laur8907

Thanks @penelope and @starlight, your support though all of this has really helped me stay strong. I feel a lot better without him, and it’s sad that it’s that way. Once upon a time he made me feel lighter than a feather, but here lately all it was was just a weight. A little good news on me: I’m going to nursing school in the fall, and I just got a job as a Nurse Assistant at my dream hospital! Found out two days ago 🙂

Aaaaand a little news on my ex I found out this morning! Our mutual friend was out last night and ran into him. He was all depressed and confused because he asked his ex from NY to be in a relationship and told her how he felt about her, but all she gave back was “maybe,” “I don’t know,” which we all know is the worst. Apparently she’s already moved to FL with her friend and it’s her friend’s goal to find her a rich man to marry, which our friend called it weeks ago lol. And our friend also said “It’s amazing how all the stuff he was saying last night are the same things you had been saying a couple months ago.” So basically the exact same thing he did to me is now being done to him. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, but… karma.

Oh, and he asked our friend if I still had his number blocked and he told him yes but if he had a message for me he’d tell me next time he saw me. Apparently my ex wasn’t too happy about that hahaha. My friend’s exact words were “I saw his blood boil.” Well, he shouldn’t have done what he did if he didn’t want to deal with the consequences 🙂

I hope you both are having a great day and not too much drama in your lives! It’s a pretty day where I’m at, so I’m going to go enjoy it 🙂

It’s okay @starlight, I haven’t really been on here either because nothing has happened between my ex and I. His number is still blocked on my phone, and he still has me blocked on Facebook. No news of a move to Florida from his friends, nothing new on his LinkedIn profile, etc. I did spend the night with a couple of his friends (On 3/26, the last time I was here lol) because we were hanging out and it got so late. We all had an amazing time just talking and hanging out. They all are of the general consensus that he no longer deserves me. So I’m just doing my thing. I feel so much better. There are nights where I miss who he used to be but I try to remind myself he hasn’t been that person for nearly a year now.

I hope you are doing well @starlight 🙂 have you been on any dates recently?! I’ve joined a couple dating sites and some guys have messaged me and stuff but never any of the cute ones that I want to talk to 😉 I’m enjoying being single and remembering who I am. I heard the other day from some people that there is a lightness to me that hasn’t been there in a long time. That made me feel really good.

Well I was able to get ahold of our mutual friend this evening. My ex told him that he most definitely isn’t coming back to me even if things don’t work out with this girl. Which LOL at that, because I’ve always been confident that he IS going to come knocking on my door again at some point in the future. I definitely don’t believe him for the long run. My friend also told me that from everything my ex tells him, it sounds like the girl still isn’t interested. Because get this: SHE is moving to Florida, with one of her friends. My ex is just trying to move there, likely to follow her. So funny.

Nope, I don’t want him. At least not for a while. He needs to get his head on straight, figure out what he wants, and actually be stable. He straight up told our friend that he has no idea what he wants. And I need someone who does. It’s been refreshing and freeing to realize that. There’s definitely a good person still inside him somewhere, but it’s like down in his baby toe.

That’s awful but that says something about her character that she found out about the lies and is still into him. I am VERY confident my ex hans’t told this girl about me and what he was up to while he was supposed to be planning that trip with her, because he’s a huge coward. If he was downplaying his relationship to her any time I brought it up, and has been virtually silent about his plans with her toward his friends, then yes I’m very confident he hasn’t been honest with her. Nothing but lies. That speaks VOLUMES about how he truly feels about the relationship. And it says so much about her that his friends, the people who know him best, like me over her. Somehow they got the impression she was going to use him, and that doesn’t come from nowhere.

I honestly think, since he failed the CFA, he’s having a complete quarter-life crisis. He has wanted to be in finance since he was in 3rd grade, bought a house here because he hated moving and wanted to put in roots. Now he suddenly wants to open a gym and not be in finance, and wants to move again. I think he’s just desperate for change. One thing doesn’t go right in his life, so everything else is wrong too. I wish he would just take a step back, calm down, take some time to himself, do some soul searching, begin career changes where he is now (get a new job or tackle this gym idea), and maybe take a week or two to travel somewhere with one of his brothers or one of his friends. But I genuinely do not think he is in his right mind, and neither does anyone I tell about this.

I’m a little better today. I ran scenarios through my head last night about what, if anything, he could possibly say to me, and as of right now nothing he could say would make me forgive him and give him another chance. This could change in a few months when my wounds aren’t as fresh, but right now… it’s definitely not happening.

@penelope thank you for your support. I kind of want to respond, but at the same time I don’t. I know it drives him crazy when I ignore him, and he’s expecting a response since he sent me an apology. Plus I have no idea what I would say to him that I wouldn’t later regret.

@starlight I’m doing everything I can to try to pick myself up, but today is awful. I slept until early afternoon and just want to be in bed all day away from other people.

I asked on another website like this about this situation, and the person behind the site said it’s serious between my ex and this girl. Which confuses me, because everything about this (according to general advice) screams rebound except for the fact that they dated for 4 years and broke up in 2012. Evidence: he got into contact with her while he was still trying to get with me, he downplays his relationship to her to his friends and to me, he hid his relationship with her from his friends (including this FL trip and that they’re planning to move there together), they saw each other 3 times since Christmas, they’ve only been in contact since Christmas (so a 4 month-ish relationship and they’re planning to move in together).

And it upsets me greatly that he could have had me, who would have treated him well and with respect, and instead chooses this girl who isn’t even a sure thing and who all his friends are under the impression she told him he was going to have to pay for everything for their relationship to work. As far as I know, his move to Florida still isn’t set in stone. And all of us are thinking that if Florida falls through, so is this relationship. I need to stop myself from hoping that. It’s not healthy, and he has treated me so poorly. But it’s hard when he was the one I wanted to marry and have a future with. It’s so rare for me to find someone like that, he was the only one. I worry I’ll never feel this way about someone else again. And I almost don’t want to feel this way about someone else again because I feel like this will just happen again too.

I guess I need to tell myself what my best friend told me: he’s not the person I fell in love with. He no longer exists. And that’s so heartbreaking too, because he was a wonderful person. I just feel like staying in bed and crying all day. I don’t know how I can ever be happy again.

Well everyone, he sent me a long text today. This is it word for word: “First off I want to apologize the way I freakout out the other night and told you to lose my number that was immature… Secondly I want to apologize for treating you like sh*t in the sense that I wasn’t up front with you (I didn’t cheat on you but that’s not the point).. I empathize with how you feel I’ve been there and it sucks… You really are an awesome person and I shouldn’t have done what I did to you.. I don’t feel the same way you feel about me and while I won’t apologize for that I will apologize for never being completely up front. I don’t want to keep you questioning if something will happen because it won’t.. I’m sorry.”

I don’t know what to say. I’m hurt all over again. And no, I’m not planning on responding to him.

@starlight it certainly sounds like our situations are very similar! He definitely can’t be alone, which means he probably has some low self-esteem. Our mutual friend told me that he ran into another one of their friends who said my ex said he is so in love with this girl and that they have a connection that he can’t put into words but is deep and meaningful. That hurt to hear, but then the mutual friend tells me this guy isn’t that close to my ex, and they probably were said when they were drunk or something. He also said he told this friend, “Whatever dude, he changes with the wind, let’s see what he says when he gets back.” Furthermore, if she means SO much to him, why would he do what he did with me just 2 weeks before this trip to Florida with her? Why would he come onto one of the girls that works at the bar he regularly goes to? That’s 2 different girls in the last month he’s tried to get with. Answer is, point blank, he clearly isn’t in love with her. He wouldn’t do any of that, and all of his friends wouldn’t have been under the impression she’s out of the picture.

I don’t think it will last either but I guess stranger things have happened. I’ve cried a bit in the last few days but I’m trying to be strong and not do it anymore. I’m tired of the games. It’s so clear he’s playing both her and me. He doesn’t really love her or else he wouldn’t have done what he has done. He wouldn’t have been so desperate to get my attention, or held me and kissed me, or done his best to downplay his connection to her every time I brought her up. He wouldn’t be keeping me as an insurance policy. Maybe I’m naive, but from what I’ve experienced and seen, when someone is in love they go all in and ignore everyone else around them. At least when things are good and happy.