LAbound

Hello.

Attraction and love can come back. Take a step back and concentrate on handling everything rationally. If you two couldn’t have a lot of quality time, and he has a lot of bs on his plate, then I think maybe you should be there for him. Only do it with light contact. Make him chase you. Don’t hit him up first and don’t be too eager to respond when he hits you up.

I say light contact instead of no contact because there’s still a potentially good friendship to maintain. If you up and disappear when he’s going through a lot, then it seems a bit harsh.

That’s your choice though. Just remain calm and make sure you approach everything in the healthiest way possible. (Convos, productivity, etc)
I wish you the best.

You won’t create trust by disappearing. You should keep up with the communication, but don’t smother her or try too hard.

Let it happen naturally by being a “friend”.

But honestly, you two need to figure out why you’re fighting and having to break up. That’s not healthy.

It’s about emotional vulnerability. She just needs to feel safe with you again.

You might have read or heard about it, but often a partner can fall out of love or want a break if they feel like they’re carrying the other persons baggage. You’d think that as a loving partner, you would carry the weight for each other… But that’s not how everyone is built. Maybe the issues were too heavy on her side. It doesn’t mean she didn’t love you. Or doesn’t love you.
What I’ve found out is that it’s great to encourage and support each other, but always be as capable as possible of carrying your own weight. At the end of the day, it’s no ones job to make us happy. Our partners can if they choose, through various means, but it’s not their job. They have to take care of themselves. I hope you get what I’m saying.

You will make it through this. I promise.

First things first: stop texting him. Do not write him anymore. Your emotions are all over the place, and if you want a chance, you have to get them in check.

What you have to do now, for the sake of you and him…and a possible reconciliation… Is to let go.

You’ve done all you can do. You have hurt him. And what is happening now is hurting you. Why stay in that situation when A. You don’t have to and B. It will not help you get him back. If anything, it will push him further away.

So, my advice to you would be:
Start cleaning yourself up. Both physically and emotionally. Get rid of anything that reminds you of him. You don’t have to throw it away, but you need to store it away from you.
Make sure you do not sit idle. It’s really important to hang out with friends and family. Try new and fun things. This serves a couple purposes: being around people that love you will nurture your spirit, it will keep you occupied, and it will serve as a reminder that you aren’t alone.

I would suggest exercising regularly, if you don’t already. Working out will release endorphins. You will feel better, and you’ll look your best yet. This will build confidence. (I’m not saying you don’t look good now)

I, unlike some, would suggest you not date just yet. Concentrate on yourself for a while.

After he was really upset, he still met up with you for closure. You ruined what could’ve been a good start to making him think differently about you. You must get a grip of you are to ever have another chance. He doesn’t hate you. Things just got bad and you wouldn’t leave him alone. So stay away from him. He needs to wipe all the “crazy ex girlfriend” thoughts out of his mind.

Stick with NC for a few months. Then try the letter. Make sure you are emotionally stable before reaching out with the letter.
And then play the waiting game.

Depending on everything that’s happened (like the stuff you may not share with us), you have a slight chance. But you have to leave the guy alone.

Fred, great job! It’s awesome that there are positives things happening for you!

Jburg,

Unfortunately, the powers that be thought life needed complications. Love and attraction are complex. Then, add in how society wires both men and women, and how popular culture shapes our attitudes as we grow up and mature, it’s no wonder things can’t be as simple as “if we love and care for each other, let’s make it work”. Like you, I feel like it should be that easy. That’s how I viewed my former relationship. Nine years was a marriage to me. No, we weren’t married, but my commitment was known. It wasn’t something she shouldn’t have thrown away (multiple times). If there is any love and attraction (which there is for both people in my case) work should be applied and things can get better. But reality smacked me in the face pretty hard, friend. Love and attraction… Life in general isn’t simple. If it was, there would be no lessons to learn. And I view life as a classroom. We are all better for the lessons…

Oh there are no logical answers. And more often thsn not, our exes cant give us answers themselves. It’s part of why it can be unhealthy to stay in contact with a new ex. We might find ourselves asking questions that cant be answered, and then anger might ensue.

The hot and cold behavior is the confusion she is having. It is important to remember that just because she broke up with you, doesnt mean she isnt having a hard time. Dont let her donthat to you though. Dont be around for whenever she needs a pick me up etc.

Dont let guilt and regret allow you to be a doormat. She is not entitled to wipe her feet on you! So be assertive and confident… Tell her you need time and space to figure yourself out. That you will reach out to her when you feel ready. And begin your journey.