Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Only you will know if the relationship is worth it. Nobody will be able to tell you what to do exactly.
Time apart is crucial
We all find the unknown the most difficult to deal with, it’s gut wrenching and almost going NC goes against instinct, but in our heads we know it’s the most productive long term.It’s clear your ex needs time, he might need 6 months or more! He’s been with you for a long time and he’s wondering what life is like without you. You have to let him explore these feelings.
If he doesn’t explore then he will at a later date want to go off without you.You don’t have to do either walk or wait. You can spend time discovering new things yourself, broaden horizons, make new friends and dare I say it…. Go on a date! It’s not contract binding, it’s having a social life without him but your not promising yourself to anyone because underneath your heart is still with your ex.
I’m getting throught everything by not waiting or walking. If I bump into a new love of my life next week then that’s my course of life, equally, when time goes by and I hook up with my ex it just might take off naturally again as a different relationship… Of course this is what I want but I cNt let so won’t dictate what my future holds.
You’re in control, don’t walk away neither don’t wait. Just live your life to become content inside then everything will slot into place without having to think about it.
Good luck x
Be civil, polite but don’t get involved in conversation too much. Have fun with your friends but don’t go over the top.
Also, make sure you leave before he does. Just slip off, don’t say goodbye unless you’re in a situation where it would be rude otherwise.I agree, it’s the hardest thing ever losing the one you love.
However upset you are which I expect is a lot! Just don’t contact him, it’s obvious he just doesn’t know what he wants right now. The best thing for you right now and to get a reconciliation is to not contact him.
Buy lots of tissues, cry, howl, sob….just don’t contact him.Today I feel a bit down, because it’s been 2 weeks since I last spoke to my ex and begged. He’s not once made contact. I keep thinking of little silly reasons to convince myself to contact him. From somewhere I get the inner strength not to. If I do he will only tell me what I know already and I will get massively upset and will be like a step backwards for me. I’m sure he thinks of me, he was the one that was always more into the relationship than me!
So, really, that is what stops me from contacting him. I don’t want to sacrifice myself to him and get all upset and walk around the rest of the day with red swollen eyes! LolDon’t think about another person in his life, it takes months to move on. It’s just not feasible, if he does he will be rebounding and that is shallow and latching onto another person because he’s so used to you being there that he needs to fill the void. It will be meaningless relationship and quite frankly, those relationships don’t count.
I’m recently out an 8 yr relationship. My ex is behaving like he doesn’t know me. No christmas message, no are you ok, he’s totally vanished. It’s like what the hell. 8 years and you can wipe me out his life just like that!
As Jessie says, they think they can move on just like that but reality hasn’t struck yet. They think we are still there.
NC will begin to make them miss us, you need to give it a lot of time, your mind will think of anything to give reason to make contact.After 3 years he will not be able to forget you. Make yourself invisible, it will get him thinking what’s happened to you. You need to make him think that actually life is ok without him and in fact quite fun. Read the get your ex back guide by Kevin. It’s really thorough.
Hmm, how can you control what you dream though? Then to transmit this to another person? It sounds a tad crazy but right now I’m open to anything!! Lol
Hi Kiwi,
I’ve been dumped from an 8 year relationship, we were a day or two away from signing the contract to buying a house together. I sold my house etc… The whole lot down the pan just like that.
What did I do? I responded to an old ex drunkard text message and my now current ex doesn’t want to know me anymore. I’m the blame for the whole worlds disasters, for his crappy life, and everything inbetween.
Why I still want to be with him I’ve no idea.
NC has been great because it pulled me out of the intense raw feelings I had, the desperation and tears.
In the 13 days I now feel I can cope, yes I keep looking at my phone and wishing but im ok. I’m dealing with it.There is more to my story of course but just to let you know that there are a whole load of us that feel exactly like you do.
Knowing what to do isn’t easy, it’s not about being attractive or needy.
Like with all our ex’s they are doing what they believe is the best for them.
No words will turn it around. It has to slowly. NC will give them time to start reminiscing.Hi again,
Well the reason why I didn’t want him back initially was that he pulled out of the house because he snooped on my phone and saw THE text. I was so incredibly angry. He also sold an investment we both set up jointly. That really angered me too.
I carried on seeing him now and then as he would help out with my son and was good to just spend time together, but as soon as we started talking about what had happened we both were very stubborn. My anger over ride everything. Looking back I just needed time without him to over come anger.
I just can’t beleive I snubbed him all those weeks when he was emailing and calling me!The turn around was when he came to took out my son for the evening and we hadn’t seen each other for a month because of his work (this was the time he was contacting me. Well, when he dropped off my son I was polite but didn’t know how to interact with him. He asked me how I was, I replied that I was good. There was a pause and he just suddenly turned on his heels in a huff.
Once he got home he started texting me abuse, how I didn’t care about him, how he was fed up playing second fiddle…how he’s spent lots of money on me…ra ra ra. The texts when on for 2 hrs and then the following morning. Suddenly the texts stopped. Told me he would never be back. The rest is history.
I’ve been beside myself, pleaded, cried, begged…the lot. Even went to his mums house! Jesus.lol
Anyway, since then I’ve spoken to him once or twice and he’s adamant it’s over.
So NC it is.As I said before, it’s like he’s dwelling on the past, he’s seen his kids recently and got even more pissed off because he’s realised he’s missed out on them a lot.
Because he pulled out the house he now realises he’s got no where to live.
On top of that his work is stressful and works in North Africa so it’s stressful.
So in all, I get the blame for every damn thing he’s done.I’ve been 100% faithful. Spent half the year on my own for last 6 years.
What can I do?
Hi,
If it’s any use to you to know my ex has a lot on his plate.
He’s split with me for reasons that could all be ironed out but he’s opted to go solo. We’ve been together 8 years and was just about to buy a house together.
Basically the final straw was when one weekend I got a late night text from a very old flame and I responded and my ex saw it all on my phone. My old flame was clearly drunk and I stupidly responded because I was unhappy and alone that weekend. Serves me right for not deleting it!
So because of that my ex thrown everything away. The house, me…the whole damn lot.
All I can really out it down to was his insecurities, work possibly ending and to top the realisation that since he’s been involved with me he has not seen much of his kids…. He blames me for that too! In fact I’m to blame for everything in his mind.
He works abroad so life is a juggle.He now has nowhere to live properly, he’s job might be ending and his kids have all moved on.
He’s told me to move on and preferably hook up with the old flame.I can’t advise you what to do apart from back off.
It all kicked off for me in Sept, he went back to work and conditionally kept asking me back which I said no. He came back to UK from work and I had this huge turn around in my thoughts and wanted him back by which time he was angry and said no. I rang, text, emailed, went to his mums…all which we do and not supposed to do. He has since then told me to move on.
I’m now in day 13 of NC, slipped up day 8 and sent an email to which I got no response. There was no pleading in mail just regrets and realise I need to move on.
So here I am, I know he’s got to sort his life out and begin to miss me. It might take months. He’s next in the UK mid Jan so I guess that’s when I might hear from him.
So I sit and I wait. The only thing I can do is NC. We were the best of friends, 2 peas in a pod, more compatible than any relationship I’ve ever been too. I’m gutted he’s done this. Everything could have been ironed out. It’s such a waste.
Just think, NC will draw him back, not doing NC will push him away.
The choice is yours.I couldn’t have written it any better myself LAbound.
My ex and I are very compatible in every single way and that kind of partnership doesn’t come around often. Unless they are happy with second best surely they will realise in time.
As you say though, if it takes too long to come round to that kind of thinking we could have moved on ourselves.In mean time we can’t sit around miserable, we need to pick ourselves up and have so e quality of life.
I had a relationship some years ago now where I was unable to move on and it effected me for a long time and everything I did. I can’t do that to myself again so that is why I need to fully focus on moving on. If he comes back in time all well and good but if I get emotionally envolved elsewhere then it will be too late.
I doubt I will find that somebody just yet, it’s only been a few months and I need to fully get over the ex before I give my heart to anyone new.I didn’t get a text either, he’s not with anyone but in the middle of the desert in Africa. He could message though and has done in the past.
In the mean time…. We wait, we try to have a life. At least no more crying! Lol
Thank you again Gorgeousgirl09. I wish I had your optimism !
LAbound, you’re in a good place and I’m getting to where you are.
Did you get a response from your message?
I think our ex’s are in worlds of their own and I don’t believe anything we say makes any difference.Thank you gorgeousgirl09
We’ve often fallen out but this is different. It’s never ended like this and he’s never ever not spoken to me.
I’m tired of thinking about it all. I just want to be happy again.Happy christmas guys. It’s nice to hear a success story.
I’ve resigned myself to NC forever. I hope if he ever gets back in touch I won’t want him back.
I’m worth more than all this pain and agony. All I did was respond to an old flame and he goes and throws away 8 years. The holiday we had back in August must have been a sham.
