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oh Ras217 just noticed you replied! i never got that notification for some reason.
have you talked to him since march? I understand the feelings of wanting him still, and I’ve came to the conclusion rather we agree or not you want what you want, nobody can tell you what to choose with your life. Hopefully he doesn’t hurt you again, i would hate to see it happen. He is odd to me because for myself i was just in a lot of bad timing situations and made mistakes. But your ex seems to have a lot of self issues. Its been awhile, are you still feeling the want to work things out with him and or forgive him? I would proceed with great caution and he prove himself if he doesn’t enter again, for as long has it takes him. If he can be that dedicated
hey how everyone been?
feel like we are to the point we don’t need this anymore, but I still have thoughts about how y’all are doing 😛
I been good, and things have been changing between my ex and I, slightly a lot of work and honesty. She is unfortunately in a relationship still but I’m willing to wait it out, which i think eventually it will be over as we have been getting closer. Havent forced anything and let her come to her own conclusions, and make her own decisions but she knows how i feel, and i respect her space. I still go on dates, but i don’t put it in her face, she wonders about it. But she is working on trusting me again. Its been pretty great actually.
she has been heavily working out ever since she heard I was coming back too, and now she ask me a lot of advice. Im very into fitness. Also during our convo I learned our mutual friend was basically lying to both of us, telling me to go for it and a bunch of wrong information. And telling her to leave me alone, and remember all the bad stuff i did to her ect stuff like that. And also telling our business to other people. So now that we both talked without the middle man, Its been really cool like we are closer. Still not going over kill though or talking about my plans of getting back together eventually
and with my ex, since i posted i through a party that she came too. basically everyone we work with. we had a lot of fun, and we talked for like 3 hours alone from 2-5, about life, our past relationship. She randomly told me during the convo she is happy with the guy she is with, who i know, we used to be friends. But i haven’t came onto her or anything. I have refused to talk about why I came back, and its kind of to wait it out and see if we workout. She said she only read that letter I sent her recently, the one i sent in December. She wanted to know if I still feel that way, and she generally keeps talking about how much she knows me. Like I said though I never talked about pursing a relationship with her.
She said she doesn’t want to text/call each other because she is afraid she will be attracted to me again. So she went out of town 4 days, and before that we hung out, just after work though not actually going out. But before she left out of town she asked me to hang around so we could eat lunch, and she brought her son. Feel like she brought him to see me, but it was really fun. The boy really missed me, gave me a bunch of hugs, we all ate together, and played around like playing chase and even wrestling on the ground haha But it got I guess emotional again for her because her son who is 3, kept asking if I could go home with them.
So all in all, I think there is def something there and she misses me and our connection but she is still in a relationship. I saw it on her face though while I was with her son she looked pretty spaced out in her thoughts, like hurt and confused. So I was thinking maybe when I see her again just ask her to talk? and let her know I’m not trying to get end her relationship and i just wanna be cool friends and respect that. Which is slightly true, I don’t wanna break the relationship so I can win, i rather do it right.
hey ras217 🙂
Yeah i feel you. Its pretty expected that you would go through that, its never easy. But you did great by not calling him. Even though its prolly great temptation to do so, i would suggest you continue to not talk to him, because it will relapse you. Would hate to see that happen because it sounds like it been rough but you are getting better and eventually come into a good place.
Also you are right, can’t let him continue to break your heart and think he can come in and out as he pleases like that. Thats his problem not yours, its only your problem it you enable him. Just keep doing what you are doing it sounds like you are coming to a good place 🙂 who knows you might not even want him eventually, or if you do you won’t NEED him and he might change seeing how strong you are with respecting yourself.
Heyras217 how you dealing with everything?
I’ve been working with my ex again for about a week now. I’m Kinna wanting to ask her to hangout but idk. When I first came back last week she ignored me basically the first day. But we been really friendly lately and she hangs around with me off the clock a lot when she could just go home or go somewhere else in the work area so I’m Kinna getting mixed signals. She ask me a lot of details about my life even though she was basically ignoring me the past 4 months, but I don’t want to have a bunch of micro conversations rather just sit down somewhere and talk a few hours. But other than that it’s been cool , def think she is still in a relationship though
Two weeks flew by. I think you just have to remind yourself to have strength and the fact that as the time goes on the pain will get less and less if you just stick to it. You won’t forget him likely but you will be able to live with what’s happened and be able to make rational decisions. Just try to stay strong and for all things holy stay away from social media creeping it’s prolly the biggest killer as you know.
Hey sorry i been super busy moving! but i was saying i don’t think he will come back i guess out of pride. Or hopefully he just decides he is done playing games with you because what he is doing SO FAR out of lines.
Don’t think it is anything you are even doing, Dopier is right, he has commitment issues. He likely wants the company of a relationship but not the responsibility to care about someone else and make those compromises. So the smallest problem he bolts, or if things are going TOO good he bolts. Which is clearly an issue with him, one that i don’t think you can fix. Or at least if you try it will take a lot of heart ache doing so.
Def go no contact.
Its easy for him to focus on work, and things of that nature, because its very binary unlike a relationship he has to put in time and effort to care about you, and i think you don’t demand very much at all but like she said its a commitment issue with him. And bringing up how he has basically screwed over another girl in the past i guess was his way of justifying it and trying to get you to understand thats just who or how he is.
Yea I don’t think he would be back, if he did it wouldn’t be any time soon. Maybe if you cross paths in the future.
But the best course really is to move forward, and it won’t be easy for a long time of course to get the image out of your head he’s the one but it isn’t healthy. You really deserve someone who knows they want to be with you and doesn’t make you feel like you can be cut off at any moment.
I wouldn’t even waist the time on a closure conversation because it’ll do more harm than good. And you basically have the closure you need, you know how he really is and his nature and you gotta decide if you can live with that or not.
If you really want to move on its best to start getting rid of the reminders of him, your heart and mind won’t catch up till later but the physical reminders will just keep you stuck
Just sounds like he has a lot Of personal issues, which was pretty apparent with the whole work situation but if you are willing to work it out no one can really tell you other wise. But it sounds like he has a lot of personal issues to deal with and its up to you to choose if you are willing to keep yourself hooked on the line or not. You could do the usual don’t contact, give space, all that. But it isn’t really normal behavior for a guy to keep doing that and getting cold feet all the time with multiple people just shows he hasn’t done much changing over the years, or hasn’t been hit with the right motive. Are you going to try to talk it out with him or what was it you had planned next? I imagine you don’t really have a plan and still soaking it all in
So what did you do after that? I mean it’s only hours later I’m guessing you haven’t talked yet. It sounds like a bs excuse to me, and like he isn’t being honest about the real reason. Especially since it’s right at valentines where people who aren’t really into a relationship often break it off, because they are expected to show a higher level of affection and the pressure of faking it weighs down. But the excuse is bs and it sounds like he just doesn’t wanna say the truth. I also agree ultimatums are kind of relationship killers
I mean I can’t say exactly because I don’t fully know his character. But I think the best route is to vocally support his work efforts and talk about work more for awhile and see how he reacts to that. He will likely be excited to come to you to talk about it and him more often and that will lead to the open line of communication where you can drop your request for the things you want him to do more but not coming off as nagging or attacking and I’m sure he will reply to that positive. But yea bitching will def make work look more appealing and you less likely, we tend to run away from what’s causing us stress and work will eventually do that for him haha
Yeah in that case i wouldn’t take it too personal, its a bit extreme but understandable. Its hard to work sometimes and feel like you have to entertain someone also during that time. To me its him trying to be responsible, not taking away from you just if you understand he has to work and he communicates that with you that its just easier to focus without offending you by saying he has to stay off the phone etc i think its fine. Likely a phase, and if you get more serious and move in together one day it won’t feel the way it feels now. If he still talks to you at the end of the day i think its tolerable. It would be even better if he randomly surprised you and came to see you during the week, not all guys are into that thing though.
All in all, i wouldn’t take offense, he is working on a career it seems and focused but he isnt putting you on a complete back burner, doesn’t sound too bad 🙂 I’m sure he hasn’t learned the balance yet
@Ras217 I think it’s a bit extreme his behavior but it is nature for most guys who are trying to grow a career. It’s odd that he would be completely tuned out though without feeling the need to make up for it or time for you more at the end of the day.
What’s your interactions like Monday- Thursday ?
