Ex acting hostile

@Caz15 It’s tough with the NC as today marks the 13th day for me. We’ll get there.

What I don’t understand is why she would be acting like that yet she and her roommates are acting like everything is fantastic. I’m sure they’re having fun, but I also know my ex… and she doesn’t always play well with others or fit in as she’s an odd duck. But that’s what I like about her honestly. She used to walk to the beat of her own drum, but how she’s acting now is definitely the opposite. I guess her lizard brain may be going haywire.

I spoke briefly with my older sister about this and she raised a valid possibility for her behavior. My ex has a problem where she HAS to feel needed. To see that I’m doing well, getting out, getting in shape, and not chasing may be causing her to lash out because I don’t “need” her.

Thank you Caz.

Having had more time to briefly reflect, I was the constant source of stability in her life when we were together. It was always that way. At our apt together, I did all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, animal care taking (as she would not after some time), fixed problems (any and all because I’m a good problem solver) and had a stable job that paid well.

When her family would not help her when she was struggling, I was there. When she could not afford to pay for simple little necessities, I helped her. When she was forced to quit her job and couldn’t pay for school and failed out, I was there. When she couldn’t pay for her first apt any longer, my family and I were there. She moved into my parents house with me (we were both younger then), I did what I could. When she was sick, I’d take care of her. When she realized her mother was a factor whenever we had problems, I forgave her and took her back. When she was uncomfortable at my parents place, despite the goal being to save up for a house, we moved out and I paid for rent and utilities myself. When she had homework, I’d help her out to the best of my abilities. When she didn’t have a car, I let her use mine. When she HAD to have the dog she adopted, despite my concerns I went out of my way to get it cleared with the landlords. When she did not train said dog and neglected her, I stepped in and got the dog going on a better path. I could go on and on here, but venting out of the way…

I’m a giver/care taker by nature as it’s how my family raised me. I know she does not have a solid support system right now, especially since I’m not in the picture. She made too many changes too quickly, much more than she ever has before, and it’s already catching up with her. My heart goes out to her because it has got to be tough.

I don’t know if that’s how she feels, but it would not surprise me on a subconscious level if that were the case.

And believe me I know it’s not fair. That is why I have no chased after her or begged and pleaded… and I let her know the day she was moving out she had a lot of work to do to earn my trust back after the crap she pulled.

The extent to which she betrayed my trust… Honestly, it’s probably the worst thing anyone has done to me. To tell me “I am still in love with you, I don’t want to lose you, I want to work things out,” and then go behind my back, get a lease agreement elsewhere, and plan on NOT telling me until the very end? Big mistake on her part. I was lucky I found out about it before time was up, and I was very fortunate to get a bit of a promotion/pay increase a few days after she moved out. She would have left me hanging high and dry financially otherwise. Funny thing about timing with that, she moved out and my life has been infinitely better. Same could not be said for her, but she’s trying her best to appear that life is great. The cracks are already there.

I’m thinking at this point I may need to blow off the coffee catch up plan for next month. That would fall a few days after 30 day NC. Instead, I’m thinking at least 60 days no contact if she’s acting this way after 13 days of NC.

I cannot say for certain it’s exactly how she feels as I am not her, but I knew her very intimately and have learned her thought processes/emotional ways. She suffered much abuse over her lifetime, some from previous relationships, but the vast majority from her mother. So she tends to cycle into old habits and patterns.

It probably is the best thing to do at this point, in this moment, given the behavior. But we’ll see how things go over the next few weeks.

The rose tinted lenses are starting to come off and with each day I’m learning I really am better off. And she will have to do a lot of proving that she’s serious if she decides to come running back in the next few months. Fortunately for me I already have my ducks in a row on that one, it would just be a matter of being consistent.

That much is very true. I’m just glad I’ve got a stable support system and am back on my way to being how I was pre-dating her, but happier.

It was actually kind of funny. I ran to the store about an hour ago and there were some guys just chilling in a truck. One of them hollered at me for a high five. I asked what for and got a “just cause” reply. I gave the man a high five and we whooped and hollered together then laughed. It was amazing, and if I were still with my ex that would have NEVER happened. It’s the little things and it made me feel really good.