Giulia

….
Guys….I think I fucked up…or not I don’t know what happened.

So the night went great! I arrived at my friend’s house at 6:30p.m we all chatted and had fun, we girls helped with making the meat ready for the barbecue ecc ecc.
We had dinner and we laughed and had fun, everything was like it was in the past except that I couldn’t touch,kiss or hug him, but we had a great time.

After dinner wich ended at 10p.m I think, after we cleaned up, we decided to go to a party near my home. But three of our friends went home, so we were just me,him and the house owner and his girlfriend. Even if the party was near my house they went on one car and my ex went in mine.

We stayed there since 3 a.m and then we decided to came back to the house (wich is like 30 min away from mine and my ex) to continue to “party”.

But there was a problem : me

Since the house if far and we did a lot of road and since we wanted to still have fun and drink, if I was going I needed to stay there the night…and so my ex.

My friend asked if there were problems, we said no since he had a 3 more beds.
He put us in the same room which had 2 separate beds.

At about 5a.m we went to sleep, after saying goodnight to them, me and my ex went to bed.

I didn’t bring any clothes because I didn’t knew that I had to stay overnight, so I kept on only my t-shirt, no pants.
I didn’t try anything, I just went under the covers.

and this is where it gets strange.

The bed weren’t miles away….maybe 20cm or less.
He came closer to me from his bed, maybe he put an arm around my waist don0t remember because I was shocked.
I think he said :

-do you want to sleep together? and doing nothing else

(now in italian It doesn’t mean to have sex, but just to sleep )

I was so shocked that the only answer I gave him was after a moment of silence:

-…are you sure?

I think he looked at me more intensly and said:
-yes

So he came closer and slided in my bed. At the same time he lifted the covers and grabbed ,with his arm, my waist harder bringing me closer to him.
then he said:

– but I meant like this…

He started kissing me slowly and with so much lust and passion that I thought my heart would explode.

But I was so confused …I didn’t know what to think, I respond to the kiss,but I was esitant.
I started to think : I can’t believe it…what does this mean? …does he want me back?…

I wanted to burst with happiness, but there was something that held me back.

There was still the door open and the lights on, so I said to close the door and switch off the lights.
He slowed down and watched me and then I said to forget about the lights, that I wanted to see him.

He started to kiss me again but after a bit he stopped again, and watching me he said:
– you are taking this too seriously

I watched him and for what it seems years of silence watching eachother, I said :

-I don’t care

and then there was an explosion of passion and lust that we didn’t have in months before the break up.

The next morning we were the firsts to wake up, so we cleaned the mess we did during dinner the night before while the owner was sleeping.
We acted like nothing happened.
After a bit he stopped me very kindly and said :
-I want to maintain the things as they are now, this state of harmony that we have now. (He was talking about the friends and have fun things).

I expected that so I responded:
-…it was just sex [his name], I don’t have made strange ideas in my mind, don’t worry.
-I just don’t want you to feel bad or hurt about it
– I’m not really, don’t worry, everything is fine.

Then we went along with cleaning , while joking ecc.
After the others wake up,we made plan for the afternoon, but my ex needed to go home first…
He said that me and him where going to his home and then they’ll meet us there when they were ready.
So again he took me to his home with his motorbike,he took the longest route so he could show me how fast the motorbike was, that was so fun!.
He told me that he’ll take me on it again if I liked.

at his home we waited for them and he called the other friend who came back early the night before, we had something to eat and we played with the ps4 like in the past ,laughing and joking. The rest of the day we went to a near city (where he goes to study) he showed us his university and I asked questions and other things about it, that he talked me about when we were still together. He even said that he could show me around when the univeristy will reopen for the new semester.

As a group we talked,joked and had fun all day and I actually just came back at 9.15 p.m.

Now…..WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED!?? I didn’t expect it at all knowing him?….He doesn’t like to leading people and I’d never think that something like that would happen!
what? what? omg
He said that he was breaking up with me because he fall out of love and attraction!!!!
we didn’t have sex for weeks before the break up because he was tired and stressed, and then after almost 2 months of breakup…this?!.

What should I think? is this the hot and cold ?? becouse he is not cold, he’s friendly and nice.
like I said is almost as nothing happend and we’re still together like we was in happier times, except that we are not together and I can’t kiss him,hug him or hold his hands….

What happened? did I fucked up?….I didn’t initiate anything! he came to me…

what should I do? what should I do?…I don’t know how to feel about this.

I want to go back to be with him so bad, but I’m not sure what to think about what happened, but I want a new kind of relationship with him!!
Maybe he’s afraid that I’ll change back as I was before, and become needy and all.
I really want him to understand that I’m changed, and that we could have a great relationship if he only try.

what I did wrong????!!!

Yeah!

ahahah I think I’m not gonna sleep tonight…I’m so pumped!

I think I’l kill myself in gym tomorrow and maybe some sunbathing too,I’m gonna look amazing, like : AH! in your face dude, look at all of this! BAM.

ahahahahahah thanks a.z, always a pleasure reading your comments

Thank you sunshinegirl! Well I need to thank this site and all the people who spend their time giving hope and advices. If it wasn’t for them…well I don’t know, maybe I would be still in bed crying my heart out.
Thanks to all of this I’m such a better person, I’m still determinate to make him want to be with be so badly that I’m feeling like one of the villans in a disney movies with their plans, tactis and sneaky tricks to lure the hero in my web, mhuauahaha.

Even if it may seems that everything is going in the right direction I still feel like I’m swimming against the current, and it takes so much energy and determination. I don’t want to start feeling secure….I still need to fight…a lot to open his F******* eyes ahahah, he is so thick.

A.Z
I actually read it! but I don’t really understand in my case how to apply scarcity.
I mean…I don’t know people outside our circle…yes I know someone in university but they live in a different city(I go there by train during the day), and it’s pratically impossible to make them come in our city. I can’t even do ospitality for them because I still live with my parents ( in italy is pretty common to do this).
I’ve read that is it possible to apply scarcity even without bring some other people, but here I ask you some help….
I’m not sure that I understand it very well ( maybe some mistakes in my translation).

A note : I was actually the only girl in our little group (we’re in 5).
Yes there is my other girl-friend who is now with one of the friend (so those 5 plus these 2), but I bonded with the most important friends for my ex ( his bestfriend especially).
I know from his mother that they all care for me, in fact we get along really well and I’ve always felt at ease with them, I even went free camping with them
( the classic men’s bond activities ahahha ).

What do you suggest to have an effect of scarcity in my case?

ehy!
everything still a bit stuck…I’m waiting and hoping for tomorrow.
But I have a doubt and I would like to have many respond from everyone! I know that A.Z will probably respond to this ( and I’m grateful) I hope to have a lot of answers and point of view.

So after the NCP and the contact again, wich went well and all…..is there a chance that seeing that I’m well,happy and confident my ex will think something like :

she’s ok, and I can see she’s enjoying life and all…..but what if I come back to her and she’s turn out to be like before? what if she come back to be like she was when things weren’t good between us? I like this her….but I don’t know if she’ll change again after….

so what to do if this are his thoughts ? what can I do to make him sure that this is the new me and not some sort of trick on him that I didn’t change at all,
without having me to directly tell him that..

I hope I was clear ^__^’

scenario :

what if I want to go out tonight and I casually send a text to my friend saying :

Hi! Have you made some plans for tonight? how about we go [place a bit far but near the house of one of our friends that I don’t see from some time] to drink something, ask [the friend from before] to come too,since it’s a lot that I don’t see him!
I’ll ask [name of my girl-friend] to come too if she can.

How about this?…I want to make it as innocent as I can

maybe someting like:

things Giulia shouldn’t to ruin everything she accomplished

or

things Giulia shuould do to improve of the 200% her chances