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I did the same thing @dopierk is explaining. It really hurt my ex feelings being in that position but i didn’t realize how much it sucks to be there.
It doesn’t seem like you to start ignoring him but its A GOOD THING, he broke up with you, if you give him what he used to he will give you what he has always given you.
Also you have to work out the stuff with your dog on your own. My ex has a son, and that was always her way of getting me back involved emotionally when i was doing great with no contact. No telling how long the situation will go on with the dog, and you will keep making the excuses to be involved, because working with the dog gives you that “in a relationship” feeling form the past without being in it.
Its a tough road ahead, the no contact is painful but once again you have to step outside of natural urges and comfort for the long term results, and i think he is in a great position for you to grow is attraction again, you haven’t gone too far and it is never too late to start.
for example, i had to accept the relationship was over with my ex. Then she would text me out the blue ” (my son) was asking for you today” because i wasn’t responding to anything else, she hit me with something we still had in common.For me it was her son but For you its the dog. Thats his mutual in right now, you can’t give it to him
My ex and I had a lot of problems, that majority was not on purpose and bad timing. For me i was emotional and got out of a relationship right before her. In about 2 years us switching relationships with other people we was never just single and available for each other. But even when i was with someone else or she was, i was EXTREMELY attracted to her, and the most time i was attracted to her was when she wasn’t making herself available to me, it made me chase really hard. So when we finally got together or her relationship ended with a guy, and mine ended with a girl she virtually threw herself at me. (no fault of her , its what she wanted and couldn’t help it) but even though I loved her so much, i was not attracted like i used to, we made it all about me (because i was the one fresh off a relationship) and basically there was no chase, i was handed all the benefits without having to make serious decisions on how i wanted her in my life. Now that she took that away I’m back chasing in a way, i started doing all the sweet things and passion i should have already done.
Point of that story is, No matter how much i loved her, i still couldn’t appreciate her because i was emotional, and she was making it okay for me to be that way by making herself overly available. He still loves you, but if he see you getting that independence from him he will chase, if he thinks you will always be there he will be complacent
Oh yeah, that as in not answering his call and going cold turkey on him. Its the best way, because it isn’t on his terms and you are doing it for you. When he realizes that you aren’t focused on what he wants anymore his chase begins
@dopierk is right and i think anybody who has been through it knows, it feels good at the start, but it only gets worse as bad feelings and memories arise and you could be locking him into the “oh yeah i remember why i broke up with her, nvm I’m fine” mode and thats hard to come back from, and it makes the no contact period even longer after you make that mistake.
its VERY hard to go cold turkey though and not say anything and feel like you want to message him and explain yourself on why you are doing what you are doing, but putting him at peace does nothing for the results you are hoping you receive
He is prolly over whelmed with emotions right now, and ou are making him feel good still because he is getting that connection with you, but you want him to have that connection with you, and ACTUALLY be with you. He will question his move for the break, and it will put him in a place to kick the bucket on his indecisive feeling of not knowing what to do. The more you look like you are fading the more he appreciates you and the bigger priority you become and thats really where you have to be, its just how men are. But being available is making him comfortable not having to make the tough decision about how he wants you involved in his life
Well it comes down to what you want, if you do that it builds the attraction to the point his urge to have you back is so strong he can’t help but be the one asking for you back.
That puts you in the position of power, and that isn’t to sound bad about “being in power” because you are the one who is still in love and wants it, so the power is safe in your hands haha
If you got in that situation again, when y’all saw each other and got back together that is just an emotional reaction, there are still things to be worked out so this doesn’t happen again, because when the emotional part runs out those problems still exist and he is liable to hit you with the hurtful “i thought this was right, but i think i still need space and we shouldn’t be together” which makes the whole process of no contact and everything way harder the second go around.
i suggest don’t answer that call later, unless he is calling about something important, if it is just advice or casual talk, don’t answer. Then get back to him later after that, say you are sorry you missed the call you got busy (but don’t tell him what you was busy with) and then let him know, but hey its great we are able to communicate, a (and some other nice stuff) but i need some space to think and to be alone for a bit.
you are basically setting him up for role reversal and for him to begin chasing you
To get the power you have to leave on top, when he calls you or y’all talk you have to end the conversation on good terms but with independence. something like
“i do appreciate that we can communicate, but i do need my space right now for awhile.” and then go no contact after that. You get the power back in this situation because you ending it on your terms even though he originally broke up with you it feels like roles are reversed and then stick to no contact, he will think about you ALOT it would be hard for him to move on from you and not think about you just because it looks like he is losing you and you are getting your independence which is against what he wants right now, which is why he keeps calling.
But yes the hardest part for myself and everybody else here for the most part is to focus on the long term goal vs the temporary satisfaction. It hurts to go through the struggle for a little bit because it isn’t something you are used to but i have to keep reminding myself “if you love them, you have to do this” because continuing to react of emotions will ruin the future potential when things are shaky right now.
Its likely, but when you get comfortable being in contact still fresh off a break up it tends to do more damage than anything, but it feels good because you are getting that attention. Doesn’t always help towards getting back together though, you gotta feel it out i guess
@Dopierk is right i spent the first month going back and forth with my ex, with power swings. I was good for a week until i let her back in with something small and she was missing me but then got the power back because i opened up emotionally by contacting and she went back into cold mode. It was back and forth for the whole past month and now she has been left on top in a way, its VERY important you stay no contact, the long you let him have the power of the emotions the longer the no contact period will last and the less chance you have of him wanting it back
Yes go no contact, especially if he is expecting you to contact him. Which that is what he is doing, its kind of putting you in his ball court. Its very important you don’t do that. He is still looking for a connection with you to make him feel comfortable you MUST NOT DO IT, he will miss you but doesn’t mean he will want to be back together.
And the site you have to not worry about, just do what you want don’t come to any agreements about whats okay and whats not.
@Dopierk you should def go back into no contact. Once you take a bit it is hard to not want another one.
I just got on day 4 of OFFICIAL no contact, my ex and I was feeling like we was no contact but we was actually talking every week (this past month), about something, both making excuses to talk, was emotional roller coaster, but finally a talk went to crap and the real no contact had to happen.
I will say though as a guy, I was hung up on my ex for the longest even though i knew it was virtually impossible to get back together, so you will have a nice range that he is out there thinking about you, girls usually have a better chance at getting over it than guys, and guys get in rebound relationships because they assume physical means will make them feel better but when he is alone and not distracting himself with life I’m sure he thinks about you.Gotta remember the no contact is a MUST even in the worst of break ups, time can heal
great advice 😀 would agree with everything she said
