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It depends on how far into reconciliation you are. If it you are in the early phase then I would still stick to only speaking on days off. I know if I have a busy day at work I don’t want anyone bugging me afterwards when I just want to blob in front of the TV.
It doesn’t make you look calculating but rather you are still respecting her space. She knows that you are there thinking of her so she can reach out if she needs to vent. But otherwise keep to her days off.
Yes I agree. Social media can play very big tricks on the mind. But social media only shows us what the people want us to see i.e. only the highlights of their life, not the low points.
If you have managed to stop checking in then that’s a good thing. It will leave her wondering about you and what you are doing.
If you can control yourself and stay strong then checking Instagram should be OK. Perhaps there is a setting which hides your last login time. I have just done that on Facebook.
My ex and I are not big social media people. The last activity for her was in February, when she updated her profile picture. The last major activity for me was in January when I posted photos of my holiday. So she won’t be looking to social media trying to figure out what I am up to. Also updates for myself would be out of character.
Yes I do see them occasionally just not this weekend. She agreed that, if I go stay at the house with the kids over the weekend, then she would go stay with a friend.
I think that’s OK, you didn’t intend to text them. If you need to then change the name in your phone so you don’t accidentally text her again.
If she replies then send a short text apologizing then don’t send another one.
Well it’s not to do with NC but rather so you stop obsessing over them and trying to decipher what each message (or lack of messages) means.
I’ve been looking on facebook and seeing how long ago my ex was last on and wondering if she noticed when I was last on. It’s a slippery slope.
Yes it started to go onto holidays and family so I cut it off.
Two months ago we have a good talk and she told me everything that I had been doing wrong. So I am going to work on those and go to the gym to lose weight.
She is a kind person, and I know that NC is mainly for me to work on myself, but I am hoping it has an effect on her too. Two of the kids have not been well and she has had to deal with that on her own so, while sick kids are never good, it can work in my favor.
She messaged me on facebook about our children. I replied to her messages about the children (admittedly the replies were short and can be perceived to come across as me not caring too much) but, when she tried to move onto another, more personal topic, I moved the conversation back to the children and said goodnight.
Was that the right thing to do?
Yes NC is to stop looking on social media lol. If you feel tempted to stalk her or new BF then focus on something else. The temptation will lessen over time. I wish there was a magic potion for this but it is just something that you have to endure.
My wife and I were married for 10 years and when we broke up I felt angry, hurt, lost etc. But, like what other people have said on this site, long term relationships are not something that are thrown away easily. If she does have those strong feelings for you then she still will
I’m on 2 days, 16h 59m but who’s counting right? 🙂
You have said how you feel and it sounds like she needs to get her head straight. So that is what no contact is for.
Believe me it is hard. I have been doing no contact for only 2.5 days and it is killing me! If she has those strong feelings for you then she will come to you.
Honestly, cut her off completely and ignore her. It sounds like she will never change and will keep burning through guys like no tomorrow.
You will be better off without her.
Yes she told me that she has been having doubts for some time but she never brought those up with me. If she had then I would have done something. But can’t change that now.
No there wasn’t any abuse or infidelity. She has a history of depression, which I was able to handle to start off with, but it got to me too. I spiralled downward and got quite severe at the end. I was on medication but I took myself off it and I’m fine now. She is still taking medication.
I am planning on bringing up marriage counselling at a later date.
Looking back over the past two months I can see that I was her safety net. I would tidy the house, do the dishes, walk the dog, look after the kids so she could see friends. She has her parents to help as well but they don’t do as good a job as me.
I still love her and I hope NC has an effect on her. It’s taking all my strength to not reach out to her.
I would recommend telling her that you regret everything that has happened and that you are going to work on yourself.
But do not respond to anything she sends you.
Yes she is the one who wanted to separate. I was quite angry about how unexpected it was and how she did not seem to want to give me another chance. She just wanted me to move out.
The kids are 5, 6, 9. I told her that if she needs to talk to me about the kids then she can but that’s all.
She has told me that she has been talking to her friends about how she feels torn and confused about the separation, that there is a small part of her that regrets the separation and how it would be ideal if we got back together as opposed to her starting a new relationship with someone else. But, a few days ago she told me that she doesn’t see a future for us together. But I think she doesn’t believe that.
