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I’ve experienced some strange things while meditating before. One time in particular I remember laying on the ground trying to meditate and something blew in my ear, almost like a dog sniffing around your ear. Strange thing was I was alone. I’ve also had out of body experiences growing up, almost like I was in another person’s body if I was talking to them and looking at myself. I’ get bouts of deja vu as well and it’s almost like I have a choice with that: if I act on what I’ve seen, whatever will happen… if I don’t, it doesn’t. I dodged many fights with my now ex thanks to this.
I’m not sure I’ve mastered something like astral projection or dream telepathy, but I gave it a shot the past few nights. I listen to bineural beats while in bed and have aimed to reach out to my ex in a calm, understanding, pleasant manner. I forgive her for any bad things, tell her I understand what happened, and that it’s okay, I’m moving on. Before I started doing this, it seemed like my ex was apathetic to me and did not really have any focus on me at all. Well, the morning after I attempted dream telepathy, there were a bunch of sad/regretful songs that she was listening to. A few more nights of it and it switched to her being angry.I’ve not done a thing to her or tried to contact her during NC (other than the dream telepathy), and am on day 13. But it makes me wonder if it’s working or just coincidence timing wise.
I do know if I’ve fallen asleep after attempting dream telepathy, I normally end up dreaming about her. I cannot recall the dreams specifically, but the feelings are those of her being angry with me for the breakup, but I wasn’t even the dumper lol.
I also don’t know how much I buy into zodiacs and all that, but we are both water signs. Supposedly water signs are “psychic” but I take it with a grain of salt. I do know I am very intuitive and seem to have a built in lie detector. I also pick up on other’s emotions very easily, even if they’re trying to hide them. Talks like these always fascinate me.
@Martin Love Harold and Kumar! And you’re absolutely right. If you want to reconnect with your friends, I say go for it. But DO NOT say anything about your ex and if they try to bring her up, ask them not to. I’ve had to do this with a mutual friend for my own sanity.
@archola I’ve found that people don’t really change, they merely reveal themselves over time. I think any of us that had a long, deep relationship with our exes probably know them the best. How they act right now though, that’s debatable. I don’t think they like that we know them, so they try to give off the appearance of having changed. In my ex’s case, she’s doing her best to act like a socialite, be super flirty with others and outgoing, etc.. I’ve known her since 3rd grade, so I know it’s a bluff and a way for her to try to ignore her feelings. She’s the shy, quiet type; I’m not fooled.
@confusedbutok I get where you’re coming from. I bent over backward to make things nice at our apartment, make sure she stayed happy, and provided so much for my ex. NC seems to be the only way for us to keep our sanity and possibly shake our exes back into reality. When we’ve done so much for them and we’re suddenly not there doing all those nice things, it’s going to make quite the impact. But again, all things take time.
@Carmine828 A little bit of patience goes a long way for sure! I had waited 2 years for a chance to date my now ex. I carried on about my life though, and it got to a point where I said to myself “screw it, done waiting around.” She had led me on for too long and was hot/cold about being with me. Funny thing about that, when I let go, she came running.Today started off good for me, but I hit a point of momentary sadness and fear. It’s strange because it came out of nowhere and left me feeling like I needed to cry, but could not. I know rationally my ex is hurting just as much as I am, if not more because I am not chasing her. I’m sure it’s pissing her off and making her feel like I don’t care about her at all (which is not the case), and that stirred fear that it might push her to look elsewhere. I realized though that my fear was just my brain still having to adjust to the changes. Emotionally, I’m good, but after 5 years of living together my brain as to rewire itself. So I cried, accepted the emotion at that moment, wrote a letter to my ex and burned it. I felt better afterward, had a cup of coffee, and am now watching Netflix with a friend.
I think you’re right. She’s the one that’s initiated breaks and the breakups, but never had enough time for herself to really evaluate things. She’s in a situation right now where she has no choice but to stick to her guns, but with time I’m sure she’ll come around again. The longest we broke up before was a month before she came running back, but I did make the mistake of pressuring her then. Not going to happen this time as it’s critical we both get our lives in order.
I really love the link you posted, and it gave me a lot of insight and hope. I truly believe with time apart, we will both work to improve ourselves (and everyone else here too)! If nothing comes from it, nothing comes from it. But knowing what I know, I’d say odds are good with reconciliation down the line.
Same boat again. I treated her like gold, and if we had a problem I was the one working to work it out and be rational. I did make mistakes, but she made mountains out of molehills. However, I don’t think my ex is in a relationship at this time, but there is a girl after her hardcore. It’s amusing because my ex is throwing compliments her way and hanging out with her almost daily, saying things like “Prettiest girl at the ball” to her but that is not something typical of my ex to say to someone like her. I know better, and I know she would not go for someone that NEVER smiles, has serial killer face (so I’m told), and is essentially a Justin Bieber wannabe as far as hair/dress style goes (per my bro).
I know my ex has hit a resentful/angry stage with me and wants me to know it. She goes out of her way to try to suck me into her vortex of ick, but I’m a better woman than that. It also seems like she’s trying to compete with me. I’ve been following Kevin’s advice to change my fb profile pic each week and not post anything negative. Anytime I post something, I get lots of likes and comments. Well, she’s taken to trying to do the same and her most recent profile pic is one of those smug smiles that seems to scream “I don’t need you.” But again, I know better. The grass is not greener. Despite looking somewhat happy in her most recent profile pic, she has MAJOR dark circles under her eyes, more so than when we were together. She’s also been using my gaming account and playing games until after midnight, so I’m guessing she’s a bit lonely and trying to fill her time.
Awfully funny for her to be acting this way when I have not done anything to her and made sure the break was at least ending on a good note. For someone who loved me, but was no longer in love with me, all this anger seems to suggest that perhaps, just maybe, she is still in love with me and fighting herself. Who knows.
That much is very true. I’m just glad I’ve got a stable support system and am back on my way to being how I was pre-dating her, but happier.
It was actually kind of funny. I ran to the store about an hour ago and there were some guys just chilling in a truck. One of them hollered at me for a high five. I asked what for and got a “just cause” reply. I gave the man a high five and we whooped and hollered together then laughed. It was amazing, and if I were still with my ex that would have NEVER happened. It’s the little things and it made me feel really good.
I cannot say for certain it’s exactly how she feels as I am not her, but I knew her very intimately and have learned her thought processes/emotional ways. She suffered much abuse over her lifetime, some from previous relationships, but the vast majority from her mother. So she tends to cycle into old habits and patterns.
It probably is the best thing to do at this point, in this moment, given the behavior. But we’ll see how things go over the next few weeks.
The rose tinted lenses are starting to come off and with each day I’m learning I really am better off. And she will have to do a lot of proving that she’s serious if she decides to come running back in the next few months. Fortunately for me I already have my ducks in a row on that one, it would just be a matter of being consistent.
I don’t know if that’s how she feels, but it would not surprise me on a subconscious level if that were the case.
And believe me I know it’s not fair. That is why I have no chased after her or begged and pleaded… and I let her know the day she was moving out she had a lot of work to do to earn my trust back after the crap she pulled.
The extent to which she betrayed my trust… Honestly, it’s probably the worst thing anyone has done to me. To tell me “I am still in love with you, I don’t want to lose you, I want to work things out,” and then go behind my back, get a lease agreement elsewhere, and plan on NOT telling me until the very end? Big mistake on her part. I was lucky I found out about it before time was up, and I was very fortunate to get a bit of a promotion/pay increase a few days after she moved out. She would have left me hanging high and dry financially otherwise. Funny thing about timing with that, she moved out and my life has been infinitely better. Same could not be said for her, but she’s trying her best to appear that life is great. The cracks are already there.
I’m thinking at this point I may need to blow off the coffee catch up plan for next month. That would fall a few days after 30 day NC. Instead, I’m thinking at least 60 days no contact if she’s acting this way after 13 days of NC.
Thank you Caz.
Having had more time to briefly reflect, I was the constant source of stability in her life when we were together. It was always that way. At our apt together, I did all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, animal care taking (as she would not after some time), fixed problems (any and all because I’m a good problem solver) and had a stable job that paid well.
When her family would not help her when she was struggling, I was there. When she could not afford to pay for simple little necessities, I helped her. When she was forced to quit her job and couldn’t pay for school and failed out, I was there. When she couldn’t pay for her first apt any longer, my family and I were there. She moved into my parents house with me (we were both younger then), I did what I could. When she was sick, I’d take care of her. When she realized her mother was a factor whenever we had problems, I forgave her and took her back. When she was uncomfortable at my parents place, despite the goal being to save up for a house, we moved out and I paid for rent and utilities myself. When she had homework, I’d help her out to the best of my abilities. When she didn’t have a car, I let her use mine. When she HAD to have the dog she adopted, despite my concerns I went out of my way to get it cleared with the landlords. When she did not train said dog and neglected her, I stepped in and got the dog going on a better path. I could go on and on here, but venting out of the way…
I’m a giver/care taker by nature as it’s how my family raised me. I know she does not have a solid support system right now, especially since I’m not in the picture. She made too many changes too quickly, much more than she ever has before, and it’s already catching up with her. My heart goes out to her because it has got to be tough.
@Caz15 It’s tough with the NC as today marks the 13th day for me. We’ll get there.
What I don’t understand is why she would be acting like that yet she and her roommates are acting like everything is fantastic. I’m sure they’re having fun, but I also know my ex… and she doesn’t always play well with others or fit in as she’s an odd duck. But that’s what I like about her honestly. She used to walk to the beat of her own drum, but how she’s acting now is definitely the opposite. I guess her lizard brain may be going haywire.
I spoke briefly with my older sister about this and she raised a valid possibility for her behavior. My ex has a problem where she HAS to feel needed. To see that I’m doing well, getting out, getting in shape, and not chasing may be causing her to lash out because I don’t “need” her.
Congratulations! I’m beyond happy for you and it’s nice to see a success!
What problems did you encounter with NC in the way of you thinking she was having an amazing time; did she give the appearance that she was along with her friends/family??
@Martin I understand where you’re coming from. I’m happy on my own, but there’s that different happiness shared with someone special.
It’s another early morning for me, woke up at 6. I’ve got a question: has anyone had stomach problems after their breakup? I started to have problems the month before the breakup, feeling like there was a pit of fire in my belly at times when I woke up. After the breakup, it REALLY got worse. The entire month of December and into this month I wake up earlier than I used to with stomach pain. At times there would be nausea and dry heaving. I went to the doctor about it and she gave me antacids, but they did little good when I could keep them down. I went back again last week and they gave me something for the nausea, which works well. Unfortunately this morning I ended up actually getting sick.
I’m sure it’s stress related, but the thing is more often than not I don’t have the anxiety I did when I was with my ex. Whole stomach issue has become an undesired habitual thing and I’m tired of it.
So, anyone else have any physical issues after the split?
Woo, that was rough. About 15 minutes ago my ex was listening to music on spotify, something she said she wasn’t going to use anymore. She didn’t want to see what I was listening to, as I think she thought it would all be sad songs. Not the case, all happy and upbeat. Surprise, surprise, she is using it again… and I’m fairly certain it’s because she wants me to see what she’s listening to. Odd combination of songs that are about determination and such, and then sad love songs.
Am I wrong in thinking this is a tactic to try to get me to talk to her? I immediately exited out of spotify after a brief anxiety attack of seeing all of that. Rational mind kicked in thankfully. I miscounted my days I think earlier, it’s been 12 days of NC and I’m wondering if it’s setting in with her yet that I’m not going to reach out again…
@Martin definitely strange. I think it boils down to attraction being lost in my case. Me ex and I kind of fell into a routine like an old married couple, despite being only 24/25. I know for a fact she was not quite physically attracted to me as she said I let myself go, but was still in it for shagging. Her loss now that I’ve dropped 20+ pounds and am getting toned again. I’ve also let go of the negativity since the anxiety problems I had were a result from being with my ex.
I wouldn’t suggest sending her anything. Our exes, if they want to be treated not as exes and as friends or something more, need to earn respect and any sort of affection from us first. We deserve better.
@Martin Sounds like you’ve had quite the endeavor. I applaud you for sticking to your guns with NC and reapplying it. I’m kind of in the same boat as you. I doubt my ex will try to reach out too, despite 5 years of intimacy. I think for my ex it’s a matter of pride. Any time we took a break or broke up, she was the one usually to initiate it and then would come running back in time because the grass was not greener like she thought it would be. Having done this so many times, she’s got to be consistent with such a bold move that’s she made now as there’s more at stake this time around and more pressure from her family/friends.
Here’s to us all keeping on the right track and not getting derailed! Cheers!
@Nell Yeah, they definitely do not match up at all. Not the first time either. You can check out “Strange one, feedback greatly appreciated” thread if interested for more info. I’m in a different situation here than most I think because it’s not a typical guy/girl relationship. :\
@Martin Congrats on making it to day 15! Remember to try and stay positive. I think with most of us, if our Exs had any type of real bond, we are not so easy to get over. Sometimes people use crutches, some of us prefer to heal first and then work back to where we need to be on our own.
@crescendoanu It can be tough, but hang in there! I’m on day 9 after starting NC again. I found, this being the second NC period, that it gets easier. This is especially true when you take power back and focus on yourself. You should try to focus on yourself and be happy with your life too! The way I see it, we are desirable people and our exs just need time to realize this again. They did at one point after all, but emotions are still on high for them most likely. All good things in time.
