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Skunk, NO!!!!!! Don’t do No Contact. You are the dumper and its your responsibility to reach out to her and let her know how you feel. Honestly if you have kept in touch with her over the 5 month period then asking her out for a coffee/drink will be fine. You don’t have to state the reason for the meet up. But honestly you doing No Contact is not going to solve anything. The sooner you reach out to her the better.
if she say no to getting back together, then go No contact and that will give her the opportunity to think about her decision and miss you.
Don’t do No Contact until you tell her how you feel and show your desire to get back together
“Hey everyone come over here…its a person who did the breaking up, the mysterious creature known to us as the dumper.” <cue> Ohhhhhhh sound from lots of people
Skunk I do believe you are a first here, everyone else is the dumpee on these boards
On a serious note: to answer your question. Be honest and sincere with your Ex. That’s the only way to regain trust. Don’t play the blame game and be humble.
If you are already in regular contact with your Ex and she seems keen as you mention then ask to meet up for coffee/drink and tell her how you feel, apologise for your behaviour, be humble and say that you want to give the relationship a second chance.
If you haven’t had any contact with her in the 5 months you have been separated then invite her to a group activity that you know she will like i.e. picnic/movie/ watch a sports game and get a vibe for where she is at. For all you know she could of moved on or she could be one of the posters her on this forum waiting for you to reach out to her. A group activity with other people will give you a good feel for what she is thinking without it becoming awkward if you meet for the first time One on One after 5 months.
Go from there and let us know how things work out. From a scientific point of view I’m very curious. This is actually a first and I will get lots of data to process from this
Good morning beautiful – Did you sleep well?
Actually if I was to be honest I look similar to Steve Carell. What is kinda scary is the movie he starred in “The 40 year old virgin” was similar to where I was at in life a few years ago when it came out. (Well the first half of the movie was) It was like someone had taken my life and made it into a movie. All my friends at the time where going WTF is the story of Steve.
Whatever happens I want to say thank you Rihanna. For all this talk that has been going on between us and our playfulness together. I actually starting to feel like my old self for the first time in 3 months plus. The relax, happy, confident guy I use to be. The last few months have been extremely tough and I have been very down and in a major funk. I lost my confidence and self belief. But for the last two days I feel hope and just better. Will this feeling last? I don’t know. But for now it feels good so thank you and who knows what will happen next 🙂
A.Z I believe you and it will happen 🙂
Hey you are not an idiot 🙂 Sometimes ideas are like seeds and they need to be nurtured and given a chance to take root and grow before they become a reality. I really hope you and Dara meet up. You guys do have the chemistry.
its a pity there is no private message option on this board so you guys can swap emails/Skype details to allow this to develop into something more
Marie – Great work on doing the job interview and I know how it feels when something exciting happens in your life and your initial reaction is tell the one who is closest to your heart. It does suck that you cant share those moments for now, but stay focused 🙂
Hi there Julia
Hang in there girl. I have read your thread and know how tough it is for you. Personally I don’t think there is anything wrong with spending the whole day crying and that’s coming from a guy who still cries regularly. I think media has a lot to answer to for making crying uncool. Its part of the grieving process and is good for you. L.A has hit the nail on the head with what he said in regards to moving on.
“Hope for the best and prepare for the worst” is one of my sayings I hope you get back with your Ex and he makes you happy and you spend the rest of your lives together in bliss but you have to start planning ‘YOUR’ life as if you will never see him again. Start doing things that will make you happy and do things for yourself, not your Ex. If that makes any sense to you.
If you are feeling real bad trying doing something that will take your mind off things even if it is only for a hour or so. During the first 2 months of my breakup I watched a lot of movies and TV. Sometimes I would just zone out and wouldn’t really pay attention to what was going on in the movie, but it was there and help take my mind of things even if for a brief time.
Don’t be afraid to share with either us on the forum or a close friend/family member on how you are feeling. MY best friend was gold during that initial period. I lost a lot of my social circle with the breakup, but one friend who has been my bestie for over 20 years stuck by me even know him and his wife have a 10month old baby and it was inconvenient for him
Good day beautiful people
Raed and Daniel – Wow that is so cool you guys are both from the Philippines. You will both have to meet up and go out as each others wingmen. Watch out ladies. However Raed I do believe Rihanna is playing hard to get so she may still choose you ;p All these guys chasing after her and A.Z. Hopefully we don’t scare them away
Rihanna – Honey I love the idea of going to an art galley at night event with you. The great thing for me is flights to Australia are so cheap and its only 2 hour flight from here. Yeah I do enjoy a glass of wine to suit the occasion. I normally will have a white if I’m out for a meal or we are wandering around looking at the different pictures.
Also since you and Dara have already guessed. I do live in NZ thus the reason why I was taking some digs at Australia. Nothing like some friendly rivalry between our countries. I have a kiwi accent as I have spent most of life here. I have had some years abroad, but I always come back here and call this land home.
Also I’m not the most spectacular looking either. I know I wouldn’t look great in a black and white bikini personally. Yet the more I hear about you – French with
A.Z. Yeah I love this group too, its got so silly but serious over the last few days and I love it. Dara is right you have a big heart and I totally agree the last couple of days this thread has made me smile in a goofy kind of way, even if it the thought of us as virtual friends all meeting up and having a drink together.
Also A.Z. a post count of over 650 – you go girl 😛 Please don’t get bored on us
Sinead – Welcome to the crazy thread – So glad you could join us. My family is descended from Ireland but they moved out to NZ about 100 years ago or so and the family has been living here since. I do get comments that I have an Irish look with my dark hair, bushy eyebrows and blue eyes but I can be still be your friend if you are interested in having a kiwi friend 🙂
FestivalDave – Glad to know you will keep popping in hear from time to time to join in our madness.
Hi Julia
I used the template from Relationship rewind as a starting point then chopped and changed it as I felt best for my situation. Personalizating it to your situation is the key. Like yourself I wrote the letter and sat on it for a week before even looking it again. I made a lot of changes from the original draft.
For myself personally my paragraphs went something along the lines of
Paragraph 1 – Apology
Paragraph 2 – Reminders of bliss moments and reinforcing that I did love her during the relationship
Paragraph 3 – acceptance of breakup but desire to be friends
Paragraph 4 – calling out that she hasn’t maintain friendship even know she promised we would
Paragraph 5 – Reinforcing my belief in her as a decent person and someone who will do well with their career
Paragraph 6 – Hints at stuff happening my life and wanting to meet upIf you have read some of my earlier posts you will know that I didn’t hear back from my Ex after I sent the letter (I know she got it) but I still believe my letter was well written and would of spoken volumes to her
Hope this helps you
Melbourne is the one of the few Australian City I haven’t been to yet and I have heard so many good things about it from the Art world as you mention to the café culture. Baby that is a nice dream to go there with you and just spend our days wandering the streets laughing and holding hands while visiting little galleries and spending time at some café on a side walk talking over a coffee. Then maybe do some shopping and you buying some nice clothes and shoes for a night out by the riverside at a fancy restaurant all paid for by me. It is a very Nice dream Rihanna, just a pity you are “unavailable” 😛
Daniel – I hope you don’t forget about us 😛 We have discussed a gathering and FestivalDave said he will personally visit each one of us in his travels over the coming weeks and give us plane tickets to meet up. its going to be great – Thanks again FestivalDave
Rihanna – Naaawww so sad now that you told Daniel you are not looking for a relationship and here I thought things were blossoming between us and going so well. I was just about to start calling you baby. Think I might have to go off and have a little cry now 🙁 But yes I am 36 years old. The poem is from Austin Heath and just one that I remember from a while back, but I had to relook it up on Google to write it out for you. Sadly I don’t know him personally, so you are my first poet friend 🙂 Yay for me!
Haha when the others come on to this thread they are going to be like WTF happen in the last 24 hours
Daniel – I hope you don’t forget about us 😛 We have discussed a gathering and FestivalDave said he will personally visit each one of us in his travels over the coming weeks and give us plane tickets to meet up. its going to be great – Thanks again FestivalDave
Rihanna – Naaawww so sad now that you told Daniel you are not looking for a relationship and here I thought things were blossoming between us and going so well. I was just about to start calling you baby. Think I might have to go off and have a little cry now 🙁 But yes I am 36 years old. The poem is from Austin Heath and just one that I remember from a while back, but I had to relook it up on Google to write it out for you. Sadly I don’t know him personally, so you are my first poet friend 🙂 Yay for me!
Haha when the others come on to this thread they are going to be like WTF happen in the last 24 hours
To answer the age one Rihanna. I believe I am 4 years older then you and Yes Dara is right my grand parents were originally from Ireland and Cornwell in England. But I was born here.
No I’m not a maniac. To quote a poet I know
If I was a drinker, I’d be dry on the rocks;
if I was an addict, I’d be dead.
I’m not proud enough to call myself a writer
and I barely scrape by with the title “poet”.
It’s not all the same, except it kind of is,
and if it’s all the same to you,
I’d rather be a maniac with good definitions,One of your guess has been correct so far 🙂
hehe this is fun.
Hey Daniel, cool to hear from you and glad you went on a movie date. DO give us the details when you get the chance. Things going well here. This website has been renamed HookupWithSomeonesEx.com and it seems like everyone is doing well. We have our ups and downs, but overall everyone is positive.
Good on you Dara. Have a drink for me tonight and I actually have some scotch single malt to drink this weekend 🙂
I knew you were hot Rihanna, I could tell from your writing style that you were, plus you’re a poet which adds to your attractiveness. Now you have me daydreaming about being at the beach with you in your poka dot black and white bikini.
Ok Rihanna so lets play a game “Guess where Steve is from?” First clue. Just like you its currently winter where I live.
Ok so things are starting to heat up in this forums…Whew someone call the fire department as I think this thread about to burst into flames shortly with all the hot action happening here!!!!
First we have the love connection of Dara and A.Z and the flirting that is happening between those two. They just need a room. Now we have you, Rihanna, telling us about how you love to wear a bikini, Hot, hot, hot and I’m sure you will look stunning in one too.
Tell me again why you are currently single Rihanna??? Oh that’s right you are getting over you Ex and all the drama he has caused in your life 😛 So do let me know when you moved on from him. I may have to pull out some smooth sexy moves on you and Sydney is not that far away 😛
Day 41 of NC for myself and my Ex has been on the back of my mind. I am thankful my job has been very busy this week and it has helped to take my mind of things for a bit. It has been the nights getting to me, last night was the worst as I go home and think….and think…and think then I get down and extremely sad about the way things turn out.
I am impressed with my willpower at the moment as times like this I just want to pick up the phone and call her just to talk to her and beg her to change her mind. But I know that deadly instinct is the worst thing I could do
The plus for me at the moment is I am sleeping really well and I haven’t woken up in the middle of the night like I use too.
Every journey consist of lots of single steps and my journey at the moment feels like getting through each day one at a time.
