LAbound

I do think you have a chance. I can’t say how long it will take. I can’t even begin to guess. It’s a matter of him being able to feel the passion and spark again.

And don’t ask him how long. Do not pressure him.

Start doing some of the things I’ve listed and (after the meeting if it doesn’t go how you want) start the five steps. Time will fly if you keep busy.

Have you really sat back and evaluated your relationship? Have you narrowed down some areas that really need improvement? I’m not going to ask about your sex life, but he said the spark and passion was gone. Was there a contributor in that area? (Rhetorical)

My ex said she still loves me more than a friend, but she doesn’t have in love feelings anymore. I don’t know how to get her to feel it again. I suppose all the bad things need to be wiped away with time. Then maybe she can allow herself to be emotionally open with me. The really messed up thing is, whenever we fought, most of the time it was because of her. Very jealous and insecure. And in the end she’s the one that falls out of love. Lol Irony.

Do not contact him first. In fact, go for NC for 30 days. He might not be initiating because you are and he assumes you will. He’s not expected to.

My ex loves me. There’s no doubt about that, but how she ended things was selfish and I was treated like crap because she met a rebound and thought she found “the one”. We fought a lot before the official breakup and things were miserable. Now, she’s dating someone that isn’t the original rebound. And it makes me severely sad.

Im only on day 2 of NC. I debated for weeks whether or not NC was the right route to take. My ex wants us to “rediscover” each other and has apologized sincerely for what she has done. So, at first, I was going for the false friendship. Then, my ex initiated contact every day. Wanted to sleep on the phone. Called a lot. After a few days when I warmed up to her again, she backed off. She waited longer intervals before texting. Then said “it doesnt matter” when I asked if she wanted me to sleep on the phone. So, after reading posts from ppl on here about my situation, I decided to forget false friendship and go with NC. We had a great last conversation. Day 2 and she has realized I wont be responding to her. She has hit me up three times now. I refuse to respond.

I can understand if she’s confused about whether I am the one, if we can make anything work at this point, or if we can travel on different journeys and come together after she realizes Im probably what she wants after dating for a while. She uses promising statements like, “we can’t be together right now”, “I love you as more than a friend”, “Maybe we can reconnect in the future. Anything is possible.”

She wants me in the picture in case I become exactly what she wants again or she wants to settle because she can’t find a better match. Is that wrong of her? Idk. She’s going through something, and if I try to understand her..it only drives me crazy and causes pain. So, I don’t. The details don’t matter. The only thing that matters is that I keep living. I improve my life and emotional health. And she doesn’t want to make a new life together right now, so I can’t hold on to any mixed messages she sends my way.

I handle it like most. I cry. I occupy my time. I stay busy as much as I can. I started working out again. I’m getting back into school. I got a new job. Most importantly, I surrounded myself with people that love me.

I’ve done NC twice before. Didn’t make it past two weeks, but I can say at two weeks I was stronger. Still sad, but cutting off all contact helps. It gets a bit easier the longer you go. I’ve spent my time wisely. Never allowing myself to get depressed.

Now, Im starting over with NC. I’m determined to last 90 days.

Enough about me. Back to you. Just stay strong. Don’t concentrate on the details. You are what matters. NC helps build a stronger you. Easier said than done, but focus on you. He is doing his own thing. Do your own thing.

Act like you are all that matters. Don’t reach out to him. No matter what. Five steps! We can get there together! Lol

That’s the downfall of long term relationships when starting young. My ex and I started young and lasted about 9 yrs. She, I believe, was curious about whether I was the one or not because we had never experienced anyone else. Add the problems that were quite severe the last year or so, and it was only natural she wasn’t in love anymore.

Don’t drive yourself crazy wondering if the reason he is giving you is the real one. No reason will set well with you. All that matters is that he needs time. And during this time, you have freedom you didn’t have while in the relationship. This is a great opportunity for you to find more out about yourself. Get into things you never felt like you could before.

Change your style up, change your hair up, exercise, do something that scares you every day, read books that pertain to subjects that are new to you, play a sport. LIVE IT UP.

If there was no cheating, if it wasn’t just a hellish roller coaster ride, if the communication was more good than bad, you have a really good chance. Take this opportunity by the balls and stay positive. All your time and energy can be spent on expanding your horizons in so many areas.

Every end is a new beginning. Follow the steps, live it up, and when you’re both ready to reignite the passion, it will happen, if it’s meant to.
The worst thing you can do is let this beat you down and become someone that pushes him away even further. Stay positive. Don’t get needy or clingy.

Ok. Lol I’m done.

@sadderday

I believe that breaks NC rules.

Well, to leave the relationship to see if there’s something better out there is not getting to tye actual problem(s). Did he tell you why he feels like he needs space and time? If you haven’t had that kind of honest and open conversation, how can that be fair to either one of you?

Go ahead and meet him. Try to think of interesting and funny things to talk about. Dress to impress and be confident. If you usually let him get the attention of the waiter or do money transactions etc.. you do it. Show him you can be independent in small ways. You’ll show him you aren’t needy or clingy by keeping a positive attitude and if the breakup does come up.. just remain calm. Don’t cry or yell. Just have that open and honest conversation if you haven’t already. Otherwise, act understanding and keep cool.