skylarjade

Recent events made me recall I had made a profile on this site and I thought I’d update for all those who are just beginning no contact with their current exes.

After my last post, I ended up matching with my ex on tinder around 4-5 months later. Despite doing no contact, I hadn’t properly used the time to grow. I was in the deepest depression I’ve ever experienced in my life, and when we eventually met up for a movie and dinner all of that energy was apparent. I felt like I had “blown my chance” to be reunited with the love of my life. We texted back and forth intermittently for a few weeks and then his responses started dwindling and eventually I realized he had probably met someone and as much as it hurt to do so, I let it go.

It took me over a year to really forgive my ex for leaving suddenly, without explanation and realized that as much as I wanted closure, closure doesn’t come from someone else. It comes from you. All of those days I spent wondering what I did wrong, what I did to make him not love me anymore, self doubt, self pity- all of that was garbage. When I finally came to terms with the simple truth that, hey sometimes people just don’t love you back the same way you loved them, I learned to love myself and value myself. I walk away from toxic people and situations, I started living my life the way I wanted to and I’ve found genuine happiness in my own company throughout that time.

I doubled my income, started chasing my dreams and passions and really started building a life for myself.

Much to my surprise, my ex reached out to me a few weeks ago, about a year and a half later. He was at the top of the list of people I never expected to hear from again and after a brief conversation we eventually agreed to go see a movie and grab some food (again, haha). It was a really pleasant experience. We caught up, filled each other in on how we were doing, what we’d been up to. We even showed up wearing identical outfits, which gave us a nice laugh. It gave me extreme comfort knowing that I could see and be around him without feeling hurt or resentful. It felt like catching up with an old friend. He brought up his most recent relationship several times and explained why it didn’t work out and it surprised me that I didn’t feel one way or the other hearing about him with someone else. He mentioned that I was one of the only people he’s ever dated (if not the only) where he genuinely wonders how I’m doing and he hopes I’m doing well. The difference between this meeting and the last one was night and day.

I wanted to post in hopes that it may give comfort to someone who is feeling really shitty right now because of a break up. Eventually you WILL reach a point where it doesn’t hurt anymore. Where you can really forgive your ex and forgive yourself for being so hard on yourself during this time. I don’t think reconciliation is in our future. At least, not on my end, the time apart gave me perspective. He was my first love and I will always love him, but we weren’t the right people for each other. Nonetheless, it was nice to see him and be genuinely happy for him and get a feeling that he felt the same. We left as friends and I don’t know where it’ll go from there.

No matter where you’re at in your NC, don’t lose focus on the goal- which is you becoming the best you that you can be and healing from your breakup. To get to a place where no matter what happens, you’re happy. Who knows, a year and a half from now you may get a phone call you’re not expecting. (:

Possibly, I thought about what Patricia said with the whole “no response is a response” logic and I checked my messenger and it appeared that he had unblocked me so I crafted my letter and sent it to check (see if I was unblocked) The block was still in place but I figured since I already crafted it I’d just send it via text since I was coming near the end of my NC anyway. Also, I really felt like he was acting out because he wanted me to reach out and my suspicions were kind of confirmed.

I didn’t mention the block, kept the letter light and just explained that i had needed some time.

He said he “felt really horrible about it and still does.” Wasnt sure how to take that.

He responded and the conversation was good, brief. I avoided getting into the break up discussion. He mentioned a couple times that he’d be in town for work today through Saturday. I didn’t know if he was reaching for an invitation or not but didn’t press the issue. I kept the convo relatively short and haven’t texted since.