laur8907

Nope. From what I know he’s under the impression that I went to the bar he usually frequents so I could run into him. He conveniently forgets that I knew he was out of town when I went and that his friends like hanging out with me. But I’m stopping that because I don’t want to give him the satisfaction, however incorrect he may be.

Oh I definitely, 10000000% think the reason he hasn’t completely ended things with me (which he said back in November what we had he would need to break up with me to end) is so he can more easily come back if it doesn’t work with her. She’s probably hard to figure out for the same reason he said I was when we first started dating a year ago: I wasn’t so sure I wanted to date him, but I enjoyed the attention so I went along with it. I’ll give the girl credit and say I highly doubt she’s stupid and would want to willingly walk into a long distance relationship, but since it is a guy she dated for 4 years it’s probably tempting. But I don’t know for sure. That’s all just speculation.

I haven’t spoken to him since I sent him that text that said “I’m not going to beg for your attention. If you want to see me, you know where to find me.” And honestly I think I’ll continue my silence. What is there to say?

He found out apparently about the acquaintance of his that likes me, and the friend I spoke to says he isn’t sure if what my ex reacted with was jealousy or not, but he definitely got the feeling he was like “I may not want her, but no one else can have her either.” Well dude, if you’re acting like that, you still have feeling for me and don’t want to let me go. I will say I think my constant wanting him to commit and stuff drove him to look elsewhere, but at the end of the day it was his decision to take action to screw everything up. I think this is a classic “grass is greener” syndrome case.

He has seriously made some weird decisions. First dating a girl who’s dead boyfriend had the same name as him, and now trying to get with an ex that is a $250-$700 plane ride away. His friend also said, knowing my ex, he thought he would pass the CFA (we’re pretty sure he didn’t), move to NY, get a job as an investment banker, and make a million dollars, and this doesn’t seem too far off for how he is. Why can’t people ever just see what’s right in front of them?

Well everyone, last night was very interesting. One of my friends and I went out to the bar he usually frequents last night for some cheap drinks ($2 cocktails!) and we ended up running into a couple of his friends, one of them being the one I trust very much. Also, a guy who turns out is in his group likes me, and he didn’t realize my history with him. He made the comment how my ex is “very competitive” and how liking me is now awkward now he knows about my ex and I.

Anyway, we went back to one of the guys’ places (the one I trust) to sober up and I ended up talking to him for a long time about everything. Apparently, once again, all of his friends think he’s screwing up by not making me a priority. They all genuinely like me and me with him, and the friend I spoke to says he doesn’t want to see my ex lose out on happiness just because he’s scared. Turns out, none of them know what could have possibly caused this change, either, so we all think he’s realized there isn’t a better girl out there, realized I’m the one, and he’s doing everything possible now to push me away because he’s scared.

At this point, we are all very confident he’s going to get back in touch, the question is just when exactly.

Definitely not staying inside! 🙂 I actually feel heaps better after going to the gym today. It was my therapy basically during the summer and I’m going to make sure it gets back that way again now. I’m no longer angry or hurt at this latest screw up he has done. I’m in a less emotional state of mind right now and I’m able to look at it more realistically, I guess.

Remembering how he was these last few months since initiating contact with me and saying he wanted to try again, I think he meant it, as several times he really went out of his way to try and make things up to me. But I seem to put all of this shift in his behavior to one evening when I called him out and said I can feel he’s purposely holding himself back and keeping me at arm’s length. Long story short, I think he’s gotten scared. Our first time around he thought I was the one.

Regardless, I’m not going to wait around for him. I’m fairly certain he’s going to come back again, and was posting all these things knowing I’d see them and is acting out in a way to make me jealous. I genuinely don’t think he’s checked out, but he is acting, frankly, really really stupid. But in the meantime, I will 100% be doing NC, just like all of you suggest. Thank you for your support, everyone. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without it 🙂

@moonbunny Your situation does sound like too much to quickly, and I think taking some time away will help you, for sure. But I think my guy is even more clueless. I will definitely be doing NC until he decides to reach out to me. He had mentioned last week that he was busy this weekend and the next. Well, I noticed on his snapchat story this evening that he was at dinner with (surprise) the girl I suspect to be his ex, the one that lives 14 hours away in NY. So either he is there (likely also visiting family, who knows) or she is here. I’m more inclined to believe he is there, since we are getting hit with winter weather where I am.

I also know from speaking to his friend last week that he basically bragged about how he had those 2 girls stay over with him even though nothing happened. To me this screams immaturity and that he isn’t thinking or caring about my feelings right now. In all honesty, he is making this very easy for me. I no longer feel guilty about the dating profiles, and I’ve decided I’m going to go on a date or two. He may very well be just friends with this girl, but seeing her again in a 2 week time frame when I haven’t seen him for a month now? Nope, not cool, and I will not be treated that way.

It’s ironic isn’t it: he tells his friend that my backing off is improving my chances with him from his perspective, but all of this from my perspective is killing his chances with me.

Hey everyone,

I could really use some kind words right now. Nothing has happened, and a friend of mine and I went out and had a great time. But I’m just feeling sad over this whole situation. I don’t get why he would come back to me, say all the right things, only to do this all over again. When I spoke with him that time when he made the decision that he wanted us to try again, it was clear he had thought about it and it was what he wanted. But once we did, I feel like I was constantly kept at arm’s length, if you will. I was never truly happy while we were together. While I don’t want our old relationship from early 2015 back, I do want him to act toward me how he did then, which was very affectionate. It was obvious he was in the relationship as much as I was. This time around it wasn’t as obvious.

I’m just really sad right now. I really do want to be with him, but I know I won’t be happy if I can’t tell that he’s just as committed to us working as I am. And I want him to actually KNOW what he wants. It feels like he is second guessing everything and questioning everything, which I guess makes sense because I did try to pressure him into exclusivity several times. But at the same time I can’t help but feel like if he really wanted to be with me, he’d be exclusive. I’m so torn.

Hi everyone, it’s been a while since my last update, but that is because nothing has really changed. I have tried to see him, but every time he is busy. His excuses have been legit and not made up (brother coming into town, sick, etc), but at this point it’s gotten pretty obvious that I am being taken for granted. There are other times he could see me (grab lunch on his lunch break, meet up after his night class ends to study and sleep) and he hasn’t tried seeing me then either.

So, after doing some thinking and talking it over with the 2 people I trust most about the situation (my best friend, and one of his friends) I’m officially going NC again. I am not sure for how long, but I am not going to beg him for his attention. If he wants to see me, he knows where to find me.

In the meantime, I may be going out with some of his friends tomorrow evening. The friend I typically talk to invited me out, so we will see what comes of that. I’m tired of having a Friday night open to see him and not seeing him or going out. So I’m planning on going out tomorrow evening, having fun, and maybe even meeting someone new. Don’t get me wrong, I do still want to be with him, but at this point I think NC is what may be best. I thought he knew what he had with me, but I guess I was wrong.

Oh, and just so it remains clear, I haven’t seen him since 12/18.

So just a little update. Nothing has happened between the 2 of us as of yet. I was hoping to see him yesterday evening but his friends wanted them all to go to dinner. I didn’t fish for information, but he was again forthcoming with information so again not like he’s hiding anything. In general I’m in a better place mentally. I have no reason to believe something is up or that he would do anything to mess up what we have or to hurt me. Logically speaking, they broke up in 2012 and from the information I know it was a pretty immature/young relationship (even though it was long); and she lives in upstate NY. I’m going to do my best to mellow out, preoccupy myself, and let this go. Instead of focusing on the fear, I’m going to focus on myself and the relationship.