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I’m sorry to say it but it sounds like she is not interested anymore. You could try no contact again but I do not think that would make a difference.
I would be best for you to move on.
Did you cheat on her? If you did then it will take a lot of NC for her to get over it.
Yes just because she says that she does not want to get back with you now does not mean that she will think the same in time. Also what she says and what she thinks can be different. My ex says that she does not see a future for us but I don’t think she believes that.
The best thing for you to do is to start no contact. This is so she gets some space and time from you and remember the good things about your relationship and not having your reminder her about the bad things.
It sounds like you have a lot of issues that you need to deal with before you can think about trying to fix your relationship. That is what NC is meant to do, give you space and time for you to work on yourself. That means no contacting him and definitely no intimacy with him.
I am in a similar situation as you. My ex and I have been married for 10 years and we have 3 children together. She told me that she has been having doubts about our relationship for the past three years and then dumped it on me one night. I only started NC last week. I told her that I have been in a lot of pain recently and that I need to create distance between us. If she needed to talk to be about the kids then that’s fine but nothing else. I know how hard it is, especially at the beginning but it does get easier.
Best of luck 🙂
It sounds like you need a hard reset on your relationship which means NC again. Just three weeks is not long enough and it sounds like she needs to get her own head straight too and figure out what she wants. It does sound like she wants you but, as you say, you are playing her game. You are on her hook and her safety net for this rebound guy.
Honestly it sounds like she wants what she can’t have and plays games with the new guy in her life.
How long ago did you break up? How long were you in NC?
Ah well that changes things. I still think you should not send that letter and only talk to her occasionally.
Trying to explain why you are better than the other guy and that you are improving yourself for her sake is the wrong thing to do. It means you are still on her hook.
If it were me I would not send the letter and I would tell her that I need space because of the pain I had been feeling. That means complete NC. If her feelings for you are strong then she will reach out to you.
You have said that you have improved yourself, which is really great, but you still need to break away from her because you are still hung up on her.
I agree. Get out and enjoy yourself. That’s the main thing for NC is to work on yourself.
Yes it’s substitute teaching. I’m doing it to gain some experience and then study to be a teacher myself. Yes my father is in the picture too and gets along with my ex. They are planing a shopping trip next Friday when it is a long weekend.
It’s just his nature and how he was brought up. He loves the kids but he has anxiety issues. Her mother is better but, again, doesn’t do as good a job as me.
I’m into the second week now and it is getting easier. Next weekend will be a challenge when I have to see her.
She just called me concerning the kids. She tried to call me once but I didn’t answer then she messaged me on facebook saying she wanted to talk about one of our kids. So she called me back.
She had been talking to my mum who told my ex about the relief teaching that I had been doing and she asked me about it but I didn’t respond and, instead, I directed the conversation back to our kids.
On Tuesdays she works nights and she mostly relied on me to look after the kids. When I started NC I told her that I won’t be doing it unless it is necessary and, if I am needed, then I will come late, when she is ready to leave. Last Tuesday and this one her dad has been looking after the kids and she told me that he is terrible with them. I wasn’t sure how to respond to that but I had to cut the talk short because I had to get to class to set up. She sounded disappointed when I told her that.
I don’t want to get my hopes up but it sounds like NC is having an effect on her.
Thank you for this. It gives me hope for my situation.
You are exactly on track so keep following the steps on this website. You may suffer setbacks but don’t let that get you down.
If your friends see the difference then she will too.
I would wait a few more days and give yourself time to write a good letter.
No I didn’t. I was just short her with, ignored her, barely looked at her.
I stayed at the house Tuesday night since she was working at those nights and took them out for the day on weekends. Since moving here the kids sometimes stayed here or I would go up there and stay the weekend. She didn’t go to her friends but sometimes she worked. It was only after I told her that I needed distance between us that she suggested that she go stay with friends.
I’m in New Zealand actually.
I moved out sometime in October and rented a room in the same town as the kids. That lasted until March and for a lot of that time I was cold and angry towards her. Every tuesday and weekend I would see the kids. I then moved back in with my parents about 50 minutes away from the kids. I would see them every tuesday and every second weekend. The last time I saw them was the day before I started NC which was last Monday.
