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Hey all, so my ex and I were together 5.5 years and about 2 weeks ago he came over crying his eyes out saying how I’m going to hate him and I’m his best friend but he doesn’t feel the same about us. I was shocked and did not react at all really, I told him to go home and then I started to have a breakdown and asked to cone over his house and starting crying and begging him to take me back and try to make it work and he was frying saying it felt weird between us. Apparently the past year he has had on and off feelings for me and the 2 weeks prior to the breakup he felt nothing towards me. Ironically this past year, he has also had a tremendous amount of stress in his life. His mother was diagnosed with crippling anxiety to the point where she barely goes to work. He has been stressing over the fact his family may not be able to pay their bills or mortgage and they may lose their house and he is worried his parents will divorce because this has caused a strain in their marriage.
He also got hired into a new position at work in January where he has off during the week and works 2nd shift resulting in him barely seeing his family, barely seeing me and never seeing his friends. He has to miss so many events due to work and I feel as if he feels he is at a standstill in his life and he’s not sure what the future holds. About a month ago I was very upset with how distant he had been and was struggling with how to deal with him. He broke down in front of me begging me to never leave him he loved me I was his rock and he was going to get help. He started therapy and will be going for his third time this week. I believe he’s in a depression and he just couldn’t focus on me and I totally understand that. Now he has reconnected with old friends and is obsessed with them he has to talk to them or hang out with then whenever he can.
While he doesn’t want to talk to me at all. After a week of begging I finally stopped contacting him and I am trying the no contact rule. He deleted me off of all social network and all my friends and family. But last night two days into no contact he asked to follow my best friend on Instagram…maybe he missed me and was seeing if she posted anything we were doing. Anyway I hope he gets out of his funk, this is not his personality and I love him so much
Hi there.
Your situation is hopeful. You just need to give him space as he is going through a lot which is confusing him. Leave him awhile to make him realize how important you are. That he can go through whatever he is going through with you beside him.
There are some guys who subconsciouly push their partners away when they are a mess to protect them from their issues. As his partner, you naturally would want to be there for him and help him face his challenges. Unfortunately, sometimes we men need to face things on our own. Never think of it as a reflection of his love for you. It probably has nothing to do with that. Just give him space and time to sort it out and make him be the one to reach out to you.
Like you have said, this is not his personality. I also doubt his condition will allow him to have a meaningful relationship with anyone other than you at this point. He may try but it will only end bad for them. Be strong and have faith in your love.
Thank you so much, you made me feel a lot better. I am leaving him be and hoping this fog over his heart and mind clears always and he will remember his love for me 🙂
Hello.
Attraction and love can come back. Take a step back and concentrate on handling everything rationally. If you two couldn’t have a lot of quality time, and he has a lot of bs on his plate, then I think maybe you should be there for him. Only do it with light contact. Make him chase you. Don’t hit him up first and don’t be too eager to respond when he hits you up.
I say light contact instead of no contact because there’s still a potentially good friendship to maintain. If you up and disappear when he’s going through a lot, then it seems a bit harsh.
That’s your choice though. Just remain calm and make sure you approach everything in the healthiest way possible. (Convos, productivity, etc)
I wish you the best.I hope his love comes back to me. I know he is attracted to me even if he doesn’t want to be. But it’s physical right now. As for the light contact….I tried lightly contacting him and if he responded I ended up aggressively contacting him. I tried meeting up with him for lunch or walks and he’d go because the felt bad. Then the day before I started NC he told me its too hard for him to get this thoughts together and be alone with himself if I am hitting him up and wanting to hang out. So, to respect him, I started no contact. Its been 4 days which is very long for us and I am just waiting to see if he contacts me. He knows that if and when he needs me I am but a phone call away. Its extremely hard for me to do this but me contacting him at all seems to be aggravating him 🙁
Hi There:
I know how you feel, I have had No Contact placed on me because I didn’t want to go back home after an abusive situation…I have been in No Contact for almost 5 months…it is an awful feeling when you want to reach out but know you shouldn’t for maybe a wide variety of reasons…but I feel this way…if a man puts No Contact on you, the female…stay away…make your self scare…don’t try to connect to him by friends, family, drive-by’s…you will look desperate and needy…men like to hunt…let him come to you…its tough believe me…but only just now I’m starting to get the logic…
I’m sorry about your situation. I ppray it will get better for you. I am learning the hard way about no contact. We share a puppy and I’m going to have to take her because every time I see him I want to hug him and he was became cold towards me saying he does not want to come near me, he doesn’t miss me , he doesn’t think about me, he wasn’t happy with me. Unfortunately I don’t think it was me he was unhappy with I believe he is terribly unhappy with himself and is projecting that anger and hate on me and a few of his close friends. He has gotten rid of everything I’ve ever given him and taken down pictures and deleted me and my family and friends off of all social networking. He is trying to erase me from his life like I never existed. Something deep down is wrong with him and it pains me he won’t let me help. You don’t just love and show passion for someone one day and then want nothing to do with them the next. So I will stay away from him. I pray he remembers the place in his heart for me and allows it to open up to me. We were the love of each others lives. I am a forgiving person and he knows I will forgive him and move past this when he is ready. But I do need to move on emotionally so I will work on that.
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