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And if you get a chance, you seem like a smart grounded guy, please answer my situation: https://ebpforums.com/boards/topic/i-contacted-him-now-what/
Oh wait, she said she lost attraction?! Oy vey.
OK, keep doing what you are doing!!!
Oh man, sorry. I missed that line.
I am thinking she is super attracted and trying to win you back and you are just taking your time enjoying the attention.
No, keep doing what you are doing. Since she lost attraction – she can come your way.
It’s time for you to meet with her and if you want, get back together.
She is making a major effort here.It’s fun to be in your position as she is essentially pursuing you – reaching out – feeling you out for how you feel. It’s going to get not so fun for her soon b/c it reaches it a point where it almost feels like you are enjoying this new attention – her pursuing you – etc.
I would cut this out about now – reach out to her and ask her to dinner – and get back with her. She clearly is interested.
With all due respect, this is starting to sound like you are playing a game. And if you aren’t then you can clearly see that she is interested and it’s time to stop playing it cool.
Thank you for the condolences. I appreciate it. I will not contact him – I haven’t yet and I won’t. I just find it overwhelming to spend close to three years, be engaged, literally do everything together and then never speak again….ever. It’s very strange.
No, I blocked him on social media the day I ended it. I have no interest in stalking his social media.
I think my point is that if one of his parents died (he did come to my dad’s funeral – we broke up several days later..officially). Regardless, if one of his parents died that I knew he was really close with? I would 100% call him up and something like ‘Hey, I know we are going through a lot right now with our breakup and I know we need time to ourselves but I wanted to know how you are doing. And I wanted to tell you that I am praying for you regardless of what happened between us. I hope you are ok’.
I would say all of that b/c I am good person and well, considerate.
Thanks for your feedback. Yeah, I will go read your thread. Which one is it?
still no contact. It doesn’t matter that’s it is over. The truth is, it’s just a weird – really bizarre – feeling to literally not talk to the man you were in love with – even if it wasn’t the perfect relationship. It’s now going on close to 40 days.
I am 100% taking your advice and it’s the exact SAME advice that my Pastor’s wife gave me about the google number – literally exactly the same.
THANK YOU!!!
And yes, he does have an anger problem. He needs to nip that. I honestly need to be with someone who is even tempered. It’s the one trait that women really will leave for – anger. Who wants to walk on eggshells with the person they adore.
The truth is, I don’t think he can curb the anger – maybe but his dad was angry too when he was young. Anyway, the truth is? I think I just hate the pain of the break-up b/c if I had someone who was sweet, even tempered and caring around, I prob. wouldn’t be wanting him back. It’s a sad truth.
I just think that break-ups are so hard – this feels like a divorce or a death b/c of the way it ended. I almost wish I could talk to another ex of his to see if she went through the same thing but I would never do that….meaning I would never call an ex of his.
Well thanks for all of your feedback – advice- thoughts – insights. It helped me more than you will prob. ever know.
Nattycatty, I hope you are doing ok. You need to start your own thread. So you go to the top of the forum ‘No Contact’ and it will say ‘new thread’. This particular thread is all about Leslie. I was told to do the same thing when I chimed in about my situation on anothers thread. It gets too confusing when you are talking about different relationships on the one thread.
So, start your own thread and we will read it (0:
Leslie, you are NOT stupid – he was in the emergency room!!! I would have texted too! Do NOT beat yourself up. He responded to the first text which was good and the second he did not. It could be any number of reasons but I am sure his ego was big b/c he had his friends with him and then you texting him.
I feel bad for you b/c I know him not texting back had to be so hard. It actually hurts my heart FOR you.
It’s ok though – just go right back to NC. It wasn’t like you broke no contact calling and saying ‘Oh my gosh, I miss you so much, please take me back’. It kind of might be a blessing in disguise – like a small tease – telling you “OK, he is not ready yet’.
What you did? We ALL would do. So, what you did was ‘human’, not stupid. You are a caring person who loves this guy and he was in the ER which is scary.
You are cool. Now you know, ok, he isn’t up for talking yet which means back to NC.
Are you feeling better today?
Oh my gosh, I know the whole ‘take the cell phone away’ – haha. We are women – and not to be trusted with cell phones during no contact or a breakup – lol. I hope you laugh a little (0:
You are OK Leslie. You are doing great. You know that, right? I hope so. So, you have a heart and texted him at the ER. OK, it means you care. If he doesn’t see it now, one day he is going to be regretting now having such a loving person by his side.
Let this make you more ‘mad’….that he didn’t text back the second time. And just go NC. And whoever told you about him being in the ER? Next time they talk to you about him? Act like you don’t care.
I hate games but this guy needs more of a nonchalant Leslie. He makes me mad but that’s just b/c he is hurting your heart – not cool.
I hope you feel a little bit better.
ha – I wish I would take my own advice. It’s so easy to give it vs. take it. Oy vey……we will get through this! I hope you are doing ok. I am going to jump offline and redirect my head. I still think about him 30x a day and don’t want to hear the ‘wrath’ of friends if I talk to him. I can hear it now ‘What’?!!! haha – they just love me though and want me to be happy.
Well take good care girlie!
I don’t understand it either Leslie. It’s all complicated and it’s love – so I guess that is why it’s all so damn confusing.
Thank you for your feedback. I cannot talk to friends about this anymore b/c they hate him now (and we are all older – mature – most of my friends with families and children). It’s embarrassing.
Bottom line, my heart is still on the mend.
I am going to wait a bit longer and then contact him.
Thanks again so much for both of you weighing in with actually sound advice. It’s appreciated.
Wow, this advice sounds close to professional – well done (0: I am a writer (that’s what I do for a living) and you should consider writing.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me. And thank you for the well thought out advice. I never took into consideration why he might not have reached out to me about my dad other than ‘what a jerk’.
Here is why I am hesitant to reach out to him and why friends/family are strongly urging me not to: He was verbally abusive and manipulative during arguments. When I would cry during an argument, he would look me straight in the eyes and say ‘I want you to know that I have no sympathy for you’. He said that often. When I would speak over him – interrupt him over the phone – he would often block me from his phone number as punishment until he was ready to talk to me again – so I would have to basically wait until he was ready and then apologize for interrupting.
What was royally confusing is that he was beyond sweet and caring when things were going ‘well’. I have a health condition and he was always so patient and sweet about helping me if I needed it. We spent a considerable amount of time in the hospital and he would never complain – always be by my side – etc.
If you crossed him though, he was vicious. I wasn’t afraid of him – he never raised a hand to me but he was verbally cruel. And I would then be verbally mean too.
Finally, when I met him, he had a google number that he used as a second phone number then his cell phone. He said he used it for dating other girls but when he met me, he got rid of it. Well cut to the end of our relationship, a couple of years later, and come to find he kept it and had it the entire time.
He said it was ‘laying dormant’ the entire time and he never used it but as Kevin on this site said “that is kind of a big deal” and Kevin suggested I think about if I can even trust this guy.
So, that’s the side of the relationship I haven’t mentioned but the side that resulted me leaving the relationship.
A threatened restraining order? And then she contacts you after saying that?
She is unstable.
STAY AWAY.
I am serious. You don’t want to mess with legal threats. Go no contact and block her on snapchat.
I would go for it. I am surprised to hear myself even say that but I would.
Go – have fun -have a complete blast.He is full of it – if he wants to spend a weekend with you – he still cares and has feelings. If he only wanted sex? He would spend a night with you – not a weekend.
Alright. I am a girl. Here is the deal. She is having her cake and eating it too. She doesn’t want a relationship but she wants you there.
Do this – it’ll work. If you haven’t done Kevin’s 5 Step Plan, it’s time to implement it – that’s why we are on the site.
What I would do though is this. Next time she texts, text her back and tell her you would like her time on the phone for about 10 minutes. If she says yes, say what I wrote below. If she doesn’t call? Text it to her.
“I have something to share with you and I really need you to listen until I am done talking. Will you do that? OK, thanks. When we were together, I wasn’t always up front with my feelings. I had a lot to work through and I have. I ‘love you’ (or ‘care about you’ – whatever you feel) and giving our relationship another shot is something that I am ready for. If you are not ready for that? I am going to move on. I cannot be here for you because you ‘like me as a person’. I appreciate that – I like you too – but I am serious you and out of respect for myself, need to move on, heal from this and not be in contact at all’.
What she is doing now is completely taking advantage of your kindness. And it’s wrong.
You can be assertive and still very kind.
She isn’t moving on in 30 days so don’t worry about that.
Hmmm…I would send the letter first. And then I would wait two weeks after the letter if she does not respond and call her. I would then just ask her if she is up for getting together for a drink or lunch? If she says yes, your instincts will kick in and you will be able to tell where she is at and next steps.
