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ok ok I called him….wow I’m out of energy now ahahahah.
so the conversation was not too long but not too short and dry. I had a great tone of voice , I was friendly, funny and happy.
I asked about the motorbike like…how was it,was it perfect,how many km ecc ecc.
Then we joked about the things he did to not let him be robbed again, like he locked it with three chains, we laugh a bit and then I said that I was happy for him for finally have it.
He said thanks and then I said somenthing general and harmless to end the conversation, so we greeted eachother and that was it.I’m proud that my voice wasn’t shaking, I’m shaking now but I think that’s for the tension.
I’ll probably rethink about every second of that conversation and I’ll be a little insicure….so let me know how you think that went….it would be a lot to meHEY!!
so I know from his mother that he has finally his motorbike!!, so I’m thinking of call him and ask him if he get it.
Any advice of how to lead the conversation? and not making mistakes?
wow this is really important I need to do this rightYeah me too! the last one was about using fb part 2.
Actually is not the first time that these e-mails take a break…but well I hope the’ll continueyeah sound logical.
I’ll send the text late this evening. Just one question, do you think I should let the cominucation go between text or to actually try to talk to him on the phone,so he can hear my voice being excited and friendly? because I know he don’t really like to text he always prefered to call people, but don’t know maybe I should just text….
sorry a little confused because I’m happy that I’ve see him and talked to him alone so I’m a bit excited, and I don’t want to make mistakesahahah thank you a.z!
I had doubts, but I actually think I did well and your reply made me much more confident.
Yes I think that how I acted was not needy at all, in fact I was friendly and supportive about his damn motorbike ( I swear after he was robbed of his former motorbike a few years ago, to buy a new one was like his major thought he had in mind).
So tonight I’ll probably ask him if he heard any news about it and that’s it, if he’ll ask me to hang out with everyone I’ll go , but I’ll not ask him that.Tomorrow night is when I’m really sure that they’ll go out all togheter.
In that case I’m not sure what to do….if he’ll not say a single thing about it, should I call him and say:
Hi are you guys doing anything tonight? I’ve missed everyone and I would like to hang out. How about going **a place where we always hang out,wich is a bit like home for everyone**?UPDATE!
so…we’ve seen eachother.
Today my father told me that he needed the crutches for my uncle who was at the hospital, but we actually lend them to my ex when he was hurt,so he still had them.
I first called his mum because I didn’t know if he was at home,but she told me that she was at work and to call him.
So I called him.
I explained everything and I say to him if it was ok that I would come and get them and he told me that he was out but he would be leaving right then so he could be home in time,and in the meanwhile he says to come,that there were no problem.So I went to his house, he came out and gave me the crutches. After that we started talking in a really normal way ( it was the first time talking alone),I asked him about the motorbike (he told me that today was the day where he could have it return) and he said that he was wainting for the call and all,then he asked how I was doing and news about my uncle. When I sensed that continuing the conversation might seems a bit forced we greet eachother and then I went home.
Uhm how do you guys think it went?…
Things didn’t went as I planned for our first meet up alone…but life is life right?Did I do wrong by not talking about us go out as friends and everything I wanted to say (wich is explained in other messages above)?
I mean it didn’t cross my mind in that moment but I though about it once at home…I don’t know,maybe it wasn’t the right moment?
I didn’t want him to think that maybe I just wanted to talk to him about us , using the crutches as an excuse ( wich is not by the way)
Dara
Hi! What you said is absolutely right! I’ve talked about my feelings and my plan of action only to my two closest friend, and I know that they’ll not say a thing because I trust them and they support me.
what I meant with the mutual friends was that they were concerned about me during the first days of the break up and they supported me, I didn’t initiate the conctact with them, they were the one to do it. I guess they really care for me, and I couldn’t be happier. I don’t have conctact with them now because I’m focusing on myself so they don’t know anything, no one knows apart from those two friends (wich are not mutual).
Dara
Yeah I know right? …you only see who really care about you when you are in truble!.
I’ve known that person for like…13 years of my life, and what she did made me feel so much worse when I was in so much pain, if I’ll forgive I’ll never forget!.
I’ll still be gentle,because I’m not a person who likes to fight with people,but I’ll never trust her again,that’s for sure.
I was actually that kind of person that’s gentle ,I was bullied so I know how hurtful being mean to someone can be,so I’ll never be that person.
But I was too gentle,too soft…and people can take that as a permission to do whatever they like with you…but no more! I’ve changed, I’m no ones doormat!I was lucky that I had the others,my two girl friends, where would I be if the didn’t help me during the first days.
And even the boys, who are always with him and I’ve met them trough him, were really sweet. His bestfriend even encouraged me and asked me how I was and everything.You are welcome !
I actually texted him because I knows he likes girls who are determinate,full of suggestions,fun,strongwilled ecc…
I was all those things in the past…and then puff…life happended and I lost those traits that attracted him before, so I know where I need to work.I agree that the most difficult part is to show him that…because to do that you actually need to spend a lot of time with him, so the suggestion to a false friendship is logical,because if you make clear that you are not trying to seduce him,but you just wanna have fun and hang out to have fun like friends, he will let down his guard and starts to enjoy the time together.
In my case we always hang out mostly as a group because he values friendship a great deal, never touch his friends! =D
So I’ll tell him that I would like to hang out with everyone, because is just unfair ..I mean those are my friends too.
Then I’ll just focus on having fun and suggest lot of activities for everyone to do together, so I can spend a lot of time with him in a group…..he’ll see how I’ve changed, and that new me will seduce him without me tying too hard ( because he must feel that he is him to seduce you and not the contrary!! )Just think about yourself and be positive, if you are at peace with yourself and optimistic that automatically shows that on your face making you more attractive.
Best of luck!
I think that is really good that you feel so great right now!
About the fact that you still love him even after 6 months, I think is actually normal.
But if you feel that you missed to try something, I say…go for it! I mean don’t have regrets!
My best friend…well my ex-best friend never showed a bit of support , just because she like started a relationship of some months with one of our friend, so she’s living in a candy world…well fuck you too, I really needed her support but she just said things like: move on,you can’t do nothing, think about yourself,he is having fun and he is calm don’t torture yourself like this bla bla bla….and then she just vanished!Other friends and this blog showed me that I can still do something,and I’m doing everything that I can, I changed so much I’ve became stronger and more confident wich are the things that I know he likes.
I think that even if I don’t succed,I’ll have no regrets! because I tried everything in my power!
So if you feel some kind of regrets about not doing anything that you could…go for it do itHi I’ve read your story and I must say that you and I have the same fears, your ex’s and my ex’s minds are really similar. I could actually picture my ex in what you said about him.
(the difference is this is the first break up,we dated for 4 years,we are 22 and he was my first boyfriend,and I was his first girlfriend)
And I can see that you,like me, are very eager to start to meet him so he can see the changes and you want him to feel attracted to you again, believe me that’s the same things I feel too!.
For now my situation is that I opened a line of communication with one of the text suggestion (you need to think deeply to what to write and be prepared for any kind of aswers), I asked him about something that I know he’s really happy about,and we managed to talk a bit.
After that I suggested a meet up that very night with everybody because I had something to suggest to everyone( all our friends are in common but he is the only one who see them for now because I went NC and stayed with just two of my closest friends).
I knew that he was out with them for dinner so I was not suprised when he said that that night they’ve already spent money so they’ll spend the rest of the night at his house, but he suggested that the next time they go out he’ll tell me.
So now I’m waiting,3 days passed, but I don’t want to sound desperate and text him about the meet up,so I’ll wait a bit more.I’m gonna follow your story because we share the same problems (like the lost attraction motive) and fears, so if you need emotional help I hope I’ll can help you….
A.Z : you are always so kind when we have an emotional break down, thank you to take your time for us
yes I think I should wait, but just for let you guys know, he never was a person that liked to write messages, in fact he’s always out of money because he calls people, he doesn’t like texting that much.
I’m actually sorprise tha he wrote so much …and plus he was out with the boys wich could be a distracting factor, so I actually optimistic.I don’t expect great “talking” trough texts, that’s why I need to actually talk to him face to face,because we’ve never texted much even in the past,we prefered to talk about thing face to face or calling.
But for the first step I didn’t have any choice but to tex him.hey!.. yeah you are right, after sleeping over,I’ve realised that if I’ll contact him right away I’ll appear needy and desperate XD.
I think I was a bit eager because I’ve just return from vacation and I’m all tan and I’ve lost more weight and I wanted him to see me like this ahahahah.
Yeah I’ll wait for him to contact me,I just hope that he’ll not wait like weeks and weeks, I don’t think he will but one doesn’t know right?.I’ll keep you updated if anything change ^__^
