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Hey atea,
Really good to hear from you! More so that you feel more contended within yourself.
Is it not your birthday soon?
I think it’s great you’re blocking your ex from your life, social media etc, it’s a real positive step forward and to move on.I’ve not heard from my ex, not on my birthday or any other time. I got in touch with him about Sky tv in Which he responded but only stuck to the subject of Sky. He didn’t ask how I was, if I’m ok or worse still didn’t ask about my son.
I guess in the long run it’s good because now I would never in a million years take him back. Never. What he’s done is despicable. The fact I let him into my life and be such a major part in my sons life in which he accepted willingly and lovingly to now just pretend we never existed.Still, I can’t let that chew me up! I can’t let myself to become bitter. I’m not the one who has walked away. I can hold held high and I have no guilt. I did all I could to save relationship as you know so well.
I have to move on and I can’t take baggage with me. If I do it will be drag me down and I can’t afford to do that.On a very positive note, I’ve met someone one! I’m not sure if I told you about him but he’s kind of wowed me big time! I’m seeing him for the second time tomorrow but we’ve been messaging zillions of times since the first time we met.
The energy between us is unreal!
It’s not been plain sailing as Aphrodite knows! i think between the insecurities and pain from previous relationships we are in the same boat.Yes I’ve suddenly been catapulted away from a traumatic breakup and been analysing this fact.
I think you guys will spend more time grieving over your ex’s for a few reasons. Mainly because you’ve spent formative years and majority of your life with one person. To break up from that is really hard and tough. I’ve been there a few times now and the one thing I’ve learnt is to move on as dwelling too long is wasted time. We are all different and all experiencing grief in different ways. It’s a personal journey and much can be learnt which I beleive we have all done. We’ve been open to learn, understand and reflect.
We all will come away much more knowledgeable. Our ex’s will not.Any more dates Atea,
How Mike getting on?Hi atea,
I hope you’re feeling slightly better today but you probably arnt 🙁I just wanted you to know that really you will be in love with someone more special than your ex and that one day you will hardly think of him!
You remember not that long ago how torn up I was over my ex, no eating, no sleeping, red eyes from crying. Well that part is over and have today met a really nice guy that I’m going to see again. I’m not thinking about my ex nor do I get reminded of my ex while with him. I’ve come away really happy and looking forward to my next date with him. So you too will get to that point.
I still have feelings for my ex, of course I do but until I really start a proper relationship I guess it’s normal to still think of an ex to an extent? I’m not obsessing that’s for sure!In some ways meeting this guy is a bit quick but on the other hand he really likes me, he’s interesting and he’s very good looking! So why not start dating.
Ironically, I got home from the date and I had a call from Sky, my ex has finally cancelled the subscription. He didn’t have the decency to drop me a mail to say he had. I thought a bit more and thought maybe he’s done it because he’s not heard from me and he wants a reaction? I don’t know. Whatever it is the good thing is that before I would have got in contact but this time I’ve taken it on chin and just thought what an arse I was with for so many years and I didn’t know it.
So strange how we share our lives with people and get incredibly close to them, then they just so casually end it. It’s almost hypocritical.
Anyway, live and learn.
X
Hi atea,
Big hugs to you! You did so well to keep yourself so composed and together while with him. Obviously breaking up is hard on both side of the coin but he’s adamant he wants to move on. I find it hard when someone with thoughts like that show such emotion. It’s selfish in a way because even though they cry it’s like what the hell! You’re doing what you want!
Yes he doesn’t want to think about you of course he doesn’t because he feels guilt. No doubt he’s sad for the past memories and no longer wants to create more with you but on his side…. How’s that sad exactly!?
He’s doing what he wants and you have to pick up the pieces.Chances are it won’t work out with this girl unless he’s very lucky! What’s the chance of leaving one relationship and immediately going into another and that succeeding? He didn’t even leave time! He had a few months of being single, but looking before venturing into this girls life.
He never took out time to be alone.
However hard it is it does make you wonder how happy he was with you for the last few months to be able to do what he has.Let’s hope the girl dumps him… Hehe. Cruel I know but I can see it now… 6 months down the line, he gets dumped and guess who gets a phone call!! Be prepared for it and make sure you move on in the mean time.
You’re doing well atea, you’ve come a long long way on your journey and the light is shining bright in the dark tunnel.
I’ve not heard a sausage from my ex, what a moron. 8 yrs with my son and he can’t even ask how things are! Well rid if you ask me. Who wants a guy who can rip the rug beneath your feet and walk away Scott free?
On a happier note I’m meeting a new guy tomorrow who is soooooo into me! It’s so nice! After all these months of feeling rubbish, unattractive, unwanted etc there is a really nice guy who says the nicest things and doesn’t seem to have any hang ups!
Anyway, I might feel different after I’ve met him but the point is that yes you can get the butterflies in the tummy again! It’s a new guy, no thoughts of my ex, someone so very different that I don’t think about my ex at all or wishing he would call or get in touch. I’ve left my ex in the past and looking forward into future. I did all I could to reconcile, I didn’t fail in the relationship because I wanted to fight for it. He failed, he walked out and he turned his back…. That is one massive FAIL! So, I’m an hold my head high, knowing I worked so hard,suffered like the rest of you guys but least I didn’t give up!I’ve pushed my ex to back of my mind, he’s still there and every single day when I take my dog out I think about my ex, but I think of him in a bad way now, his faults, what ass he is and how I deserve better. Once back from the walk then that’s that, no more thinking but eyes ahead looking where I’m going in life, no more looking back… Full steam ahead.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still licking wounds but I’m worth more than what that guy did.
You will be fine atea, you too deserve better! Much better!
It’s a sorry state of affairs!
I can’t believe not one of us has reconciled!All I can say is that, as Mike said, happy days lie ahead for all of us!
Our ex’s aren’t worthy of us and there are special people for all us up head on our journey through life.Grief is a process we need to do before we regain ourselves to move on. These people were special in our lives and it means we are capable of finding great love in new exciting adventures. So difficult to see ahead when grief clouds every living moment.
I like Mike am getting on with being single and I know my ex won’t come back, well, if he does it’s all too late. How can I be with someone who won’t stick through it through thick and thin? I won’t do it, even if he came knocking on my door with flowers, diamonds or wads of cash! Lol
No, my dignity and self awareness now has ended any chance of reconciling.I hope my ex is happy with how he ended it, I hope he reflects back on what I did selling my house and waiting for him every time he went to work. I hope he gets into a rotten relationship and becomes lonely. Not that I’m bitter! Hehe.
I need to move on and you guys will too. You will find love…you too Mike…. Even at your age! Haha.
Group hug!!!!!!
Yes I think we are all at that stage of understand that we are going solo just need to accept that they are not in our lives anymore.
My ex was spiteful at the end. Very very bitter and angry. I guess it’s made it easier to move on all I see a hatred person. My son was very close to him a so my ex hasn’t touched base just to enquire. Hateful person. Amazing I was with him for 8 years! Truly astounding.
Everyone says he will get it touch but really, nobody knows what this guy is really like, even I obviously never really knew him.
I wasted precious years on a total loser. Still, I will move on and he will remain the same. Ha ha haKD1988
I agree with Atea, you need to progress forward in your life and become happy again. He dumped you when things got tough and that’s not good. All relationship go through tough patches and it’s the ones that see it through to the other side are the ones worth fighting for.
My advise is to progress with your life, be happy, and if he decides he wants to come back then that will be your choice but only once you’re in a good place being quite happy being without him.
Of course people reconcile, a lot do. Whether the reconciliation is the right thing to do is another thing. Many people get back together to only split up again. So, to protect yourself move on and be happy so if and when he does return you can make a logic decision and way risks up.
He’s got a lot to prove to you now and he might just not have it in him.
Unimare,
Don’t be so hard on yourself about the casual encounter, or maybe not so casual , it’s a learning curve and next time you know to hold out and make sure the guy will walk over hot coals for you for at least 3 months! Haha.
Be quite ruthless in your rules of engagement with guys. I’ve a friend who lowers herself so much for the attention of men. Then she gets hurt and wonders why. It’s like, when are you going to learn!
He has got the problem, even if he wanted you as an achievement he could have acted like a gent and be nice, see you out the door with a smile and kiss. So, he’s the big problem and he’s the one that has to live with what he’s done. Shake it off and move on because what happened had nothing to do with what you did. He has the problem not you.Good you’re amicable with your ex, it shows maturity on your side. Any other sign that that guy who used you is a jerk.
Don’t cry anymore but feel pity that there is a jerk out there that has no manners. Once day it will come back to him and he will be the one crying.
Atea,well done for telling him!
You’ve done the right thing and he can’t carry on thinking he can just walk back into your life when it suits.
At least he’s a gent and will respond, he clearly wants to remain amicable with you and respects your feelings and thoughts on this matter. He’s probably known all along you were waiting in the side wings.Stick,to your guns over this. Be kind but don’t let yourself be swung by anything he says to keep you where you’ve been for last 6 months. Have respect for yourself.
Any guy who can’t make you feel special isn’t worth the time no matter how long you’ve been with him. You can still be amicable but at same time hold self respect. Nothing worse than anyone belittling themselves to fit in with someone who doesn’t feel the same.
You’ve come a long way atea, be brave and hold head high.
Hi, I’m glad you’re all doing well.
Atea, it would drive me in sane knowing he had someone else. You clearly have such a bond with your ex that you’re going to hang in there no matter what!Mike, it’s good your busy with new job and training. I think keeping busy is the way to go. The meeting of families whilst shopping was good. No hard feelings and obviously much respect for you. Your ex is so kind hearted it seems.
It’s funny how all our stories are so different! I’m surprised not one of us has reconciled, probably not what other people on here want to hear that’s for sure!
Still, I think it’s early days and anything could happen except I’m leaning more and more opting. Otmtomget back with my ex has he’s been really hateful and now I’ve got this far down the road and feeling more at peace that why would I want to be with someone that has so many issues and he’s destroyed every ounce of trust I had.I’ve been chatting to a guy off Tinder and really hitting it off so will meet him this week hopefully. I’m also starting a new job today! Whoahhh! Bit nervous but am excited too. It’s all new beginnings here and as long as I don’t contact my ex then new doors will open. I’m fully focused on forward thinking. Don’t get me wrong I still think of my ex a lot but it’s more of how he threw away something so great because of his own demons, how he’s just cut me off and more so, how my son who regards his as dad no longer hears from him. I can’t beleive I put so much trust in this guy with my son. Anyway, he’s history and better times lay ahead for both my son and I!
Well, it seems we are all in the same situation as before, I wonder how Mike is doing.
I think anything to have learnt by this time that has gone by that we all need to focus on moving on. As Aphrodite said that it can be very painful thinking about permanently leaving our ex’s in the past but to more think of moving on forwardly in our lives. We do not need to be aggressive in our action of moving on but just live life the best we can and be positive for our futures.It will be a matter of time and before you know it someone will come along that interests us and will be nice to start thinking about that person rather than thinking about people who just don’t want to be part of our lives at the moment.
Atea, it must have been hard for you when your ex had been cold towards you. I don’t know what’s better for them to be cold or show some kind of care and feeling. I think the latter is worse in the long term and maybe that’s why im where I am now because my ex has been particularly hard and uncaring in every way feisable so my current thought is that I just can’t beleive I was with someone who could treat me this way.
I’ve finally completed 30 days and this is the first time I’ve managed it, with ease may I add! He could not be thinking about me at all or I could be playing on his mind. However, that’s not on my concern right now! I’m moving forward in my own life and that’s what’s important. I did have a missed call the other day for a withheld number which made mem think but in reality it could have been anyone so won’t pin hopes.Aphrodite, I kmow you feel you’ve gone backwards but we need to go back to go forward again. He has mixed feelings towards you and he’s been push pulling you! The last few weeks have been draining and you need time to get back to where you were. Get back on your feet and push forward, nobody wants push pull. He needs to work out what he wants but while doing so he’s hurting you by being thoughtful and respectful then blanking you. Re build yourself Aphrodite, become strong again and enjoy some attention from Mr Hunk! He’s a distraction and it’s time you need to put yourself first!
I had a nice texting session with two guys at the same time last night, my old ex D and a new guy from Tinder. It was funny because I was conscience that I might get messages muddled and send to the wrong person! Haha.
D really wants to hook up again and the new guy wants to meet me. Great confidence boost.Atea how’s the dating going, are you still seeing the same guy?
Hi atea and Mike,
Thought I’d check in and see how you’re both doing.
Nothing to report except I’ve not heard from my ex, I’ve managed 30 days and shall keep going. I don’t want to contact him because it brings too much heart ache. Everyone says he will contact me but I really don’t think he will. I think he has so many demons that if one thing won’t stop him contacting me another thing will.
I’m def not ever going to contact him again. Way way too painful.
Life is plodding along. Am very lonely but least I’m not obsessing over him anymore.How are you doing?
You need to give him time and space. You’re going to have to keep your head down and not pester, contact or push him further away. He’s not going to give everything up just like that and maybe the realisation of everything has freaked him out. By backing off he will calm down over time and put everything into perspective. How ever much you want to reach out to him it’s really important you keep a good distance from him. The more desperate you become the more he will back away from you.
Yes 14 years is a long time and every long term relationship has reality checks now and then. Just give him space. If he has a tendency to disappear when things get too much then this would obviously have to be addressed when things calm down. You don’t want to be with someone who abandons ship every time life gets a bit tricky.
Just hang on in there, freak out, cry, eat chocolate do what ever you have to but don’t chase. The happier he sees you the more he will wonder why!
I’m waiting for an update myself!
I know she arrived and he was happy to see her but he didn’t want her to sit next to him and was awkward. I don’t know if she’s not updated me because it too late to text or if it’s another reason like staying over!?? The mind is wondering!!
Im sure we will find out today!!
Hi All,
Received your email atea and have forwarded on as instructed.
Fantastic to see you atea and your fella! Arnt you gorgeous!
What a fool of an ex you have!
