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@relic Thanks for the info! I’ve been perusing those forums and found a lot of it very insightful. I have not read/seen The Secret, but it looks very interesting:D
@patrick d Nothing too major to report. I got paid today which is nice as I only get paid once a month. I had an epiphany today and took in the fact that I am more than financially stable for my age, have no debt, and am doing really well on my own. I say this only because I have never fully lived on my own before, but it’s empowering!
I had a great weekend that was full of fun. I did meditate for a bit last night. I made an attempt to reach out to my ex and her new girl to send them a message, hopefully while they were asleep. I did it from a place of love and the messages were something like this:
“<ex> it’s <ThePhoenix>. Please be happy. I forgive you for the past. Everything is in the past now. You are my best friend and I love you very much. I’m moving on and not looking back now. Please find happiness, just as I have for myself.”
“<new girl> it’s <ThePhoenix>. Please take good care of <ex>. She needs a light touch in her life and I hope you can live up to it. She has so much to offer the world should she find her way again. Please be there for her and support her, do what you can to help her on her way. Please do not hurt her. I wish you both the best.”
I repeated this probably 10 times for the new girl and 25 times for my ex before I felt they had been received. After that I focused on myself and I was able to sleep really well and did not have any dreams (that I could remember). I have no intention of doing this little reach out again as I felt it served it’s purpose.
How about you patrick?
I know exactly what you mean, but having not had any conversation with my ex in depth has done wonders for me. She too dashed into a relationship all too quickly, but I’ve been doing my best to just focus on me (unless I post on here with updates).
I will always have love for her as a friend, but the more I see her carrying on with a facade and being a doormat (though she claims to be so independent.. but she’s not), the less I want to be with her. I’ve found in this time apart that I am incredibly successful, my self-esteem has returned, and I love myself. I let her influence me in the past to thinking I wasn’t worthwhile, had a crappy job, was going nowhere with my life, etc. Not. The. Case. At. All.
Hang tough hon, keep yourself busy, and know that you have value. You will get through this, just as we all will. Humans are amazing things and we have the capacity to do wonders if only we try.
Sounds to me like she misses you. But you need to keep strong and focus on yourself, hon. I’m not entirely sure what she meant by “I couldn’t go on. You know that.” Unless it means she has no intention of moving on and is waiting for you. But try not to read too much into it.
@Nell It most likely is. My ex is isn’t doing her normal “I’m so happy and in love like you hear about it fairytales and see in movies. I found my soulmate!” type of stuff. In fact she’s not posting anything and doesn’t look happy at all… it’s all this other girl posting and tagging. I believe she’s just along for the ride, and others are picking up on this as well. None of our friends and no one in her family seem to approve of this new relationship, it’s all this other girl’s friends/family. Hah! Any pics this girl takes and tags my ex in, my ex is hardly smiling at all and just looks miserable, like it’s forced.
I actually passed her driving home yesterday. I don’t think she recognized me as I was driving my new car, but I was jamming out with my music, all smiles. When I saw it was her, I laughed to myself. She looked so rough and miserable. I told my family about this and my dad just laughed, “Yeah, she seems incredibly passive about this new thing… like this other girl is so aggressive she’s just along for the ride and might not want to say no to her.”
It’s funny because I’ve had people messaging me about it like “What the hell is going on with you and <ex>? You were perfect together and who is this boy she’s with now? He’s ugly and looks like he’s 16.” I give a polite response, saying she did some not so great things at the end and decided to break up with me because I was “too committed” to the relationship. “SHE IS FULL OF SH*T! WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE OF COURSE YOU’RE COMMITTED! F*CK HER!” And then they remove her as a friend on fb… lol. There’s been about 5 people that have told me they’ve removed her thus far.
Like I said before, this new girl is making me look like a saint and a supermodel in her family’s eyes I bet. I bet her mom is kicking herself so hard as she didn’t want her daughter to be gay, thus was friendly enough to me but didn’t seem to like me, but at least I had good things going for me all around. This other girl…? Oh her mom will probably try to get her to take the family pictures so she won’t have to be in them! I know she’d hate to have the pics sent to family and get calls about “Who is that creepy looking dude in the picture beside <ex>?” Hah!
I’ve got to get a jump on my day. Hope everyone else has a fantastic one!
I’m not horribly worried about it. When my ex first started going out with me she was over the top happy, would write things on fb about how she was in love like you see in movies, perfect fairy tale stories, and she had found her soulmate. All pictures of us together were happy and smiling. This time around, with this girl, my ex is not posting anything at all… it’s all this other girl posting and tagging her in pictures. She seems incredibly passive like she’s just along for the ride. No big smiles in the pics with my ex, none of our friends seem to approve of this relationship, her family certainly hasn’t… it all seems to be this girl’s friends/family. I doubt it’ll last long as she doesn’t seem happy really and appears to be very much one sided.
You’re absolutely right. I practiced cutting cords last night so I can be done with it and carry on without being held back. I am already doing so much better than I had months ago and I don’t want to be weighed down. It was strange though because I felt like there was a lot of difficulty cutting them, but it almost felt like it wasn’t on my part (almost felt like she didn’t want me to, but too bad). I’ve also felt worse physically the next morning having done it a few times. I started to have stomach problems the last month or two we were together, kind of out of nowhere, and it got worse after the split. I’m still of mind it’s me picking up on her feelings as she would have stomach problems when she was upset, yet I never did before recently. I cut them last night again as it almost seems like they come back, and this morning my stomach was incredibly pissed off.
I’ve been trying my best to focus on LoA, but there’s only been one really good article that I have found. Any others you could share relic?
@patrick_d
I am beyond proud of you! Keep it up hon! 😀 And you should be proud of yourself.
Not so hot, but not horrible. My ex is in a new relationship as of today. I’m of mind it’s a rebound as it’s been less than a month since we broke up.
But I’m out having fun with a friend, so it’s all good. I’ll read all of the posts later.
Just heard from my sister that my ex is is a relationship with the girl I suspected. 99% sure it’s a rebound. It has been a little over a month since the breakup. Seems way to quick. Thoughts?
I’m holding up okay, but I did have a moment of ‘ yup, thought so.’ Followed by my stomach churning a bit.
You very well could be reading too much into things. :\ I’m not fond of the feelings like something is going on but can’t place what. They can be troubling.
It’s not that I didn’t feel anything. I was happy and having a good time, I just felt nothing for her. I’ve found when I see pictures of her it’s almost like I don’t even know the person or remember how she was, sound of her voice, etc. I remember how she used to be, but that was about 4 years ago before she really lost herself in the world.
Regarding the spoon I have absolutely no clue. I have not been drunk to the point where I cannot remember things… ever really. The worst episode I had with drinking was 6 years ago when I bet a friend I could down a large bottle of vodka before they came back from running an errand. That night did not end well, but I at least remember the majority of what happened. I’m not really that much of a drinker typically, but I’ve been enjoying myself lately.
Congrats on the quitting! That’s really impressive and I’m proud of you. 😀
No problem, hon! That could be the case. I’m definitely glad you’re feeling better.
I noticed last night when I was drinking that I didn’t have any sort of feeling in terms of connection with my ex. I was a ball of laughter but I guess I may have blacked out at some point. When I woke up this morning I found a spoon taped to my wall with a note saying “You’ll know.” I have no memory of this and I don’t know what the heck I’m supposed to know. Oh the odd things we do haha.
Patrick, you are the master of your emotions. You have the ability to be happy if you choose to be. Let go out the doubt if you can. The human mind does not like doubts and it shakes our sense of self-esteem and security. Sometimes we aren’t at a point where we can test to see if our doubts are valid or not, so it’s best to turn attention elsewhere. I’m not saying to abandon or destroy them, but again turn your attention elsewhere and in fact, try to do a kindness for someone you know (or even don’t know) today. The best way to wash away the unhappy is kindness. Better yet, relax, close your eyes, reach your hands up and thank the universe for all you are grateful for– I found this makes me feel happier almost instantly. 🙂
I started my morning off a bit rough as I had been drinking more last night and have to work in the next hour or so, but I refuse to let it slow me down. I’m looking forward to my morning coffee now and hanging out with a good friend later tonight.
Relic, isn’t it fantastic?! 😀 Stick around and we’ll keep the ball rolling.
@Nell Yes, IS a tool. Haha. I’ll drink to that.
I’m actually talking with her now, but she seems less chatty than last night. I’m a little disappointed, but better than nothing. And yeah, I can do as I please now. Odd concept for me that hasn’t fully settled in the old noggin’ as far as other people go.
Right on man! I think we are bouncing happiness off of one another. You’re right, it feels fantastic!
We’ve just got to keep on the path we’re on, sit back, and prop our feet up. 🙂
Sounds like you’ve been doing really well! I’m impressed that she’s reached out to you, but proud of you for sticking to your guns. That power, my good man, is from the power being in your favor. She’s lost it by contacting you and wanting to initiate a talk. I get the not wanting to be friendzoned, and if this dude is still in the picture avoid it at all costs.
I’m sure they would probably be freaked out if they saw what had been written. Most of our exes are in an emotional state lately it seems (from what I’ve seen across the boards). It probably would not be a good thing at all.
Yeah, you know that thought had crossed my mind. I’ve been working on LoA and I’ve had all these people come into my life recently, including my first ex. We’ve been texting off and on all day while we’re both working. Could be the universe doing it’s thing and I am not complaining in the least bit! 😉
I’m so sorry to hear that. To put it bluntly, you ex seems like a tool. I really think you deserve better than the crap he’s putting you through. I thought my ex was bad but at least she has the common sense to stay out of my life more than anything.
You shouldn’t apologize for anything anymore. You’re the bigger person here and while it sucks most of us are in that position it seems. We’ll get through it. I got an e-mail from my relationship coach. Might help you out a bit:
“NC is more for the client most of the time really because if you wish to pursue your ex and make her see that you are worthy of that second chance then it would be necessary for you to make her see that you do not bring along a roller coaster of emotions this time around. However in your case it seems to me that your ex needs it more than you. Don’t get me wrong, we aren’t waiting for her to have a 180 degree change. For example, her attitude of masking her real emotions may remain whatever happens simply because that is her natural defense mechanism. ”
I guess sometimes NC is more beneficial for the dumper than the dumpee. Attitudes of exes can be outright childish at times. -shakes head-
