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Yes we were definitely making it too easy for them. Not to say all but that’s just the thing about guys, when something is right in front of them and they know it’s something precious , still they don’t want to show it right away that they really need that something until they realise that something won’t stay there forever. I hope you get my meaning haha!
I’m definitely on the same side as you on this. I did try create dating profiles and even went out with one and it just…sucks. I felt sick even with the thought of those guys now lol. Basically they were just there for me to stop thinking of my ex too much haha. But now I’m okay with being by myself. I’m no longer than clingy gf I hope that my ex realises that. I’m sure he definitely happy that we hung out last week but I guess we just spent too much time together all at once..I went for sleepover at his place for 4 days..
Let’s start with our NC again for now! I sent him a snapchat of my new shoes and he’s responding quite positively now I’m going do NC for a week and see how it goes. Well what’s your plan Laur?
@moonbunny Your situation does sound like too much to quickly, and I think taking some time away will help you, for sure. But I think my guy is even more clueless. I will definitely be doing NC until he decides to reach out to me. He had mentioned last week that he was busy this weekend and the next. Well, I noticed on his snapchat story this evening that he was at dinner with (surprise) the girl I suspect to be his ex, the one that lives 14 hours away in NY. So either he is there (likely also visiting family, who knows) or she is here. I’m more inclined to believe he is there, since we are getting hit with winter weather where I am.
I also know from speaking to his friend last week that he basically bragged about how he had those 2 girls stay over with him even though nothing happened. To me this screams immaturity and that he isn’t thinking or caring about my feelings right now. In all honesty, he is making this very easy for me. I no longer feel guilty about the dating profiles, and I’ve decided I’m going to go on a date or two. He may very well be just friends with this girl, but seeing her again in a 2 week time frame when I haven’t seen him for a month now? Nope, not cool, and I will not be treated that way.
It’s ironic isn’t it: he tells his friend that my backing off is improving my chances with him from his perspective, but all of this from my perspective is killing his chances with me.
Woah. This guys definitely sounded immature :/ When we just broke up I accidentally saw his chatbox, and there he goes chatting up with his ex…well not even it was just his super duper huge crush back then. He deleted her from everywhere when we were together and the first thing he does is add her back from everywhere after we broke up. I didn’t saw my ex hanging out with girls,or maybe he’s just hiding it from social medias. Because he knows I’ll see it.
I felt we definitely are experiencing the same situation. He was acting like he was so not over me and trying to work things out with me again just last week. Now we didn’t even talk. And just like you, I won’t reach out to him, ever. At least not anytime soon.
It seems like, our ex guys doesn’t even know what they want. And they thought having all the stones matter when ( you know.. we are the diamonds haha) They just don’t want to settle down . They don’t want to make a decision , they don’t know what their heart really want. Well good for them, let’s take this as a chance to become a more beautiful woman inside out. Because yeap, we deserve it 😀 We’re worthy of a love we truly deserve. A quote really really hit me hard today:
If you can’t change a situation, change your mind
And it definitely fit everyone of us, we don’t deserve to sit here struggling to make things right when the other person doesn’t even care, or maybe they are not mature enough to see our point of view. But what that really matters is we should not ever give up on ourselves. At the end of the day we’re alone anyway and if we don’t give love to ourselves then who will?
Anyway,let’s keep each other updated! 🙂 Oh and by the way, do you have any hobbies or what do you do on your free time?
Hi, Laur. I’m so sorry i haven’t responded in a while.. I’ve been keeping up with you though and I’m sorry to hear that he is still making you sweat. I think nc is the way to go right now, and I can’t believe he hasn’t made an effort to see you for over a month!!!! Meanwhile he’s seeing those other skanks? Nonsense. I agree with your soul sister moon bunny; he doesn’t seem to know what the heck he wants. Get some distance – sitting by the phone waiting for this jabroney to call isn’t going to benefit either of you. I think you’re on the right track with the self improvement and exploring other avenues. Words are one thing, actions are another.
Well guys, things have gotten worse. I was wrong, she was here. Which means he was able to make time for her, a whole weekend, but he couldn’t be bothered to spend a couple of hours with me. It also means she likely stayed with him, and I can only imagine what they may have done together.
At this point, it’s basically over for me. It’s completely clear now that he doesn’t respect me, care for me, and so on, and only has wasted my time.
If he doesnt know what he wants, he will not be happy with anyone else. So pls dont feel about this ofher potential date. And social media does not always reflects what the reality is.
In my opinion its better for u not to check or follow him on social media. Trust me its the best way to stay away from him and avoid being hurt again and again. You are obviously still very sensitive about the break up. No reason to make urself more upset by looking at the internet.
I would advice you not to initiate any contact and wait for him to initiate the contact. And when he does, be cool about it and look busy.that’s ridiculous! ! i agree with everyone you should definitely not initiate contact except if he texts you. sorry to hear that he is doing this. I hope he realizes before its too late. just make sure you aren’t just staying inside but also going out having fun too
Definitely not staying inside! 🙂 I actually feel heaps better after going to the gym today. It was my therapy basically during the summer and I’m going to make sure it gets back that way again now. I’m no longer angry or hurt at this latest screw up he has done. I’m in a less emotional state of mind right now and I’m able to look at it more realistically, I guess.
Remembering how he was these last few months since initiating contact with me and saying he wanted to try again, I think he meant it, as several times he really went out of his way to try and make things up to me. But I seem to put all of this shift in his behavior to one evening when I called him out and said I can feel he’s purposely holding himself back and keeping me at arm’s length. Long story short, I think he’s gotten scared. Our first time around he thought I was the one.
Regardless, I’m not going to wait around for him. I’m fairly certain he’s going to come back again, and was posting all these things knowing I’d see them and is acting out in a way to make me jealous. I genuinely don’t think he’s checked out, but he is acting, frankly, really really stupid. But in the meantime, I will 100% be doing NC, just like all of you suggest. Thank you for your support, everyone. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without it 🙂
aww Laur.. I’m so sorry you have to go through all these again 🙁 But I’m sure it’s gonna be easier since you are a stronger woman now <3 My ex gave me hot and cold behaviour too these past month, and just like you I gave in at first :/ But started no contact again and now we chatted up abit again but everything was kinda.. fine. I guess I still really enjoyed his presence, so did he and we both are just not ready of a relationship. Or maybe they are just curious of all the other options out there, well sad to let them know that no one will ever love them like we did. We won’t just wait around. At the meantime let’s just be the best of ourselves again. If they really still treasure us time will prove everything, but we have to move on for the better for ourselves. It’s like we gave up on this love completely, but we chose to not live on fake hopes and getting all heartbroken again. If God want us to be together again then we’ll surely find our way back somewhere down the road. If not we should sincerely wish them the best too, right? I would do that. Stay strong gal <3
I’m right there with you @moonbunny. I know he’s pushing me away (when we met back up in October he made the comment that he’s good at pushing people away) and probably is scared. I think you’re right that he’s exploring his options, little does he know he can’t do much better than me 😉 I’m having a hard time and missing who he used to be, and I’m sad that the things I had wanted for us may not happen. Like I said, I don’t think he’s completely checked out, but I know he’s not all in either.
Well everyone, last night was very interesting. One of my friends and I went out to the bar he usually frequents last night for some cheap drinks ($2 cocktails!) and we ended up running into a couple of his friends, one of them being the one I trust very much. Also, a guy who turns out is in his group likes me, and he didn’t realize my history with him. He made the comment how my ex is “very competitive” and how liking me is now awkward now he knows about my ex and I.
Anyway, we went back to one of the guys’ places (the one I trust) to sober up and I ended up talking to him for a long time about everything. Apparently, once again, all of his friends think he’s screwing up by not making me a priority. They all genuinely like me and me with him, and the friend I spoke to says he doesn’t want to see my ex lose out on happiness just because he’s scared. Turns out, none of them know what could have possibly caused this change, either, so we all think he’s realized there isn’t a better girl out there, realized I’m the one, and he’s doing everything possible now to push me away because he’s scared.
At this point, we are all very confident he’s going to get back in touch, the question is just when exactly.
Well guys, I was right. The guy of his who is also friends with me confirmed for me that he’s trying to get with the girl who is his ex, that he dated for 4 years in college and who lives 14 hours away, the same one who was down here for a week over New Years with her friend and was here for a weekend, just her. I’m devastated. In all honesty, from everything that has happened it seems like he has no idea what he wants, especially trying to get into a long distance relationship. His friend told him that if he doesn’t want to be with me he needs to tell me but he was like “Yeah but I don’t want to crush her soul, she’s a keeper.” He also said this girl is “hard to figure out.” Well, she flew down here for a weekend with you, I think that says enough.
I don’t know what to do now. I’m still in love with him. I still want to be with him. And I’m ashamed to admit that.
woow soo sorry to hear that… he is trying to keep you around when the one wit his ex doesn’t wrk out.. I think he wants the pursuit and the fact that she might be giving him a hot and cold mixed emotions.. I don’t think he is ready to be in a committed relationship with anyone but especially with you. he wants to end up with you it seems but for now he want to go date others… which sucks.. especially cause you are kinda ready now.. but I think you should move forward for now and try to just do you and not really wait but maybe later or soon he’ll realize… but don’t let him think you are waiting.. go out on dates sometimes guys need a little push… lol.. but I think he feels you’ll always be there and is using that
Oh I definitely, 10000000% think the reason he hasn’t completely ended things with me (which he said back in November what we had he would need to break up with me to end) is so he can more easily come back if it doesn’t work with her. She’s probably hard to figure out for the same reason he said I was when we first started dating a year ago: I wasn’t so sure I wanted to date him, but I enjoyed the attention so I went along with it. I’ll give the girl credit and say I highly doubt she’s stupid and would want to willingly walk into a long distance relationship, but since it is a guy she dated for 4 years it’s probably tempting. But I don’t know for sure. That’s all just speculation.
I haven’t spoken to him since I sent him that text that said “I’m not going to beg for your attention. If you want to see me, you know where to find me.” And honestly I think I’ll continue my silence. What is there to say?
He found out apparently about the acquaintance of his that likes me, and the friend I spoke to says he isn’t sure if what my ex reacted with was jealousy or not, but he definitely got the feeling he was like “I may not want her, but no one else can have her either.” Well dude, if you’re acting like that, you still have feeling for me and don’t want to let me go. I will say I think my constant wanting him to commit and stuff drove him to look elsewhere, but at the end of the day it was his decision to take action to screw everything up. I think this is a classic “grass is greener” syndrome case.
He has seriously made some weird decisions. First dating a girl who’s dead boyfriend had the same name as him, and now trying to get with an ex that is a $250-$700 plane ride away. His friend also said, knowing my ex, he thought he would pass the CFA (we’re pretty sure he didn’t), move to NY, get a job as an investment banker, and make a million dollars, and this doesn’t seem too far off for how he is. Why can’t people ever just see what’s right in front of them?
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