laur8907

Thank you @penelope4. I think you’re right, it’s definitely my fear and PTSD from everything coming back into play. I did get confirmation one of the girls is his ex, though, and I’m most definitely not comfortable with that. Realistically I know it’s highly unlikely anything like “that” is going to happen, and the possibility of them getting together isn’t really feasible either since she lives in upstate NY and we’re a 14 hour drive away from that.

But she is his longest relationship (4 years) and while they have been broken up for more than 3 years that’s still a long relationship, and lots of memories. I guess I’m just nervous I’ll get compared to her and come up on the short end. Again, realistically I know that may not be very likely since our first time together he told me he was in love with me, that I was the only girl he’s ever been in love with and (more recently) the only girl he’s ever been able to completely be himself with.

I guess it’s all this being away from him too that’s making me a little sad. This will be the 2nd week I won’t see him, during a time that a lot of people are very couple-y, so I guess that’s tripping me up.

Thank you so much for the advice, everyone! These last several months were very painful and hard. We have been back in contact for about 2 months now, and officially started dating probably about a month or so ago. I’m probably going to see him again in 2 days, and he’s my date to my best friend’s wedding this coming weekend (I’m maid of honor). After that he’ll be going out of state to be with his family for the holidays.

You are all so right. Going slow is the right way to do this, and I should probably do what I can to not be too serious and be more fun and relaxed right now. Luckily my best friend is pretty much the female version of him (and her fiance is the male version of me, it’s hilarious) so she offers some good insight. There was a reason it didn’t work out last time, and I need to focus on creating a new relationship with him.

Hopefully with this new perspective I’ll be able to relax more and just have fun with it. I need to try to calm down and be the girl he fell in love with, and that girl wasn’t nervous or anything like that. While our most recent date had some hiccups, the one before that was smooth sailing. Here’s hoping the smooth dates will be the run of the mill for the next few weeks.

Thank you for responding to this. Unfortunately, I’m not exactly sure where to go from here. Up to this point, every action had indicated he wanted to get back together, then at the last minute said he wouldn’t have time for a relationship right now. I’m confused, as he knew what he was getting into this semester yet still acted the way he did. I genuinely don’t think he’s the type to intentionally lead me on either.

Several weeks ago he took something I said the wrong way, and didn’t speak to me for a week. Then he reached out to me via text, which is something in general he himself has said he doesn’t do. Asked how I had been, and I was honest with him. I said I had been okay I guess, and that I had been a little worried about him. No response again for a week, when he sends me picture of a hippo… which makes no sense. I responded to that, saying it was cute, and again no response. WTF?! So a couple days after I sent him a text that read as follows: “It was nice of you to reach out, I know that’s not something you normally do. But when you don’t respond, it kind of feels like a game.” No response to that. Can anyone make sense of this, because I know I can’t!

Prior to these exchanges, I had told him that I don’t think I can be just friends with him, and that if he changed his mind he knew where to find me. Right now I’m thinking going NC again. What do y’all think? Any advice?

Bump.. would love to know what y’all think of my interaction with him! I’m contemplating my next step on what to do and would love advice!

Okay, so a lot happened last night. We did end up meeting up, but it wasn’t just my ex and I. I had 3 friends with me, 2 of which support us getting back together (they’ll be known as M and J) and 1 who is a close guy friend (we’ll call him B) who had never met him before.

We all met up at the bar he normally goes to. My friend B arrived a little later than us, and according to M and J the moment B sat down my ex’s demeanor completely changed. He was drunk when we first met up with him (not when he first texted me though, that was a couple hours earlier) and he began to get pretty arrogant and braggy, and after a little while he left to go meet some of his friends that had just left. I thought that was the end of it but no! He texts me right after he leaves going, “You could do better.” I told him that B is just a friend, and J texted him the same thing saying he could see it all over his face and no one had to tell him anything. Well after a bit my ex asks me “Meet me halfway?” Didn’t know what he meant by that so I ignored it and went to the bathroom and it’s at this time that he tried calling me. After a few minutes, he ends up coming back to the bar!

We all leave and he comes with us to a bar I had been to on Wednesday night. Well apparently on the weekends it becomes more of a club, so that was what we went into. We were all on the edge of the large crowd when I decided I was going to fight my way through the crowd to the bar to get a drink. He follows me! And he puts his hands on my back/hips saying I’m bad at navigating and starts navigating me through the crowd. While I’m at the bar getting my drink, he stands SO close behind me and starts trying to touch me in certain areas. Each time I would move his hand somewhere else and tell him that was inappropriate, but in a playful voice.

This continued throughout the night. We danced a little, and he kept putting my face in his hands, he tried to kiss me a few times too but I didn’t let him. He kept making comments like “It’s so hard for you isn’t it” and “You can’t even look me in the eye,” the latter of which I challenged him to a staring contest twice and won both times 😛 My friend M says he was only saying those things because his ego got stomped on by my friend B being there.

At the end of the night we drop him off at his friend’s apartment nearby and he texts me several times saying things like “Thanks, it was a fun night, what are you up to” and then “bring me home lol, jk kinda.” I only acknowledged what are you up to and told him I was at a 24/7 bakery “eating delicious treats” to which he responds (Naughty!!) “Awesome, I could go for a delicious treat” with the devil emoji we always used when we would exchange naughty texts. I told him I hear Twix bars are good lol. He apologized, and I told him apology accepted 😉 , then he goes “You had fun tonight, admit it” to which I said “lol goodnight, you’ve been drinking, we’ll talk later” and he responds “that means yeah. good thing we didn’t go to another bar” and then says how he was being bad. I responded with the rocket emoji that we always used when we were dating about how we wanted to do things with each other but that would require “rocketing” over the boundaries we had at the time. THEN he keeps responding going “You enjoyed it, don’t lie, I’m gonna be good and not say more.” I told him “Sounds good, talk to you later, goodnight” and then he keeps texting me! Saying “Did you have fun dancing? Seriously drive safe.” This time I didn’t respond until an hour later when I was finally home and said “I did have fun. I’m home now. Goodnight.” Haven’t heard from him yet today but it’s only 1pm here.

Ay yi yi. Sorry y’all, that was a lot. Basically while we were all together I felt like nothing had changed between him and I, it still felt normal. My friends are very adamant about seeing him on July 4, he said he has no plans (this shocks me honestly). What do you guys think? He says sex is a very emotional thing for him, so the fact that he was doing what he was doing shows me he still has a lot of feelings there. He’s the type to want to remain civil with his exes, but this went way beyond civil. I made sure to stay flirty but also to draw the line.

Getting very nervous… tomorrow (or today technically) is the day!

Currently having a mini freakout here. Not just because of that, but because of this girl in his life. He knows her from his hometown, and she’s moving here for a job. Her long term boyfriend was killed in a car crash a couple months ago, and he actually has the same name as my ex. My ex is the only person she knows here, so a default friendship for her if you will. She recently became friends with my ex’s brother (the one he tells everything to) and his wife on Facebook. Like…what? I know logically she is in NO place whatsoever to date let alone date someone with her dead boyfriend’s name, but it still pulls at my emotions a bit. argh!