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My ex an I are both currently active duty military. She is currently deployed but lived with me before our breakup. So distance became a huge obstacle in our relationship. She currently has 4 more months until she gets back. I was pretty well composed during the breakup. I accepted it and told her what was on my mind in a calm message. Since then I’ve had no contact with her.
I’m wondering if I should wait until she get back to talk to her again or if I should try to get in touch while she is still gone. And what if she begins to contact me? We both said that we can talk to each other whenever we need to. However I told her i needed some time to not contact her at all. I’m not sure if she responded and i dont plan on finding out for a while.
I’m still very early into this breakup so I’m still breaking it all down to figure out what exactly went wrong.
@Carey When did you tell her you accepted the breakup? Since you both said talking would be okay, you could contact her once in a while to ask how she’s doing. But save the deeper discussions for when she returns..
You should try and figure out the reasons for the breakup other than distance and improve the areas that you had a part in..
I told her the moment she said she didnt think we should date anymore. I’d like to not contact her. The entire time shes been deployed I’ve given a lot of effort to make sure she felt like she was cared for and she could talk to me at anytime to get through the distance. She just wasnt putting any effort to talk or even try to show me the amount of affection I was showing her. If she would’ve kept that up I would’ve snapped. But she beat me to the punch.
I’d like to maintain no contact for the 4 months shes there or even longer if I decide to do so. I need time to think about weather I want to be with someone like that. I didn’t deserve to be treated like that. I’ve had one problem after another the last couple of months and didjt get very much support from her when I would support her no matter what. It was one sided in the end. She just gave up and I need to figure out if I want to be with someone like that. She also need time away from me to figure herself out. She kept giving excuses. It doesn’t take much effort to text a goodmorning or goodnight text. It’s just a lot I need to think about right now. The last thing I need to do is talk to her. Thanks for the reply.
Hey @Carey your last post perfectly describes the situation I was in. I agree, no one deserves to be treated like that. I think us guys hang on to the hope so we keep believing the excuses prior to the breakup.
Four months is a long time for no contact. I would definitely advise 60 days of no contact and then see at that stage what to do and if you want to continue no contact for another 60 days. Perhaps let her know you are feeling hurt over everything that transpired leading up to the break up and for that reason need time alone.
Best of luck to you.
I was hanging on to hope that she might want to try again once she gets back. I’m only on day 2 after the breakup and I think I’ve handled it well. I told her I needed space and how I felt about her not being there for me. I do love her. But I dont think she sees me the same way. She lives with me and I have all of her things here at my place. So itll be hard to avoid a conversation when she comes home.
I think her and I both need space to really figure out what we want. If she’s going to be with me she needs to open up and actually commit to me. So far I havent seen that from her so it tells me shes not ready. I’m using the 4 months to move on in case she doesn’t want to try again. She could go to a different base or retrain as well. Nothing is secure in our relationship. We both want security but right now it’s just not there. So for now I’m going to wait. I want to grow as a person and I think she needs to grow as a person too. Her friends all say she might not even know what she wants and is just confused. Thanks for the reply.
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