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I wouldn’t freak out about that last text message. It isn’t too bad, and it is a response. He could have just put Night. Or something like that. I don’t really think it is cold at all.
If she really is on drugs, then it really doesn’t matter what you say… or do for that matter. The only people she is going to want to be with are people who support her drug use.
That doesn’t mean that she can’t turn it around, but right now, it sounds like she is more committed to the drugs than any sort of relationship.
I don’t think I would contact him just yet. I know it is hard because you just saw him and the way he treated you, but I don’t think I would
That is good to hear. I hope it continues for you too.
I still wake up everyday with an ache in my chest. I know that I can move on, but I just want T.
If she has an addiction, then she really can’t help it because it is like she can’t control it. She will need rehab or some other type of help to get off of them.
Oh, that is so hard, but I really think the acting like a stranger thing is just something they do to protect themselves. I had it happen to me many times with my ex before the ex I have now. He would treat me like a stranger, and then we would get back together.
I don’t know if you should talk to the friend or not. Maybe just to see if she knows anything?
**We did end up dating. I just meant that our year long friendship is really when I fell for her, and dating is when I was getting serious about the relationship.
I honestly don’t know the right thing to do. This is only the second time I have ever been in love. The person I fell for I dated off and on for six years. We broke up several times and got back together. He cheated though, but I always took him back. The last time I decided not to take him back. Then his father died. I sent him a condolence message, and he asked to see me. I told him that I couldn’t do it because it was just too hard. That I didn’t want to do our usual thing. I really thought it wouldn’t give up after me saying no just one time, but he did. He ended up getting married two years after that to the next girl he dated. I didn’t get over him until he had been married about 6 months.
This time, I don’t know. I just fell hard for this girl, and I thought everything was going so well until the move. Even though we weren’t dating, I consider our friendship part of our relationship because that is really when I fell for her. I wouldn’t have been able to date a woman otherwise unless I knew that I had real feelings for her. I want to believe that the no contact and all of this works, but I am just not sure.
I have always had a chance to get back together with everyone I have ever dated except for maybe one guy. One time it didn’t happen until 5 years after we had broken up, and we ended up going to the same school for graduate school. He thought it was a sign we should be together, but by that time, I had met the guy that I would be on and off again with for 6 years.
I think in your case, it may be best to have solid no contact if you think that would help YOU. Especially since you are long distance, it sounds like he really wants your support and friendship, but then doesn’t want the commitment of the relationship. Dropping out of his life for a while might be a good idea.
I have a hard time getting angry, but I feel like it would help. I am mostly just sad and anxious because I want her back. I try to think back to when I was single before we started dating or even think back to before I even met her as a friend, and I know that I was somewhat happy. I can be happy without her.
I just fell for her, and I cannot account for her change as to why she doesn’t want me. If it were someone else or another reason, then I think I could get angry, but just being rejected so she can be alone makes me sad.
Anger can be a good thing because it will help you move on.
I completely understand what you mean by “at the end of the day, our exes just didn’t love us enough…” And I would love to be one of those people who was just like, her/his loss. I am moving on to someone who sees my value as a partner.
And it could be that my ex doesn’t have the emotional capacity to be in a committed relationship, or it could be that she isn’t over her ex before me, which means she doesn’t have the emotional capacity to be in a committed relationship with me. I don’t know. There is absolutely nothing that I can do about that. She will have to be the one to step up and commit to a relationship. And it could be to me or someone else.
Or it could be that she lost attraction to me because her move was making me feel insecure. I should be emotionally secure enough to handle the move, but I didn’t feel emotionally supported during the transition.
But somewhere along the way, I fell in love with her. And true, I am a lovely person that could be a valuable partner to any number of people. It is just that at the moment, I want her.
When we broke up, I told her she was lucky to get to date me, and she said she agreed and wished she felt differently. I wish she felt differently, or I felt differently.
And I do know that I let my life revolve around our relationship once we found out she was moving because I felt like I had limited time to spend with her before we would be apart. I feel like that contributed to the break up.
I just love her and want her. That is really all I know at this point.
You seem very emotionally strong, Travelbug. I am sure you are doing great.
At some point, you just have to pick something and go with it. I ended up telling my ex that I was in love with her before we started no contact, but after we broke up. And that could push her away, but also, I knew if I never told her that I would regret for the rest of my life. It could be a huge negative, but if it is, then it is. I did fall in love with her. So I was just saying the truth.
I have since started no contact. I don’t know what will happen in the future, but I know that I am making the best decisions I can make at the time.
As long as you aren’t hurting anyone on purpose including yourself, then you should just make the best choice you can. Ultimately, this will work out one way or another.
That is really tough because it really could go either way. I definitely believe the move, new job, and new city thing brings out a lot of stress. That is what it seems like with my ex anyway. I tried to be as supportive of her as possible during her transition and move, but I still needed to get my emotional needs met through the relationship as well. I do feel like I was a bit needy towards the end, and it contributed to her wanting to end the relationship.
Really, only time will tell. And even if he were to meet someone else, that does not mean that she would be the one for him. It could just cause him to miss you. So really, in a long distance situation, you have to trust in what you had with him or trust that this move happened when it was suppose to happen.
I have a really hard time with that because I feel like if my ex hadn’t of moved, we would still be going strong. Because the move seemed to be the biggest obstacle in our relationship. But my ex always says if it is meant to be, it will be. I don’t know if I believe that because I believe two people need to choose for it to be. But I can’t make her choose me.
Either way, it will be fine. And a strong connection always comes around to something else, even if it isn’t exactly what you thought. I have heard of people reuniting when they are retired and old after their other spouses have passed away, and they get their second chance then. You never know.
Aamls, I am so sorry to hear about the divorce papers. I think you should let your youngest tell him that she wants you to get back together. She is a part of the family and has a right to her feelings.
You need to start living for you. I know you are crushed by this pain, but remember God is close to the broken-hearted. He is near those who are crushed in spirit.
For now, you have a right to want what you want. And you don’t want your marriage to be over. That is perfectly reasonable. But you have to live your life as if you might not get what you want this time. So think of all of the things that you would want second, third, fourth, and work on getting those things.
I know this is hard because when the thing you want the very, very most in the whole world is taken away, it might seem like there is nothing else you do want. I know that feelings well. But dig deep, and take care of yourself first! You can do this!
