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@zohar I definitely know what you mean. I’ve got to keep reminding myself about the whole “Rome wasn’t built in a day” bit. One of my weaknesses is impatience! A side effect from being an only child, I guess lol. He’s so interesting, because he can be so stubborn and insist he’s always right and at the same time he changes his mind a lot. He’ll go from not wanting to kids to wanting a whole lot of them to wanting just 2. He began to think a mutual friend’s boyfriend wasn’t “all that bad” a couple weeks after he first met the guy and the guy tried to get him to pay for everyone’s food because he thought he made a lot of money at his job. If he changes his mind about all that, I’m sure we have a chance too.
I’m going to make sure he doesn’t put me in as a Plan B. He had to work to try to date me the first time, and this time will be no different 😉 I found his saying those things weird though, because during our initial breakup conversation there was no mention of friendship whatsoever, and I definitely know we can never be just friends.
I’m hoping that’s the case and he’ll start really missing me soon :/ He certainly knew I was waiting around for him during the break because I basically told him I was. Now with photos of me out with friends on Facebook, it definitely appears to him that I’m taking steps to move on and am not pining away waiting for him.
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. I’m going to do my best to stay positive. I’m pretty sure he isn’t the type to just ignore me, so I likely won’t know where I stand for a couple weeks or so. I just gotta try to be patient and not lose heart! I know there’s the possibility there’s someone better out there for me, but I still see him in my future right now. When we were out together, I quite literally only had eyes for him, and never noticed other men around me. It still feels that way; I was out Wednesday with a friend and lots of men were around us, but I didn’t really notice them. We were actually at a bar he occasionally goes to, and not once did I hope or dread running into him. It was an interesting feeling.
Thanks, @zohar, I’ll most likely text him on the day 30 days is actually up. It will actually be 6 months to the date since we met. You’re so right on men being able to only focus on a few things at a time. Now that we’re broken up, I definitely see that quality in him. You’re right though; at this point contacting him would be for my own sense of mine. I genuinely don’t think he’s the type to completely ignore me and not respond. I know NC is mostly for us to help ourselves, but I know it’s also supposed to make them miss us too… I’m nervous he may not have gotten around to missing me much, since we were on a break for 3 weeks before breaking up officially. Radio silence was the name of that game for the most part.
I will say though that 2 days after we broke up I texted him (another ex bf website suggested this prior to going NC) that I hold no ill will against him, I wish you the best in life, don’t be a stranger, etc. I didn’t expect to get a response for a while because he was at work, but he responded immediately with 2 texts saying how we had good times, and good luck with school. And twice he said stuff like “I’m sure we’ll run into each other.. I’m sure I’ll see you around,” even threw in an ‘lol’ at one point. So I’m thinking we will be in contact once I break NC, it’s just a matter of things becoming more from there :/
@MxV13 my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to watch yourself become someone you know you aren’t and you were pretty much powerless to stop it. While I have never had depression, I can relate as I had many outside stressors affect my personality and thus my relationship as well. I mistakenly took things out on my guy.
To me it sounds like he didn’t know how to handle the depression you experienced. I think him saying that he didn’t love you wasn’t quite true; feelings don’t just die. That being said, men in general can be very hurt when things like their job or relationship aren’t working out. It can deeply affect them, to the point where they project the negative feelings they experience onto others. From your situation, it sounds like sending an email to let him know that you are working on yourself is a good idea. I did something similar with a text, letting him know I understood why he had to do what he had to do.
I think if you send such an email, it will already show an improvement from your “flipping out” at the initial breakup, and that can only do positive things for both of you. I think NC is the best option for both yourself and him, to allow both of you time to heal. He needs to get to a point where he can deal with some choppy waves; that takes growing up to do, and sadly nothing you do can control that. I sympathize, as I am in the same boat with mine. And you take time to yourself: therapy, figuring out which medications work for you, finding a hobby, going to the gym, showing him what he’s missing by going out and looking like you’re having the time of your life.
Some days will be better than others. Some days you’ll feel you want to die, and other days you’ll feel okay enough to smile and laugh with people around you. But I have faith that you can do it 🙂
