Carey

Honestly, I think you shouldn’t send it. She is the one who took the class to begin with so it’s up to her to pass the class. I think it would be smart to give her some time and space right now. The purpose of no contact is to focus on you, not her. Right now you’re still stuck on her. I understand where you’re coming from. My ex loves running. She went to college for cross country and it seemed like she would be great at it. But this new guy she’s with is a bad influence. He’s also on the team but he smokes pot and parties all the time. So now she does too, which has massed up her running in the process. I care about her and i wish she wouldn’t have let an opportunity like that go to waste. So ik where you’re coming from when you say you care about her studies. But you need to just let it be right now. Let her be on her own. And again, focus on yourself for now.

I can definitely see where you’re coming from. After the breakup I blamed it all on myself. But after a week or two I started seeing the things she did wrong. Her and I could have easily worked it out. We’ve honestly been through worse than that. She just kinda gave up. And on your end, I do see most of the blame on her. Maybe a few things before lead to all the problems. But she definitely should have respected your feeling about the whole texting that guy problem. Right now it’s on her to realize all this. Maybe she’ll even find this site when she gets desperate enough to get you back. Maybe.. we could do “maybes” and “she shoulds” all day. Right now it doesn’t matter what shes thinking or doing or finding the reason why she did what she did. It’s confusing as hell. And you’ll only make things harder on yourself thinking of it all. So try your best to just clear it out of your mind. At least for a while. One day you’ll be ready to ask these questions again and maybe youll even have an answer by then. For now, don’t worry about it. It’ll be hard but you just can’t think of her. Focus on getting good workouts in. I go for an hour and feel great after.

And trust me, I’ve neber had success with talking to girls. It took me 19 years just to get a girlfriend.. she had to approach me! I’m awkward as hell. But she changed that. She kinda made me a little more outgoing. So in a way she helped me get this girls number. Working out has also helped me. It gave me a great new look. I also gave myself a new hairstyle. I actually feel like I look better. It’s just the little things that give you a little bit of confidence. And the important thing I learned is to just be myself. Just talk to this new girl about what I like and tell some stupid jokes. They see that little bit of confidence and they just warm up to you a little faster.

I was pretty torn at first with this whole date thing. I don’t want to just date her as a rebound. I didn’t want to toy with her feelings like that. So I made sure to talk to her before hand and tell her that I’m not really over my ex and that I may not want something serious between us. I told her the truth about how I felt. Amazingly she still wants to talk and go on this date. Sadly however, I still feel that little tap of guilt in the back of my mind. I’ll hug her then turn around and shut my eyes trying to get rid of that guilty feeling that comes over me. Earlier today I finally told myself, “she’s with a new guy, having “fun” with him. So why can’t I try something new.” So today, on day 25 of NC I figured out that I have no obligations to my ex anymore. She wanted to split. So I might as well find a way to move past it and not dwell.

In a way I move further yet closer to getting my ex back. I’m becoming a better person while at the same time realizing I don’t need my ex to have a happy life. Now I understand for you at day 9 right now you don’t feel anything near this. You may never feel the same way I do. But no matter what you just have to stay strong and fight through this no contact period. It’s extremely important. If you ex calls, texts, emails, sends something on social media, you can’t respond. If you do you’ll only take away the purpose of the no contact. If you ex is anything like mine, she will most likely not contact you. You see all these other ex stories on here where their ex tries to talk to them. Well I can never relate. My ex just quit me the way I quit her. It hurts at first. It’s frustrating, confusing.. it’ll make you angry. But after a while you realize you’re kinda doing the same thing. And who knows, maybe it’s leaving them wishing you would try to call or text.

Again just be strong through it. Improve yourself. And slowly stop thinking of her. I bet each hour feels like 5 right now. Just try to have a distraction. Get through each day because the next one will only get easier. Even if it doesn’t feel like that, even if you feel stuck, it gets easier.

Thanks for the advice. And yeah of course I still care for her. But she’s stubborn as hell so she’s going to do what she wants right now. And if that’s doing drugs and drinking, that’s what she’ll do. And I’m the same way. I drank for the first time in my life three weeks ago. (Of course I ended up drunk texting her
-_-) and this was my first relationship. First kiss and loss of virginity. So naturally this was rough for me and obviously I still love her and care for her. I do worry for her but at the same time I just can’t dwell. You just kinda have to let her do whatever she wants and hope in the end she’ll wake up and realize what’s good for her. But at the same time, you need to improve who you are so you know that you’re that good thing. Her going to college brought out that paranoia and jealousy with me. That’s what really pushed her away. I stressed her out too much. I just hope I didn’t ruin my chances in the end. She’s one hell of a girl. But at the same time for me being almost done with NC, I need to be ready for this to not work out so I can move on. But in the end I know that I’ll be a better man because of it and I’ll still have the memories. Life is filled with a lot of bad so you have to find the good. For me it was a great two years with a great person. I hope to continue my life with this person but if I can’t, I know I’ll find someone new.

One day your ex with figure things out. And when she does you have to be ready for it. Even if it’s good or bad. Again just collect yourself and focus on your life for now. One day you’ll have time to worry about hers. And hopefully you’ll be a better person to take care of her and make her happy again.

Thanks for the wishes. And yeah it is definitely going to be hard. That first week i really had to put myself back together. I couldn’t eat or sleep. And the memories.. good god they tore a hole in my chest. And the same for me in terms of breakup. One day we saw each other and it was great. Just 2 days later she tells me she wants a break. next thing I know I’m seeing her kissing a new guy. I was just devastated, shocked, angry, confused.. It just hit like last nights walking dead episode. (I wont spoil in case you watch) But it was hard to deal with. I honestly thought of suicide. I had convinced myself that everything I was doing with my life was for her and without her I was nothing. It just weighs down heavy on you. After two years for you two dating, she will definitely be thinking of you. She cares about you. In a weird way shes trying not to hurt you. It isn’t the right way of handling things. But humans are strange. Just take things step by step. I think your first step should be to stop asking what she is thinking. You can’t focus on you if you’re thinking of her. That was my first step. And I suggest lifting. It’ll make you feel great after. (in spirit not body.. You’ll be sore) As far as finding other things to do, ask yourself what you like doing and go out and do that. for me it’s football. I love watching and playing it. It’s a big distraction for me. You could also maybe find new people to hang out with. being around people and having a good time will make you feel better all around. But even with all this she’ll be in the back of your mind. it’s natural. I’ll be having fun then BAM! random thought of her. You just learn to work through these thoughts and bittersweet memories. I’m on day 24 and haven’t quite gotten past the memories. it will stay with you for a long time. But having something else to distract you will help this.

For today, tell yourself this; she cares for you. She does miss you and most likely is thinking of you, going through the same thing right now. Once you realize this, it’ll be much easier to focus on you. Also start planning new things to do this week. Lifting will be new, and new is exciting. New things=new you.

First Ill start with this guy. You mentioned that you tried to talk about how it made you feel with her not really understanding or even caring where you were coming from. If you really meant something she would have worked to fix the problem that was clearly coming up. That definitely made you lose trust in her. jealousy and paranoia seemed to take over you. She gave you little reason to trust her. But you did know about the guy. My ex and I had been dating for 2 1/2 years and within the first month of her in college she had began texting/seeing a new guy but kept it from me. They’re together now. A new relationship is exciting. It’s new. she may have liked the new attention from this new guy. She still had you however. She may have not wanted to hurt you so she didn’t immediately try anything with him. Maybe that’s all she wanted was to try something new. So the moment you broke things off it gave her an excuse to begin trying a new relationship. But, a tragedy got in the way of this. Right now she is just very confused as to what she wants. That is why you need to give her time. No contact will do that for her. Right now you need to worry about you. Now this is hard. because you cant help but think about nothing but her. That was me the first two weeks. I asked too many questions. “What is she doing? Is she thinking of me? Is she still with this guy If so what are they doing?” over and over making myself go crazy. I began to move on from this however. I was fortunate enough to already being going to a gym everyday. I also have very good friends that I have known for over 10 years. It’s good to try to have fun. Try to bring positive things into your life. You’re not screwed. The fact your ex talked to you after the breakup says a lot about what she may be thinking. I’m on day 24 of no contact. I’ve heard nothing from my ex. Right now I may have to extend no contact. I may not be ready yet. You just need to be strong. I know it’s hard. It’s very hard.. Just know that time will make things easier. Not better. But easier. I relate to a lot of what you’re going through. The differences between us is that her and I just started college. Different colleges at that. And I found this site only a week after the breakup. So I’ve been using this system almost immediately. So if you need any more help or advice on what to do during this time, just ask. Those first two weeks suck. Just for now, learn to focus on other things. Work, workout, hang out with friends, just try to have fun. Learn to live life without her. Do not freak out. collect yourself and take things day by day. hour by hour if you have to. I’m sure these days feel like weeks now. Again, stay strong. It gets easier.