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Well, that’s okay @starlight because I just found out he is in Florida on this trip for over a week with the ex from New York. So I am done. As far as I am concerned, I am going to block out all positive thoughts I ever had of him. He doesn’t exist anymore, and in my mind he never truly cared for me. If he were to ever come back and want to be with me, he would have to be a completely different person. He is not capable of a healthy relationship right now. Not only did he play me, but he is playing her, too. If he truly cared for her or me, he wouldn’t have done what he has done these last few weeks. And he wouldn’t have jeopardized potential with her for a night with me. But perhaps I’m naive.
I am devastated and heartbroken and crying, but I also realize I have cried enough over him. It is to the point where all of his friends, even the one who is the hugest player out of all of them, all of his friends say I’m wife material and don’t get why he is doing what he is doing and say he doesn’t really realize what he is doing. They say he doesn’t know what he wants, that he doesn’t have this whole relationship thing figured out yet, but in all honesty it’s too painful for me to wait around for him to figure it out. So from this moment on, I am going to do my best to pretend he doesn’t exist.
He never truly gave me a decision, and I believe he didn’t really actually make one, but his actions in taking this girl to Florida for a week-long vacation tell me all I need to know.
And for our ages, he and I are both 26. But he is acting like he’s 17.
I have not heard from him since this all happened. I don’t even know if we will meet up to be honest, because I just found out he blocked me on Facebook. How adorable. He’s being so immature. I get it if he’s offended, but at this point it’s getting a little ridiculous. The animosity is just perplexing. I find it amusing but I’m also a little upset about it. I get it if I did something unforgivable to you, but I literally did nothing except treat him like a king.
Oh gosh, you guys, I’m rolling with laughter right now. So something told me that he doesn’t have another girl waiting in the wings, so I told our mutual friend I honestly think I’m going to get a non-decision from him. Like “Oh, I’m not ready yet but maybe in a few months” blah blah blah. Well just now I got a text from him and this is how our conversation went:
EX: “I’m actually pissed you said I cheated on you.”
ME: “I’m not talking about this with you in text messages.
EX: “Probably would be better to talk via phone then.. I’m at a show so later or whenever.”
ME: “I’m not talking to you if you’re under the influence, either.”
EX: “First off I’m sober.” [middle-finger emoji]
ME: “Lol. Enjoy the show and stop trying to pick a fight with me. Bye”
EX: “Maybe it would be better if you lost my number.”As you can see, I didn’t respond to that. t can’t deal you guys, this is too funny. What a child to pick a fight with me when he knew I was at work and when he was out supposedly having fun with friends. And me lose his number? He has initiated every contact since I told him I wasn’t going to beg for his attention. I’m guessing his strategy is to make me mad in order to kind of break things off, so this leaves a door open for him. Or maybe its his strategy to get me mad so it closes the door completely. Who knows.
Okay well, slight development. He texted me tonight and has apparently made a decision, and he gave me the option of talking in person or via text. (The fact that he gave me the option to talk via text scares me and makes me think the worst.) I told him I was surprised to be hearing from him, and how I didn’t think I’d hear from him until after his trip. Well, I told him I think in person would be better either way (closure, I guess, and for me to make sure he really has made up his mind) but we can’t meet tomorrow evening, and he leaves for his trip the next day. So it has to wait until after his trip anyway.
I’m scared, you guys. That he offered the option of talking via text and said afterwards “We can just do this when I get back” doesn’t sound too hopeful to me. But on the other hand, him being ready to “just do this” when he gets back says to me he probably isn’t actually confident in his decision. I don’t know. I just know I’m nervous. Well, at least I have about 10 days to prepare myself.
Hey everyone, really quick update! I heard from our mutual friend that my ex had planned on contacting me (apparently he chickened out though) and said he needed to talk to me in person and make a decision. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but him wanting to speak in person has in the past meant he is leaning towards making it work. He is the type to just send a text and say “I don’t think it’s going to work,” which is fine to me as I’d rather not cry again in front of him lol. Sounds like he wants to talk to me before he makes a decision. I guess to figure out any expectations, when I would expect marriage, etc? No idea. Will update once something actually happens.
Yeah, I think it was definitely closure for me if it doesn’t work out. All the signs are still there of him still having feelings for me (constantly wanting to see me, trying to show off the results of his gym visits [he seemed jealous that I lost 20 pounds since our breakup in May], said my ignoring him that ONE TIME drove him insane and deliberately said something that he knew would get a response). Like I said, it’s just a matter of him actually getting his s*** together and acting on it
Well, a huge update, but it’s still confusing. Apparently the reason he wanted me to have my ring back was because he is moving to Florida for a job. According to him he just has to pick which one and it’s a done deal, but some things he says doesn’t make sense. These are: he says he won’t move for a couple of months (those who have moved for work tell me it’s much quicker than that), and our mutual friend asked him “So I hear you’re moving, should we be planning a going away party?” and he responded, “Well, I’m PLANNING on moving.”
So, after finding out about his potential move yesterday afternoon, I did respond to him. He had told our mutual friend that my ignoring him was driving him insane and he texted me what he knew would get a response. Which is another thing that makes me think this move isn’t a done deal. But in case it was, I decided I would lay my cards out and tell him how I feel about him and why he shouldn’t move.
So I met up with our mutual friend and ended up with all of his group of friends. We had a fun evening, but it got late and I was ready to leave. It’s funny, we actually ended up parking our cars beside each other on a very busy night here. Out of all the places, we ended up beside each other. So I got in his car and did it. I really gave it to him about everything he had done to me, but I also told him I love him, including all the bad stuff, and that I want to be with him. I told him to seriously think about it, and to let me know if he wants me too. I told him that we’ll make it work, even if he moves. I did end up crying, and because it was so late I went back to his place and slept there. He held me and comforted me the whole time I cried. We kissed and made out several times (he initiated it each time), but that was it. I don’t regret it, and I’m glad that I was able to say my piece, tell him how I feel, and at least spend one last night with him. Many would have advised against this, but I didn’t feel it was wrong.
It could go either way at this point. Literally in the last 36 hours he wanted to bump into me, then he didn’t, and then he did again. He clearly still has feelings for me. Now it’s up to him to act on them. I’m not planning on contacting him.
You are correct… it’s so funny how he went from being legitimately angry that I was in the same area of the city he was to now asking for a situation to be set up so we run into each other. I was actually open to it since it was going to be in a huge group of people rather than just him and I, but it ended up not happening because our mutual friend (and my point of contact) got stuck with work. I wasn’t about to go into the lion’s den alone. It was a little disappointing because I guess I was hoping to get answers, but at least this way my ex gets more time to think about what he wants (as do I), and I get to see where his head’s at. I kind of think he’s going to try again but we’ll see. I think this was also an attempt on his part to try to see where my head’s at as well.
Okay guys, so new info and I absolutely don’t know what to do. This is extremely time sensitive so any advice is very welcome!
Our mutual friend received a text from my ex today. He asked him if he was going to be hanging out with me tonight, and then asked if it was possible for our friend to arrange it so that we run into each other tonight. He made the comment that the ex from NY “isn’t around, idk what’s happening with her” which tells me not all is well in that department. I also found out that apparently she has told him that since things are so expensive in NY, if it’s gonna work, he’s going to have to pay for everything. His friends are also under the impression she wasn’t that into him and was just going to use him.
What do you think guys? Should I allow this run in to happen or no?
Well, I spoke too soon. Now his friend is chatting with me again. Color me confused about everything. But I may have more answers soon, after talking to him.
Thank you, sophie. Your words are very kind and mean a lot to me. I hope everything gets better for you too, soon. My recommendations are to make a list of things you want to do that you’ve never done (like zip lining, going to a wine and painting place, making pottery, just some examples from my own list), take time to go to the gym or the spa or watch YouTube makeup tutorials, go for drinks with your friends and get attention from boys, heck even read a book, to keep yourself busy and feeling pretty and like you’ve still “got it.” It helps you to forget your troubles for a little while.
Today is a rough day for me. I had a bad dream last night that just put me in a down mood, and now I’m missing him a lot (or rather, who he used to be). I keep thinking (and I guess, hoping) that since his friend, who made it clear he didn’t care that he was breaking “guy code” by being friends with me too, isn’t speaking to me, that means my ex hasn’t quite moved on like he was trying to act. That his friend has backed off says a lot to me about my ex’s intentions. This same friend did insinuate he had feelings for me beyond friendship, but assured me friendship was okay with him. Given that information, I get the feeling he has backed off out of respect for my ex, who may still want to revisit our relationship. If he didn’t, I’m confident his friend would have no problem talking to me.
Nope and I don’t really plan to. Another reason I think something is going on: a friend of his, the one who I’ve been talking to lately, and I were supposed to hang out last night. That afternoon all he tells me is “I may have an issue,” and I don’t hear from him again for the rest of the night or all day today for that matter. Not even an “I’m sorry, insert explanation here” for ditching. So my ex happens to text me the very same evening a friend of his was supposed to hang out with me? It wouldn’t seem weird to me if his friend had been communicating with me even after plans fell through, but he hasn’t. It’s all very fishy and weird to me. Something’s up.
Well, he just contacted me. I had left my college class ring at his place before my friend’s wedding, and he just messaged me today asking how I’d like it back. Like really dude? At this point I’m fine with buying another class ring. I haven’t responded to him because part of me thinks this is just him trying to return it but another part of me thinks this is bs to try to talk to me again. Actually, I know he has some ulterior motive because he never does anything without it benefitting him in some way. He’s said so himself. So he’s either giving it back because he wants to weasel his way back into my life, or he’s ready to let me go so he can get with his 12-hours away ex.
I don’t necessarily blame myself for all of it, because there’s no way I could have known it would have ended up like this. I don’t like to think “He did it once, he’ll always do it.” It’s just not who I am. But I hurt, a lot. I’m scared it actually will work out with them and that they’ll end up together, and I’ll just be alone. I don’t want anyone else, I want him. And now I begin to think something is wrong with me since our relationship didn’t last that long but theirs lasted 4 years.
I just don’t get it. Why would he choose to try to get back with his ex that lives 12 hours away, that he hasn’t even seen in 4 weeks now? Why would anyone consider that preferable, choosing a long distance “keeper” over a “keeper” that is in his city? (He described both of us as “keepers,” so if we’re on the same level, why do this?)
On another site I try to seek advice, some people were pretty blunt, saying how men only settle with women they respect and he doesn’t respect me, that I’m content with being an option and that he has demonstrated multiple times how he will never love me like I love him. Perhaps what they said has merit, but it cut deeply and felt like I was being blamed for my situation. I still hurt very much and prefer kind words right now. I wish things were different but they aren’t. When will the pain ever stop? I feel like I’m back to square one in my grieving and coping 🙁
