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Boards Not Your Ex Is it over or is he freaking out?

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Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 319 total)
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  • #55061
    AvatarRas217
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 131

    What kinds of things have you done to focus on yourself? All I’ve wanted I my life is a partner in crime. Someone to travel with and just live life with. I thought I met him and now he’s leaving me. It’s terrifying that he’s gone.

    What sort of things have gotten your through NC?

    The only thing I can do is NC. He made his decision so now we both have to live with it. I hope he wakes up next week completely regretting it.

    The right relationship at the right time won’t be hard. Our relationship was flawless up til his business took over everything. Everything was so easy.

    Have you dated anyone since the breakup?

    #55088
    Avatarteresaa
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 33

    What if he DOES contact you next week? Or tomorrow? Will you accept him with open arms as if nothing happened?

    First of all, I commend you for being so patient and thoughtful. He’s extremely lucky to have a GF like you and he knows this and told you so. So why did he leave?

    This is just a theory and I don’t even know him, so please don’t feel offended by what I’m about to say. But it seems that in his difficult period, he discovered you could be incredibly patient and he is counting on that to feel free to do his thing and get his mojo back because deep down he thinks you’ll be there for him, if he wishes to go back. At the same time, he probably thinks he’s being fair by distancing himself from you, since you’re not his priority and “you deserve better”.

    Well, you know what? I agree with him, I think you do deserve better. You can’t be a backup plan and come second. You need to put yourself first, like it’s already been said.

    I’m rather impulsive sometimes (and yeah, I’m single at the moment, so probably not the best example out there), but in your position in this exact moment, I’d explain him that you wouldn’t be always available like you have been so far, that you have also been thinking about your relationship and realized that, considering his behavior these last few days, you would also need to make myself a priority, just like he’s doing with his career. Oh, and that you really deserve better.

    So, this would basically be his last call. If he’s confident he needs to leave this time and not have you by his side, then he needs to know that you’ll also be making decisions of your own and there’s a heavy chance you won’t be there if he decides to get back. You will only accept being in a relationship where you are treated as a priority, because otherwise you’ll just become a secondary character in someone else’s life. And that will inevitably lead you and others not to respect you as a person. Remember, you are not his sidekick! You’re your own star. Good luck!

    #55112
    AvatarDopierk
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 119

    I have started working out a lot more and I have put energy into getting in the best shape of my life. In fact, I have dropped a whole pant size over the last two months. Feels incredible.

    I’ve just done things that make me happy. I love football, so I have been going to alumni watch parties for my school. I’ve been focusing on my career goals, I’ve been going out with friends and people that make me feel good.

    Today, I went out and did a little shopping. I’ve also started a couple of new hobbies.

    Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been easy for me. I actually cried for a solid 20 mins today about my ex.

    The things that have gotten me through no contact are my supportive friends. My one friend had a falling out with her bf last year (he cheated, they broke up) and did NC on three separate occasions and after many months of NC and building their relationship back slowly she has him back. So her as an example has helped me stick to it.

    Also, just trusting in the leap of faith, it took me a while to believe in NC but it has helped me heal and I do feel stronger than when I started it. I feel calmer about everything. I still cry sometimes and I’m still scared but I know no matter what I’m going to be ok.

    It’s also has been a mentality for me when I’m feeling particularly sad, I tell myself that he is still missing me and he is still thinking about me. And it helps a little. Also thinking that if he doesn’t want me back after all is said and done ,that it’s his loss not mine. Because I’m an incredible person.

    I went on one date with someone, I didn’t enjoy it. I wanted it to end the second it started, I kept thinking about my ex the whole time. I’m not ready to date other people. It would just be a rebound.

    I would say try and go the whole 30 days NC. If he texts you don’t respond. The only reason you should break NC is if he specifically says he wants you to be his girlfriend again. If he just texts to see how you are don’t respond. He won’t forget about you. He won’t move on. He will miss you even more. (this is what a lot of experts say). Fill your 30 days with friends, hobbies, work, shopping…whatever makes you happy. Focus on your happiness, healing and getting your confidence back. You will be infinitely more attractive to him.

    You can do it! It’s going to be ok. I know exactly how you feel and I’m still doing NC just like you. You are not alone. I know you are in a lot of pain right now. But just remember pain is temporary. I’m here for you! 🙂

    #55190
    AvatarRas217
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 131

    The last two posts were awesome to read. Thank you guys. Please keep posts like this coming! I need them.

    teresaa: you’re right on everything. Him and I both know that I deserve someone who will be 100% present and working towards building a life with me. He knows he is not at that place right now and I respect him for knowing this about himself and for letting me go. It doesn’t make it any easier though. We had something amazing. It’s hard to understand why it all had to happen this way. Why couldn’t it just work out for once? I know in my heart we could have been happy together. And it simply sucks to know he wanted to put his business first. I won’t be contacting him. But I do agree that I hope he realizes I will not be around for whenever he’s ready. I won’t be a second choice/thought/idea. I have more value than that.

    I keep thinking of Carrie and Mr. Big from Sex in the City.

    Dopierk: your words helped me so much. Knowing you and I’m sure tons of other people feel the same way I do and are getting through it.

    I am trying to remind myself that I’m high value and it is HIS loss. Not just mine. I keep thinking about all the awesome things I’ll miss out on not being with him… But need to remember he’s missing out on some awesome things with me too. It’s not all about him.

    I was out for a friend’s birthday over the weekend and actually met someone. It was refreshing but today I am really missing the ex…

    🙁

    #55244
    AvatarDopierk
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 119

    I’m glad we were able to help! Stay strong.

    Trust me I miss my ex too. All the time. But it will get easier during NC. I’m on day 24 now and I feel like I have a lot more clarity. You will feel that way too if you start focusing on yourself. I’m going to contact him next week but at this point if it doesn’t work out, HIS LOSS.

    #55262
    AvatarRas217
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 131

    Today was rough. Really missing him today. A part of me is worried too… he’s depressed and isolating himself. I’m not sure what to do.

    I’m not sure what I can do to focus on myself.

    I met a guy while I was at a friend’s birthday last weekend. He wants to go out tomorrow…. I can’t help but feel scared.

    #55263
    AvatarDopierk
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 119

    Just remember your ex misses you too.

    Going on the date is up to you. It might give you some perspective and make you feel better. But don’t force yourself if your not up to it.

    #55265
    AvatarRas217
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 131

    How do you know he misses me? I can’t help but take it personal right now. Like he’s relieved I’m gone.

    This guy knows I just got out of a relationship. So… Maybe just meeting someone new will help me focus on myself?

    #55269
    AvatarDopierk
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 119

    This is from Kevin (the guy who created this site):

    Take it from me. If you two had any sort of meaningful
    relationship, then he is still thinking about you
    and he still really likes you.

    Men CANNOT get over a relationship so easily. Take it from
    a guy. It is impossible for us to forget about a women we’ve been
    together with.

    **Also this is from him:

    Okay, here is the thing. Whenever you feel like you
    are obsessing over him and are sort of losing your
    mind over him; I want you to say this to yourself.

    “HE IS STILL THINKING ABOUT ME”

    Now you can argue with me and say, he looks happy on
    his facebook profile and it looks like he is
    having the time of his life.

    And I’ll still say he is not over you and is still
    thinking about you. A LOT. If not all the time.

    And all that facebook status update and looking all
    cheerful and happy. I’ve got news for you.

    THAT’S ALL AN ACT.

    —–

    This is what gets me through every single day of NC. This mindset. Remember absence makes the heart grow fonder and time heals all wounds.

    I’d say go on the date if you think it will help you focus on yourself. I mean at the very least you’ll get free food and/or drinks, right? someone complimenting you? I swear I’m not a shallow person haha, but seriously 😛

    #55443
    AvatarDopierk
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 119

    How are you doing, Ras217?

    #55449
    AvatarRas217
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 131

    Not good… My dog bit someone and now my landlord is asking me to get rid of him. I keep thinking “if the ex was here I’d feel better”. I haven’t contacted him since the breakup. Today will be 7 days.

    I still wonder if he’s even thinking about me or cares about my well being. Words can’t express how I’m feeling right now. I miss him so much and I wish I had this shoulder to lean on.

    I don’t know what to do.

    #55478
    AvatarDopierk
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 119

    Oh no, your dog bit someone? 🙁

    Good for you on sticking to NC. You can do it! Trust me, it’s going to help you feel better.

    He’s definitely still thinking about you. You guys were together 8 months plus the time before your first break up/break? There’s no way he doesn’t think about you.

    Did you end up meeting with that guy?

    #55506
    AvatarRas217
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 131

    Yeah… it’s bad. Not the first time he’s bitten someone. I need to make a game time decision.

    So the ex called me this morning. He was worried. Saw my Facebook post about finding a new home for the dog. Wanted to see what was going on. He also gave me some advice and told me to keep him posted.

    Made me really miss him. I’m not sure what this means tho. If anything.

    #55535
    AvatarDopierk
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 119

    Well that was sweet of him! I think at the very least it still shows he cares. I hope you don’t have to give up your dog… 🙁 I would go back into NC if I were you though.

    #55546
    Avatarmosis
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 139

    @Dopierk you should def go back into no contact. Once you take a bit it is hard to not want another one.

    I just got on day 4 of OFFICIAL no contact, my ex and I was feeling like we was no contact but we was actually talking every week (this past month), about something, both making excuses to talk, was emotional roller coaster, but finally a talk went to crap and the real no contact had to happen.

    I will say though as a guy, I was hung up on my ex for the longest even though i knew it was virtually impossible to get back together, so you will have a nice range that he is out there thinking about you, girls usually have a better chance at getting over it than guys, and guys get in rebound relationships because they assume physical means will make them feel better but when he is alone and not distracting himself with life I’m sure he thinks about you.Gotta remember the no contact is a MUST even in the worst of break ups, time can heal

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 319 total)
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