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Hey people so here’s the situation, I was the one that left and we have been apart for about 5 months, In this time ive been over seas and had sometime to reflex on whats important to me. Now it seems like the damage may be done and now its hard to convince her that i mean well and would like to continue with her.. she seems keen but i think it’s the hurt i did thats holding her at bay from trusting me again..
any advice would be good on how i should get her to trust me again..
Im unsure if this is normal on here or not! 🙂“Hey everyone come over here…its a person who did the breaking up, the mysterious creature known to us as the dumper.” <cue> Ohhhhhhh sound from lots of people
Skunk I do believe you are a first here, everyone else is the dumpee on these boards
On a serious note: to answer your question. Be honest and sincere with your Ex. That’s the only way to regain trust. Don’t play the blame game and be humble.
If you are already in regular contact with your Ex and she seems keen as you mention then ask to meet up for coffee/drink and tell her how you feel, apologise for your behaviour, be humble and say that you want to give the relationship a second chance.
If you haven’t had any contact with her in the 5 months you have been separated then invite her to a group activity that you know she will like i.e. picnic/movie/ watch a sports game and get a vibe for where she is at. For all you know she could of moved on or she could be one of the posters her on this forum waiting for you to reach out to her. A group activity with other people will give you a good feel for what she is thinking without it becoming awkward if you meet for the first time One on One after 5 months.
Go from there and let us know how things work out. From a scientific point of view I’m very curious. This is actually a first and I will get lots of data to process from this
Hiya, yeah i wondered if i’d be the first in this situation. Thanks for not flaming me at posting it up, so i have been in reg contact with her over this time period, when i was here and over seas. Ive not been back very long and i guess im slightly impatient to get thing under way again. As i guess you suggested it the “dumper” 🙂 ive also been the one on the other side in a few occasions aswell.. So i know how it feels also, Not very nice!
I guess what im saying is the time apart deffinatly made things clear for me to pursue what i should have NOT let go of in the first place. Im going to try the no contact thing and see if she comes around when she is good and ready.Skunk, NO!!!!!! Don’t do No Contact. You are the dumper and its your responsibility to reach out to her and let her know how you feel. Honestly if you have kept in touch with her over the 5 month period then asking her out for a coffee/drink will be fine. You don’t have to state the reason for the meet up. But honestly you doing No Contact is not going to solve anything. The sooner you reach out to her the better.
if she say no to getting back together, then go No contact and that will give her the opportunity to think about her decision and miss you.
Don’t do No Contact until you tell her how you feel and show your desire to get back together
Steve ,, lolzz “Hey everyone come over here…its a person who did the breaking up, the mysterious creature known to us as the dumper.” <cue> Ohhhhhhh sound from lots of people <<<<< what the hell ?? hehehehehe
I also think skunk shouldn’t try NC as he is a dumper. Totally agree with steve !
After that, let us know skunk as i’m so curious about your case.I broke it off in the first place as she seemed to be lossing what attracted me to her in the first place.. That drive and individuality that people all have,and should still have whle with someone else. Also i thing is wasnt in the right head space to settle down and commit completly, dont ge me wrong i was totally loyal to her. Maybe I was just scared to the idea of full commitment in the long term?. Now i see things differently and they seem clear as day. I guess people can change 🙂 and would love to show her that even after the hurt ive done that it can be good again… It’s getting that trust back when the person you cared for has suggested they dont want to now.
So here’s an up date, basically i met up with her for coffee and explained how im thinking of things differently now etc. last time i saw her id had about 40 hours of air travel and i think it may not of helped much. So we discussed what i wanted and what she wanted etc and have managed to get things off on the right foot again, early days but its looking positive 🙂
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