Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Her not responding to your text isn’t really a big deal. It does seem like maybe she’s just not responding to anything. Maybe she’s busy, maybe she doesn’t want to talk, maybe she’s really ignoring you. That doesnt matter honestly. It doesn’t really seem that she’ll accept another coffee invite. It just doesn’t look like she’s ready to start being friends again. Ik that’s hard to digest but its something you might have to accept for a while. If she’s not ready, anything you attempt will only make her put her defenses back up. I know you’ve taken things slow but maybe you should just step away entirely. Only for a while. Try to be happy without her. It’s possible. I understand you love her and care about her. But for now you just need to let it all go. The only thing all this has brought is a lot of stress and heartbreak. It’s not fair that you should be stuck like that waiting for someone to come around. She’s just in a different place right now. You should maybe go the next month or so on your own. Distance yourself from it all. If you need to talk I’m here. You’ve also got your friends and family. I’m not telling you to move on. I’m just saying take a break to relax and take thing easy for a while.
As far as her birthday goes. You can still try to get a party going or take her to dinner. But if that doesn’t work out, do something super simple. A happy birthday text, a card with maybe a candy bar. No big gifts.
I know things are hard. I bet you feel stuck right now. I do. Lately I’ve been either really missing my ex or just really angry at her. She just had no dedication in the end. All the promises she made were all lies. It just leaves me feeling empty and so alone. But I try my best to get through it all. I still workout everyday and focus on college. I hang out with friends. That girl I guess stopped working out at my gym so I missed that opportunity. :/ I just take things day by day now. I’m doing okay. I don’t think my ex even cares about me anymore. Sad to think about but I know I deserve better. Used to think I couldn’t do any better than her. She was my world. Now she’s just an ex who left me with nothing but bittersweet memories and a heavy blow to my self esteem. I just kinda have to stop and look at the things I have in my life that I’m thankful for. It gets easier eventually. For now we just have to continue pushing forward.
I’m sorry things aren’t going well. Just keep your head up. It gets easier.
The party with friends idea is good. A surprise party would be complicated right now I feel. Like you said it’d be hard to get in contact with all these people to set it up. Then there’s always that Jackass who would go to her and say, “I thought you broke up with him, why is he throwing you a surprise birthday party?” Then the plan is kinda ruined. But a birthday dinner with her and some friends would be great. Just try to get in touch with some people who maybe live close or who might want to make a drive to see all their friends. Make sure you can get a good amount of people before you tell her it’s what you want to do. With people already going she’s kinda stuck saying yes. Yeah might be a rude trap in a way but oh well. I think with you thinking up all thsi and getting everyone together for her birthday, she’ll see it as a really good gesture on your part.
Of course there’s the whole complicated part about calling or texting all these people. But I feel like you working hard to make it happen will show. Plus you have some time to start setting it up. Once things start falling into place, send her a text or call her up or even meet her for coffee and say you’ve had an idea for her birthday and that your friends would love it if you did it. Everyone would have a good time. And you’ll have a chance to talk to her and be a good friend to her. Not to mention you can catch up with everyone else there. It’d be a little rough putting it all together but it’d be worth it.
That hopeless feeling is one I know all too well. One step forward and a thousand steps back. Seems like just when you think you gain ground it kinda falls apart again. You just have to think positive and about other things. Let the past relationship die. Your goal is a new one. You can’t think of it as getting someone you lost. She’s a new person now. Life changes people. It’s changed you in the past 2 months dramatically. Same for her. You’re two entirely new people. So think of things as you’re just crushing hard on this girl who seems to be out of your reach. It’s up to you to get her to notice you again.
Hope the party idea works out. If not than its okay. Not the end of the world. You’ll still have other opportunities in the future.
I think the birthday dinner would be a good idea. Maybe even ask her to bring some friends. Takes some of the pressure off being just you and her. Plus it would make it a good time having some people together.
Her behavior is confusing. Which makes me really think she’s confused about where she’s really at right now. She says one thing but does another. “I’m over him but I’ll accept his coffee invite.” Yeah it was just to sign some papers but it was over coffee. She could’ve easily said no and simply signed the papers and been on her way. She doesn’t seem to really know what she wants. So yeah continue to be patient and wait for things to kinda play out. Keep improving yourself and be happy alone. Ik that’s weird but you have to kinda let her go and live your life right now. Things will work themselves out. You just have to be calm and collective to whatever happens. If things start to seem bad, try not to sweat it so much. Have something good planned for yourself over the weekend or on a day off. Do the things you love. Ik it’s hard but you should stop dwelling on your ex. Who she is right now is a confusing mess. You can’t put a finger on her. So just wait until she figures things out and be ready for whatever happens. Good or bad.
Pretty uneventful weekend for me. I wanted to get drunk last night. I’ve been wanting to drink again all week. But I didn’t really get there cause my ofher friends weren’t drinking. I just need a good time again. Helps me forget how stressful things are. I have school again all week so I’m getting ready to do it all again. Other than that nothing really new. I’m thinking of my ex less than I was last week. Been kinda moving on ever so slowly. Feels like inches at a time. Sometimes I think that maybe one day when she finally breaks up with this guy, she’ll call me or text me or even show up at my house to talk. She’d realize her mistakes and tell me she wants to try again and I’ll be cool and forgiving. Then reality sets in and it becomes just a dream or fantasy I have. I’ve been having less of those lately. But maybe she will one day want to talk to me again. Maybe not. Doesn’t really matter. I’ll be happy again no matter what. Got that new car. It’s great.. I’ve always had old junkers. Family doesn’t exactly have a lot. But an 08 Malibu. It’s the best car I’ve driven so far. Super stoked to have it. Maybe things will continue to go okay for me. It’s good things have been going okay for you too. Just keep thinking positive things and be sure to take some time to really think about the good things in life that you have. There’s opportunity everywhere and you’re a good guy. Keep your head up and stay strong.
Also wanted to say thanks. You’ve helped me out a lot so far. I hope I’ve been just as helpful to you as well. Weird that we’ve never met and probably won’t meet but we’re both in similar situations so it brought us here. Sorry it had to be this that did it but I’m also thankful it did. You’ve been someone I can talk to. Haven’t really had that with anyone now. you’ve been a good friend in some dark times. So yeah.. thank you. Never been good at that lol.
She’s not over you. She’s texting a friend asking if it’s a good idea to see you. If she were over you she’d simply say no to coffee. She doesn’t know what she is honestly. You can’t really figure out what she is through her friends. She’s just going to tell them she’s moved on. Trying to convince herself she’s over you. Buy deep down you still mean a lot to her. You got some insight but it doesn’t change a whole lot. So don’t worry too much. Ik it’s hard to really hear too. I know how you feel. It’ll be okay though. Keep your head up.
You can ask questions about her intentions all day. You won’t really find the answers unless she straight up tells you. Which I doubt she will. And yeah just look at it as a great coffee date for you two to catch up. I think maybe she’s being unresponsive because she’s just confused. You do know one thing. She’s not doing so good. I mean that’s not a good thing for her. But it is for you. She met up with a guy who was a great friend and had a good time with you. So you’re looking like a light spot in the dark right now. But maybe also a bittersweet light. Because she’s still dealing with the breakup. You being her ex just confused her even more. So let her sort it all out. Continue to nudge yourself back into her life like youve been doing but continue to be patient. One day she’ll realize what she really wants. By then she would have seen a great guy continue to be a great friend even after the thinga she did to him. You’re doing great. Continue to focus on improving yourself. If she had a good time then you’ve been doing just that.
My Thanksgiving was a little sad too. I missed seeing my ex’s family. They’re friends of mine now and they had finally really started to like having me around. Now I’m sure she brought her pot head boyfriend around thsi year. Bet they got baked too. Doesn’t matter I guess. I had my Thanksgiving with my cousin. Best food I’ve had in a long time.. they know how to cook. And my cousin is a character. He’s about 85% blind. But he’s loud, obnoxious and pretty funny. It was only my second time ever seeing him. He gave me a box that my great grandfather received when he retired from a steel company. I was named after my great grandpa so it meant a lot too me. So by the end of the day I was feeling a lot better than when I woke up. I had a pretty good Thanksgiving with some new family. Right after I went to a friend’s house. I’ve been here since. Me and 8 others have just been playing games and hanging out. It’s been fun. Tomorrow I get a new car. Finally. I’m really excited the one I found seems great. Can’t wait to finally have some AC. Dallas also won yesterday so I’m pretty happy about that. Things are going okay right now. Glad to see you’re doing better now. Keep your head up. Things will turn out okay in the end. Just keep moving forward.
I know how you feel. It’s just too much to handle. You stay up late thinking all the different possible things our ex is doing. I know exactly what my ex is doing. She’s having sex with the guy who stole her away from me. The guy who gets her high all the time so it’s easier for her to forget about me. And it only took her a month. Seems like two years didn’t mean anything. It just kills me inside. Really took a shot at my confidence. But the last two weeks I’ve just leaned to move past it. I never wanted to but I’m just trying to move on. The last few days have been hard. It’s almost like starting over. All my progress just pretty much vanished.
Now if she is up late at night talking to this guy, you shouldn’t panic. You kinda knew there was a pretty big chance she’d be seeing him. Just because she is doesn’t mean your chances just automatically disappear. But you’re being too nosey or obsessive about what shes up to. You finally met her and it went well. Don’t tell yourself it didn’t. I think right now you should just take a step back and worry about yourself. I know it’s hard to do. But it’s not healthy to check up on her. It’ll just drive you crazy. I’m sorry she’s being like that to you. I wish I could help you out more. Because ik how you feel. And there’s really no one who can make it better except time. Just focus on yourself. Try not to think about her too much. You’ll have some rough days but you need to get past them. If you don’t your slight chance of getting her back goes to no chance. You’ll never know what shes thinking. Maybe she is just filling in that missing space that was you. But nothing can replace it except you right now. That will change some day. Not anytime soon. Before it does she’ll realize that nothing can fill it. Think of it as a shape. Each person is their own shape. We fit into that space for a long time. No one is like us. But right now you can’t worry about that.
Just get things together for now. Your emotions are everywhere. Take a few days to just settle down and focus on what’s important. Improving yourself. I’m sorry things aren’t going so good. I hope they start going better soon.
How’d it go? I’m pretty curious. And excited for you. All the progress youve made. Ik it’s just a simple paper signing and coffee but it’s still pretty big you’re seeing her. I hope it’s going really good for you so far. Looking forward to hearing from you. Best of luck.
That’s pretty damn awesome that she called back. AND took your offer to have coffee. it’s a great opportunity for you now. I bet you’ll be pretty nervous about it all. Don’t think too much into why she took so long. She was just thining about it. And if you think abiut it, makes her look kinda laid back about like. I think maybe she was trying to play it cool. But it is just coffee. And thats all you should make it. Bring up some of the good things you’ve been doing and let her talk about what shes been doing. Do not being up the past relationship. Or that guy. If she wants to talk about it she will. If she does, be calm about it and forgiving. Don’t let her feel any hostility or ill feeling about it. She’ll put up her defenses. Other than that have a good time. Be easy going and a good friend. Be cool about everything. Don’t let your past cloud the future. When you with her, let go of all the frustration you’ve felt the past month. You’re not the emotion wreak you were before. So wear some new clothes, shoes, ect. And have a fun time. If it goes by quick, you got your foot in the door. It’s a start. No matter what let her make the choices tonight. And if you feel things are going bad all of a sudden, tell her you have other things to do and it was great seeing her. Don’t let it get too bad. If you have to, just leave. Ik sure it won’t get that bad, but it’s good to be prepared.
Other than that have a good time. Be funny and friendly. Most of all forgiving if she brings up your relationship. It’s important you don’t make her feel pressured or like you have any hard feelings for her leaving. Just kinda give her control of how things go tonight. It’ll make her feel more comfortable. And dont forget the paper she needs to sign.. that’d be awkward.
Nothing new on my end. Just college and workouts. Thanksgiving is coming up so I’m preparing for my family..
Good luck tonight. I’m sure everything will go just fine.
I’m not entirely sure what you should do. You’ve past me in terms of progress. I haven’t gotten a text, call, email, Snapchat, nothing.. you might just have to take a leap of faith. But if you don’t feel ready then don’t call yet. Continue to take time and be ready for when the time comes. You’re still thinking a lot about her. Yeah it’s part of the process, but you need to learn to not care so much what shes been doing or if she’s with him or why she’s not texting you. You have to remember she loved you. So she’s going through a breakup too. Just in a different way. Ik it’s hard. But you should stop worrying aboyt her so much and start worrying about you.
I honestly thought at this point my ex would be talking to me and her and I would have already met up. But things didn’t turn out like that. But I planned for the worst. Right now I’m just trying to go day by day getting through the emotional battle within me. No one else can help me. I’m the only person who can make it all better. And I’m doing just that. I still have some pretty sad days. But I know one day I’ll be okay. It might be a year, two years, maybe even three. But I’ll get through this. No matter what happens you just have to keep moving forward. Life will beat you to your knees and leave you laying on the ground if you let it. But it’s not how hard you can hit. In the end it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. Right now life is taking some hard shots on us. it’s taking its toll. But you’re strong. You’ve come this far. I know things may not seem so great. Things didn’t go the way we wanted them to. But that’s okay. No matter what happens you have to go forward.
For now, try to get that paper signed. It can be a week or two from now. But you’ll have to take a chance. It could pay off. Stay strong. And stay patient.
My advice is to wait till Monday. Don’t try to rush. Especially if you don’t feel prepared. It’d be smart to have a plan and know what you’ll say. Youll be nervous no matter what, but at least you’ll be more prepared than a rushed visit. You could make the plans this week though. That way it’s set in stone more or less. Either way it’s a good start. Gives you a chance to show yourself off. And to make her comfortable with you again. Show her you’re cool about all this (even if you’re not). It’ll really get things started. Those first steps. Hopefully you make a good impression on her. It might not be huge, but it’s def a start.
Today was rough for me. Had a lot of free time. Just played games and watched football. I’ve been thinking about her almost all day. I got on Facebook and went to her profile. Idk why. She uploaded a picture of her with him. It’s a simple one. Just them smiling looking happy. Just made me feel pretty down. I’m just confused. But it’s part of this breakup process. It’s just emotionally draining me now. Times left me her to heal and all I can do is feel the emotional strain of the breakup. It’s just tough. Today was “one of those days.” Hopefully tomorrow goes better. Maybe I’ll finally talk to that girl if she’s there.
I don’t think it’s a bad idea. Gives her a chance to see you. Make yourself look good. See how youve improved. But you have to be ready. You cannot show any signs of wanting a relationship already. Just be a friend. Also make it professional. It’s something that you guys have to do. So try to make it enjoyable for her as well. Don’t make it feel forced. Dont drag things out.
It’s also a good thing g to stay away from the chat. I’m sure it’s a little too much right now. And as far as her slipping away from you, that’s not really going to happen. It’ll be a good 7 or 8 months before she’s completely over you. Until then she’ll actually go through the missing g you badly stage of breakup. It’ll take her even longer if she sees that guy at all. So try not to think like that. It only makes things harder on yourself.
You’ll never know her intentions or why she’s doing what shes doing. Honestly she doesn’t even know half the time. One day I’m sure she’ll figure herself out. Right now I think shes still trying to figure it all out. Hope things go better for you these next few days.
I say you need to relax and take it easy for the next few days. That other guys timing was pretty bad. Now she’s getting g texts from two ex’s.. it’s just piling on top of her. That’s most likely the reason for the limited responses from her. She does sound a bit stressed out. Just be more patient. She’s just not ready yet. She’s not going anywhere though.
As far as other people knowing about the breakup, they’ll never know the whole story. There’s always two sides. I’m sure she told everyone her side. And I bet she left out the new guy. It’d make her look pretty bad. I’m sure my ex has told everyone how rude I was all summer and how I didn’t show love for her and blah blah. They’ll try to paint you as the one at fault. It makes them feel better about their decision to leave. But after a while they’ll regret this. That’s when they stop talking about it all together. I’ve learned to just say, “things didn’t work out.” It doesn’t make either of us look bad.
I say just stop worrying about all this. Maybe just step away from it all. Right now you’re frustrated and confused. You have to be happy. You need to learn you can be happy without your ex. Ik that’s hard. But if you’re not happy without her, you won’t be happy with her. People who are happy, for the most part, are stress free. Right now things have been pretty stressful. That’s why you need to really separate yourself from all this. Just live your life right now. You have to let her go in order to win her back. Yeah that’s tough. But with her always in your head, you’re not moving forward. You’re just standing in the same place. So I guess my advice is to start being happy again.
No updates here. Only saw that girl for a couple of minutes on Thursday so didn’t really have an opportunity. And yesterday came home early to hang out with friends. The last couple of days I’ve been trying to not think about my ex. Ive made it to where I don’t see her status updates or even her friends updates. I’ve really focused in on my career. I’m getting pretty close to finally being done. I still go to the gym. I might even get a weekend job for the holidays. I’m making myself as busy as possible. I’m actually starting to feel better. I’ve found some new music to listen to. I’ve been hanging out with friends a lot. Things are improving for me. With or without my ex. I honestly don’t even care what shes up to now. Her life honestly seems pretty hollow if you ask me. Makes me happier with mine. I have a pretty good life. Great family and friends I can always rely on. A promising future. And I’m still young. Right now I’m just living my own life. I don’t really need anyone else in it. Maybe some day my ex will want to work things out. Maybe not. Either way I’ll be okay. No matter what, just remember that everything turns out okay in the end. You’re a good person and you deserve some good things in life. You’ll get those good things. Your ex may or may not be one of those things. Life will take care of you though. Stay strong. I hope this helps you right now.
Just keep calm. It’ll start out like this. Little tiny conversations. She is probably busy. She might’ve ignored your text too. Which isn’t a bad thing. Just the faft she responded is another win. Thats twice now. She may even be trying to play it cool. “I’ll just not respond to make myself look busy and not interested.” She might even be freaking out inside that you’re texting her. Right now you don’t know. And you shouldn’t care. Ik that’s the opposite of what you’re feeling. Ik you care about texting her and getting things started again. But it’s just a tiny step. It may feel huge, but it’s really not a big deal. Try not to worry. Just text in a day or two. Keep avoiding any conversation about your past. Focus on the now. Don’t worry too much right now. You’ve only just started the contact again. It’s not gonna be text after text after text. It’ll be small. Like the conversations you’ve had. Continue to be patient with this. You’re doing really good so far.
Have you posted anything on social media lately? Has she even seen what you’ve been up to? You have to make yourself look happy. That’s why I wanted you to go out this weekend and have fun. So you could maybe post something about it. It’ll show her you’re happy without her. And you’re still having a good time. It’ll perk her curiosity. Maybe making the new conversations you have last a little longer. But for now, don’t sweat it. Try not to really care what shes doing. It’ll drive you crazy. Focus on other things. You’ve already gone over a month without texting her at all. You can go another day ir two. Stay positive. Baby steps. I hope this helps.
I do think it’s a good idea to start a conversation. It’s very mutual and it makes you look good by helping out a friend. Glad to see you are being smart and patient. I know youd like things to move much faster. But slow is the game right now.
Sorry about your dream. I also had one last night. It wasn’t a bad one though. It was a really good on. My ex and I were still together. I was kissing her and we were just happy. So I guess you could say it was a bad dream.. cause I woke up feeling so sad. Because reality hit pretty hard. I hate dreaming because I only have those bitter sweet ones.
The friend situation is a little frustrating. But all everyone knows to say is, “it’ll be okay. Youll find someone new.” I mean yeah that’s true. But we also still love the person who’s no longer there. So it is best to maybe keep them in the dark for the most part. Kinda sucks because it leaves you with pretty much no one to talk to. That’s why I’m glad I found this site. Its helped a lot.
She wasn’t there yesterday.. I guess she goes every other day. Pretty nervous cause I bet she’ll be there today. Just gotta get the courage to talk to her. No updates with my ex. Doesn’t look like there will be for a while. Just trying to get through these days now. Trying to stop myself from thinking about all the memories. I guess I’ve started to move on. I might text her next month or a month after that. But right now, not much hope for me. As long as she’s with that new guy I don’t really have a chance. Her getting high with him all the time probably really helps her not think about me. I hope somewhere inside her there’s still love for me. I just don’t know anymore though. No point in dwelling. I’ll focus on college and get a weekend job sometime soon. Hope your day goes better. Try going out one of the next few days. See a movie, do something fun. I’m going to see the new Fantastic Beasts movie. I loved the Harry Potter books and movies. This one looks great. So I’m excited for that. You should go out and have fun though. Don’t stay at home. You’ll feel a lot better after you have some fun. And work out or run! Excellent ways to take your mind off things. Good luck!
I would definitely say it’s a win that she responded. Sorry you had a rough night. I kinda did too. Lay down to go to sleep and I just thought, “man she just isn’t the same anymore.” It’s sad to think how much my ex has changed. She’s not even close to the same person I used to love. But I still love her.. it’s a terrible sinking feeling. Maybe some day soon it’ll go away. Idk what happens for me from here.
Other people just don’t understand. I haven’t told any of my friends what I planned on doing. And I’ve known them for over 10 years now. It’s just something they don’t understand yet. One of them even makes jokes about how I’m single now. He figured out pretty quick that I’m not ready for that. Everyone just tells me to move on and that there’s plenty of people out there. I realize this but I just can’t move on yet. It’s too much. So I say don’t worry what everyone else says. They aren’t you. If you want to get back with your ex, then do just that. It’s all about the pursuit of happiness.
And you know it now. Be patient. Make yourself busy and focus on you. Going over all these scenarios in your head isn’t helping. You’ll drive yourself crazy. You need to just let it go. Don’t worry what shes doing g or saying. Youll find that out when you finally get a conversation going again.
Still nothing new with me. I’ll probably talk to that girl today. I’m nervous though.. hopefully I get the courage to do it. Hope things go better for you today.
