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You are right, there are other girls out there. That is the real point of no contact, so you can find yourself again and start feeling like yourself again. So you are not just attractive to your ex, but to other women as well (bonus, that will drive your ex crazy and make her chase you. The competition, whether real or imagined)
Right now you are in a state of grief and one of the stages of grief is negotiation. So you will likely go back and forth on different positions. Like today you said you don’t think she is coming back, tomorrow you might think something different. You will be on an emotional roller coaster for awhile. Sometimes you will be mad at her and want to contact her just to yell at her. Sometimes you will feel sympathy for her and want to comfort her. Sometimes you might blame yourself and want to apologize. No contact helps you get past this emotional roller coaster phase and to a more balanced state of mind.
Anytime you are feeling that overwhelming urge to contact her, whether to express your anger, sadness, sympathy or guilt, it might help to remind yourself that you will probably feel differently tomorrow and anything you say now you will regret then.
There were times when I would be thinking about my ex and just start fuming. I would decide I am just going to text her right now and tell her that I am done with her, GOODBYE! But I had to stop myself and remind myself that tomorrow I am going to wish I could take that back. Staying no contact got her to eventually reach out to me. When that happens to you, you might decide you don’t want her back anymore, but at least you have the option to decide.
You are doing very good and the strength and confidence you are displaying is noticeable. You should be proud of yourself. What you are doing is not easy. Our emotions try to overpower our rational mind and convince us to do something different. It takes a strong person to ignore the powerful emotions and stay on track.
First, I am not sure, but it kind of sounds like you said you wished her luck for her event today. I hope you didn’t do that. It’s not the most damaging if you did, but it means you broke no contact and gave her the message that you are still on her hook and still thinking of her.
All of our Exes mentally leave the relationship before they physically leave it. Like I said before, nobody just wakes up one day and decides to break up. It took time for them to first get to that frame of mind and then more time to mentally checkout. Then a little more time to decide life will be better without you, before actually experiencing life without you.
This is why we go no contact and let them experience life without us. If we keep our presence in the background, we are not fully letting them experience that. They will never get a chance to miss us and therefore can slowly ween themselves off us without ever really feeling the consequences of the breakup. When they ween themselves off us, they are gone for good. That is why full no contact, living our lives and portraying a happy image of ourselves is the best way if not only way to get our ex back.
Remember what I said about rebound relationships? They will actually bring her back to you. She is only going to compare him to you and he won’t measure up. But, this is another reason why you should unfriend her before things like that happen or she unfriends you first.
Don’t worry about the event. If she is going to get into a rebound, she doesn’t need an event for that. And, no you should not be there, so don’t go for any reason. The fact that you won’t be there is also good. She is going to be thinking about that and wishing you were there. You want her to feel your absence.
She is still very much feeling that connection to you too. Rebound relationships, ignoring you and other behavior are simply attempts to try to cover up her real feelings and avoid the consequences of breaking up with you. If you stay no contact and keep that air of mystery and confidence around you, she is going to miss you and will struggle to stick with it. She is watching your profile every day. She is thinking about you all the time. Yes I am sure. She would have to be unless she is a sociopath. You were together for 3 years.
That is right. We can’t reason our way out of a breakup. We have all tried and it failed every time. Any attempts will only set you back. Whereas no attempts to contact her show security and confidence in you. That is very attractive.
It will take time for any hurt, anger and mostly determination to stick with her decision to change. You are on the right track. Keep focusing on yourself and remember if she does something drastic out of the blue, like block you, don’t read into it too much. It’s just her really struggling to stick with her decision and trying to remove all temptations. It can actually be a good sign if she does that for no reason.
I just remembered, when it was me, my ex posted a short video clip of her with a new hair color. She is a brunette and suddenly went blonde. She looked so happy and sounded so cheerful in the video that I just knew it was an attempt to get my attention and make me say something. I knew that because it was so out of character for her. I didn’t say anything and a couple weeks later she contacted me. If you see something that just doesn’t fit, you should recognize it for what it is, an attempt to get your attention and to get you chasing again.
I understand how you feel. I assure I have seen what you are describing and it is a very predictable pattern. Just as you said, her status updates are things the two of you used to talk and joke about. You need to remember that she also knows that and is missing that as well. Which might be the why she is in posting overload. She is trying to get you to chase and say something about her posts. Don’t do that either. She absolutely must come to you if you are to get her back, not trick you into breaking no contact.
Remember to take care of yourself, your appearance and your home. You never know if she might decide to just show up one day and you want to be looking good when that happens. If you look depressed, she is going to wish she didn’t come. I know it’s not how you feel, but we have to fake it until we make it in this situation too.
Also keep busy doing things you enjoy. Or learn something new, like playing guitar or a new language, or just running or walking. And post your progress on Social Media. Have goals and working towards them is attractive.
And I don’t think she might be thinking about you. I know she is. She is thinking of you as much as you are thinking of her. You were with her for three years. She can’t just turn that off unless she has some severe mental issues. No contact is going to help her feel that lose and realize she doesn’t want to lose you.
Not quite. The reason she most likely isn’t reaching out sooner is because she would look silly crawling back this soon. She is likely resisting doing that, but she wants to. Give it time. I promise that patience will be favorable to you.
She knows you are watching her page and I can almost guarantee that all the pictures are to get your attention. When you chase, it gives her a self-esteem boost and reassures her that you are available for her anytime she wants to come back. That is not the message we want to give her.
I bet you will notice more posts by her when she isn’t hearing from you than when she was hearing from you. And, I will bet most of the new pictures from yesterday that you mentioned went up after you changed your profile picture. Imagine how much she will freakout when you unfriend her. She will realze that she is losing you and she isn’t going to like that.
Breaking up is unfortunately a power struggle. She broke up with you, she has all the power in regards to what happens between you two. Now you are taking your power back and flipping the script on her. She is going to feel that lose of power and that is going to cause anxiety as she struggles to get control of the situation by trying to make you jealous or insecure. One way for her to regain control is to unfriend or block you. That is why you might want to unfriend her first, so you can project more security and confidence before she robs you of that opportunity.
After sometime of waiting for you to chase again, she is going to realize it’s not going to happen and you are moving on, and maybe even seeing someone. She won’t beable to control her jealousy, curiosity and fear of losing you. She will very likely contact you.
I have no doubt that she is thinking about you all the time and that she is watching your profile, probably more than you are watching hers. Because you had a great relationship and it’s only been a couple months, she is not over you. She is just trying to stick with her decision.
She will probably post some new pictures of her looking happy and enjoying life, but remember that is just an act. Two things are going on there; 1. she is trying to convince herself that she is happy. 2. She knows you are watching her page and wants you to think she is happy. Remember it’s always and act. If you are in habit of watching closely, you might even notice a pattern to when she posts something new. But still it’s not healthy and can trigger negative emotions and doubts in you. So it’s safer to avoid looking. Plus I am a firm believer in a watched pot will never boil. She will come back when you are not looking.
We all been through that. We sense something is off and our insecurities take over and we chase. But most of us don’t come to our senses and change course, and start educating our selves on a better way to proceed.
While you are staying no contact you will start to feel like yourself again. You are taking control of your emotions and your life again. These are the qualities she and other women will find attractive. Stick with that not just to get her back, but for yourself.
Yes she was thinking about it for awhile before actually breaking up. Nobody just wakes up one day and decides to breakup. She had to work up to it first and that took awhile. The point is its human nature to long for what we are used to and comfortable with. We dont like starting over. She needs sometime to feel what life is like without you and its very likely she isnt going to like it as much as she thought. She will be doubting her decision. I can almost promise you that. And the more space you give her and the signs that you are moving on are going to trigger feelings in her. Again she will resist for as long as she can, but her doubts will over power her stubborness eventually.
I feel that her response “i don’t know” confirms my point. She isnt sure and doesnt want to say one way or another. She needs time without you to figure that out. I think you are in very good shape compard to most i read about.She can’t move on after just a couple months considering the length of your relationship. She might be in a rebound, but that can actually work in your favor. She will be comparing him to you, and he won’t measure up. So the more you stay no contact, the more she is going to miss your qualities that he doesn’t have.
When you change your pictures on social media, it is HER who is going to be asking “how can he move on so quickly” and she is going to get a little paranoid that she is losing you. And she will want to reach out to you. She will resist for awhile, but I think she will reach out before too long. However, if you wait too long and keep the pictures of her up as they are, you are projecting to her that you are NOT moving on and that she still has you on her hook. Then what is going to happen is she is eventually going to take down the pictures of you and unfriend you and you are going to be the one hurt.
I highly recommend that you take your power back by making those changes before she does. I think you will find it uplifting and empowering.
If she is ignoring your last message, it’s a sign that she is trying to stay strong in her decision and not give you false hope. Maybe she is afraid if she reads it she will get angry or hurt. So she is avoiding it. All the more reason to take your power back by making those changes before she does. Because that could be a sign that she is contemplating doing that very thing. I worry that you are going to be crushed if tomorrow you notice that your pictures on her page are gone or that you are blocked on Social Media.
When you make those changes first, I think she is going to reach out to you and ask why. You stay calm and say “You said you wanted to break up, so I am moving on.” From my experience she will likely respond in a way that indicates that she wasn’t sure she wanted to break up.
It sounds like you are analyzing her page. I used to do that too. I would look in the background of pics to see if gifts i bought her were still there and if they were i was thrilled. That isnt healthy, but I understand.
Stay no contact and in about one weeks, change your profile picture to one that shows just you. Change any pictures of the two of you to be seen by only you. You want to do this before she does. Actually you might want to do it now if you had been no contact for a few days. This singles to her that you are accepting the breakup she wants and you are strong enough to move on. She is going tonotice this, but probably won’t say anything. In two weeks unfriend her.
This isnt about being mean or hurting her. Its about taking care of yourself and doing what is best for you. But it gas another benefit in displaying your strength and confidence to her. I think she will miss seeing herself on your page and will want that back. She will see that she can really lose you.
Almost everything you said about your ex sounds like my ex. My ex has borderline personality disorder. I bet yours does too. My ex’s rebound guy was a total low life. A complete opposite of her. He posts racist comments, he is unkempt, he smokes. And she hates smoking so much. When i learned that i was appalled not jealous. What was wrong with her? But i started thinking this is goid. This guy makes me look good. No contact apparantly got her thinking the same thing.
My ex was the same way. Always paranod that someone else would steal me from her. But that is why no contact is your best option. The longer she doesnt hear from you the more paranoid she is going to get and the more scared she is going to get that you might actually move on and find someone else. She doesnt want that to happen.
It gets easier if you remember those things. Every day of no contact you get stronger and she gets weaker in her position. Doing things you enjoy will keep your mind off it. Make sure you take care of yourself. Dont wallow in pity. Keep your house clean, stay shaven and so on. Why? Because she mght show up suddenly and if you look depressed and pathatic, she is going to wish she didnt.
