patrick d

When people feel a certain way, others pick up on that. It’s a hidden sense that we have that we don’t understand fully or some don’t even believe.

You say you feel terrible. Why? Is it because you have been obsessing about losing him? Well, guess what? You did! 3 months ago. So stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop living in fear of the terrible thing happening. It already did and you survived. (Unless there is something else that I didn’t read? Too late at night to go back through it all)

So have some confidence in yourself for god sake. Stop being scared. He can pick up those frightened feelings and scary thoughts.

Spend the next 3 days looking at all the good things in your life. You are alive. You can make decisions and determine your own destiny. You have the power already so don’t go playing games with him. They don’t work. Believe me.

And then on Saturday be cool. And get him. You got him before. Now do it again. If he notices a change and asks then say things happened. You were talking to someone or whatever. Don’t mention here whatever you do.

You will be fine. I believe you can do this. So please spend a few days being thankful. Write down the good things. And he is still in your life. That should tell you something. He hasn’t disappeared which most would do.

Good luck

Hello Kaila,

Finally I answer. I only read back a few days. But I think I get the general jist of things.

Firstly, maybe you sent the video, but I wouldn’t. Leave that stuff for some other time.

So here are my thoughts. You had a relationship with this guy. It doesn’t matter if it was 5 months or 5 years. It is over. It is in the past. That is the mistake that everybody makes. You have to accept that. You have been broken up for 3 months. Whatever happened in that time is none of your business. That’s hard to hear but is the truth. What you did is none of his business either.

You think you want him ‘back’. That’s the wrong way to think. You want him. Full stop. You want this guy. There are other girls interested probably. But your advantage is that you 2 had something before. I didn’t read back far enough to see what happened but it’s always the same. It got messed up and that was that.

So go and get him. What is your problem? You are entitled to nothing from him. This is like trying to get a new man, except he happens to also be your old man. But I think you will get what I am saying. The fact he wants to meet is good. Really good. It means that he wants to see how you are. If he is missing something.

So when you meet you have to be really cool. Try not to come across as nervous. Just be cool. Do not bring up any past problems. Chat about anything but don’t bring up something stupid. Bite your tongue. Even if the worst possible thing happens and he says he has a girl, still be cool. You can still get him. Believe in yourself.

There is nothing more unattractive for a man than a woman too obsessed with him. We love the chase; the wonder, the thrill. Act cool, be normal, have fun and when it’s time to go suggest doing it again sometime soon. He will say yes. Suggest something (not something exact but a general time). And then keep going from there. Meet a second time and do something similar to the first. Give a few compliments and so on.

The way to get him back is to realise that it’s over. You have to start again. You got him before so do it again.

It was suggested on here by a previous poster to ease up on this site. I agree. Don’ get all worked up every day and come here looking for all the answers. People can give advice but at the end of the day you have to figure it all out yourself in your own head.

So enjoy your date/meet-up. Have fun. Be calm and cool. Flirt only if the opportunity arises but don’t throw yourself at him. This first meet up is to show him how good you are and how relaxed you are.

Hope I have helped.

Hello,

I’m back.

Thanks Charlie.
She did say that I was texting a lot. She said that earlier in the week. The strange thoughts are horrible. Jealousy etc. So stupid. Almost felt better when she had a man. Have me something to fight against. Now I have one person to worry about.

We text so much for a few weeks and met so much. We spoke about traveling together and stuff like that. To go silent is so strange.
But maybe she thinks that too. Or maybe she doesn’t want me.

Hello. We were about 3 months apart before we starting meeting up again.

I won’t lie. It’s tough being apart even for a few days now. Not many texts either. She said she would but maybe we are both waiting for the other to text. She text tonight at midnight. Asking what I meant with a text from earlier in the day. I didn’t bother replying. Let her think for a bit.
I live with an older man. Haven’t seen him in a while and he said the very same as you. He said that we are more or less dating again. That it’s so much to just be friends. I still worry though that maybe we are wrong and it’s just friends.

When they go out or to parties it’s tough. I told her I was going out tonight. Ended up walking around. Lots of beautiful women around. But now that I don’t drink I wouldn’t go to a bar alone.

I did the party scene back in the day. Drugs and all. Wasn’t much hooking up going on. Just music and crap talk. I wouldn’t worry about it. She has to meet friends. And if you act cool she will think of you.

She isn’t showing any emotion you say. She may well be hiding it then. Protecting herself. women do these things. She might want to get through the next while and not let herself get dragged into emotions.

You should stop with the emotions. I said that before. Act like you are a whole new you. The past is the past. She is probably worried still. She can’t tell if you are different. She hasn’t seen you enough. I have met my ex so often and now she is starting to open up a bit and talk of a great that I will slip back again. So she still can’t be sure. they both probably think that we are acting. We think we are. But we have actually learned things along the way. We are better men now.

When she is finished go and spend time with her. Don’t bring up anything from the past. Act cool. Say you might move to London for you not her. For you. You might frighten her by moving there just for her even if it is the truth. That’s why I’m here but I dont tell anybody that. little white lies.

So we were 3 months apart. Preceded by about 6 bad months. We are seeing each other or whatever it is that we are doing about 3 weeks.
of course I bring things. Flowers and I buy food every time I call. We watch movies and easy ice cream. Or order food. She is broke so I pay. But never splash too much cash.

Be cool for the next while. It will work out. She still missed you so much. Let her get over the exams. And let her go to the party. She has to socialize.

What is wrong with you? Chest pains? Hope that will be Ok. It’s stress that does that you know. Causes tension in the back muscles which sort of crunches your body compressing your chest. I had that during the depression. Exercise is good. Swimming I found the best. Clears the head too. Try it. And don’t worry about your ex. She wants you she just needs time. Let her have the time. But start planning ahead. Plan for London

It’s never easy. If it helps, my ex hates the phone. Never rings with it. She might go through a few months of steady texting then disappear and hate the phone. Maybe it’s a Thing that they do.

Why do I think that she wants you? Well she more or less said it. She misses you and loves you still and so on. If she didn’t hold a flame for you still she would have been gone Long ago.

Just Play it cool always. Don’t push too much. They act like loonies when exams are around. I know that from experience.

You are doing well. Keep having Patience. I can understand if she wants to concentrate on the exams right now. Her head is probably full of you a lot and she Needs to concentrate. When she is finished then she will look for you. Enjoy yourself in the meantime and don’t text her anything daft or annoy her. The waiting is tough but you can do it.

As for me, it’s a bit of a rollercoaster at the Minute. She went through a stage yesterday of texting me saying that all guys are the same and that she doesnt want to hurt me and it is dangerous what she is doing because she doesnt want a relationship and just wants to be friends. And that guys that she thought were friends had tried it on with her in the last few months and that ended those friendships.

That shocked me a bit. We had been hanging out almost every day and so on. She did say that I was texting too much. I might have been yesterday morning alright but apart from that she makes the moves.
So, instead of replying straight away I took time and thought. She has just finished a course of Hormone tablets following an Operation. Bound to do something. I text back saying, (I thought we were friends. Don’t assume things”.

That seemed to do the trick. She phoned a few hours later and apologised for the texts and wanted to go with me to the irish embassy in Berlin as my guest for the Paddys day Party. We went together. A great night was had. Chatted after in hers ábout stuff. One important Thing came out of it. She still has a fear that I would slip back to drinking again. I told her i wouldn’t. But a very important Thing for me to find out.
She was to be Meeting People from now until sunday but she wants me to call over later. I will.

I will just Keep going as i am going. We hugged for minutes last night as i left and kissed each others cheeks and necks. Thats not really friend behaviour.

@LaBound

Good to hear from you. I have been off the site here for a while but a nice Story to come back to.
It was inevitable really that you 2 would reach this Point. The fear is tough alright. Fear of failure or fear of doing the wrong Thing. It is tough.

Tell me, are you living with her again in that City? Or do you have your own place? I would imagine having your own place would be perhaps a better plan at the start, albeit more difficult.

Well done and good luck to you both. You deserve it.