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I’m prepping myself for my first contact with him. I know I’m going to contact him and have some ideas as to what I’m going to say, but I’m also trying to sort some stuff out for myself and think realistically.
I certainly feel he is the one. I am wondering about how our current situations will affect us, however. One of my friends told me he texted my ex last Monday, just a general “What are you up to” text. He told my friend that he had a lot going on and that school was getting to him. He’s taking a summer class, which is accelerated so it’s a lot more material in a short amount of time. Finals for that session are today and tomorrow. To me, this clearly indicates he is having a hard time coping with all the different stresses in his life. I’m tallying it up, and right now this is what’s on his plate: first time homeowner, stressful job at a bank where he was once blamed for a $500m loss, his final year of his MBA coming up, trying to be a shoulder to cry on for this girl who’s boyfriend died, and then there was also our relationship.
I’m not trying to make excuses for him, but it’s seeming to me like he’s having a hard time getting a handle of things and coping. For me, I’m having to complete all my prerequisites for my Ultrasound program admission this fall, and I’ll be taking around 16 credit hours in addition to a CNA course. It sounds like we’re both going to have a lot on our plates soon.
A few of my friends say I should still reach out to him once my 30 days are up and just build from there, but I’m wondering if his situation is even going to prove conducive to rebuilding a relationship in general. What are y’all’s thoughts?
I think the important thing here is for you to get in touch with him at a time he’s available. Text him during the weekend, or if you know his work schedule make sure that you text him at his after work hours. If you text him at a time where he can read and respond, it would be better. Otherwise if you text him while he is incredibly busy, he might read it but forget about it. Men can really focus at one thing at a time, they are not really multi task like we women are.
So my point is, make sure that you get in touch with him at a time when he’s most likely available.
There’s always gonna be stress in our lives, we live in the 21st century. Even if he’s free or his schedule is relaxed he can come up with an excuse if he wants to. I think it’s for the best that you should still contact him for your own good. If it doesn’t go well, you’ll be well off to your way. It’s better to know sooner than later–I know this is harsh. Additionally, it can be a relief for him during this stressful time to hear from you (depending on his feelings).
I’m no expert here, but if he tells you he needs more time just give him time and move on with your life like he’s never gonna come back. That will make you more attractive to him (I was like this when I was dating my ex that I want to get back, I had other options as well and did not really cling to him when we started to date).
Best of luck!
Thanks, @zohar, I’ll most likely text him on the day 30 days is actually up. It will actually be 6 months to the date since we met. You’re so right on men being able to only focus on a few things at a time. Now that we’re broken up, I definitely see that quality in him. You’re right though; at this point contacting him would be for my own sense of mine. I genuinely don’t think he’s the type to completely ignore me and not respond. I know NC is mostly for us to help ourselves, but I know it’s also supposed to make them miss us too… I’m nervous he may not have gotten around to missing me much, since we were on a break for 3 weeks before breaking up officially. Radio silence was the name of that game for the most part.
I will say though that 2 days after we broke up I texted him (another ex bf website suggested this prior to going NC) that I hold no ill will against him, I wish you the best in life, don’t be a stranger, etc. I didn’t expect to get a response for a while because he was at work, but he responded immediately with 2 texts saying how we had good times, and good luck with school. And twice he said stuff like “I’m sure we’ll run into each other.. I’m sure I’ll see you around,” even threw in an ‘lol’ at one point. So I’m thinking we will be in contact once I break NC, it’s just a matter of things becoming more from there :/
@laur8907, I think you can tell whether he missed you or not from his texts when you bring up a fun memory that you guys had. You know, Rome was not built in a day so it may take a while for him to actually acknowledge his feelings and speak them out. Because men can have such pride in their actions that they don’t want to do anything inconsistent. Of course you know your ex better than I do so, trust your own instincts there.
About the “I’m sure I’ll see you around” thing, I think he means that you guys can still be friends even if you are not together which can result in you being the “plan B” of your ex, depending on the guys character. On the other hand, I think for your own sake it’s good that you guys have the chances to run into each other because, that might make him miss you more. If he just sees the gorgeous you all the time but you’re not together.
Recent confession that I got from a male friend of mine is that guys feel the “loss” or the “break up” much later than women do. We normally feel terrible right after but by a month or so we can pick up the pieces and move on. But this is totally opposite for guys. They feel relieved right after the break up but month(s) later they realize what they’ve lost. So I say there might be a chance that you ex missed you during your no contact. Additionally, I think your ex has a better chance of missing you because even if you were on a break, he knew that you’d be waiting for him but after breaking up officially you’re no longer his girlfriend.
Just stay positive and don’t freak out. Couples get back together all the time (even in abusive relationships)!
If you text him turn off your notifications or sth that you won’t be waiting around for his reply. I know this is a stressful thing to go through, please keep in mind that you can still find love even if you don’t get back together. I know this is very hard to hear, but at some point you have to be able to truly move on.Best of luck! Keep us posted please 🙂
@zohar I definitely know what you mean. I’ve got to keep reminding myself about the whole “Rome wasn’t built in a day” bit. One of my weaknesses is impatience! A side effect from being an only child, I guess lol. He’s so interesting, because he can be so stubborn and insist he’s always right and at the same time he changes his mind a lot. He’ll go from not wanting to kids to wanting a whole lot of them to wanting just 2. He began to think a mutual friend’s boyfriend wasn’t “all that bad” a couple weeks after he first met the guy and the guy tried to get him to pay for everyone’s food because he thought he made a lot of money at his job. If he changes his mind about all that, I’m sure we have a chance too.
I’m going to make sure he doesn’t put me in as a Plan B. He had to work to try to date me the first time, and this time will be no different 😉 I found his saying those things weird though, because during our initial breakup conversation there was no mention of friendship whatsoever, and I definitely know we can never be just friends.
I’m hoping that’s the case and he’ll start really missing me soon :/ He certainly knew I was waiting around for him during the break because I basically told him I was. Now with photos of me out with friends on Facebook, it definitely appears to him that I’m taking steps to move on and am not pining away waiting for him.
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. I’m going to do my best to stay positive. I’m pretty sure he isn’t the type to just ignore me, so I likely won’t know where I stand for a couple weeks or so. I just gotta try to be patient and not lose heart! I know there’s the possibility there’s someone better out there for me, but I still see him in my future right now. When we were out together, I quite literally only had eyes for him, and never noticed other men around me. It still feels that way; I was out Wednesday with a friend and lots of men were around us, but I didn’t really notice them. We were actually at a bar he occasionally goes to, and not once did I hope or dread running into him. It was an interesting feeling.
Getting very nervous… tomorrow (or today technically) is the day!
Currently having a mini freakout here. Not just because of that, but because of this girl in his life. He knows her from his hometown, and she’s moving here for a job. Her long term boyfriend was killed in a car crash a couple months ago, and he actually has the same name as my ex. My ex is the only person she knows here, so a default friendship for her if you will. She recently became friends with my ex’s brother (the one he tells everything to) and his wife on Facebook. Like…what? I know logically she is in NO place whatsoever to date let alone date someone with her dead boyfriend’s name, but it still pulls at my emotions a bit. argh!
Calm down please! There’s nothing you know about them being in a relationship. If there was solid evidence that this friendship might turn into something then you would be worried but right now you don’t even know if that girl is going to want to date your ex.
Maybe she doesn’t even want to date your ex. Her boyfriend was killed 2 months ago, so I doubt she will jump right into a relationship this soon after her loss. Also, there are always gonna be girls in his life, whether it’s this one or not. So just please relax, don’t freak out. Stop stalking your ex on Facebook, because it will only make you feel worse, which is the opposite goal of no contact. No contact is about gaining your confidence back, and healing from the break up. If you keep checking his Facebook page all the time, you won’t heal from the relationship and once you are talking to your ex this negative energy you have will reflect on it.
Please calm down, I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about.
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