her birthday I’d keep it casual still. You’re still not really sure where she is in terms of wanting something like that. Ik you’ve got some ideas about what you could do but in the end it might just be good to play it safe. A simple card or candy always does the trick. You might have a small advantage but it sounds fragile. She just doesn’t seem ready to have you around that much yet. It could cause her to panic and close up to you again.
Kinda playing a small mind game with my ex. So my friends mom, the one whose birthday was today, posted a picture on Instagram that I liked and I saw that my ex liked it, which means she’s following her. Now tonight my friends mom took a picture of us cause him and I have been friends for what seems like forever and uploaded it to Instagram. I’ll admit, I look good in the pic. Just shaved my beard off after November so I have that fresh look. My hair’s a little long but honestly my ex liked it that way. So ik my ex will see the picture. And I look good in it.. So it may even make her start thinking about me more. Maybe not. Either way it’s all good for me no matter what. Other than that I’m just continuing to move forward in case all this doesn’t work out.
For music I have an open mind. My favorite genre however is heavy metal. I love it. The new songs I’ve found aren’t that heavy though. The artist I Prevail is the one that’s really hit home with their songs. The songs Alone and Worst Part of Me have hit those spots for me. Then the song Pittsburgh by The Amity Affliction is also really good. Also found a few by I See Stars and Asking Alexandria. I’ll definitely check out those songs you suggested. So thanks for that. I’m always open to new music! And yeah first chance I get I’m talking to that girl.
Hope everything is going good on your end.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.