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I bought two tickets for us to go to that singers concert tomorrow. It was a surprise he doesnt know about it. Do you think I should tell him? Maybe if he still has feelings he wants to go?
@Sandorph You’re right, but I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that if she talk to him in her current state then it would only make her be emotional and seemed needy. Because it’s hard to stay calm after a conversation like this. Of course she needs to talk and show her side but I don’t think it would be wise doing it at the moment. I think my case is a bit of the first but I’ve also explained my feelings to him in a letter without making it sound like I’m needy. But after that we’ve talked again and I told him how I see things from my side which only made him think that I’m needy again, and believe me I was not. So I can say for sure that it’s not always making the situation better, yes you need to take over the burden from your shoulders but also important to know how to do it right and in the right time, because it might help you feel better but can also make him realize that you haven’t moved on and that would push him away.
@kaila I don’t think it would be a good idea asking him to go. Do you really want to go with him in this current situation? I think it can hurt you even more. But if you’re feeling like it’s a waste and want to ask him then go ahead.
I just think that it would be a great moment for us. So if he has doubts about this, maybe he will think the same thing and want to go.. idk
You can try it if you really feel like it’s something you need to do and something he’ll say yes to, but otherwise, I’d drop it and leave it alone. I hate being blunt again, but you’re really just not getting this. He ended it and said this was permanent. It is over until he says otherwise. That time may come if you work on healing yourself and give it space. It also may never come. But in all honesty, if I’d just said something like that to someone and they then offered me concert tickets, I’d either immediately be weirded out because I’d feel like they weren’t understanding what I’d said or I’d take them up on the offer, but only because I wanted the tickets. I just don’t see a positive outcome out of you asking him. If he had any doubts about this, wouldn’t he have expressed them to you versus having told your outright that this is a permanent relationship? That makes sense to me. I don’t see why you continue to doubt what he told you or linger on the idea that he “just doesn’t get it” and that you can somehow make him understand. If he wants to understand, he will. If he doesn’t, you’re just making things worse for yourself by trying to force it.
You seem to think that your ex is confused and that he needs someone to hold his hand as he figures things out because you continue to talk about discussing things with him. But I think that he knows what his heart wants and sadly, he doesn’t share the feelings that you have for him. I don’t think you should ask him to go anywhere because he’s going to see through it and think that you are trying to manipulate him. If you really want to go, take a friend with you. No amount of talking and trying to explain to him how you feel is going to make him feel those loving, passionate feelings that you want him to. And I was really surprised in your other thread when you mentioned his behavior towards you-usually when exes get back together, the feelings are overwhelming and there’s a lot of passion and love from both people. Those feelings should just come naturally-you can’t force them. You deserve a guy that has those loving feelings towards you-you shouldn’t have to convince a guy of the love he feels for you. This guy wasn’t the one for you. He knows it in his heart. Love should’nt be this hard Kaila.
I agree with both of them! However, you do know him better than us. If you want to ask him, you can. I don’t think it is a good idea and it is a DEFINITE risk. But if you think you can handle the rejection you may face, then I say go for it.
Like I said, I fully back up between1standa and dragongirl. But if you think this is the right thing, none of us can stop you no matter how hard we try. You have just got to get yourself prepared for any sort of rejection. Maybe even the worst..
I just think that you’re struggling hard enough to move on and start taking care of yourself as it is. This kind of rejection will just make it that much more painful. You might as well make this as easy on yourself as you can.
I feel so cruel saying these things and telling you to just give up for now because no one wants to hear that, but I think you need to be told the truth. I think it’s truly the only thing that will set you free.
Well…
I held back on saying i love you and on having sex so maybe it died down because of it. I did feel he wanted to say i love you when we got back and felt disappointed i said i like him. I never said i loved him. in our previous relationship he said it to me twice. but i was too scared. so maybe he didnt like that, he didnt let himself feel things or something, IDK.. I thought taking it slow was the best thing. Now I feel I killed it doing that.
I do feel that with all this happening it is pretty possible that he is confused. Other people have told me that sometimes in the beginning is weird and they don’t quite feel it. I myself felt like that with him! But I know who he is and what we had to offer so I said to myself I wanted to rush things and it would be a slow process. Are you supposed to feel madly in love all the time after getting back? I know he felt so in love with me when we got back. As I said I wanted to go slow and I felt I wasnt doing what felt natural. I was scared. I didn’t say i love you even though it felt SO right. Now I’m left to wonder if that and other things could have changed something. And if I had stayed in his car, something could have changed if we talked… IDK
I repeat what I said: if you not saying you loved him or not sleeping with him was a make or break issue, like you seem to think it was, he would’ve told you that. He would’ve communicated that. Instead, he told you he wants to break up. Let it go. Seriously. I don’t know how many times we can all say that before it sinks in.
You can go through a lot of what-ifs but none of those are things that actually happened so you have to let him go. If he wants you back, he’ll make it happen. If he doesn’t, then he won’t. Right now, he isn’t so you have to let go. Start or continue NC and work on yourself. Forget about him.
Hi Kaila,
I haven’t commented on your thread as I don’t know if I’m in the best place to give advice honestly.
I would honestly leave it well alone. It’s awful I know, but what can you do. You guys weren’t together for all that long. I think that might be a big part of why you think he is so great, you never moved past the honeymoon phase. Maybe in time he’ll see the effort you made and come back. I’ve said before that you can become disillusioned by ‘getting your ex’ back.
I think doing anything right now will solidify his decision, if it wasn’t already solid. I know it hurts so bad, but you have to think about you right now. Truly examine what this has been doing to you, who you were before you even met him versus who you are now.
I was doing better myself before the ex and I had anything to do with each other. Now it feels like back to square one a little right?
That’s the risk you run in this task. You knew you could be hurt again, so recognise that that’s what’s happening to you right now. You will be ok. But for right now, honestly, I wouldn’t do anything.
You said about him doubting his decision, but he didn’t did he. You’ve got to be cool with that for now.
Hurts don’t it. I’m feeling it too. At least yours wasn’t a four year relationship, your first everything, and you know your ‘friend’ could be after them, living in your old home, turning the tide against you.
@California1815 I feel like our situations have a lot in common (at least the relationship part). I’m sorry you’re hurting 🙁
@kaila Everyone is telling you to let it go. Even he is. I’m not going to repeat what everyone else says even though I fully agree. If you truly feel that you are 100% sure that he is just confused, then you contact him if you want to or not. But you have got to get yourself prepared for his rejection. You have got to be ready to get hurt. So contact him if you feel it is right, but you need to be prepared for the worst because you will be beaten down even further.
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