Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
If you want him back, stay no contact and make him reach out to you. I can almost guarantee that he will within the next 4 weeks. Even if you hear that he is struggling with the breakup, don’t reach out to him. You will only set yourself back. The reason he is struggling with the breakup is because he isn’t hearing from you every day to remind him that you are still his safety net and backup plan. Every day that anxiety is going to get stronger. He might try to cover it up by talking to other women or even dating them, but I promise you, if you had a great relationship with him for almost a year and he is talking to other women only 3 weeks after you started no contact, all that will ever be is a rebound relationship where he is constantly comparing her to you. And, she will not measure up to his expectations and what he wants. In other words, he is trying to replace you with someone who is just like you and it’s not going to happen. But if you contact him before he comes to you, you are only going to make it easier for him to keep seeking attention for someone else and feel safe knowing that you are not moving on and still his back up plan. That is not going to get him back, no matter how much you reason with him that you are the right woman for him. Stay no contact. I am confident it will work in your favor.
Also, stop asking about him. If he hears that you are asking around about his activities, that will have the same affect of reassuring him that you are not moving on and still longing for him. If people are just volunteering the info without you asking, simply tell them that is his business and you don’t need to know.
I didn’t see this post earlier and I suggest we continue the conversation on the other post after I address this one.
Your ex is not mad at you. He was embarrassed and being defensive and projecting that on to you.
You are not stupid. You went through his phone because your instincts were telling you that he was hiding something. Althought, in my book sending inapproporiate messages or even pictures is a serious problem, it is not always a deal breaking. Actually meeting the other person is the deal breaker for sure.The biggest problem I see is a lack of trust and respect for both of you and no relationship can succeed without that.
The first step for you is to stop being his door mat and command his respect so he never acts out like that again by giving him the strong message that you are just fine without him. Stay full no contact and make him worry that he is losing you. That is exactly what he should be worried about. He screwed up not you. He is so self absorbed that he thinks he can play the field with other women and come back to you anytime he wants, and you basically gave him the message that he is right by accepting the blame for his bad behavior and by chasing him.
Flip the script on him now. Go full no contact, heal yourself and become strong and confident to where you feel secure enough to meet other men and know you can live just fine without him. Then watch him panic and start chasing you when he realizes that. He better shape up fast before he loses you for good.Its recommended that people wait at least 3 months to start a new relationship after a breakup. People need to heal first. Jumping into a new rekationship that soon is almost always going to fail within a couple months.
Stay no contact and let him have his rebound relationship. He will be comparing her to you, and she wont measure up. Eventually he will begin to doubt his decision and start to panic because he hadnt heard from you. He will worry that you had moved on or will soon. That is what we want.
A tebound relationship will actually work in your favor if you stay no contact. But if you contact him for any reason, you will appear needy or obsessed. That is unattractive and will only push him further away. No contact shows confindence and security. That is much more attractive than needy.
That does not mean you should wait for him. Stay no contact and let yourself heal. Continue to work on yourself and do things you enjoy, so that when he does contact you, you will be your best self and that is who he fell for.There is no “After No Contact”. No Contact ends when your ex contacts you.
Don’t give up. Stay no contact. If you contact your ex, you will only set yourself back. Wait for him to contact you .No you should not just give up because you found a his POF profile. How long have you been broken up. Rebound relationships usually only last a couple months. But you should focus on yourself so you will be just find if he doesn’t come back to you.
That is no contact at work. She didn’t hear from you for awhile. She started to panic and texted to see if you were still on her hook or if you moved on. You showed her that yep you are still on her hook and she pushed you away again. Go No contact again and focus on yourself. If she contacts you again, don’t be so hasty to respond and when you do keep it casual and keep your emotions under control. Make her do the work and come to you.
I know this is a little late. But do not fall into the Just Friends trap. It’s a hell of a lot more attractive to politely say, no thanks, I am not interested in being friends. To take that offer you are just giving her the message that you will be her safety net and she can take all the time she needs to play the field and you will never leave. And she will never come back to you if that is the perspective she has fo you. If you say no the friends thing, you are showing her that you are confident and strong enough to go on with your life without her and that is the kind of thing that will get her chasing you. If this is all too late and you already accepted the just Friends role, it’s not too late to change your mind and say sorry this friends thing isn’t working for me.
Do not write her a letter to tell her you still love her. Continue working on yourself and focus on your job. Initiate no contact. Let her come to you. As time goes on, she is going to start to wonder what is going on with you and sees that you are making positive changes. She is going to feel intrigued to learn more. You reaching out to her is only going to make you look needy and unwilling to move on. That is not attractive. Give her the message that yo don’t need her and that will show confidence that is much more attractive.
And that response to you was actually a good sign. It means she at least likes you and cares about you. She was under no obligation to respond even if you requested it. It may even had been an attempt to feel you out and see if you are still on her hook. Maybe she hopes you would reply with “I am not interested in meeting someone else”. You absolutely should NOT give her that impression. Just say “Thank you” or nothing.
