Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
@ellie96 yes definitely!!
I think you should do it! you’ve put a lot of thought into your letter, you know what you want to say. If he tends to shut down a lot anyway, you may as well just get your point out there, as that is a trait of his character and not something that will change over time. Go for it girl!
Completely agree @tg7188! They know how to play on our vulnerability, and what to say or do to make us fall straight back into the trap.
Which is why I want to be a lot stronger than I am before embarking on that again. So that I don’t have to contend with stupid games!I think you need to ask him if he means yes he does want you back, or if he is agreeing to what you said..
@elli96
I actually disagree. I think the letter is a good idea.
We are all different and we all feel differently about what is good and what is not.
I know for me personally, I struggle saying what I want to say to someone’s face through fear of confrontation or rejection. I am much better at writing things down and letting them decide what they wish to do with it. The letter is not just for his benefit, but it is also for yours as well. You are taking control of the situation.
Obviously, it is completely up to you what you do decide to do. But everyone on here is supporting you.
It’s really painful isn’t it, when the one person you want to contact you, doesn’t. BUT you are doing the right thing but not contacting her either.
You need to give her some time to forget all the negative association she has with you, and you need to give yourself time to become emotionally stable so when the time is right, you will be ready for it.
As hard as no contact is, it can be very rewarding.
It really gives you a chance to sort yourself out and work on getting YOU back to a good place. It’s not all about her. But she also needs time to evaluate and miss you. give her that space, and give yourself that space.
You say that her family should recognise the signs, but a lot of people don’t know what the signs are. And as you say yourself, it is hard to approach her about it and she says she is fine. So she probably says this to her family as well.
I would speak to the friend and just say you are a bit concerned about her, you think she may be suffering from depression and ask that she keeps an eye on her.
Sadly, it’s something that cannot be helped unless the person who is actually depressed a) admits they are depressed and b) wants to do something about it. It is very hard and you have to be very careful when approaching someone about it. When I was with my ex, my mum kept saying to me you need to go to doctors you’re depressed again, and I didn’t wanna hear it. It was only when my ex ended with me that I sat down and thought about everything and I realised yeah my mum was right.
Maybe you could call one of her friends or her family and just ask that they check on her that she is ok. As you are going through this, you won’t be the one that she will come to with her problems.I have suffered from depression before. And more recently my relationship broke down because I was suffering and wasn’t doing anything about it (that’s what I believe to be the truth anyway). Because I have suffered before, I should of seen all the signs of it, upset all the time, I couldn’t control my emotions, I was irritable with EVERYONE, didn’t have any patience and I didn’t want to be around people. I have started seeing my counsellor again, exercising, surrounding myself with friends and family, and in all honesty I feel great 🙂 It is possible to beat it on your own, if you have support of loved ones around you, but I think seeing a therapist is the best option, along with tablets from the doctor.
@ Samuel
It does sound like a rebound to me. Even though it has been 4 months, I still think she is trying to fill the hole of not having you in her life. The only way she can do that is by filling it with someone else. Often when people break up, straight away they try and find someone to hang out with, someone to talk to, whether that be friends, family or company of the opposite sex. She will realise that this friend isn’t what she wants and will understand why she is doing it.
Unfortunately, I believe you do need to wait. You need to do NC and get yourself in a great stage in your life, so when she does realise this, you will wow her with the new you!
Absolutely.
And I wouldn’t of realise this without him breaking up with me and wouldn’t of had the kick to sort my life out. So I can see the benefit of our relationship ending.
I don’t NEED to be with him to be happy, I just WANT to be with him.
And am hoping that once I have sorted myself out and reached out to him, he will see how much progress I have made and will remember the traits that he first found attractive in me and will give it a chance. I am also prepared for the fact that it will be a strict “friends only” zone, and no relationship will forge again. Worst case scenario that is lol
As much as we are wanting to and waiting to reach out, you have done the first bit. And that worked well for you. From reading your posts, it all sounds like a very positive situation. It is progressing and sounds like it is heading somewhere good again. Just take it slowly and take your time. You don’t want to undo any of your hard work so far 🙂
I think you should leave it. You don’t want to be in the situation where she might start taking advantage of your good nature. She knows that you are a good person, which is probably why all the statuses are coming up about having to walk to work etc in the hope that she can get lifts from you.
If she has been quiet over the last few days especially I wouldn’t do it.but obviously the choice is yours 🙂
